Would you date a fellow poker player?

In terms of having common interests, I think it makes a lot of sense. It would be up to the couple to designate quality time together and make it work.

I assume you mean a career poker player? I am a woman, and I would date one, but I'm married 😉 My husband and I do love to play poker, though, and most vacations include poker.

Seems weird that a female poker player/dealer wouldn't want to date a poker player. So much in common, and it's not as if they live in the casino. Plus, they could spend time in the casino together and still have time outside of the casino. Nope, don't understand it at all. I'm 56, though, and know a bit about life, what makes me happy, and what I want. Many (most, but they won't admit it because they don't realize it) young people don't.

Edit: If you mean a guy who plays for fun, it still doesn't make sense. Even less. You can have so much fun together playing poker and still enjoy so many other things. My husband and I camp near poker rooms and have a great time. We hike, snowboard, etc., during the day and play poker in the evenings. It's fantastic. Plus there is always someone to talk to about poker, which non-players just don't get.

I would have a very tough time dating a losing poker player who played regularly. Couldn't stand seeing her throwing her money away.

There are some distinctions to be made.

Dating someone who plays poker casually when you play poker casually is probably a good thing. You have common interests. Good for you.

Dating someone who plays poker professionally when you also make your living professionally off of poker can be much tougher.

For one, I have never wanted to date/be married to someone I work with. What would you talk about? Your partner would tell you about their work day and my response would be "Yeah, I know. I was there.".

For me, part of a relationship is living through my partners life vicariously. When there is drama/uncertainty/joy/suffering in their life, I want them to be able to share it without me having already experienced it, even indirectly. I want my partner to be able to come home and tell me they got the promotion they were trying for (or not). Or they closed the contract with a client that will earn them a decent bonus (or not), without me already knowing the details. I want to genuinely share their feelings.

I want to be able to share/enjoy/commiserate with them on their terms, not mine.

For two, being involved in a relationship with someone when money/lifestyle is on the line is complicated and there is a huge chance of toxicity to leak into the relationship.

I have had poker friends who I would gladly back in a heartbeat. I greatly respected their game. However, some of them had obvious long term leaks in their game. They would make the same mistakes over and over. Don't get me wrong, they were still winning players because there were other aspects of their game that they were strong enough that more than overcame their leaks.

However, now imagine your lifestyle depended upon them, they were your partner.... Even though they were long term winning poker players, every long term winning poker player occasionally suffers from bad variance. So now your partner can no longer afford to pay half of the rent mostly due to bad variance. Understandable, but their persistent, obvious leaks now play a much more prominent role if you are essentially supporting them. That is a huge stressor for a relationship to take.

Every relationship has stressors where one party will need to be able to overlook weakness/fault in their partners. My wife does things that drive me crazy because I wouldn't do them that way. I overlook them because ultimately they do not matter to me. I am sure it is the same in reverse. That is tough enough when a relationship is just personal , now add professional complications to that and it is much harder, especially since your personal confident is also your professional partner.

JimL, I disagree. Nobody said you had to work in the same room, right? And even if you did, so what? I mean, there are a lot of couples out there who own businesses together and work together -- even side by side -- every day, and they seem to do OK (or not -- just like any couple). Why should poker players or dealers be any different? Everybody's day is different. Everybody goes through downswings, etc.

My husband was very successful and making a ton of money and then decided to start his own business right when covid hit. It was really tough. Even though I make good money, it wasn't enough for our lifestyle w/o his income. We had to sell my dream home. I was supporting us. It was a huge stressor -- and I'm still upset about moving, which happened three years ago! But we made it and we are happy.

As you said: Every relationship has stressors where one party will need to be able to overlook weakness/fault in their partners. Why can a couple who owns a business together make it and people who play poker for a living can't? Heck, at least the poker players can (should) play at different tables (or casinos) and have completely different days/experiences -- unlike a couple working side by side on the same thing all day every day 😉

I think you are missing the point.

Relationships can be tough enough. Compromise, tolerance, and forgiveness can be hard enough when it is just personal. Now throw professional level complications on top of it. That makes it even tougher.

Then throw just plain, stupid, random variance on top of all of that. The absolute best player in the world, playing at the absolute top of their game can lose simply because of stupid luck. Not only that, they can lose for longer than any of us want to admit. Variance is an absolute bitch.

I am just pointing out that it will be so much more tougher. Can it be done? Sure, but the odds are against you.

Put another way, marriages in the US are a 50/50 proposition, and that is just on general terms. Throw in professional complications and I am sure it is worse. Then throw in stupid variance and it is worse.

this, i absolutely hate it when my friends want to go with me to play poker because then i need to watch them make terrible mistakes knowing they're never going to put in the hours to learn

Or worse, they ask you for feedback, and you spend 20 minutes breaking something down for them and then they are like 'nah'.

FWIW I’ve seen a couple get into a huge fight over poker at the poker table. The guy was a total fish who made a terrible hero call drawing dead. The girl was a nit who was aghast. She shook her head, fuming, and angrily texted him. He responded in anger and it escalated to a verbal argument. Floor had to intervene and the girl left the table a long break while the boyfriend went on life tilt and proceeded to dump a few more buy ins. Never seen them together again after that.

definitely most overlooked point:
sex after a fight/argument is always best as we all know, and poker playing couples will for sure have a lot to fight about ... ergo, best conditions ever for a fulfilling relationship

FYP (although I'm on the side that it's fine and just like every other relationship -- only maybe better because you have a lot in common and tons to talk about.)

Sad that you think good sex is only key to any kind of relationship

Seems about 99.9% likely that he was joking.

I was gonna say sad that you think that was serious, but you were first ;-)

I have heard sex after release from prison is better than post argument sex, but I have no experience in that realm and I hope to keep it that way.

my eyes instantly caught the "sex after release part" and i was like:
WTF is this guy talking about??? ;-)))

I've heard that sex in prison is not so great, but I have no experience in that realm and I hope to keep it that way.

in not even 1 page of posts we get from poker players dating to prison sex ... we are (myself included) a weird bunch ;-)))

I have always said that some of the best conversations I have ever participated in were at a poker table.

Combine fairly intelligent people with lots of downtime and stuff happens.

agreed, had the same experience
just stay away from politics and religion, always gets messy

i'm gonna share a funny (imho) story:

so i'm playing 5-5/rock game at the Aria, pre WSOP, so not so busy yet, like 1-2 tables going consistently, almost always the same bunch of guys + 1 or 2 randoms.
now there's this older guy, not a pro, but decent player, been playing with him for a couple of days now, we start talking friendly, about all kinds of things, and when we sit next to each other and one of us is in a hand and the other one not, we show each other the hand (not super within the rules, but it was a friendly game all around, nobody cared).
He realized i was a good player, so he wanted my opinion when he played a hand (after the hand obviously), and i willingly shared.
He was also obviously wealthy, i could tell, simply from the way he reacted when he won or lost a pot, but of course i didn't know how rich he was.

Now, there comes a hand (he's playing, i watch), a guy has a set, he the nut flush draw, flop bet call, turn the flush comes in, now it check bet call (he hits the flush), river nothing changes (flush is still nuts), and he bets like 900ish into 1300. Guy thinks for a while and then folds.
Afterwards he wants my opinion, and i tell him that i go with another bet size, either very small to get some value (may be350 or something) or bet full pot to make a look like a bluff with a chance of getting paid also, but his size looks too much like pure value to me. He agreed.
Now a while later we get in a hand against each other, in almost the same situation, i 3 bet aces pre, he called, he CR me on the flop i called, only when the flush hits i don't have it but only the naked ace bluffer card.
i bet big on the turn, he calls, river nothing changed, and i bet relatively small (under half pott) ... he thinks for a while, talks out loud "yeah, you probably have it, but i guess i have to pay you" ... now i realize he's about to call, so i tell him "do whatever you like, but remember what we talked about earlier, in that hand you played" ... so trying to use every tool in my book not to get called, using reverse psychology on him (had a long discussion with someone about how this is ethical or not, but thats another story) ... he thinks again and then finally folds, saying "ok, i get your point, but i really wanna see your hand if i fold".
so i agree, and then show him the bluf (don't want to, but have to), and he goes totally nuts on me, is super upset, almost yells, etc. ... i apologize, try to explain that i'm using everything to win the hand, which is poker for me in its purest form, but he wasn't having anything of it, is super mad, and doesn't talk to me after that.

now, couple of days later (he was not in the game during that time) i run into him in the aria on my way to the game, he storms towards me "yo, i need to tell you something". i'm obviously happy that he wants to talk to me again, so go sure, whats up. he goes" so, i just was on a trip in my jet with a few billionaire friends of mine and ..." i'm like, wait, what?? billionaires? your jet?
so it turns out, this guy is a freaking billionaire, looked him up, 3,5 billion net worth at that time, with not 1 but 2 private Gulfstreams at his disposal and houses all over the world), and when he was on that trip, he talked to his buddies about the hand he played against me, bc he was so upset about it. and his buddies explained to him, that it was totally fine what i did, bc i'm a pro, and i'm using all i can to win a hand (if it's legal and within the rules of course), and he was just pissed bc he fell for it, instead he should he happy to have learned another lesson.
i thought the whole thing was kinda awesome, bc for me the story was billionaires and jets and what not, and he was busy with thinking about the hand we played ;-))
we actually became almost like friends after this, i invited him for dinner (to apologize again), and we had some great conversations about life and all kinds of topics.

sorry for the long write up, but wanted to share this.

That’s a cool story and all, but would you date him?

if it gets me a "get out of jail free" card to avoid the prison sex i might