It's Not over Until I Win

Hi everyone.

My name is Paul. I am from Ukraine. Some people maybe know me under nickname Cavalluna on WPT and on GG Poker. I decided to improve my English a bit and also start writing here on the forum. With time I will tell more about myself, because my story is long, sometimes unusual, and for sure it does not fit into one short post. But for now I just want to give a normal preview, so it is clear who I am and where I come from.

I grew up in Donbas in a very big family. I was the eleventh child out of fourteen kids from the same parents. Eight girls and six boys. I was the fifth of six brothers. At the same time it was not like all fourteen of us were always living together in the exact same setup under one roof. When younger kids were born, older ones were already growing up, someone got married, someone moved away. The family was always moving and changing, but the feeling of a huge family was always there.

We were a religious family. My father was very strict, conservative Baptist. We had no TV at home. Internet, social media, phones, movies, cartoons, all this was seen like something bad. So basically almost everything was forbidden or under heavy control. It sounds unusual now maybe, but at that time for me it was just normal life. Sunday was not just rest day. On Sunday we had church in the morning, then again in the evening. On Wednesday there was Bible study. On Friday also evening service. So imagine my schedule. I study, I come home, and instead of rest I already need to go again to church. If it was second shift in school, I came back home around 6 pm and I could already see our white Gazelle van leaving from home, the one we used to go all together to church meetings. That van also came to us because we were a big family. People sometimes joked about it. Like wow you have your own van, your own zoo and things like this. Outside I acted like I do not care, but inside of course it stayed with me.

At the same time it would be wrong to say we lived in total poverty. Back then it felt like that to me, because food was often not much, clothes were often hand me downs from older kids, and as a child you think if there is little money and little personal stuff then we are poor. But later I understood that in terms of housing we actually lived very well. The state really gave our family a lot of housing. We had one big apartment with six rooms, then two more apartments with three rooms each, and also a house. So we had a lot of space. Of course even with that there were still problems. Sometimes three or four people in one room, especially if some relatives came to visit, cousins and so on, and they were also from big families, almost like by destiny. So movement at home never really stopped. Still inside this whole system there was always lack of money, and exactly from this I got a very strong wish to break out, make money and live different.

Computer games were also not something my father approved. Older brothers sometimes, when he was not at home or when they got older and could allow themselves more, played Counter Strike, Cossacks, and some other stuff. We younger ones mostly just watched. Sometimes if we did some chores, cleaned the room or something like that, we could be allowed to play a little. But in general it was all rare. One weak computer for the whole family, and one old huge monitor that felt like it weighed twenty kilos. As far as I remember even that computer came to us somehow because of all this big family situation.

When we still all lived more together, older brothers used to borrow games on discs from friends. Not all of them worked on our machine, but some did. The most legendary story for us was Mafia, the story of Tommy Angelo. The race mission we could not pass for very long time, maybe even weeks. And really everybody tried. There was also some hard patch there, and on our half ancient hardware it felt like torture. But in the end we passed it. And the last mission we finished almost as a whole family and really cried a lot. It was one of those rare moments when something from outside world united all of us so strongly.

My brothers sometimes saved money for new RAM sticks, tried to make the computer stronger, changed old hardware to slightly less old hardware, upgraded things where they could, or just kept the machine alive somehow. If my father saw them playing shooting games, sometimes he stopped it very hard. He could take the power cable, or take some part so the computer just would not start. And if he got really angry, sometimes he broke RAM sticks or game discs that brothers brought from friends. In general at home everything connected with games, tech, and any self made interest could end with a hard ban.

Maybe because of all this I got love for reading very early. My sister taught me to read when I was five, and after that I started reading absolutely everything. Really everything. From words on spray cans and packages in the toilet to school library books. I was reading not because someone pushed me, but because I had crazy hunger for information. There was very little content around me, but my brain wanted impressions. At some point I read almost everything I could get from the school library. I read Sherlock Holmes, Dumas, Mayne Reid, survival stories and shipwreck stories, then Victor Hugo, including The Hunchback of Notre Dame, then Tolstoy and heavier literature too. Maxim Gorky was even brought to me once by one man from our church circle, family friend. So yes, I really read everything I could find. And as far as I remember in our school in Donetsk I was even number one in reading. There was some list of best readers and I think I was on top there.

At school I had a strange position. I was not a bad student because of being dumb, but I was bored by many things. In 9th grade there was one story I still remember. Our teacher decided all boys in class are like characters from Neznaika. If I am not mistaken, Neznaika was written by Nikolai Nosov. So she started giving everyone a role. We had around sixteen boys and around same number of girls. Somebody got bright character, somebody fighter, somebody smart guy, and then it came to me. And she says, who do you think is Silence guy. And the whole class shouted my name in one voice. That hurt me a bit then. Because I thought, wow, is this really all you saw in me. Not that I ask interesting questions in history, not that I try to think deeper in geography or other things, but just the silent one. But if I am honest, maybe there was some truth there. I really was not interested in many things my classmates lived with. While they were busy with their own stuff, I was either finishing some book or just observing. So maybe this is really how they saw me.

Many of my friends already had phones, some tablets, iPhones, all that started appearing. I had no personal phone for long time. My first phone I bought myself, and I bought it with poker money. For me that was also important inside. Not just a thing, but a feeling that I can give something to myself.

I met poker very early. Around age fourteen I started watching how my older brother played. We had one shared computer, and I was not really allowed to play myself back then, but I sat next to him and watched. He played tournaments on PokerStars, some MTTs for 3 dollars, 4 dollars, and sometimes I got not just side watching, but basically one table under my control. Meaning he could give me one table and click exactly what I told him. Sizings, call, fold, shove, raise, all this sometimes already came through me. And this is important. I was not only passive watcher. I was really analyzing already then. I could tell him here you should call, here fold, here fold to check raise. Sometimes he argued with me, said this is wrong, and I stood my ground. I said no, this is correct, do it like this. And there were moments when he clicked what I said and I turned out right. Then he would say maybe it was just luck, but already then I felt it was not only luck. I was really observing tendencies, trying to understand how people think, what ranges they have, where they overdo things, where they give up. For a kid that age it was very exciting.

I remember one specific tournament especially. It was a Sit and Go MTT on PokerStars, 180 people for 50 cents. I do not remember exact place I finished, but I remember the feeling, that this was already not just some toy. It felt like a real thing. And one time in that kind of way I even won around 5 dollars. For some people this is funny money, but for me then it was event.

But for long time I still could not really play fully myself. One computer, older brother already 18 plus so father could not control him the same way, while we younger ones were pushed much harder. So in those years mostly I observed and absorbed. But this observation later gave me a lot.

At sixteen I already started to play myself. First account I registered on my sister and started to grind a little. At the same time I was searching every possible way to get starting money. After school I went to computer clubs. That was its own world. In clubs you could get computer time, sit quietly, go where you need, and for me it was one of the places where I slowly built my own start. On Full Tilt there were no deposit bonuses then, and on random data you could register accounts and somehow spin something up. I somehow built around 10 dollars there. Then I sent that money to my brother account and through this everything started moving more. Later there were some parent accounts, some iPoker, some starting money and study material from PokerStrategy. All of this was very raw, very rough, but exactly like this I got my first bankroll. There was no beautiful story where I made deposit and started clean. Everything was through finding loopholes, bonuses and rare chances.

At same time I was studying. My father put me into polytechnic college in Donetsk. The funny part is that I got into programming while almost not knowing math at all. At school I studied very lazy. Algebra and geometry felt totally alien to me. Maybe teachers were weak, maybe I was so bored that I did not switch on at all. On entrance exam I basically failed everything. They gave me tasks, I did not understand almost anything, I tried to explain something, said I will catch up later if someone explains properly, that I am not stupid, I just do not understand now. In the end they gave me some half average mark, but that was not the main thing. The main thing was that I came from a big family, that my father studied in same college before, and that he worked twenty years in the coal mine. This also mattered, and in the end they took me. If I am honest, college I remember less for study and more for atmosphere, some movements, some social life, and constant feeling that I need money, not just diploma. There were other stories too, even things like gambling away my scholarship money. Also in city there were places like Third Rome casino, but that is better for another story later.

Then life started changing even harder. War started in Donbas. Older siblings started leaving. Somebody to Kyiv, somebody to Russia, somebody to western Ukraine. The oldest brother, who was fourth child in the family order, moved to Kyiv. And we younger ones still stayed with parents for some time. At one point I became almost the oldest one at home. This changed me a lot too.

By that time I already had some micro bankroll, maybe 10 dollars, maybe 20. And I developed a very clear daily system. I studied in college in the morning. My father worked till six pm. My classes often ended around noon. And after that started a whole special operation.

On iPoker around 13:05 Kyiv time late registration was already close to ending for a tournament around 1.10, and addon was there on that point. For me this was gold mine. As I remember it was a rebuy and addon format. And the whole trick was that I did not sit from the start. I came exactly on late registration, almost at the very end of it. I just needed to get in time. If bankroll allowed, I made entry, and on better days I even did double rebuy on last reg plus addon. Already then I understood this economy and felt where I can squeeze maximum from a small bankroll. Cash felt boring to me those years. I liked tournament rhythm. I liked that from small money you could fly far.

From home to college there was minibus number 37. It cost around 2 hryvnias. As a big family we got documents which allowed free rides on municipal transport, so trolleybuses and trams. But not on minibuses. So I had my own little system. My father gave some tiny money for a bun, juice, or something like that. I saved those 2 hryvnias exactly for the way back, because in the morning maybe you could slip into the minibus in the crowd, but during the day there were fewer people and coming back from center was harder. So I literally ran. Ran to catch the trolleybus, or if not, then tried to get into minibus. In the morning maybe I could slip in for free sometimes, but for return I kept those 2 hryvnias as insurance, because if I do not get home in time, I miss late reg, rebuy and addon.

I came home and played until father came back. If things went well, I could make 15 dollars, 20 dollars in a day. For me this was serious money. Sometimes if father still was not back, I continued. If he returned, I closed everything fast and acted like I was typing some paper or doing something for study. And if I was not playing, I studied poker. Real studying. I read PokerStrategy, watched everything free I could find, studied Colin Moshman, all Russian translations I could get. I absorbed everything I could reach.

There were also night stories. When I was already one of the older ones at home, sometimes I secretly turned on the computer at night. I remember there were some cool night tournaments on William Hill. To hide the light from screen, I covered the computer with a blanket. Now it sounds funny, but then it was real tactic. Old huge monitor, weak computer, half dark room, night, everybody sleeping, and you sit there trying to squeeze your chance from life.

And then one day happened the episode that I still see as a turning point.

I was playing a tournament. Around eight people left. I was doing very well, I think even chip leader. First place was around 700 dollars. For me this was cosmic money. I was sitting there following every hand like my whole life depends on it.

And at that moment my father either got released earlier from work or something just happened like that and he came home earlier than normal. He walks in, sees that I play poker, and without even trying to understand situation, comes to the computer, opens the case, takes out RAM stick and just breaks it in front of my eyes.

I am sitting top 8 in tournament. I have stack, chance, everything in front of me. And just like that it ends.

I tried to explain something, but it was useless. He always said that through poker people lose apartments, cars and everything else. Also for him all of this was tied to religious view. But in that moment something finally snapped inside me. I understood I cannot live like this longer. Under that level of control I just will not make it. I need to break out.

After some time one of my sisters had a wedding in Kursk. My older brother who already lived in Kyiv came there too. And from there we basically slipped away, and I left with him to Kyiv. From that moment a totally different chapter started.

At seventeen I was already playing live poker hard. Not somewhere clean and shiny, but in real underground games and clubs in Kyiv and Kharkiv. At one point I literally lived in a hotel where closed games were running on lower floor. And it was quite a picture. Young guy sitting among bearded men, taxi drivers, regs, random people, very mixed crowd, sometimes very colorful. It was real live environment, no glamour, no movie style. And I was in it.

But with all that rough crowd there were also really interesting meetings. In Kyiv in those games I first saw Denis Chufarin. At that time I did not know it was him. I just saw a guy who threw money around very easily, made some flips, played guess the card, in general acted like money was not heavy for him at all. And for me, a guy from my background, that itself was strong impression. Only later I understood who exactly I had seen.

By eighteen I already registered all accounts on myself and played fully legal. And at eighteen I already flew to Thailand.

At nineteen me and this same brother joined money and bought my father a car. He did not want to accept it for long time, because he thought it was dirty money. But we told him it was not from poker, and actually we really had some other things too. So in some sense he got already cleaned product. It was used car around 2 thousand dollars, but it was working and there was joy in it too.

After that life only sped up. I played live poker in some places in Europe. In Paris, Vienna, Prague, Venice, Milan, Lugano. In Ukraine also in many places. In Kharkiv, Odesa, Kyiv. At same time I also grinded online. Zoom NL25 and NL50 on PokerStars, and sometimes tournaments too. So for long time I had this parallel life. On one side live poker with its people, atmosphere and stories. On the other side online with discipline, volume and very different way of thinking.

If very short about what came later, by twenty one I had already been to Macau four times, bought my first car Ford Mustang, and at peak had bankroll around 120 thousand dollars. And in total I managed to visit 31 countries. In around ten of them I was maybe five or ten times each. And almost everywhere there were their own adventures, poker related and not only poker related.

Now I am 28 years old. And between that kid who sat in school library reading everything, ran home after college for late reg, rebuy and addon in a tournament for one dollar and something, secretly turned on computer at night under a blanket, and the person I became later, there is a huge road.

There was much more. Kyiv, live games, trips, many different stories. But this is only a preview for now. If people are interested, I can continue and tell the next chapters.