Quitting Alcohol
My name is LFS, and I may or may not be an alcoholic.
After a lifetime of drinking I quit on September 15, 2009. I'm starting this thread to talk about my experiences, chart my progress, invite participation, or whatever else. It might be useful to somebody else, it also might be useful to me.
I have a family history of alcohol abuse. My mother's father, whom I never met, was an Irish Catholic prison guard and local politician in upstate New York. He was also by all accounts a heavy alcoholic and violent drunk. He died of alcohol-related causes when my mother was 16 (he was 52 I think). He had three daughters - two became alcoholics (my mother and a sister). For various alcohol-related reasons my mother and her alcoholic sister stopped speaking around 30 years ago.
I first became aware of my mother's alcoholism when I was around 10. My sister is a couple of years older, she had shared her concerns with a mutual friend who asked me about it. It had never occurred to me until that point. At some point during my youth, maybe when I was 13, my mother went to rehab. I'm sure there was a specific cause, I don't remember it. We visited her in rehab and did family therapy. It didn't really make a huge impression on me.
My mother was a highly functioning alcoholic, a Type A business woman. She travelled a lot, which is when she'd do her real drinking. In January 1991, the final semester of my senior year in high school, she went on a business trip to Palo Alto, went on a binge, and fell very ill. She called my father and, for whatever reason, he flew there to help. She was rushed to the hospital and spent two months there. I lived alone back in Massachusetts during this time. Needless to say this period made a huge impression on me, and in some ways turned me into a man. I was forced to rely entirely on myself.
By this time I was already drinking regularly. Because of my size I was able to buy alcohol starting at around age 16. I quickly became the drunk guy. My entire social life revolved around alcohol. I always had it and could always get it for people. I was the idiot who was proud of drinking more and faster than anybody.
You can imagine what college was like. I joined a fraternity where my behavior was not only acceptable, but celebrated. Again, I was the guy funneling 6 beers at a time, drinking 30 in a night, etc. Now, these were also the best times of my life until that point, no doubt, but it would be difficult to overestimate the role of alcohol in my life during college.
After college I moved to LA and started a career in the entertainment business. Going out every night and drinking regularly, as in many businesses, was the norm. I binge drank as per usual, etc.
I met a good woman in 1997, moved in with her in 1998, and married her in 2003. She doesn't drink, ironically. She's put up with a lot. My first child was born in 2005, my second in 2008. During this period I quit drinking several times, but also had my lowest points. Those might come up later.
These last couple of years have been very stressful, and I probably drank five nights out of seven. I put on a lot of weight. In July of this year we moved to a new neighborhood. I started the habit of stopping at a bar on the way home from work. Every night. On more than one occasion I ended up staying at the bar for hours, making excuses when I got home. The local alcoholics in the bar were welcoming me as one of their own. As I am crazy but not stupid I was becoming aware of the road I was going down.
On September 14 I went to a school board meeting, then out for drinks with a couple departing board members. When we went our separate ways instead of going home I went to another bar. My wife didn't know where I was until I arrived home at 1AM, drunk, having driven myself. I probably drove drunk more since July than in the rest of my life combined. We agreed at that moment that something had to be done. I agreed that if I wasn't able to stop by myself I would seek help. I really don't want to seek help, so I just quit.
So there you have it. This can be a thread to share stories, worries, experiences, or you can ask me whatever. This is going to be a serious thread, so if you derail it or post nonsensical things I'm going to delete them and potentially punish you. I hope this was worthwhile for somebody, I think it was for me.
