Online dating thread
I started this as a thread where 2+2 members could share advice on online dating. I'm 25 years old, and have had trouble finding a GF in person, so I've decided to try the online route.
I admittedly have no game when it comes to girls, as I'm a natural shy person, so I'll mostly be on the receiving end of the knowledge. As I improve, I'll share the wealth. :-)
From poker I've learned how helpful it is to have an advisor to give you advice and encouragement, and sympathize with you when you fail.
For starters, what are the best sites out there for free, and what sites are worth laying the money down for a subscription ? I'm on POF and OKcupid.
cb it sounds nuts to me that she would flat out refuse to live together prior to marriage - feels like a major red flag there
as i'm sure you know and agree, you learn so much more from living with someone than even if you were already staying in the same place most nights anyway
it's that transition from guest/host to roommate which is the big change maker
it's these little efforts you'd make as a host or guest that cease - until you're both ok with taking a loud dump in the adjacent room you're not a true couple imo
cb it sounds nuts to me that she would flat out refuse to live together prior to marriage - feels like a major red flag there
as i'm sure you know and agree, you learn so much more from living with someone than even if you were already staying in the same place most nights anyway
it's that transition
I don't think it's a red flag, exactly. More a lack of life experience. She's never been married before, and does have a religious background, so I'm guessing that ties into it as well. I know people who have never been married before that have the same feeling - no living together until marriage. I just don't think they understand how important it is but I'm not going to argue it with them, either.
I knew it! A Guardian article from last Spring.
Cliffs?
^^^^ Can confirm.
weird one over the past few weeks. the dating has been going pretty well and one of the women in particular had a vg first date. Went over to her place for second date and once it became apparent that sexy time was about to happen she stopped and told me that she had been a carrier of genital herpes for 25 years. Basically that....
- between 1 in 7 and 1 in 8 adults are carrriers
- once you have it you can't ever get rid of it
- she hasn't had any symptoms for a decade
- it's difficult to transmit and as you get older transmission becomes rarer and rarer (she's 50)
- she's never transmitted it to someone, albeit she's only had a few LT relationships and her body count post marriage is at 3 and 2 of those already were carriers by the time she met them
so anyway, at the time and with the horn I decided to **** her anyway. With a condom obvs. But I now feel quite icky about it. Not about the chances that I caught it but icky about going back to **** her again. Which is a shame because she's very good looking and a really nice girl - like definitely the sanest and easiest to get along with of the women I've dated/been with in the past few months.
I've done some reading on it and everything she said does seem to be true but I reckon the mental block is there now. And man the pics aren't great. I just feel that a) it's not something I think I can get over...like I feel that I won't be able to relax any more if/when I'm rooting her and b) I really don't want to catch it and have it curtail or ruin my sexy time activities moving forward
given the % though, I'm guessing there's people itt who have had it/been with people who've had it. Albeit I'm also guessing some of us have had it/are carriers or have been with people who are carriers without knowing it
anyone had any experience?
i would guess you've probably rooted some carriers already unaware of it because none were as amazingly brave as she was to disclose that beforehand and/or they don't even know they have it/are carriers
ie anyone who get cold sores in their mouth has herpes but they call it a cold sore and not herpes for obvious reasons
this is something i've looked into a bit myself because i had a partner with the same situation
if she isn't active at the moment with symptoms, she can't transmit to you and i'd be more willing to trust her since she seems to be on top of her game on that rather than a partner who fails to disclose or isn't even aware she's a carrier because she thought that one time her vag was burning and then it went away and so she thought nothing of it
i would guess you've probably rooted some carriers already unaware of it because none were as amazingly brave as she was to disclose that beforehand and/or they don't even know they have it/are carriers
ie anyone who get cold sores in their mouth has herpes but they call it a cold sore and not herpes
yes, I agree with all of this. really high integrity girl. I caught up with her the other day and had a conversation with her about it and she totally got it and tbh was very empathetic and non defensive and was basically telling me that while she liked me a lot, she could tell that I've got some rooting to do before I'm ready to settle into a relationship. so maybe we should just either see each other platonically and see if I get over the kick or do FWB for a while.
the mental block is there though and I'm not sure I'll be able to get it out of my mind. If I really really liked her, I would get myself tested to see if I already carry it because that might make things easier, but it would also put me in a difficult spot with other women who I wanted to ****.
idk. will just put it all on the back burner and see how I feel moving forward
I'm a carrier but have never had an outbreak on the genitals. Very rarely get cold sores, but have occasional flair up in my fingers that is annoying for a few days. (Maybe I contracted from fingering??)
I've never given anyone herpes that I am aware of and have been having unprotected sex with my current gf for 4 years now
I was pretty big man whore for a while so never was surprised. No clue who I got it from or even around when.
Its something that has minimal impact on my life
ie anyone who get cold sores in their mouth has herpes but they call it a cold sore and not herpes for obvious reasons
In some foreign languages (Spanish and Slovak that I know of) they also call cold sores "herpes", which leads to plenty of double-takes when English speakers first encounter mention of it.
I'm a carrier but have never had an outbreak on the genitals. Very rarely get cold sores, but have occasional flair up in my fingers that is annoying for a few days. (Maybe I contracted from fingering??)
I've never given anyone herpes that I am aware of and have been having unprotected sex with my
interesting and thanks for this.
Can I ask...at what point did you/do you tell women you're rooting? (and there's no judgement from me if the answer is 'I don't'. I'm not sure I would do what this girl did with me)
interesting and thanks for this.
Can I ask...at what point did you/do you tell women you're rooting? (and there's no judgement from me if the answer is 'I don't'. I'm not sure I would do what this girl did with me)
There was this one night where I hit it off with a friend of one of my roommates at the club and ended up going back to her place and falling asleep with her and her friend. In the morning, her friend was gone and I started to make a move. She had her head in my lap, topless, and I was massaging her back when my guilty conscience stepped in and I ended up not doing anything with her.
A short while later I was talking to a female friend about the situation and she very nonchalantly said "Why didn't you just tell her an use a condom?". It was then that it hit me, "you still get the same action you got if she just says no".
If a first date was going well I'd just flat out say something like, "This is going pretty good, you should know something about me". Never had a girl walk out. Always just used a condom if it came to it.
More often than you would probably want to know they expressed some relief that they didn't have to bring up the herpres "their cheating ex gave them"
edit: its also worth mentioning that I am not a clean cut christian guy. I'm rought around the edges, vulgar, and kind of sloppy, so I tended to date more women into that
