Winning semi-pro in 2015 returns after 5 years. 5k games from 2021 - late 2023 is a shock...

I've been giving this some thought for a while and among many reasons for starting this thread & blog, one that I hope will actually exist within this project is inspiration, encouragement & a positive example for any other players who have also been, or still are in the a position like the one I've been in.

Cut a long story short - suffering.... Poker, if approached and treated without some crucial habits, traits, specific dicipline & attitudes can easily become an incredibly negative part of your life. Descending into nothing more than an addiction. A compulsive behaviour, interwoven with self-destructive tendancies, financial suicide, a mental health beating & a hobby that brings stress, pain & despair.

But it doesn't need to be like that...not at all.

In 2015 I connected with my soon to backer/coach & his horse who split the backing for me. Let's call them T & M to remain somewhat anonymous. They approached me through Pocket 5s and I played on the euros but not Pokerstars - around $20 abi, $10 rebuys,$22 freeze outs with occasional $55 shots with one being my life time best score when I got 2nd place in the $55 Monsoon on 888 for around $3.1k.

2015 was my peak year... Roughly 3600 mtts for a total profit of $25k approx. 50/50 profit split. After just over a year doing this it may have been the case that I wasn't improving fast enough...Or that I was repeating mistakes. I think the truth was that I didn't have the emotional make up and other factors outside technical ability & strategical knowledge were complex issues that were holding me back....

That $25k result could have (I won't say SHOULD) been $50k easily but there were up to a dozen specific runs were I impulsively acted, did something rash, busted out & IMMEDIATELY thought, sometimes verbally asking, "why the F*%K did I just do that!!?"

How many of you reading this now have thought that before after calling stupidly light when villain will never be bluffing? Have run a triple barrell bluff with 0 equity vs a fish who loves to call when a little bit of the reason was to feel like we outplayed villain? Or just acted quickly without much thought to very quickly realize it was an awful play that doesn't make any sense?

So after a year and quite a few of these, my backers were frustrated & stopped responding to my questions & hands I was posting... They ended up selling my make up to Pocarr who took me on for a short while. Unfortunately, that didn't go well... I missed some expensive pre booked specialist coaching sessions, lacked results & ended up deeper in make up & realising that factors outside of poker were in need of drastic change before I'd be anywhere remotely close to being capable of playing my best poker...

So I quite poker.... I was always going to come back and play again but there were things I needed to do first. They were, in no specific order -

1) Create a comfortable financial life with savings, zero debt, a consistent, reliable income outside of poker & no pressure on income.

2) A living environment I was happy with. At that point I was living with my parents which I didn't enjoy & I desperately wanted to move out... Playing poker was not the way to achieve it. I concluded that once I had my own flat, or was renting a room away from my parents, I'd be more relaxed & play better.

3) Spent dedicated time & effort on studying & increasing my theoretical knowledge as well as clean up & eradicate some of my biggest leaks... That would entail a lot, including doing 5 - 10 private one to one coaching sessions.

These were the main 3 I can remember. Unfortunately, they never happened. That was 2015... As far as I'm aware, that was the first year that solvers were seriously hitting the market and becoming a thing.

Around the start of the first lockdown, I ended up playing the BIG FISH mtt on 888... a $16.50 freeze out I believe.... It was a $12k gtd I think. I was sat next to my GF, eating a take away, one eye on a film... I was getting deeper and deeper, winning flip after flip, drawing my gal's attention as the excitement grew & feeling like a poker genius again!!! I got 4th for $1300 odd... That was a Saturday night.

I played on Sunday too... Satilited into a $109 Sunday challenge & lost TT vs A5o, Btn vs BB (I raise called TT on the button and got Barry Greestein in my face) for the chip lead on the FT bubble.... 1st place was $6k. It was still an OK score & the weekend's total winnings exceeded $2000!!!

I WAS BACK!!! On the way to the shop all I could think about and talk about with my wifey, was how all I now needed to do, was play poker every weekend and in a few months time I'd have enough to fund a round the world trip for us both where I'd play more poker and end up coming back after 6 months with more money than we'd left with.... It was gonna be ****ing awsome!!!

Two years later & that $1300 odd score has been my biggest score by nearly 3 fold... Misery.

How? How is it possible to run so bad!?

That expression - "No matter how bad you've ever run before, there will always be a time when you run worse." Or words to that effect. Well... The last two years, at points has felt like that run.... I cannot remember ever experiencing so many bad beats so often...

On reflection it's just not that simple... And I'm aware that there is a bias in our thinking & memory... And also that undoubtedly, I'm not even aware how bad I'm playing in other spots, or just EV that I'm missing through lacking theory understanding etc. etc...

Right.... So. Let's get to the point.

My plan from here -

I want to share my journey to some extent & hope it serves an altruistic duty & sets an example for others to follow to not only, best case scenario improve all of our games but also create a healthier relationship with the game & reduce suffering.

So - ... Firstly, quickly - IF YOU HAVE MADE IT HERE!!! If you have read & still reading, well, sorry I've waffled & ranted. I'm grateful & hope that as this thread & blog develop it provides some enjoyment for you.

I made a list of things I've been doing that 100% are -EV... So the most BASIC changes are -

1) Play less tables - I'm going to be strict with a limit of 6 tables at once max. Even 4/5.... At least, for the first 3-6 months because I want to use my playing sessions to improve as much as possible... And in order to keep improving, AND to keep plugging leaks, I need to be able to focus on those specific spots & hone in on exactly the concepts I'm trying to work on.... Not possilbe with 10 tables etc...

2) Schedule to have a MAXIMUM of 5% satillites. Also, NO TURBOS... Schedule will be only regular and slow structure games.

2). a - Also, I'm going to be quite selective with the games to be lower variance, so I'll be including $5 freeze outs that have a garantee of $500 more than I will a $50k garantee etc... Smaller fields for more regular but smaller scores... Shots & huge prize pools will have their time...

3) I WILL NOT PLAY if I'm tired, intoxicated or in a bad mood. Over the last two years there have been more sessions than I'd like to admit, played when I've not slept at all the previous night & also when I'm intoxicated to some degree. Moving forward that's a NO NO... I will be well rested, on a great nights sleep, sobre as a judge & emotionally sound, calm & happy.

4) My new poker playing schedule starts ONLY when I've settled into my upcoming new living arrangement. In the next month or so I'll be moving to what should be a spacious studio flat, North of London in an area called Luton... There is a Grosvenor's casino there will a nice MTT live schedule 😉

5) BANKROLL MANAGEMENT!!! BRM!!! I must come clean - In nearly 20 years playing online I have NEVER actually managed a bankroll in any capacity... Laughable right? Or is it? How many others are the same? How many other people have been playing for a long time but always take money out after a score & spend it???

So moving forward, I'm aiming to fund my sessions as I go, around $250 for a Sunday buy in total & $150-$200 for a midweek session... We'll have to see how finances are closer the time. The main idea is that money goes in to fund the buy ins but NO MONEY COMES OUT!!! After 12 months I'll assess and see how I'm doing...

6) This one might seem ridiculous but I've been doing it - When I start playing a session, I take my hourly breaks but I remain at my station & finish out the games I'm in, at my PC, with HUD running, and I stay focused & play my best............................I will not be switching to my smartphone when I'm down to the last three tables, playing on the move as I cycle to the shop for beer & sweets or other ****......... That would be crazy to do......... You might end up missing hands like Aces or other big premiums.... and it would really suck if you were short stacked and then saw two others go all in before you, and the board run out AAxxx, so you would have tripled up and be 2nd in chips with 18 to go.... That would be ****.

7) After every play session, WITHOUT FAIL, there will be a review session done. I'll review marked hands using HRC, Flopzilla, equilab & other software to analyze & study spots that came up during the previous session. From these study sessions I will draw out key focus areas that will be highlighted and maintained at the forefront of my mind during the next playing session....

So this should be a great way to work on leaks in a practical sense......... I'm going to have a rough idea of what I need to work on anyway, but the review sessions will make clear exactly what concepts I'm focusing on in the next play session.

8) Pre session prepartion routine... I've not had one at all. I used to..... I'm going to make sure that it is included with the same priority as playing itself.... Gym, a jog, breathing exercises, mindfulness audio etc etc.... Just, something to prepare my mind & body to play. Absolutely no play that follow falling out of bed into the chair and late regging etc...

9) I will only play games that are in my pre selected schedule & no more.... So I'll have a list of specific games to play & that also means that when I'm nearing the end of my session I will not be impulse regging extra games to fill up extra screen space...........When I've got two games left, I've got two left or one.............. If I've got one game left I will fill up the screen space with RFI charts or facing an open charts etc!!! Study while I play to some extent... errmm... Is that considered RTA and if so should I not!? Thoughts?

10 - I think this is "LASTLY" ======= I'm taking about 6 weeks off playing starting immediately!!!

Currently I'm a mess... and I'm sorting my life out in loads of ways.... I've actually been at rock bottom, with mental health, with lifestyle, mindset, substance use, general life application, relationships, income.... The whole caboodle!!! I've gone through the worst patch of my life by miles and I've had enough............ I love poker but it's currently just part of a very unhealthy lifestyle and that needs to change.... So everything is changing together......... I've got support from various different places, I have incredibly supportive family..... I have friends who... errmm... I think I do, well I used to anyway... I'm sure there still out there somewhere....

Point is, this is secretly part of an overall process where I'm drawing a line and turning my life around from the darkest place I've ever been & a destination that led to an early grave & a leagacy of shame.... So if you have read this, and will follow me on this journey then I'm nothing but grateful. I'm excited to treat this like a diary and look back in 12 months time feeling proud that I did what I had to, and hopefully inspired others to make the changes they also needed to make.

During my time off playing I'm studying with https://www.mttpokerschool.com/ - I was part of the school for 6 months but didn't make the most of it. I'm working through the video library of GTO super study going over all manner of spots at all stack sizes... If you're interested in GTO then here is your place to learn.

I'm exhausted after writing this thread. I'll post an update or two before returning to play again.

Peace