Finding back my drive for the game, crushing fools and working on my inner demons.
Hello all,
My name is STATUSQUONOMO and I am a professional poker player and an alcoholic.
It has taken me many years to admit to myself and others that I am an alcoholic, but I have done so a couple months back and will be celebrating my two month birthday this week. With a couple exceptions I have attended an AA meeting daily. I am not court ordered to do so, and am not entirely sure why, but I decided that for the first 3 months of my recovery I would try to make it to a meeting daily.
I am also a professional poker player, and have been for a very long time. I have always found myself to be a much better and motivated player than most of the people I know, but ever since COVID started I have found myself in some sort of a trance, with no specific goals in mind and a level of discipline and motivation that leaves much to be desired. I think that somewhere along the road I have lost sight of what matters most, and in combination with significant increased drinking, I have been wondering around aimlessly.
This blog will serve as my outlet for sharing insights regarding my poker journey and my struggles with alcoholism, motivation, life in general and how all of these things are connected. I am not sure how often I will post updates or what the topics will be, but I guess we will find out.
My short term goals of six months include:
* Staying sober
*losing 20 lbs
*make 125k playing poker. Anything over 100k is acceptable.
This is my first time around in the program (AA), and I am still learning a lot about how it all works. If any of the posts I make regarding my personal experiences (stuff that happens in meetings, thoughts about things, interactions I have had) related to AA are considered offensive or in violation with their anonymity policy, then please let me know and I will delete those messages.
I play online poker in a variety of different places. Some of these are just regular poker sites and apps, others are private games. Some are HUD-supported, others are not. Keeping track of my results is only for myself. Although I intend on recording my sessions and making regular updates on my financial status, it is of no concern to me to validate my results to anyone else.
I invite anyone to come along on my journey, and hopefully I can turn this blog into something inspirational.
STATUSQUONOMO
16 Replies
Hey guys,
I ended up playing around 136 hrs in December and profiting around 21k. Add some RB to this and it was about 25k total. I played mainly 1/2, but added some .5/1 when there weren't enough tables running, as well as chasing a fish on one private site up to 5/10.
Not counting RB the profit breakdown was:
Site A total profit 5500.
Site B total profit 9500
Site C total profit 6000 (mainly 2/4 and 5/10 and probably only around 2.5k hands)
Everything combined I managed to get an hourly of about 150 usd. It gets a little unprecise, but when I filter out Site C I get an hourly of about $110/hr for December, which was roughly speaking 75% 1/2 and 25% .5/1.
Although the result is pretty decent, I didn't get anywhere near my projected goal in terms of volume. I underestimated how busy December gets with the holidays, I went to play a live tourney for 4 days and got sick soon after,.... All in all I would say that nearly 30% of the month was unplayable.
I've been mainly 12 tabling, but I'm probably going to drop down to 9 tables. I make countless mistakes while 12 tabling, and I just autopilot way too much at times/missclick/... This might be ok at current levels, but I do intend on adding $2/4 $2/5 $3/6 the latest in February, and I think the will become too costly.
There are a couple huge leaks I have that I need to plug, which will probably increase my winrate by 10-15%. This is a random number, but it sounds about right to me.
My biggest 3 leaks are:
* Having TG or similar programs opens while grinding. Needless to say 12 tabling and interacting with other people is a big leak.
* Playing sessions that are too long. My optimal length is probably 3.5hrs. I aim to do 3x3.5 a day.
*Checking my results too often. I can't believe that after all these years I'm still a noob that checks results during sessions, which I need to stop. Besides it messing with my mental state, it also takes time away from focusing on all tables.
It's been hard for me to motivate posting here regularly, as you can see by the lack of updates last month. Moving forward I will try to get in the habit of posting almost daily, even if it just means to give a quick breakdown of hours played vs profit. Perhaps if I start posting short updates, I get into the habit of doing it more often and more lengthy.
My goals for JAN are:
*At least 200 hours at mostly $1/2 NL. I will add .05/1 if there aren't many tables running, and I might start adding $2/4,$2.5/5,$3/6 depending on the results.
*30k profit. This is obviously a huge number to hit at 1./2, but best to aim big. Anything above 20k profit is acceptable, but anything below 25k will be a slight disappointment.
*Reach 190lbs body weight. This means a drop of about 15lbs in one month. I haven't been dieting or working out at all in the last 3 months, so this is not an extremely difficult goal to reach. It will be much harder to drop 10lbs from 190-180 the second month than it is to drop 15lbs going from a state of not working out/dieting at all to actually managing both.
I have been recording 99% of all my sessions, and will continue to do so. I don't think this will ever be relevant for anything except my personal use, but I like the idea of having a record of what I'm doing. Who knows, maybe if I crush 2024 for 2k+ hours at $100/hr + MSNL there might be some interest from a party to look at my vids.
Happy 2024 to everyone, and may the poker gods be on your side.
Stats for Jan:
Jan 1 X
Jan 2 215 Min
Jan 3 600 Min
Total hours played 13.5
Total profit 335
$/hr 25
Starting weight 205 lbs
Current weight 202.2
Total weight lost 2.8 lbs
Random thought of the day: I'm ***** hungry!
Stats for Jan:
Jan 1 X
Jan 2 215 Min
Jan 3 600 Min
Jan 4 530 Min
Total hours played 22.5
Total profit -1465
$/hr -65
Starting weight 205 lbs
Current weight 203
Total weight lost 2 lbs
Random thought of the day: Looks like my great run from last month has come to a halt. Let's hope it's just a little bump in the road and not the start of something. Also #loldsample only played 3 days this week of which I won 2.
How's the recovery going?
Stats for Jan:
Jan 1 X
Jan 2 215 Min
Jan 3 600 Min
Jan 4 530 Min
jan 5 600 min
Total hours played 32.5
Total profit -1115
$/hr -34
Starting weight 205 lbs
Current weight 201
Total weight lost 4 lbs
Random thought of the day: Nothing really going my way, better luck tomorrow.
I'll have 4 months soon. I haven't had any desire to drink except for a couple sporadic moments of thinking I'd be nice to have a drink. No real temptations though. I've had multiple dreams in which I find myself drinking/about to drink, realizing that I'm doing something very bad. People in AA told me this is a very common thing after quitting drinking in your first year.
My recovery is going... ok. I should probably work on the steps a little harder, but to be honest I'm not giving myself too much of a hard time for taking it slow. There's only so many hours in a day, and between grinding full time, family life, trying to stay healthy mentally and physically, not much time is left. I am content with the fact that going to AA keeps me from drinking for now, and will try to start working the steps more seriously as I go along. To be honest, there are countless of people in AA that have relapsed, and it's important for me to do it right the first way. I rather work on fully accepting the first step my entire first year and not drink than move on to the next ones and risk a relapse.
Step 1: ''We admit that we are powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmanageable. ''
I still struggle with this step every day. I would not be truthful to myself if I said I have fully accepted the idea of never drinking again. I keep having the thought that if I can resolve my underlaying issues that lead me to not manage my drinking, that one day I can drink in moderation. Basically everyone in AA has felt similarly to this and eventually realized that's just never going to work, but I'm not quite there yet.
Congrats on making it this far, that's quite an accomplishment. Happy for you. However long you put off the steps, hopefully you are at least on the lookout for a good sponsor to help you when you do decide you need to move forward with them. Someone who has done them.
There's a thread in OOT called Quitting Alcohol. The guy who started it just celebrated 11 years sober. He's very active in AA and there are several others with multiple years sober who are as well. It's not a very active thread, but I'm sure if you have any questions or need to talk to someone who's been there, you can easily find a sympathetic ear there.
Hey man, congrats on making a decision to quit drinking. I will have 14 years this month. I also started my journey as a live poker pro last August.
I am not so active in AA these days, but it saved my ass, if not my life. Life can be unimaginably awesome without alcohol.
Congrats on making it this far, that's quite an accomplishment. Happy for you. However long you put off the steps, hopefully you are at least on the lookout for a good sponsor to help you when you do decide you need to move forward with them. Someone who has done them.
Thanks. I guess I forgot to mention it, but I found a sponsor on my second day. A guy offered me a ride home after my first meeting and suggested to be my sponsor the next day. He's got over 40 years of sobriety under his belt and can relate to a lot of what goes in my life (poker, crypto,...) so it's a pretty good match.
Stats for Jan:
Jan 1 X
Jan 2 215 Min
Jan 3 600 Min
Jan 4 530 Min
Jan 5 600 min
Jan 6 470 min
Total hours played 40
Total profit -115
$/hr -3
Starting weight 205 lbs
Current weight 201
Total weight lost 4 lbs
Random thought of the day: When you run good, everything feels so easy. When you run bad, it's hard to imagine ever achieving a winrate longterm.
Jan 7 X
Stats for Jan:
Jan 1 X
Jan 2 215 Min
Jan 3 600 Min
Jan 4 530 Min
Jan 5 600 min
Jan 6 470 min
Jan 7 X
Jan 8 430 min
Total hours played 47
Total profit -115
$/hr -2
Starting weight 205 lbs
Current weight 201
Total weight lost 4 lbs
Stats for Jan:
Jan 1 X
Jan 2 215 Min
Jan 3 600 Min
Jan 4 530 Min
Jan 5 600 min
Jan 6 470 min
Jan 7 X
Jan 8 430 min
Jan 9 455 min
Total hours played 55
Total profit 2885
$/hr 52
Starting weight 205 lbs
Current weight 202.2
Total weight lost 2.8 lbs
Stats for Jan:
Jan 1 X
Jan 2 215 Min
Jan 3 600 Min
Jan 4 530 Min
Jan 5 600 min
Jan 6 470 min
Jan 7 X
Jan 8 430 min
Jan 9 455 min
Jan 10 570 min
Total hours played 64
Total profit 3685
$/hr 57
Starting weight 205 lbs
Current weight 201
Total weight lost 4 lbs
Stats for Jan:
Jan 1 X
Jan 2 215 Min
Jan 3 600 Min
Jan 4 530 Min
Jan 5 600 min
Jan 6 470 min
Jan 7 X
Jan 8 430 min
Jan 9 455 min
Jan 10 570 min
Jan 11 520 min
Total hours played 72.5
Total profit 2735
$/hr 38
Starting weight 205 lbs
Current weight 203
Total weight lost 2 lbs
Had my worst session this morning. Woke up late/tired and instantly sat down at tables with the goal of grinding 5 straight hours. I quit 3 hours in after dropping 14 buyins. Probably wise to make sure to stick to my (very limited) waking up routine prior to playing. Also best to stay away from grinding 5 hour sessions AND 12 tabling. Basically been 12 tabling again for about 2x5hrs and it's just not a good idea. One day I'll learn...
