Accountability
Hi,
I am a young euro guy who has been playing online NLHE for a bit more than 4 years now. If you recognize me, or even have a guess who I am, please keep it for yourself or just PM me, I want to remain anonymous. My only goal for this journal is to post my results and stay consistent with it, as I don't like public exposure at all. I rose pretty fast through the stakes, and over the course of these past 4 years, I probably average between 3-4bb/100 playing any lineup both 6max and HU at mid and high stakes. With this winrate, one would assume that I should be well established and that I have made a lot of money. Unfortunately, I am ashamed to say that it is not the case. I always had a terrible bankroll management, no game selection, and a very poor mental game, as I have spent maybe 3 of the past 4 years going through a really rough depression.
Part of the reason why I consider my career as a failure so far is that despite being in love with the game, I was also neglecting other areas of my life, and the only place where I would forget about my anxiety would be when 10 tabling ring games while 4 tabling HU vs some regs who are way smarter than me. So I did that for a couple of years, never really had a goal other than playing, that lifestyle was just enough for me to cope with depression. I had no energy to even think about trying to build a better life for myself. In the state I was in, discipline was never a thing, I was barely able to wake up in the morning. Thankfully, over the past year or so, I met some friends who helped me getting out of that hole, figure out some things I would need more in my life, as well as some that I would need to get rid of. As a result, I have slowly but surely been feeling way better, to a point where I would say that this chapter of my life is over.
So now is the time for me to fully focus on building something I can be proud of when I look back at my career and my life decisions. I could keep doing all of the **** I am currently doing: playing all reg ring lineups or HU with a 35BI bankroll, taking shots with a 25 BI bankroll in games where I have a 4bb winrate at best with a standard deviation of 130+, playing only for the sake of playing even when I am on tilt and spewing every other hand... The list is long. That is a perfect plan if I want to end up with no money and no diploma by the time poker dries up and no money is left to be made both live and online.
I am left with that sense of urgency, to make as much money as I can while the games are still here, and not to **** up like I did in the past few years, so I can be at peace before I'm done with this game. I currently have a 50k bankroll, and my goal is to erase all of the toxic habits that I had in the past regarding the grind, and only move forward.
Short term goal (next 3 months): send some real volume at mid stakes and get out of it as fast as possible. Solid BRM, not defined yet.
Mid term goal (next year or so): at the very least double up my bankroll, split my volume online (not staked) and live (staked in bigger games), where I would aim to play at least a thousand hour.
Long term goal (next 2-3 years and beyond): make life changing money, a 500k+ bankroll is enough for me as you can't really go broke once you have that and you invest it properly. Buy a house/apartment.
I don't know yet what I will post here, but don't expect much other than pure results and some comments about it. I don't want to aim for quality posts all the time otherwise I'll probably procrastinate and give up on this thread. So as a baseline I'll keep it very simple.
Wish me luck!
7 Replies
in. gl op!
In the end I changed plans and I am alone in Manilla right now, can't lie I don't really like this kind of huge city where everything is polluted, noisy and packed. I'm not in a great mood, all I do is spend time in my airbnb because honestly going out is causing me more anxiety than anything else. I'm thinking I should have stayed in Europe, where even though life is cold and boring at least it's a very comfy and familiar environment to grind at peace.
I could move to a nicer place than Manilla, go on the islands or find a nice airbnb near the beach, but I am kind of scared of the internet quality over there, as in Manilla it is quite bad.
On the bright side, the food here is amazing and super cheap. So that part keeps me happy 😀
As for poker, it has been swingy this month, but I'm doing very good overall. I need to study more, at least one hour a day, I have been slacking too much on that part.
Hello! Last few days have been quite interesting. Went on a date with a girl that I really like, hope this can go somewhere. The swings have been intense, but it is to be expected because I am moving up stakes quite rapidly. A very frustrating thing is that I keep bleeding money on stars, it's been like that for years, despite playing the same regs I play on other sites, and if anything, games are softer on stars.eu. I've been taking shots at 2KNL, and the guy who is holding the lobby on my main room is none other than LuckyCPS, who is a legend of NLHE. He also happens to be an absolute blaster (for those who want to get familiar with the guy, here's one of the greatest threads ever when it...). I think he is way better than me in ring, but worse in HU. Maybe not the greatest idea to play him without having a 100 BI bankroll, but I already played him a lot in the past and he did end up quitting at some point. Here are some HH we played:
SB: €1,966.08 (197 bb)
BB (Hero): €1,864.50 (186 bb)
Pre-Flop: (€15) Hero is BB with Q♠ A♠
SB raises to €30, Hero 3-bets to €150, SB calls €120
Flop: (€300) A♥ 8♦ 4♣ (2 players)
Hero bets €60, SB calls €60
Turn: (€420) 5♥ (2 players)
Hero checks, SB checks
River: (€420) 9♥ (2 players)
Hero bets €420, SB raises to €1,756.08 (all-in), Hero calls €1,234.50 (all-in)
Total pot: €3,729 (Rake: €2)
Showdown:
SB shows 6♦ 6♥ (a pair of Sixes)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 52%, Flop: 10%, Turn: 14%, River: 0%)
BB (Hero) shows Q♠ A♠ (a pair of Aces)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 48%, Flop: 90%, Turn: 86%, River: 100%)
BB (Hero) wins €3,727
**********************************************
SB: €6,506.43 (325 bb)
BB (Hero): €3,723.54 (186 bb)
Pre-Flop: (€30) Hero is BB with T♦ T♠
SB raises to €45, Hero 3-bets to €270, SB calls €225
Flop: (€540) Q♠ T♥ Q♥ (2 players)
Hero bets €178.20, SB calls €178.20
Turn: (€896.40) 9♦ (2 players)
Hero bets €672.30, SB raises to €6,058.23 (all-in), Hero calls €2,603.04 (all-in)
River: (€7,447.08) 7♥ (2 players, 2 all-in)
Total pot: €7,447.08 (Rake: €3)
Showdown:
SB shows A♣ J♠ (a pair of Queens)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 43%, Flop: 2%, Turn: 0%, River: 0%)
BB (Hero) shows T♦ T♠ (a full house, Tens full of Queens)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 57%, Flop: 98%, Turn: 100%, River: 100%)
BB (Hero) wins €7,444.08
**********************************************
SB (Hero): €3,814.63 (191 bb)
BB: €3,438.09 (172 bb)
Pre-Flop: (€30) Hero is SB with A♣ Q♥
Hero raises to €45, BB 3-bets to €202.50, Hero calls €157.50
Flop: (€405) A♥ 5♠ 9♦ (2 players)
BB bets €101.25, Hero raises to €354.38, BB raises to €607.51, Hero calls €253.13
Turn: (€1,620.02) J♠ (2 players)
BB bets €810.01, Hero calls €810.01
River: (€3,240.04) 3♣ (2 players)
BB bets €1,818.07 (all-in), Hero calls €1,818.07
Total pot: €6,876.18 (Rake: €3)
Showdown:
BB shows 7♦ 8♦ (high card, Ace)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 42%, Flop: 24%, Turn: 18%, River: 0%)
SB (Hero) shows A♣ Q♥ (a pair of Aces)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 58%, Flop: 76%, Turn: 82%, River: 100%)
SB (Hero) wins €6,873.18
**********************************************
SB: €2,224.07 (111 bb)
BB (Hero): €7,969.85 (398 bb)
Pre-Flop: (€30) Hero is BB with A♥ J♣
SB raises to €45, Hero 3-bets to €225, SB 4-bets to €500, Hero calls €275
Flop: (€1,000) 9♦ 3♥ 6♦ (2 players)
Hero checks, SB bets €180, Hero calls €180
Turn: (€1,360) 6♥ (2 players)
Hero checks, SB checks
River: (€1,360) Q♥ (2 players)
Hero bets €7,289.85 (all-in), SB calls €1,544.07 (all-in)
Total pot: €4,448.14 (Rake: €3)
Showdown:
BB (Hero) shows A♥ J♣ (a pair of Sixes)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 25%, Flop: 13%, Turn: 14%, River: 0%)
SB shows Q♠ A♠ (two pair, Queens and Sixes)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 75%, Flop: 87%, Turn: 86%, River: 100%)
SB wins €4,445.14
**********************************************
Don't ask me what happened in this one, absolute torch (but if it ever works I look like a genius and crush his soul)
SB: €3,175.68 (159 bb)
BB (Hero): €2,194.04 (110 bb)
Pre-Flop: (€30) Hero is BB with Q♠ 5♠
SB raises to €45, Hero calls €25
Flop: (€90) 2♠ K♦ 4♠ (2 players)
Hero checks, SB bets €45, Hero raises to €168.75, SB raises to €340, Hero calls €171.25
Turn: (€770) 9♣ (2 players)
Hero checks, SB bets €515.90, Hero calls €515.90
River: (€1,801.80) 9♦ (2 players)
Hero checks, SB bets €2,274.78 (all-in), Hero calls €1,293.14 (all-in)
Total pot: €4,388.08 (Rake: €3)
Showdown:
SB shows J♠ K♠ (two pair, Kings and Nines)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 66%, Flop: 96%, Turn: 100%, River: 100%)
BB (Hero) shows Q♠ 5♠ (a pair of Nines)
(Equity - Pre-Flop: 34%, Flop: 4%, Turn: 0%, River: 0%)
SB wins €4,385.08
**********************************************
As you can tell it's a lot of fun and dynamic, it's a absolute blast when things go well.
Now that's a proper winning session
This session was mostly NL2k HU and a bit of short handed action.
This is one of the sickest days in my career if not the sickest: booked my biggest online winning day ever (+45k USD in 3 sessions) and got invited to some nosebleed private game in Asia. Obv selling shitton of action but still taking a big shot because these games are supposed to be juicy. This totally out of my comfort zone, I only ever played in public live games so far, as I'm quite introverted and slightly socially awkward. Also, I am gonna be the only person who doesn't speak chinese lol so this is scary.
Bump, hope you are still crushing OP and that the homegame went well!
