Intro,
A memoir of a degen:
I've always loved to gamble, and I have done so since I was a kid. It did not start of very w
I feel like 30s now old enough for you to be honest with yourself about some stuff and young enough that if you do some things now you have the rest of your life in front of you.
Probably sounds like bollox, but it’s not.
I feel like, and I could be wrong; but maybe you are looking for these rapid solutions to everything. Your bankroll, impulsivity, perhaps physically? Idk. But some solid advice I can give you because actually been there, quick fixes don’t work and they don’t help even when they do work.
Let’s say you sat into a 1k and bink it for 100k. Sounds sick right, everything will be ok now. But it won’t, no BR management, no tilt control, pussy/drugs/booze, the money will be gone in no time and you’ll feel exactly 100 times worse than you do today.
You could start sorting yourself out for real and stop ****ing around. I don’t know you bro, but I want you to succeed and be happy.
Sad to read this thread from start to finish, but I can completely understand the struggles you’ve shared. Your self-belief is undoubtedly one of your best traits. However, it feels like this belief isn’t supported by self-love, and that’s where the challenge lies.
Taking better care of yourself and sticking to a proper bankroll plan could make a world of difference. Variance is an inherent part of poker, but managing it becomes easier when your bankroll aligns with the stakes you play. I noticed how much bad beats seem to affect your life, and I think this comes from tying your self-esteem too closely to your results. When things don’t go your way, it hits hard. But bad beats are not a reflection of you—they’re just part of poker. In fact, they’re often a sign that you’re making the right decisions. The real issue seems to be that the stakes you play don’t align with your results, which will always be inconsistent given the nature of the games and buy-ins.
Outside of poker, who are you? Outside of partying, who are you? Outside of drugs and women, who are you? From what you’ve shared, it feels like your biggest leak is a lack of a true sense of self. Until you address this, happiness will always seem out of reach. Winning a big pot might give you a temporary high, a night out might offer some distraction, but these are fleeting fixes. Without building a deeper identity and purpose outside of the game, you’ll remain stuck in a cycle.
I know we’re all on different journeys, and your experiences are unique to you, but I sincerely hope you find inner peace and bring more balance to your life and your approach to the game. After reading this thread in full, it’s clear that your biggest challenges come from outside the poker table, not on it.
For example, I cleared mid-six figures this year from my business, and I’m currently playing freerolls to build a bankroll from $0—not for the money but for the love of the game and the challenge. The money means nothing to me in this context. If I had stayed solely focused on poker at a younger age, I fear I might have ended up in a similar situation to yours, constantly chasing the next high and feeling trapped.
I hope you take this message in the spirit it’s intended. You’re clearly talented, but poker should add to your life, not define it. Take care of yourself, and I hope you find the balance and peace you deserve.
BigBananasU pay them after u **** them. Wtf bro i gotta teach u about hookers too?
