Yooo!
I'm Tim, from Ljubljana, Slovenia, currently playing poker full time for around 2years. Till now I reached the poin
Hollaa.
Since I just arrived back to hometown Ljubljana, I thought its now perfect time to make a summary and some takeaways from my 3 month experience in Mexico. Still got few things to do in following days, but other than that, I'm really happy to be back home, and to implement all things I learned in last 3 months and continue with my daily routines and habits.
First I'll share here some numbers and then talk a bit about it.
This is sharkscope with GG and WPT missing. On GG I played 856 MTT's in that time and on WPT probbly around 50.
All together I played around 1800 tournaments throughout 47 working days, which is 38mtt's per day. I'm really really happy
with the volume I've put in, but I'll talk a bit about that later, since I think I should approach a bit different given the situation.
Lost 7700€ (with december days included). Obviously not happy with how the year started results wise, but its still many working days ahead this year, so
lets see what future holds.
This are my PT4 lines for that period. I'm OK with it, but not too happy, will tell you more about it in a minute.
So to summarize above pictures and results I want to speak about 2 major things, first one being:
Things I think I did wrong:
- Played TOO many tables and REGISTRING MTT's TOO LONG
- Under estimating power of variance on evening schedule
- Buyiing in and rebuying too aggresively
- Wanting too much immidietly not being patient (forgot sometimes that its a MARATHON and NOT a SPRINT!)
- Comparing myself with others too much
- Few hours less playing and few hours more studying.
- Focusing too much on volume and not enough on QUALITY of my game
Things I did good:
- Sticked to my routines and put sleep/health on first place
- Daily reflections what I could do better and what I did great on/off tables
- Showed my weaknesess to coaches/mentors and was eager to grow and learn from mistakes
- Had great organisations and plans for schedule on daily and weekly basis
- Prioritized and sticked to goals I've set
I lost big portion of my BR in last 3 months, plus I had some financial setbacks away from tables, but still overall, I'm really really happy with past 3 months. I feel like I learned a lot, specially because I had rough times poker wise. I feel so much growth and I feel and see sooooo much room and improvements to make and I'm already v v happy with process, but I still think its sooo much more for me in future if I keep working in same manner.
In same manner I mean, if I keep trusting myself, keep exposing my weakneses and mistakes, and KEEP LEARNING FROM THEM and being so hungry and motivated, yet still having fun while doing everything, I think thats keey for success for me.
I see nothing but great scenarios for the future. I think as long as I keep doing what "needs" to be done, I have nothing to fear for. I have the best team in the world behind me, I have great poker friends from whom I learn a lot, I learned to be critical and not naive, yet still listen do adviced, and I think in general I'm in great enviroment to GROW and HAVE FUN at the same time.
I'm really happy to be back, and eager to continue in same manner.
In next days/weeks my plan is to:
- Have call with mentors and make a plan for further on
- Make solid plan to approach sessions better and to repair mistakes I did in past 3 months
- Play 4 (max 5) days per week. Till scoop focus more on study, scoop and summer I'll play more, so NO FOMO now!
- Attend BitB bootcamp in March
- Focus more on QUALITY over volume
- Keep prioritizing sleep/health, since therefor I can perform insanely better and feel happier in general
- Keep trusting yourself and the process and good things will happen
- Prioritize tennis over gym but continue being sportly active 5times per week minimun
- Continue with same eating habbits since they suit you ****inn great!
In general, I want to continue in my way. Trusting my routines since they make me feel GREAT, continue asking questions and seeking knowladge on all fronts and working on mistakes, continue growing on all fronts and being GRATEFUL for the process.
With that being said, I'll post here few pictures from Cuba trip which I did after Mexico. It was 8 days vacation, I wanted a place that is cheap, yet nice sunny to relax, that I recharge my baterries before going back home where lots of playing/studying/doing sports awaits me.
Cheap it was indeed, however, it wasnt as relaxed as I thought 😃
I won't go too deep into Cuba topic but I'll say that:
I loved nature in Cuba and some poeples hospitality, but in general I don't understand how they call it a country even. Nothing works, no basics. Water/food, electricity and garbage sistem are biggest problems, not even thinking about health sistem, probbly even smallest health issues can be v v v dangerous situation for human being. And currency... That you need to experience... I can not even describe the shadynes of that haha.
I felt bad for people living there, I think no human being deserves life like this. It really reminded me to stay v v grateful for all things I have and all the great things we have here in Europe.
I'm very happy for my adventure in Cuba, I still enjoyed it because it was so unique in its own way, but I didnt get much relaxation thats for sure.
Here are some pictures:
Most streets in Havana are like this.
Some are nicer and more touristic, but Its quite intense everywhere. Repairing a car infront of somebodies badroom opposite to vegetables market under the balcony from which water is leaking. Not clean, not my vibe for sure 😃 But interesting to experience.
some parts of Havana are more chill, here was a nice sunset with some interesting cars and a big fort behind.
Vinales was cool and chill. Its 3 hours with intense taxi drive (old cars and people driving like they don't want to live anymore) from Havana. More like country village.
that was view from our terrace, the host was also super nice, we saw how people live without electricity and food shortage, yet still try to stay positive and nice.
Every morning we had breakfast and then coffee together with Anja. With our busy lifes, thats quite rare, but here in Cuba it happened everyday, with great chill views and nowhere to rush. Im very grateful for that <3
shoping in Cuba you do mainly on peoples poarches and at their homes. No big markets really, quite unique. Also, if they dont remember you, water might cost 1 dollar on monday and 2 dollars on thursday, depends how much you smille as well, depends also on weather, and probbly the colour of your shoes as well, god knows on what else 😃
Nature in this village was incredible. Yet, still every little lake and all the fields are full of plastic and trash, since there is no such thing as trash bins etc... Very sad.
First time riding horse as you can see, very very relaxing and peacefull experience, even tho when Coco Loco jumped and started running, I saw I have zero control over him and over my life as well, scary at moments like this, but mostly fun and relaxing.
Anja on other hand is an expert. Her Mojito was totally under control and she was the happiest to be reunited with horses again.
This day was probbly highlight of the trip.
We rode horses for 6 hours almost, went very far way into hills to get edjucated about tobbaco production and famous Cuban ciggars and Rum.
This farm in middle of nowhere was something so special. Straight from the movies.
We now know how to plant, produce and even roll tobbaco.
Made some new friends.
Next day we went 2 hours away on bumpy roads to very remote beach. Since its so hard to get there, the beach is from the movies as well. I also went snorkling and saw some amazing underwater life. Corals, different type of fish, and no sharks thank god.
That was the ride tho, quite crowdy as well, 9 of us in the car, quite hot and stinky.
Felt like a victory, seeing views that I thought are only possible in movies when i was younger.
Didnt felt like victory when I run out of sunscreen tho. Was painful, and cancerous, will not do it again in future, deffo buying loads of sunscreen next time!
Water was so pure mama mia.
Ended the day with some big ass lobsterinho. Destroyed him easy, 10dolls for him. Was the most expensive dish in Cuba. far away from civilization and freshly cought.
didnt feel like a lot for all things considered. Other meals were usually like 5dolls for chicken, potato, rice and salad. very afordabable obv. Nothing like back in Eu.
Me: Do you have pizza to go ?
Them: Yes of course
Pizza to go:
I foolishly expected something else than plastic bag but sure, for 1 dollar pizza to go was more than good. And quite surprisingly, was very delicious as well.
Ended the day with cigar and a glass of rum. First time smoking a cigar as well, felt as the right place to do it in Cuba.
Statue of naked, bald lady with big boobs and big heels. Holding a big fork on a big chicken ? idk what is going on, you tell me..
Another cigar and glass of rum above the chaotic streets of Havana and then we went back home the next day.
I'M VERY VERY VERY GRATEFUL for my time in Mexico and Cuba. Truth is, I learned a lot, I came back better person and as well better poker player. I'm very happy and GRATEFUL to be back home and to continue to grow and develop both as player and human being.
I will probbly go back to Mexico, Playa del Carmen every winter for few months, because its so much better to work and live there when it becomes cold and dark in Slovenia.
Cuba was nice, but I will most likely never again go back there.
I hope you enjoyed, and thank you all for reading! It pumps me with additional energy and motivation when i see so many of you reading and commenting.
I hope you all had great start of the year and that you are doing well.
I wish everybody a great week and talk to you next time next week.
Love,
Tim...
Quee pasoo amigos and amigas
Wow what a week. A bit less of poker, but alot of studying, and the first short (4day) vacation this year.
On monday i played poker, tuesday, wednesday and thursday studying and on friday i started my vacation that ended yesterday(monday)
On monday i qualified into a nice day2 on winamax, wich i will play tomorrow and i am very excited for it, apart from that no special results.
I dedicated tuesday and wednesday to studying, reviewing the coaching vidoes that i missed and reviewing all the spots i saved while playing.
On tuesday evening i also went on an amazing dinner to a resturant called Špajza, Great service, and delicous food and bevrage. Not my favorite
resturant, but it was fantastic and i enjoyed alot. Thank you Anja for the wonderful company! 😀
Wednesday evening another dinner with friend, this time a classic, 'ČEVAPČIČI and KAJMAK' at Gurman, and some rakija and beer. After that we partied till 5am,
nothing special, but it was great to enjoy some time with friends after a month of only staring at the computer screen 😃
I was mostly resting on Thursday, i slept alot and i watched a couple coaching vidoes and at 2.30am(friday) i went to the Zagreb airport.
On friday when me and my friend arrived in Ghent (Belgium), we went straight to bed and slept till 18.00ish, then showered, got dinner and then party.
Had great food, tried a couple of very good Belgium beers, met a couple of legendary Belgium people, played pool and danced and suddenly it was 5am so we went back home.
On saturday we got out of bed very late at around 19.00, because we wanted to be well rested for the rave. At 23.00ish we arrived at the destination, FlendersExpo in Ghent,
really relly big hall, and really well organised. Around 20.000 people gathered for the rave.
WOW. Speachlees, hard to say anything else because its unimaginable what a good time i had. I always create a 'highlight' of these trips on Instagram, and you can checkout
the stories from the actual rave there. (IG profile: TimKovacic).
It was also special for me because some of my favorite producers were performing. Really an amazing experiance.
The organization was 10/10, I've never seen something like that before, so many people but everything was so smooth, no complications, no queues, i felt very safe, everyone
I met was awesome and nice. Really an AMAZING EXPERIANCE!
I had some anxiety and panic attack issues the whole time wich I've been living with my whole life, but for the last 5 years its been better, almost no problems, and then
ofcourse on this night that i was so excited about for the last 2 months, after along time it got to me. Because of this i didnt drink any alcohol that night, just water
and an ice tea, and danced like hell!
Also on the same day i had a mild fever, so mentally and phisically i wasnt in the best condition haha.
But what can i do, i accepted it all and danced the night away untill 7am, fought through all the panic and survived the amazing night.
Really a magical weekend. On sunday we slept the whole day and scrolled our phones in bed, then on monday we had breakfast pizza around 13.00, coffe then airplane home and sleep.
This is also why the blog is a day late, because i was still travelling yesterday (monday).
I am dissapointed because I didnt write in my diary on the trip, even though i had it with me. This is one thing i really wish to change in the future, so that no matter
where I am, I make it a habbit to write my diary when i wake up and before i go to bed.
Poker and studying wise, i did everything i planned.
This week I wish to play alot of poker and do alot of studying, and i NEED to get a massage and optionaly go to the Sauna.
Everday atleast a 30minute walk, and every other day some intense exercise (either a run, weights, something so my arms dont need to do work because i am still injured).
Goals this week:
Poker/studying:
-4x playing
-1 day for studying and spots (probably friday)
Other goals:
-3x Fitness
-1x massage
Optional if I have time:
-Sauna
Next update on Monday!
I wish you all a happy and successful week!
Tim...
Hi guys.
Another week behind me, and this one was quite a tough one. Mentaly wise some emotions got into me and I struggled a lot. I wanna talk a bit today about this, since it really helps me
putting the words out "on paper". Also, I think in poker this is really not spoken enough off, or at least I dont see it too often with other players etc..
But before that here are some numbers from previous 7 days.
I played 5 days, almost entire day (11 hours on avg), spend 1 entire day to study and on saturday I took totally off to chill and do some other fun stuff, like tennis and we did ice bath
on the beach with Anja again, and then walked alot and explored the city and the beach of Playa Del Carmen.
Here are profit/loses from this week:
PokerTracker stats from this week:
here I must say it feels preety discusting, I made a big blunder from BB for like 200bb, which hurt my graph and stats alot :ROFL But thats nerd in me being un sattisfied haha, but also, not good
to make 200bb blunder ayyayayy . anyway, I learned, so next time will do it better 😀
And pictures from Saturday when I took day off:
This time we did also deep breathing. was a magical experience, I always get dizzy and trippy and I cry for some reason haha. So powerfull this breathing exercises, would recommend 10/10.
I also continue to learn spanish
Busy day studying, I think it was wednesday:
and ofc, couldnt ho through week without one taco date 😀 We ate like crazy, and payed again some bizzare price of 21 dollars, for like 6 quessadilas, 2 tacos and some faahitas, plus drinks etc..
Muyyy buenooo,
Random statue at the beach, but it looks awesome.
As said above I wanna write a bit about my thoughts this past 7 days, and to be honest it happened before that as well, and I think will happen again in the future, so I wanna talk about this
to keep things under control and to better understand my mind and emotions. I do therapies regulary I mentioned this already, and there I talk a lot about this stuff as well, I talk a lot
with Anja as well and I talk with lots of friends as well, but also I wanna write it down here, to see maybe some of your thoughts, or if nothing else, just to have this written somewhere 😀
Lately I'm feeling so many different emotions, every day I wakeup soo happy, so motivated, so hungry to work, all feels soo good, enjoying the process, but at same time, I feel so much
"Injustice" and anger, two very "dangerous" thought/emotions to feel when playing poker. Why I say dangerous, its because I believe this mindset is really not "correct", and not good
to feel this things while playing, with all the obvious answers ofc. Playing tournaments profesionally, means you are gonna be DAILY in spots and situations which will feel "unfair", we dont
play a FAIR game to start haha, so this feelings are not gonna be great obv.
I'm aware of all that, and most of time, I don't feel this, but when things are not "going as I want", even tho I'm aware this feelings are not ok, they still appear, I can feel them, mentaly and
sometimes its so draining that I feel it physicaly as well, I become angry, I dont feel any "emphaty" for others, I feel like everybody is trying to explain me something but they are not in
my shoes so, "how can they be saying something to me if they dont know my path, my situation, my pain, my past, etc…".
And where I struggle the most is, because I HATE this thoughts, I don't like them, I don't wanna feel them, its almost like they are not part of me, but they still apear. And then I always end up
in an inner war inside me saying "Timi, this thoughts are bad, you MUST NOT FEEL THEM, you MUST NOT FEEL THAT WAY, you are a GOOD PERSON, GOOD PERSON DOESNT FEEL LIKE THAT, good person has
EMPHATY, and this thoughts are opposite off that, STOP THINKING THAT, thats not you", and the other part of mind goes "But Timi how can you not feel this emotions, nobody knows what you have
been throught, nobody knows your past, nobody knows how much you suffered, from where you came, nobody knows that you were ALWAYS ALONE FOR EVERYTHING, nobody knows what all you need to do
to even come to this point, nobody knows and they still try to tell you things and are smart about this and that blabla".
And then this two thoughts kinda are in war between each other. I'm nontheless happy, because I understand what is going on, I know that no matter how much you know about life, how much you
know about yourself, and no matter how much you understand emotions, and know what is GOOD and what is NOT GOOD, no matter all that, you cannot escape what you feel. And the most important lesson
I learned so far in my life is, that if you wanna feel better/good, you NEVER WANT TO ESCAPE YOUR THOUGHTS, you always wanna FEEL THEM, ACCEPT THEM and WORK WITH THEM, meaning that you dont
ignore them and do stuff that they go away, but rather think "Ok, what I can do to accept this?", because when you do it this way, its like a paradox, they dissapear (not a word I like to use, but
at least it feels that way).
Its so funny, because nothing too crazy happened at all, yeah I'm a bit in a downswing and not winning much, but nothing crazy, I had bigger swings before as well, and its not even that. And thats
why I'm so "confused" and angry with myself, cuz I don't wanna feel this emotions, but I still feel them. Its like if my body has both HARDWARE and SOFTWARE, and harware is totally aware of things,
doing everything as it should, understand stuf etc…, but at same time SOFTWARE is putting this ERROR out saying all this stuff haha, and since they cooperate, you can not do anything else but to
dive deep into it and UNDERSTAND IT FULLY that you then REPAIR the malware.
My understanding so far is that, because off my upbringing was so hard and I needed to go through hell and back, my mind becomes sometimes angry and jelous when I see all the people around me,
having all this binks, having all their plans working out for them, planning big things for future, having all the freedom etc.. My mind starts to compare my life with life of other people around me,
and then all this thoughts appear "you work so hard, Timi, you work more then most, and why always bad things happen to you ?, why do you deserve this, when you work so hard ?". And the real struggle for me is
exactly here. Because I'm totally aware what game I play, I'm totally aware that in this career you don't get immidietly what you work so hard for, and the things is, I even LIKE AND ENJOY this part of the job, because it thought me PATIENCE, it thought me to ACCEPT rather then escape, it thought me so many great things, from which I and my mind have benefited soooo much, but yet still this emotions appear.
Also, I know that I'm not alone in this, in fact, I know many other friends in poker and also outside of poker, that are sucessfull, and that they suffered when younger and had to also go thorough hell and back
to get where they are, the fact is, everybody has to fight their own war to get to the point where they feel SAFE/AT PEACE/SUCESFULL, whatever word suits you, but the point is, that all of this DOESNT REALLY MATTER, because YOU DIDNT FIGHT WAR FOR OTHERS,
and THEY DIDNT FIGHT WARS FOR YOU. Yes you helped them and it was easier for them, and yes they helped you and made your suffering a bit easier, but throught MOST OF BULLLSHIITT you went alone, you were the
one feeling all the negative/positive, things, you were the one doing the job etc… And they did the same, THEY HAD TO FEEL LIKE ****, on their own, THEY SUFFERED ALONE, maybe not same as you, maybe more, maybe less, the truth I feel is that it doesnt matter,
because NON OF THIS changes your feeling, none of this. And also, I DONT WANT ANYTHING OF THIS to change my emotions, I think its correct that you go throught this, I think this makes you BETTER HUMAN BEING, I think this is WHERE I GROW, I feel that I'm GROWING IN THIS SITUATION,
I think this is where I start feeling emphaty for others, this is WERE A SAMURAI IS IN THE MAKING, I feel I'm becoming stronger and stronger and better and better HUMAN BEING in general. But at same time, when all this thoughts from above are on battelground with each other, I feel the weakest, I feel
at the bottom, i feel like im dissapointing everybody, firstly myself and everybody around me.
So yeah, I wanted just to share how I feel sometimes, how some days look like, that its not always just sunshine and games and fun. Sometimes its like that. I would still not change any of this for anything else. I love my life, I love my career, I love everything bout it and around it.
I love all the people in my life, and someone might now say "wtf, you just said you feel injustice, jelousy etc…", yes I said that, but being surrounded by this AMAZING and succesfull people makes me wanna thrive more then ever, and THEY ARE ONE OF THE REASONS why I'm achiving everything, they are the reason
for all my happy days as well, they are my motivation, my teachers, my guides, my INSPIRATION, so thats why emotions above feel even more discusting when I feel them, cuz I love people around me, and it doesnt feel fair to feel that way.
Anyway, a bit longer and "emotionally" driven post. But life is like that, I believe we are not robots, at least speaking for myself, so emotions are part of human being. I wish more people (man mostly), would be more open to talk about similar stuff, in and outside of poker.
Maybe some day will be like that, after all, EXPOSING YOUR "WEAKNESS" should be a SING OF STRENGHT, not a sing of weakness. I believe for most people its harder to speak then to be silent, but I also believe we are in times when this is finally slowly changing, so THATS GOOD! <3
So to summarize all this "madness" from above:
- Its ok to feel what I feel
- You are not a bad person if some emotions that are "bad" arrive
- Don't hide from thoughts, think of them, speak of them, write them down
- Don't compare your life with others, because everybody has different paths and you cannot know what is behind
- Compare yourself with yourself
- Continue being surrounded with amazing people
- Continue being TOTALLY HONEST with yourself and with others around you
- Continue everything that you are doing because you are doing GREAT
- You have your own PATH and PLAN so STICK TO IT!
- Its ok to sometimes feel bad and have bad days, thats how CHAMPIONS ARE MADE!
- You are a good person, you are doing everything in your power to become even better
- You can ONLY GIVE IT YOUR BEST, the rest is up to "uncontrolled energy"
With that being said, I'll finish my monologue here.
I love my life and I love people around me <3
I'm doing my best to be best version of me, and believe me, I'M DOING MY BEST EVERYDAY!
Love <3...
