Starting this blog to document the journey.
This is my graph since I started playing on iPoker (10NL):
It hurts my eyes,
bribri94Inspired by kidcudi, I will turn this thread into more of a diary. Would be cool to look back a couple years from now and see the rollercoaster journey.
Today I feel like talking about why I want to turn this poker thing into a success and how it has affected my life so far.
As a starter, I don't mind my job. It pays decent, mostly from home and honestly don't have to do a lot. But if somebody would tell me that this is what I need to do for the coming 30 years or so, like "this is it man, your life from now on", I would immediately fall into a depression again. So in a way I am actually grateful for the life I have right now (it has been way way worse which I will probably talk about later).
But the thing is, I can't stand spending energy on something I am not passionate about. Working for a company I don't really care about, just spending 40h a week on meaningless tasks, abiding by other people's rules, corporate nonsense, creating an IT ticket, having to go bouldering (climbing) in the evening when everybody is there because that's the time when everybody else has time to go climbing, only being allowed to go on holiday 26 days a year, I also cannot spontaneously go to Spain tomorrow if I wanted to, I have to get approval first. These are of course "first world" problems, as said I am grateful but I want the life I want to live, not somebody else's life.
It is my dream to make a living out of something I am passionate about. The 'working days' wouldn't feel as work because I love to play and study. Also, I could go climbing during the day when I will have all the walls for myself. This game of cards keeps me sane in a way as well. For the greater part of my 20s my mental state was far from ideal. Lots of depression, alcohol, drugs, rock bottoms, 2 months in rehab in SA and eventually daily panic attacks and not wanting to live anymore.
By now I have worked a tremendous amount on this already. I had to take drastic measures a couple years ago though, leaving everything behind (quit job, sold house and left with nothing but a backpack) and started traveling without a plan, I just knew I had to do it.
I spent a lot of time in Spain, then 3 months alone on a Croatian island where there were times I couldn't recall one word coming out of my mouth for 4 days straight, 7 months working as a volunteer in a dog hotel, sleeping in the house of a Berber family in the mountains of Morocco along with 2 crazy Germans, working for a gambling company in Malta and living with a drunk aggressive Hungarian. To leave my country was the best decision of my life. Of course there were a lot of ups and downs. My lowest point being in Malta, spending all my savings in one depressing alcohol fused night and waking up not knowing how to buy food. But I got back up every time, every time a bit stronger.
But now, I have balance in life, I am confident and mentally strong, I'm in a very good relationship with somebody that supports me in every way.
Then poker came into my life again (I played on and off before, never really winning or taking it very serious). I met (online) new people with the same goals which inspired me a lot.
So for a little over 2 months now, I didn't drink any alcohol, didn't smoke 1 cigarette, no coffee and I started working out, running or climbing almost on a daily basis. I even changed the way I eat. All of this for my own mental and physical health but also because I want to give myself the best odds to turn pro and live the life I have envisioned for myself.
Feels good to write all of this out honestly. Anyway, the motivation is there, the passion and the hearth are there, I am in no doubt I can achieve my goals!
Thanks for reading and GL!
bribri94October week 1:
Win/Loss: -6,09eur
Rakeback + bonuses: 110,17eur
Total: 104,08eur
BR: 1.110,55eur
I started playing mostly 5 tables 50NL. There doesn't seem to be a difference when it comes to fish-to-reg ratio but the regs are definitely more aggro. Especially more 4betting and overbets to which I needed some time to adjust. After a week of play I already feel much more comfortable and my hearth isn't pounding out of my chest anymore when playing for a 100bb pot.
I know what I need to prioritize when studying for now, bluffcatching. What lines are overbluffed/underbluffed, what bet sizes on what boards? I think this will improve my winrate the most.
Yesterday was a bit of a rollercoaster though. I went up 200eur only to lose it all again in 800 hands or so. Last buyin was a bit of a punt. Even though it's only 4 buyins, which I know is basically nothing, it was still a 200eur downswing which is more than my entire bankroll a month or 2 ago, so I'm not gonna lie, mentally I got hit.
But, I am really proud of myself how I handled this situation. I took a break, did a workout and then started to look at the whole thing as a mental test. I will probably go through much worse downswings in the future, if I can't even handle this minor bump in the road, I will never make it. So I pulled myself together and focused on playing my game and try to make the best decision in every spot. I managed to play solid and grinded 120eur back.
I also noticed that it helps a lot to write out my baseline strategy which I repeat every time before a session and I improve it consistently where I can. Because of this repetition I ingrain this baseline into my subconsciousness. Then, when tilt and unable to think rationally, the thinking process will fall back onto the subconsciousness which is my solid baseline strategy. I will save myself a lot of money with this process as it is gets more unlikely to punt off stacks when tilt.
Lastly I am 3 months sober as of today. No alcohol or cigs. I am more confident than ever.
The best feeling overall is that I don't see myself as a drinker or depressed person anymore which makes everything much easier. I see myself as a person who wants to improve himself on a daily basis. Someone who is not afraid to fight for the life that he envisions. Someone who will live his life on his own terms, not the life that someone else or something else says I need to life.
My whole life I was blind, but now I can see.
bribri94Nice little boost to the bankroll! Received a 10€ tourney ticket for completing a challenge.
