[Blog] IamBlackFire, italian grinder story (brag inside)

Everything starts with Matt Damon, with "The Rounder" movie; from that moment the way i look at poker and casinos changed.
I start to play poker online (sometime with friends in real life) few year after the major age. During the university period i earn some money online, start to read books and watch videos, then i quit the studies (and no, not cause of poker). Without anything to do i choose to give a chance to the game, approach it professional; we were in 2011 (Italy was the first and the best country to legalize it online in 2008), still in Eldorado poker online time. At that moment, just turned 23 y.o. , i grow up ..and to become a professional poker player i am forced to leave my certainties. So, with almost 15k€ won by online poker in the past years, i move to London, i start to pay for bills, rent and food ..playing poker.

POKER LIFE
I started to play poker again in November 2024 [with a break of almost 2 months (March and August)] and that's my scores:

PlanetWin365 is a small network that doesn't exist anymore.

HANDS 204776
RAKEBACK 23%
WINRATE 7,09 EV bb/100
REDLINE -6,7 bb/100
W$wSF between 48 and 49

+5350€ in live cash game

Since 2011 i played professional about 11 years: earned over 200k€ in online cash game, over 50k€ in live cash game.
Travelled in USA, Australia, UK, Europe; joined Aussie Million, WSOPE, EPT, ISOP (very few mtt, just cash game).

As regards my teaching training I would like to thank Saulo Costa and his courses. (And many other as my agent, poker friends, etc etc)

REAL LIFE
Not a bright life, you could say that poker has been the only successful thing I've done in 36 years.
First years were the hardest. Despite easier field my game had weakness, but mostly my mentality. A small town kid in South of Italy who treats gambling (poker = gambling) like a real job: poor guy. Nobody believes in me (except my sis). I remember that bipolar disorder was frequent at those times. After several downswings i also suffered from depression. I remember walking alone in the middle of the night through the streets, without seeing a soul. I remember sitting on the floor in a corner of my home for hours, doing nothing, thinking of nothing. I felt nothing. I didn't spend time with friends, didn't talk to girls, didn't do sport or travels. I tried meditation, i went to the psychologist: no helps. (n.d.r. this is a personal experience, i suggest to everybody has or had similar events to turn to people who can help you like psychologist and doctors). I got out of it by myself. Took a step back, a lvl down; improving my skills, my mental game; starting to sleep better, doing physical exercises and eating well; believing in myself.

"Find what you love and let it kill you" is a quote falsely attributed to Charles Bukowski.
I really loved poker, but mostly it just make me mad. Honestly, i think i almost hate it. Probably not these years, because i change my approach and my study routine... but wtf i wake up at 8.00 o'clock, turn on my pc and work as many people do till the evening/night. It's just a job, my job. Let's be clear, I'm a privileged person, in good health and I think there are at least a hundred worse jobs than poker player. But I tried to escape from this world.
After school time i learned others jobs. I carried on with my parents a family run business for a couple of years. And in 2023-2024 i spent the longest period away from the green velvet where I trained as a cybersecurity expert and completed some internships. Think to reach all my goals in this world, several international certifications and always the best of the courses. Unfortunately the job market rejected me. Of course i'm not young anymore, no experience, no degree or master, not even OSCP. I can accept that, but what makes me most angry is that I never even had the chance to try and fail, I was never put to the test. Italy has 0.6% of the world's population and the 10% of all world cyber attach! I don't think i failed, i guess the system does!
Poker and Cybersecurity has many many similarities. The approach is the same: find weakness and leaks then exploit (or repair). We can say that Head UP Display is the same thing of ZAP for internet browsers, treat wireshark as PokerTracker, study the data flow or vulnerabilities and search for anomalies as we try to find an exploit in our opponents; without considering the fact that we are super used to high stress situations and have to make decisions in a short time.

This story ends with me who needs money and starts to play poker since Nov 2024.