The Long Walk to Freedom: WalmartCNXN
Intro:
Hello regs, enthusiasts, old-hands, lurkers, trolls, wizards, bad-regs, elite regs, and to all the hundreds of beautiful women reading: welcome to my 2019 PGC thread. My name is Mike and I currently live in Kitchener/Waterloo, Ontario, Canada. I've been a long time grinder online and more recently live. I've also been known to dabble quite a bit in table banter and have ran lots of sims in regards to "chat game" on the tables. Shoutout to you if you've been on the receiving end of that! (It's all in good fun don't worry).
On a more serious note I've had a thread on 2p2 for each of the past ~5 years. Guys who have been reading since day 1 know quite a lot about me. They've seen me go from busto to robusto in poker a few times, buy a place, finish my degree, lose a couple pounds, share some successes/failures with women, win a couple WCOOPs and a Sunday Mill, a heap of long-ass rants that I have no idea how anybody finishes ever, and have likely seen me from near rock bottom all the way to my nut high.
I've never been shy to share some of the struggles with poker or life that I've dealt with. I like to have a balance of poker, life, comedy, strategy, travel, and out of line activities in my blogs. Be aware that sometimes things will get a little bit personal in here and maybe you will cringe from time to time reading. It's a little bit weird as I'm a lot more known in poker than I was 5 years ago and a lot of guys out there probably know heaps about me. I'm quite vulnerable in here but don't mind as it's all stuff most of us deal with and it helps me a lot to document it.
If you want to read more about my journey I'd love to have you read along! This year I'm going to follow a format for every entry that separates different categories. The categories will be: Health, Poker/Wealth, Life and Relationships, Random Rant, Hands of the Week, Quote of the Week, and Miscellaneous. Without further delay, let's get it started! Enjoy 😀
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Health
I'm starting somewhere around ~258 lbs. I'll get a more exact number when I hit the gym tomorrow. I lost approx. 25 lbs. in the last 2 months and would be really happy if I could end 2019 in the ~215 lb. range. I'll begin the same diet that I was on to close out 2018. If you want to read more about the diet itself: https://medium.com/@erinfrey/everything-....
I'm going to make a bet with some friends to hold myself accountable for the next 3 months. I'll be hitting the gym a minimum of 3x/week but will aim for 4x.
I think mental health is very tied in with physical health and lifestyle. I will try to do the sensory deprivation tank stuff at least once per month and will try to at least meditate a few times per week. We'll talk about all this stuff more in depth some other time.
Health Metrics:
Starting Weight:
Current Weight:
Waist size:
Additional Notes:
Poker/Wealth:
After buying my place about 26 months ago I've been bombarded with miscellaneous bills for everything. Have somehow stayed afloat whilst doing a bunch of travel and living very comfortably. That being said my liquid cash flow hasn't really been great since buying my place. This year I would love to profit >100k USD from poker and rebuild my liquid BR to a more comfortable amount. To start the year bankroll management will be fairly strict and will involve selling decent sized pieces to most tournaments. Hopefully the start of the year goes well and I can start diversifying into live stops etc.
Poker Metrics:
Online Poker Profit:
Live Poker Profit:
Additional Notes:
Life and Relationships
This category is going to talk about everything really. Everything from happiness to dating to mindset to friends to family etc. I'll talk more next time.
Random Rant of the Week
I'll try to write a small sample here of what these will be like. This post is already too long haha.
One thing that I realized about myself in the last few years was that I've been so conditioned to think about what is and isn't standard. Societal conditioning led me to believe I had to fit into a certain mold that would be deemed "successful". You know? Go get a degree, get a good job, have a nice wife and kids, buy a house in the suburbs and live happily ever after.
I tried so hard to fit this mold but ideally found myself feeling depressed trying to get myself through Uni. I was 8 hours away in a French speaking place away from my family and friends. Not to mention I hated the school and really had a tough time being happy there. Instead of quitting in first year I stuck it out for 5 years and graduated. A lot of depression and mindset sticking points happened during those years. On the bright side, I got pretty ****ing good at poker.
To keep this quick and concise: I just want to say that no matter where you are in life it is never permanent if you don't want it to be. Your happiness, health, and well-being should always be a priority and if you are unhappy with your situation for too long...leave it.
The only thing stopping you is the barriers that you have been conditioned by in your own mind. If you don't like your job, quit. If you are miserable in your relationship(s): leave them. If you don't like where you live, move. If you don't like your career path, change it. I've spent way too much time in my life doing things I had no business doing and with people that caused me nothing but stress and anxiety. Not saying to drop everything tomorrow but just saying to be aware of your happiness level in the things you do the most of. If you're unhappy for too long work to find changes.
Hands of the Week:
https://www.boomplayer.com/29672662_838C...
This hand was on FT bubble vs weaker reg who was really feeling himself/opening super loose/really loose post flop. Not overly in love with calling flop because this is a board texture that is going to get barreled a tonne on so many turns and our holding is pretty mediocre/has bad blockers on many turns and with ICM implications we'll get put in so many gross spots. In most cases and vs. most villains in this spot I think we can just x/f a lot especially when blocking lots of bluffs. Presumably he will follow through on so many rivers with a range that either has us dead or has a lot of equity vs our hand. Decided villain is opening super loose/way over bluffing/not betting for thin value enough so as an exploit called turn. River is so gross and a really good card for his range/bad for mine. My blockers aren't overly great to call but just thought this guy can have way more bluffs than it appears because of how loose he was opening on FT bubble. (At first glance doesn't seem like he has many bluffs at all but when you factor in a 60% opening range and the fact he probably doesn't jam 1 pair or some 2 pair hands on river it becomes much better). Was sort of a feel-based call and it worked out in my favour. Thanks to him for actually having a bluff here unlike all these other nits.
https://www.boomplayer.com/29672414_76AB...
River jam felt right here but in a 22$ bowl some dolt will just have a tough time folding. Based on timing tells and ranges I thought villain has very few Ax here and mostly just weaker pairs. Was tilting to showdown vs. this hand. I'm like never bluffing when I jam river but idk it's a pretty bad card to bluff I guess. Unblocking flush draws I guess is relevant when he actually just calls twice with diamond draw...presumably good regs aren't doing this though.
https://www.boomplayer.com/29671787_6EB7...
bluff speaks for itself. Average villain probably just assumes all my bluffs get there and over folds. I don't think paired J on river improves my hand that much and we still don't have much sd value. Think this was a good trigger pull.
Quote of the Week
"Big goals are great, but when you get there it probably won't be as sweet as what you'd hoped. Build your goals around the process; be in love with the day-to-day work. This mindset keeps you present, hungry and full of gratitude." -Jason Koon
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Wow, already killing ~3 trees with all the paper used to write my into post. Gonna be a long year guys but I'm looking forward to every second of it. This blog is called "The Long Walk to Freedom" for a reason. Much love and let's make 2019 the best yet!!!
-Mike
5 Replies
Hey guys it's been a minute! Slim chance anyone lurks around this ghost town anymore but for the first time in years I felt a little motivated to update here and I'll explain why shortly.
A quick summary of where things are at with me: Objectively, things are good! Through covid I was in one of my biggest personal downswings both financially and mentally. Every day felt the same and my confidence in my poker ability was at an all time low. Games were extremely volatile because every site decided to basically have a perma-series and everybody was at home grinding. I didn't really want to be playing poker everyday but it seemed like the only viable option most days with lockdowns. I was playing the worst poker of my career and lacked the confidence to execute on my instincts. Seemingly any resemblance of a deep run would be succeeded by me either running bad, or more likely, ****ing up in some fashion. Many days both on and off the tables were an internal struggle.
Somewhere in ~mid 2022 an announcement came out that my region was going to be ring fenced and I would no longer be able to compete in the global pool games. Many questions arose from this: Should I relocate? Should I quit the game I've invested everything into in pursuit of a greener pasture? Should I try becoming a live grinder? (I did try this for like 3 sessions and hard pass).
Ultimately, I decided to give the smaller/less volatile games a shot. I struggled for a little bit. I couldn't bring myself to care or focus and couldn't bring myself to apply the adjustments that needed to be made. I came to the realization that I needed to apply myself and get back to the things that made me successful in the first place. I owe a big thanks to some of my close friends in poker for helping me get my confidence back and just be there for motivation/companionship/studying/bouncing thoughts off of each other. My results have quietly been some of the best of my career the last ~2 years and even in the tougher global pool games I feel like my old self again and couldn't be more pleased with my results. The path to success is never linear!
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So what spurred me to make a post:
I've really been going through a lull in life lately where time is really beginning to fly on me. I'm 32 now (A decade of posting on this site!) and really starting to feel a desire to find a great partner that I can start a family with. As time passes and you get older you start to gain a concept of "how fast a decade goes", and if you're lucky in this life you might only get 6 or 7 decades where you really are in control of your destiny. One toxic pattern that I think is all too easy to slip into as a poker player is using the game as an escape vehicle to sort of "coast through life". It's very easy to get complacent and not really leave one's comfort zone or progress in life by anything other than financial means. Through covid I really learned this and my lack of "life living/life loving" gave rise to a feeling of emptiness and a lack of fulfillment. As I've gotten older my priorities and what I care about in life have really shifted.
Anyways,I've been working on some renovations on my place and and a couple weeks ago I was cleaning out a closet and pulled out a shoebox. I opened it up and found one of my hockey year books from the year 2000 and my hockey card of myself when I was 8 years old. Apparently my favourite hockey team was the Philadelphia Flyers for some reason and my dream job was to become a professional hockey player. I remember acquiring this hockey card of myself when I was a little kid and my coach handing it to me and said "hey hold on to this buddy you never know it might be worth something one day!"
I sat down on my bed and looked through the year book and I'd be lying if I said I didn't start to cry a little. Reflecting back on a simpler time where there was no stress of wanting to start or provide for a family, no bills or need to make money. Everyday I just showed up to school, played sports, and on days when I didn't have organized hockey I would play street hockey with my friends. Not a stress in the world and a whole life to look forward to ahead!
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Fast forward 10 years from my 8 year old self, to my 18 year old self. By this point in my life I started to feel some stressors: where am I going to go to University? Am I going to get into University? Did I get my girlfriend pregnant? Will my parents find out I've been stealing from their liquor cabinet? I played hockey all the way through my childhood and teenage years, and I was now 18 in my last year of minor hockey. I was in much better shape back then and played the highest level of hockey for my age. I remember whenever I was stressed about school, girls, friends, or anything really the hockey rink was my safe place where I could just forget all of that and focus on the game. In a way I guess you could say poker would go on to replace the role that hockey played for several years.
Anyways, it was the last game of the last season of my minor hockey career and my team was in the finals. I showed up early to the game and had massive jitters. I walked into the dressing room and my coach had put up pictures of all of our team from the time we were 8 until the present day all over the room. We weren't really sure why until his pre-game speech..."Look how far you guys have come! All of those hours practising, all those games, think of everything you've put in! Think of all the effort your parents have put in to get you to this place! Are you gonna come this far and ****ING QUIT?! OR ARE YOU GONNA LEAVE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ON THE LINE FOR THIS TEAM?!
In this moment it finally set in...if I don't go on to play Junior or College hockey this might be the last meaningful hockey game I'll ever play. Everything I've put into this game and it all might be over tonight. I gave everything I had and we lost 2-1. That was it. I decided I didn't want to play Junior hockey and I vowed to myself that I'd never play hockey as a goalie again. I gave everything I had to the game and was fully at peace with retiring. You never really know what you have until it's gone.
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So back to my current self, as I was sitting there on my bed tearing up reading through my 25 year old year book I thought of my 8 year old self and what he would think of where we've ended up. I guess in a lot of metrics he'd be damn proud but some others he'd say we need to get some work done! After abandoning the game for over a decade I realized how much I missed the game and started playing beer league hockey 2-3 times per week and I can't express how good that has been for my mental and physical health. The games I play nowadays aren't really meaningful but is any hockey game ever really when you think about it? Hanging out with the guys and the team camaraderie is a hell of a feeling and I feel in a lot of ways getting back on the ice has saved my life. I'm really loving/enjoying life lately and have been gaining momentum in some of the areas I've been struggling with.
So I know that coach will never read this but when he told me to "hold on to this hockey card it might be worth something one day", he was right, but not in the way he meant...it's worth the world to me though and I bet he wouldn't picture a future 32 year old man getting brought to tears by it.
On days that I've been struggling with motivation for poker or anything I've been thinking back to that last hockey game I played. In hockey, poker, life, and almost everything, at some point it will be your final game/hand/day and I want to know that I gave everything I had.
Cheers guys and much love
-Mike
its crazy how much impact a good teacher/coach can have on people.
My fave Uncle played hockey into his early 80's, finally giving it up around Covid times. After giving it up, he seemed to go downhill fairly quickly. The importance of that weekly stint of being on the ice and in the changeroom / bar with some good buds having a few laughs is immeasurable. I'm kinda awaiting an any-day-now text from his family as he's literally on his deathbed right now.
I played goal for about 40 years, from as a kid on the frozen lake out my back door to an adult in bottom-of-the-barrel rec leagues, but I finally gave up playing goal a couple of years ago. But no way am I going to give up playing hockey if I can do anything about it. This year has been a write off due to suffering a hockey related injury in January (one which has caused some nerve damage that I'm very slowly recovering from). Once I get over the physical/mental recovery, I hope to be back playing maybe by next winter season. I really miss just being out on the ice and the lol's with the boys. I doubt my body will allow me to do it to my 80s like my Uncle did, but we'll see what happens.
Ghockey4life,imo,gogogo!G
Great post to read man! Sounds like you're in a really good place to tackle this next stage of your life, have no doubt you'll smash it!
Big <3
Great post man, very well written, I enjoyed the read.
Can relate to a lot of what you talk about as a serious-amateur football (soccer) player myself. The feeling you get of belonging to a team of any kind is much necessary in life, and especially in the kind of job we do (many hours in front of a PC with no sunlight and no other social interaction than some random anon guy wishing you and your family die of cancer cuz you 3 outered him).
The issue I encountered with playing poker + a sport on the side, was that a lot of the frustration I had from poker (and other areas of life) got released at the pitch leading to a toxic behavior and slowly making me become "that guy" that would lose his **** all the time and ruin it for everybody by starting a fight or annoying the **** out of the ref.
I still believe some kind of roughness is needed when playing any kind of amateur sport (especially a contact one) where there's a prize to be won (even if it's a plastic trophy made in China), but I took it too far and had to slowly withdraw from competitive games because it was also hurting my poker as it took a big chunk of my competitive energy and peace of mind.
Guess that's on me though and it probably comes from the fact that I would've loved to play pro footy but was never good enough, so I'm trying to prove myself worth it or something like that, and a myriad of other reasons, most people should not only be fine, but get an immense benefit from doing some kind of sport along with poker.
