NEVER BOTHERED

Some people claim not to be able to control their emotions. The best suggestion I’ve seen for them is that they develop maturity and self-discipline.

It helps if you can recognize when a situation that is likely to upset you is happening, or even better, just before it happens. Then you can just mentally take control and clamp down on your emotions.

If I’m in a confrontation, I intentionally try to go cold inside. The more someone tries to rush me into something, the slower I want to go. That sort of thing.

Whether everyone can learn to do this, I have no idea.

It’s not something different you have to do, it’s someone different you have to be

Two really good posts above.

Every moment something happens in our environment we can either react or respond.

Reacting means to act in a way that you did in the past (re-act). It is a non-mature behaviour because you are behaving in a way that you learned when you were likely a child.

Responding means to interject self-awareness, imagination, conscience or will when we receive a stimulus.

When we talk about responsibility in life, a responsible person is someone who takes ownership of all things in his life- especially his triggers. Look at the word responsibility- it literally means the ability to respond!

What if you are severly ADHD and very impulsive and don't have the filter most people have?

I am extremely not self aware until its too late.

I have very little control of my mouth at the table when things are not going my way. I can't just say nice hand, unless I am up a lot and it doesn't hurt. I can be very rude, disrespectful, and make people uncomfortable.

I've determined my only solution is to tape my mouth, wear ear plugs, and basically be really anti social because at least now everyone including myself is "SAFE."

The fact that you have this diagnosis doesn't mean this is just the way you are and you can do nothing about it. Like any other person - whether they have ADHD or not - the way you experience the world is a constant feedback loop between thoughts and feelings and between body and mind.

- Something you see, hear or read triggers feelings. If those feelings are negative they often lead to negative thoughts like "What a dumbass". Those thoughts in their turn will often reenforce the negative feelings. That loop in your mind will cause things to happen in your body too, like a feeling of increased tension. Which probably will make you feel even more upset. Because that is how we function as human beings: There is no such thing as feelings working independently from thoughts. Or a mind that is not affected by what happens in your body.

Like Lucky_scrote wrote those patterns are often learned from a young age and become a second nature in us. The good news is that because it's a feedback loop you can train it in a number of ways to function to become less destructive:

- You can practise relaxing your body when you start to feel upset or angry
- You can practise asking yourself why you are angry and if it's really good for you in this specific situation. Like when playing poker and you know that starting to tilt will affect your play negatively.
... and a number of other things.

Today your feedback loop often sends you into negative spirals. But the way it works in general makes it just as prone to start spiral in a positive direction. And then you will find that you will be able to calm down surprisingly fast and starting to act more responsibly to yourself and others.

I know that the fact you have ADHD makes this more difficult than for many other people. But it's not impossible. Your ADHD won't go away and like every other human being you still sometimes will get stuck in negative feedback loops. You may also need professional help. But it's definately doable and you will both become a better poker player and a person that likes himself better.