how do you guys deal with losing

When we are outcome oriented we will easily feel bad when the outcome is not desired.

Why are some people so outcome oriented? It comes a lot down to a fixed vs growth mindset. Most of us at an earlier age would have been given approval only when we performed well, which creates a belief in the child that they need to perform well to get approval (obviously). This will typically encourage a fixed minset. We can change this! First start to understand that effort is more important than performance, and that we should be able to reflect on the growth we are making through effort and feel good about it. This will create a positive feedback loop and strengthen a growth mindset and be less interested in outcomes.

Another common mindset flaw is to be focused on the things that are outside of our control. When we do this, we always experience frustration since we can't control the situation despite our best efforts.

Honestly, losing just sucks. No matter how long you've been playing, how much volume you’ve done, or how many times you’ve told yourself it’s “part of the game” — it still hits.

For me, the key has been acceptance, not avoidance. I don’t try to sugarcoat it with mindset quotes or GTO graphs. If I get smashed for 10 stacks in a session, I let myself be pissed. I take the hit. I swear, I walk, I stare at the ceiling. But I don’t bury it under fake positivity.

I’ve also learned to separate bad luck from bad play — brutally. Review your hands, be honest, but don’t turn every downswing into a mental crisis. Sometimes you just get ****ed. Sometimes you **** yourself. Know the difference.

One thing that really helped me is not isolating myself. I talk to other regs. Not for sympathy, but just to stay grounded. When you're in a dark spiral, your brain starts inventing stories like “maybe I forgot how to win” or “I’m cursed” — and hearing someone say, “bro, I just had the same week,” can reset your head.

And yeah — touch grass. Literally. Walk. Train. Do something real. Not to “escape poker,” but to remember the world doesn’t start and end with EV.

Last thing: I stopped needing to prove I’m a crusher during downswings. I used to load more tables, chase, overanalyze, ego-post. Now I just breathe. The game doesn’t owe me anything. I play when I’m sharp, I rest when I’m not. That’s it.

So yeah. Losing still sucks. But I don’t let it own me anymore.

If you're in it right now: you’re not alone. Don’t tilt your whole life over a downswing.

GL at the tables.

Losing still stings — even in the future. What changed for me wasn’t the variance, but how I related to it. I stopped treating downswings as personal attacks and started seeing them as emotional workouts. Play long enough, and pain becomes just another rep.

play a 72 hour session non stop.

As long as you win more than you lose, you see losing hands and losing sessions as the cost of doing business. All businesses have to take losses sometimes. I came from a family of business owners so I grew up with that mindset.

Probably you are tight with money, clingy about it, even risk averse. You'd gladly settle for consistent wins that are not as much as a roller coaster ride (even if it yielded higher net plus), or at least you envisioned this for your results and have subconscious desire for these consistent wins and not having to deal with the frustration of this desire thwarted.

That's a big tilt bug. I used to share it big time, hopefully not so much now after decades of play. A very wealthy person, who came from nothing, once said to me about their very small betting, "I don't like to lose." By that she meant "I hate to lose, it clashes violently with my personality."

Risk averse in the gaming environment is a thing, and it's good and bad. Loosey goosey, easy come easy go, big risk taker personality so often results in disasters many times over. So that disaster is kind of the big picture. I say "Be Knish, not The Worm."

Try to work some tricks in to deal with this loss intolerance. At one point I went so far as to establish an account to deposit every win in and did not withdraw for the losses, just counting them as entertainment tax. That was a gimmick to "immortalize" every win. Obviously won't work when just building a bankroll. My attitude was similar to yours in urgency to recoup losses.

Loss intolerance, risk averse ... clashes with the nature of the game, most any gambling game. It also helps avoid disasters. Another trick is setting some bankroll money aside and don't even count it as money, that is it's merely chips/soldiers for the game. It's for nothing else. So in this sense you aren't losing anything that counts for anything other than the table. A gimmick that can help.

I'm rambling. You have to be Knish, not Gus Hansen. Yup, it's natural for you to feel this way. And it isn't all bad. Pain is pain, but it will help you avoid disasters.

Focus on how you played after the session. Quality of play.

Also, did you do the intangibles well.

For me, I've been doing this evaluation process where I think about the fundamentals like.

Game selection - Was I playing at peak times in a good game?

Did I prepare well? Pregame / Rest

Then comes the strategy part, how did I play. I can go over some hands.

If it's online you can review it, or ask a coach or a friend some hands or post some hands online.

Furthermore, the more you can practice taking losses and quitting, the better you will get at it.

Losing 2 buy-ins does suck, but also the more you play the more you'll be desensitized to the swings.

The less you play the more the variance would affect you in theory.

I'm saying this based on your OP. I don't know anything else about you.

If you're losing to the point hat you're having a losing week, or month and you're not playing well, I would suggest you take some time off.

Being able to quit a session is also really valuable. Quitting is a skill. Being prepared is a skill to get your self to play at a hi performance level.

I found when I started to get my routines and rituals consistent (I developed a great pregame routine), I didn't need to quit as often.

Losing is part of poker. I usually reflect and adjust pretty well lately, I'm on an 11 week win streak at the moment but I'm actually down a couple buy ins this week.

I'm not too worried about it. I've only played 10 hours for one thing, and I realize it takes about 32 hours in a week before the variance starts to even out more!

Last week I started off down 5K, but then I ended up winning 18K by end of the week. Admittedly the day after the 5k I was tilted, but I got very lucky. Nobody's perfect. I actually forgot what it's like to have a losing week. I've had them though. I had a break even month in March. I took time to work on my game during those stretches. I took off like 10 days at a time if the tilt was really bad and also to improve my game.

I play MahjongDeluxe every morning for quickest time to clear the board. At first it was 5 min but now I have to beat 3 min. Eventually it will become impossible and it feels that way already. Trying to beat the clock I fail over and over again. When I finally beat the time, it’s a real celebration. So, I play a game harder than poker where I lose more often.

Poker seems easy in comparison. Retired, when I lose a buy-in, I leave. Very disciplined because we all have bad days and I can come back tomorrow. I know this doesn’t work if you’re there for the weekend. When you lose a stack, walk away, find something unrelated to poker: pool, walk (I’m not suggesting table games), eat, workout, etc. Get your mind away from poker and then come back and start over.

You can’t remove the emotions from this game. Losing sucks! Hopefully it motivates you to work harder to learn. Nobody cares - Do better! But understand that over the long run, poker is more about losing less, than winning more. Be sure the variance is not self-inflicted bad play and don’t lose too much in one session.

You have to have your own style and play aggressively. Often when losing, people began to play passively, risk adverse, losing poker. Don’t let this happen to you. I don’t need the money, just playing the game, and that requires playing strong hands, in position, aggressively all the time. I play to win.

The reason I suggest taking a break is probably not scientific, but any seasoned gambler will tell you to never bet against a streak. When you are running bad, it will continue, so you can’t fight it in the moment. I’ve seen people lose everything betting player when banker went on a huge run. While the savvy followed banker all the way. I’ve seen poker players lose so much in one night, it would take 3 weeks to catch back up. While the savvy knew when to stop. Someone will tell you this is nonsense, but break the streak with a new session anyway and thank me later.

Finally, I can’t end without recommending ‘The Joy of Poker’ by Jason Su. I think this is what you’re looking for. His ideas about ‘Presence’ are revolutionary. Being able to get yourself in a state of mind where you are not feeling shitty, but feeling good about the opportunity to play the next hand. I wish I knew these concepts when I was younger.

Keep asking questions
Don’t compare yourself to others
Find your own way!

If you are on pokerstars be prepared to lose