I get this feeling I can't be Christian and play poker at the same time

I just see rake and skill being the last of your worries... I haven't got it in behind on party in a year it seems, and i'm 2k down in tournaments. Like, I run like a god when it comes to coolers in tournaments. I never get coolered, but i also barely ever cooler anybody. I got it in 70-30 at worse at PLO on GG for a year and i'm -2800. I don't know when my edge will matter. Will it ever? I literally need to play poker to escape this malpractice 12 years destroyed ****.. because i had my 25-35 years stolen, and i got no options except hoping never getting coolered will be positive in tournaments at some point.