Who Dares Take On This Sad Excuse for a Graph?

Gather ‘round, fellow enthusiasts of variance and tilt control—I present to you the Mona Lisa of losing graphs. (Move over, Louvre, there's a new masterpiece in town.) My results currently resemble a bungee jump gone wrong, and I’m basically broke, so you can imagine my desperation.

I’m issuing a public challenge: If you’re a true poker guru—nay, a fearless wizard who finds EV leaks and banishes them forever—then step right up. I don’t want ordinary lessons with stale monologues. I want someone who sees my Titanic-sized holes as an exciting puzzle to solve.

Here’s the wish list:

Fix My Leaks
Because apparently, my approach to the game has more holes than Swiss cheese, and plugging them myself has been about as successful as I am at outrunning variance.

Make It Fun
If I wanted painful lectures, I'd sign up for a weekly root canal. Surprise me with creative drills, hand history magic, or interpretive dances about ICM—whatever gets the job done.

Do It on a Shoestring
(Remember that part where I said I’m broke? That wasn’t for dramatic effect.) My bankroll is the definition of “modest,” so I need a coach who can work around that while still giving me enough hope to avoid flipping burgers.

If you’re thinking, “Challenge accepted,” then I want to hear from you. Let’s talk strategy, mental game, and how to revive this poor excuse for a red line. DM Me and let’s see if we can transform my despair into a triumphant comeback story.