2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
Getting tackled at the 1 is mostly variance + knowing that he has Hurts to tush-push it in anyway.
Josh has had MVP moments.
Saquon is having an MVP season.
Don’t see how they give it to Mahomes unless he lights it up the rest of the year. Narrative is too against him with how they win.
Barkley is value town imo, they’re going to try and get him the record. Both teams have like one more hard game this week then a cakewalk to finish. If you think 4 losses would knock Josh out then you’re kinda getting massive plus odds on Detroit to win this week.
Now that a Cowboy has praised him it's safe to assume you will all hate him now. Sorry Burrow, you're a has been for sure now.
You might expect a team running the football as spectacularly as these Eagles to run a lot of play-action passes, but Hurts is using play-action at a lower rate for the third consecutive season. And you might expect a team running the football as splendidly as these Eagles to have a generally unpressured QB -- because defensive linemen must first play the run -- but Hurts' pressure rate is the highest it has been since his rookie season. Both of these issues have the same root cause: Hurts simply does not play fast
Kellen Moore is doing all he can to keep this offense on the tracks w a compromised QB that doesn't process at an ELITE level
Here's a good example against the Panthers. Carolina sends a blitz and ends up in man coverage across the board. Hurts opens to his left side, where his two best receivers are in 1-on-1s running double slants. This is a dream scenario for any quarterback -- pick your poison and make the throw.
Hurts freezes, pumps and then bails. It was not the only time he did it in this game. It's odd to see these issues from a quarterback who has made a lot of hay by just trusting Brown implicitly, no matter the coverage. But a lot of Hurts' decision-making this season has been difficult to understand or predict.
As in all aspects of quarterback play, there is give and there is take. Last season, Hurts' success as a scrambler totally cratered. He seemed less than 100 percent physically, but he also didn't seem to want to tuck and run at all. And while Hurts is now reluctant to make throws this season, he's also averaging 10 yards per scramble -- the best number of his career. He's picking up a first down on 56% of his scrambles (also the best of his career). And he's hitting an explosive scramble 31.3% of the time (almost the best number of his career). By the data, this is one of the best scrambling seasons of the past 15 years.
We can argue that Hurts has replaced some pass attempts with scrambles, and that those scrambles are largely valuable. But we must also note that Hurts has replaced some pass attempts with sacks, and that those sacks are very bad. Hurts' sack rate of 9.0% is the worst of his career and worse than every other quarterback this season save for Deshaun Watson, Will Levis and Caleb Williams. Not the best company ...
The Eagles trailed the Ravens 9-0 for two drives late in the first quarter and early in the second, but that was long before they would have been forced to abandon the running game. Other than that, the only snaps Hurts has taken in a multiscore deficit this season came in the loss to the Buccaneers in Week 4. Every other game has been within one score or friendlier.
It's much easier to maintain friendly game states when you're playing the Panthers, Rams and Bengals. In fact, when you're playing the Eagles' schedule, you're running pretty pure. By success rate, the Eagles have played exactly two above-average defenses this season across their 13 opponents: the Browns (fifth) and Ravens (12th). By EPA, it's the same thing; they've played the Packers (ninth) and Saints (16th, just barely making the cut).
This will change when they face the Steelers this week. Pittsburgh's defense is actually good. But we might enter the 2024 playoffs not really knowing what it looks like when the Eagles and Hurts are forced to pass.
can PHI win a SB by turning the clock back to the 1970s?
we're about to find out
It is well known that AJB is a prick. I know WRs are divas, but WTF?
Hurts is trying to get everyone the ball. Yes, he's not a top 5 QB, but he doesn't need to be.
Throwing your QB or OC under the bus will not end well.
As to the video, those passes likely end in the DB breaking it up. Also, AJB completely gives up on the play when it's not thrown to him.
It is well known that AJB is a prick. I know WRs are divas, but WTF?
Hurts is trying to get everyone the ball. Yes, he's not a top 5 QB, but he doesn't need to be.
Throwing your QB or OC under the bus will not end well.
As to the video, those passes likely end in the DB breaking it up. Also, AJB completely gives up on the play when it's not thrown to him.
there were other videos in the piece
there was a segment of the article about Hurts propensity to move to the right in the pocket and how defenses are exploiting this fact
PHI is a fine enough team and all teams have warts. but in today's NFL, you really can't afford to have one of those warts be your passing game
all this said, maybe the ELITE D and SAQUON get the job done. history instructs us that they're unlikely to
Can't wait for Titans v Giants next year!
which are you rooting for, josh individual stats or bills success?
they are not directly correlated, in fact it's reasonable to suggest his numbers are artificially inflated because the team has weaknesses in many other areas
Had to come back to this one, because...what weaknesses? Dawkins is playing at an all-pro level at LT, James Cook is tied for 3rd in rushing TDs - same as Saquon! - so if someone is going to complain about Barkley getting vultured by Hurts, you can say the same with Cook and Allen, and Kalil Shakir is 16th in rec yards, 3rd in the league in receptions, and 1st in catch % and YAC.
But I'm just amazed that your argument is basically saying that Josh's numbers are inflated because the rest of the team around him is weak - and that makes his case for MVP somehow lesser??
I'm not sure you know what the V in MVP stands for. :p
Lol you're a funny guy here, New.
"weaknesses"
The only real weakness this team has is the D-line. Could be a problem in the playoffs. Interior DL got worked by the Rams.
I think that's more on McD not knowing how to adjust his schemes with a different QB than anything else.
I'm a Bills fan and love that the Dolphins are stuck with Tua for the foreseeable future. He's a great game manager. The classic "can win with" QB. But you rarely "win because" of him.
446: That's how many consecutive snaps Raiders edge rusher Maxx Crosby has played. That is the longest streak by a defensive lineman in the history of NFL Next Gen Stats (since 2016). Crosby has not missed a snap since Week 6. That seems impossible. It's unheard of. Of the four longest streaks of unmissed snaps for defensive linemen in the Next Gen Stats database, Crosby has three of them, and this one he's building is his best yet.
Despite the absolutely unprecedented mileage on his body right now, Crosby still had seven pressures on 35 dropbacks against Tampa Bay, including three pressures against Buccaneers left tackle Tristan Wirfs. Wirfs is easily one of the five best tackles in football and has only given up three pressures to two other players this season.
the specimen that is Maxx Crosby is not appreciated enough
Mahomes has taken 35 sacks, eight more than he’s taken in a full season. His sack rate (7.0 percent) is a career high by a wide margin
credit to the chefs for continuing to win foosball games, despite the elephant still living in GEHA rent free
Only one member of the Lions’ defensive front seven from their Week 14 victory over Green Bay was on the roster in Week 1
a tip of the cap to the work Aaron Glenn is doing
Chiefs and Mahomes are amazing. They just keep winning. Much respect to them.
Now that a Cowboy has praised him it's safe to assume you will all hate him now. Sorry Burrow, you're a has been for sure now.
I hated him for years because LS Uknow.
That wound had almost healed, and I was really enjoying watching him. Now this. I don't know how I'll be able to resolve it. Maybe rationalize that it was a Cowboy with more concussions than hair follicles???
With 14 catches, 177 yards, and 2 TDs, Jamar Chase wins AFC Offensive Player Of the Week.
Josh Allen: "That's cute."
With all of this Philadelphia is about to implode from the inside, Hurts isn't that great....
Can someone explain to me how they are a 5.5 point favorite over Pittsburgh?
