2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
Titans are 2-14 ATS this season iirc and are somehow favoured this weekend
feels like an opportunity
Lamar leads in a vast majority of rate and efficiency stats, on top of the bulk statistics.
...
Also, if you're intent on looking at snap counts, you're not including Allen's game today.
Imagine Dominic getting on his high horse, in this thread of all threads. A+ troll job.
Everyone, lets head to The Lounge to talk about Michael Bay being one of the best directors of all time because of his box office gross.
Spoiler
we all know JOE isn't going to win the MVP
that said, it's interesting to add in the context of team D/ST EPA for the three front runners:
CIN: 29th
BAL: 24th
BUF: 15th
this obv helps to explain a bit why Joshua's team has the best record of the three
If Joe has a big game and somehow CIN sneaks into playoffs, he's getting some votes. Not going to win due to h2h matchup vs Lamar, but will be close. Might get OPOY instead.
I once thought zappe was gonna be good. Bellechick let him hit waivers after camp and I was dissapoint when Jets did not grab. I have issues. But..... +20 tommorow. Hmmmm
Lot of backup QBs playing this weekend.
Wonder what the O/U in wins they will produce?
Imagine Dominic getting on his high horse, in this thread of all threads. A+ troll job.
Everyone, lets head to The Lounge to talk about Michael Bay being one of the best directors of all time because of his box office gross.
g-bebe be like the bombing of frank drebin
Spoiler
I have two (2) $50 wagers available for Mark and NewGuyHere, or any regs that wish to take their place, for a Chefs vs Lions playoff last longer. I propose net +/- Total Points Scored in Playoffs as the tiebreaker if they bow out in the same round.
I'm just talking about Saquon here.
If he played this week there would be a bounty on him by the Giants. They have nothing to play for. They would stack the box and only play for the run. Philly would learn quickly that the record wasn't happening and pull the plug. Hopefully they would be able to do this before the injury. This would have been an awful look for the Eagles.
Records should be broken organically. Not in meaningless games or meaningless stretches of the game.
The idea that historical records weren’t chased either is naive
I have two (2) $50 wagers available for Mark and NewGuyHere, or any regs that wish to take their place, for a Chefs vs Lions playoff last longer. I propose net +/- Total Points Scored in Playoffs as the tiebreaker if they bow out in the same round.
Sounds good to me.
booked and gl
i cant say i care who the all time leading rusher is, it is kinda funny to see the NFL media turn this record into maris 61 homers or something
even if he broke it, like 6 guys on the list had more rushing yards per game than him
i dunno just doesnt matter to me
i cant say i care who the all time leading rusher is, it is kinda funny to see the NFL media turn this record into maris 61 homers or something
even if he broke it, like 6 guys on the list had more rushing yards per game than him
i dunno just doesnt matter to me
And a bunch of guys, including Barkley, had more YPC than Dickerson as well.
yeah nobody is saying dickerson isn't the most overrated nfl player of all time
just the record doesnt mean much when the # of games isn't even the same
Certainly a large number of records,were chased, but many were not.
Babe Ruth chased nobody when he hit 714 career homers.
Nolan Ryan chased nobody when he threw 7 career no-hitters.
Lou Gehrig chased nobody when he played in 2,130 consecutive games.
Wilt Chamberlain chased nobody when he scored 100 points in a game (although 100 points has a nice ring to it).
Jim Brown chased nobody when he set multiple career records, including 12,312 rushing yards.
Those are a few.
If Joe has a big game and somehow CIN sneaks into playoffs, he's getting some votes. Not going to win due to h2h matchup vs Lamar, but will be close. Might get OPOY instead.
That would be some serious bullshit: This QB is the most valuable player in the league. This other QB is the best offensive player.
Unless the first guy is playing another position also, that would be the most nonsensical thing ever.
I'm just talking about Saquon here.
If he played this week there would be a bounty on him by the Giants. They have nothing to play for. They would stack the box and only play for the run. Philly would learn quickly that the record wasn't happening and pull the plug. Hopefully they would be able to do this before the injury. This would have been an awful look for the Eagles.
Records should be broken organically. Not in meaningless games or meaningless stretches of the game.
If the Eagles had the two seed locked up after 15 games and Barkley broke it in week 16 would it have an asterisk?
Records being broken organically is such a silly concept, is Bowers doing it organically? He gets to play the full 17 games because his team is ass but their games have been meaningless for a long time.
Also sorry not trying to be personal about it, it's just something I'm seeing constantly this week that I'm sure is also going to happen when the NFL inevitably goes to 18, then 20, then however many games. Might as well accept it early
Certainly a large number of records,were chased, but many were not.
Babe Ruth chased nobody when he hit 714 career homers.
Nolan Ryan chased nobody when he threw 7 career no-hitters.
Lou Gehrig chased nobody when he played in 2,130 consecutive games.
Wilt Chamberlain chased nobody when he scored 100 points in a game (although 100 points has a nice ring to it).
Jim Brown chased nobody when he set multiple career records, including 12,312 rushing yards.
Those are a few.
The Wilt 100 game was a pretty big farce, iirc. Once it became clear he was going for 100, both teams started just fouling intentionally as soon as they could. Wilts team would hold the inbound and just chuck it to him under the basket. It’s probably one of the most BS inorganic records out there.
so many franchises kicking themselves for not pursuing SAQUON
Barkley has generated a staggering 549 rush yards over expectation (RYOE), more than any other back since 2018, when the NFL started tracking this metric. (Derrick Henry's 474 this season now ranks second in the RYOE charts, with both topping the previous record-holder, which was Barkley's rookie season in 2018.)
the triple crown plus for the league's top WR
Chase has been spectacular with the ball in his hands this season, racking up a league-high 761 yards after catch and 293 yards after catch over expectation (YACOE). The only other player to come within 130 YACOE of his total is CeeDee Lamb (232).
Sun God doing special things ahead of Sunday night's monster tilt
St. Brown's 2024 advanced metrics are almost unbelievable. Running a career-high catch rate of 81.3%, his catch rate over expectation (CROE) is 11.8%. That's the second-best mark for any wideout with at least 100 targets (behind Terry McLaurin). He's catching 15.8 more passes more than a typical wideout would be expected to gain across his 124 targets. Some of that might be a product of Jared Goff's accuracy, but Detroit's other wideouts and tight ends have combined to catch 2.2 passes over expectation across their 250 targets.
this stat helps to explain why it's Kittle > Bowers for the title of 'best NFL TE'
The average Kittle target has generated 0.7 expected points added (EPA); that's the second-best mark in football for any receiver, tight end or otherwise, with at least 80 targets.
perhaps T.J. Watt shouldn't even be in the DPOY conversation?
The Steelers actually have a better pressure rate without Watt on the field (31.1%) than they do with him between the lines (29.9%).
Watt's double-team rate (14.5%) is half of what elite edge rushers Parsons and Myles Garrett have put together this season.
it has been a career year for CIN's Trey Hendrickson
Hendrickson is tied for the league lead in sacks (14) and ranks second in quarterback knockdowns (31). He has batted five passes at the line of scrimmage. He leads the league in quick pressure rate (9.2%) and ranks second in pass rush win rate (24.1%). He knocked Kingsley Suamataia out of Kansas City's plans in Week 2.
SAQUON wasn't the only elite FA acquisition by Roseman last off-season
Among regular defenders, the second-best linebacker by EPA per snap as the nearest player in coverage is closer to 43rd than he is to Zach Baun in first.
No player has made a higher share of his team's tackles than his 15.7%. This has been one of the great out-of-nowhere years in recent league history for a free agent signing on a one-year deal.
This saquon record talk is some whole ass bullshit
Don’t get me wrong, saquon has had an amazing year, but if you need 17 games to beat a record obtained in 16, just **** off
Plus the idea that everyone would be benched except saquon so he can chase the 100 yards needed. Gee. I wonder how the defense will plan for the game
I have two (2) $50 wagers available for Mark and NewGuyHere, or any regs that wish to take their place, for a Chefs vs Lions playoff last longer. I propose net +/- Total Points Scored in Playoffs as the tiebreaker if they bow out in the same round.
I'm game, but don't want any part of the points scored tiebreaker. Prefer a same round exit just be a push.
