2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
I didn’t even know this til I read your post!
I was watching the game on my laptop while working (game started 10.30am Fri in the land of the kangaroo), I’d tipped Falcons in my big $$ comp and I switched the game off in disgust after that INT with a minute to go. Great news all round!
who else sees the time zone problem with feel wrath participation?
just doesn't seem fair if he can see the outcome of games two hemispheres into the future
also suppose it all depends upon the condition of his adjacent frontal lobes
the kangaroo is moot, it just doesn't matter
This is what happens when you have too many top 100 pass catchers.
it's unlikely to live up to the original, but we're trying to revive fat & blokes which is where we as a group pool some monies and then propose and vote on things to wage upon with it
https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/46/sp...
the original was some of the most fun i had here
The bigger the group, the richer we can get! Isn't that how this works? Current version starts at post 3949
Brady had 349 TD passes and 49,000 yards passing after turning 35. Probably a record. 😀
I wonder why Jefferson wraps aluminum foil around his teeth? Maybe he should go to a dentist?
insanity from the Bills there at the end. suicide
Since the 1970 AFL-NFL Merger, no QB has ever thrown 3 incompletions with 32 seconds left in a tie game and set his team up for failure probably suck it Dom
.
^^^Dom it probably helps that he can just throw to whoever is open and not some ego who is barely open.
Holy **** I couldn't have been more wrong. Bills missed Shakir today but he's not exactly Jerry Rice to begin with.
The rest of the receivers absolutely suck.
Coleman has shown promise I guess.
lol giants. I think he got in but no good angles. NFL refs are so bad.
Rodgers found another top 10 draft pick pass catcher in Stephen Gilmore
Caleb's second TD pass to Moore was special
a flat-flooted 40 yard flick of the wrist into the donut hole
NJ Team A QB: 64.0% 1,138 yds 6TD 3INT 86.3 RTG
NJ Team B QB: 61.0% 1,093 yds 7TD 4INT 81.6 RTG
ain't gunna take that bait from someone called alpha fish
5 thots:
- sam darnold >>>>> spursy throw rogan
- panthers lost by 26, to the bears
- pats lost at home to tyler huntley
- raiders have lost to the panthers and now boncos, but beat the ravens (???)
- starting to think that the 29ers won't choke away the superbowl this season
as herm always says
the greatest ability is availability
5 thots:
- sam darnold >>>>> spursy throw rogan
- panthers lost by 26, to the bears
- pats lost at home to tyler huntley
- raiders have lost to the panthers and now boncos, but beat the ravens (???)
- starting to think that the 29ers won't choke away the superbowl this season
thots on thots:
lost in an ugly london game is both min & nyj defenses are extremely good, probably top 3. still think jets are sneaky SB pick due to how bad AFCE is. darnold is a system qb a la purdy '23: absolute bargain at $10m, huge respect for his arm strength and the work he's put in to learn the system, but vikes will move on from him next year assuming they don't win superbowl and some fish team overpays him.
bears seem a competent all-around team outside of their o-line. if they didn't have to play each other 2x i'd wager all NFCN teams would have winning records to end the year. best division by wide margin.
The
Josh Allen of the BuffaloBills is the first QB in NFL history to...
complete 75% of his passes
throw for 4+ TDs
have no turnovers
take no sacks
lead his team in rushing yards
...all in the same game.
Can we get some records from this week please?
I'll start! 30% completion percentage is the lowest in a game with at least 30 pass attempts since 1992
The CMC effect.
2023 Jets
2-3
93 points
2024 Jets
2-3
93 points
T100PC prob the same but will need an official ruling on that from da Bah
Honest to god I have no idea what to say to what I’m watching
The Niners didn’t score a single second half point and also didn’t have a single second half punt. I’m not sure how that’s even remotely possible
When Kyle decided to go for it on 4th and 23 at the crads 27 after moody was out and called a play that I can only assume was a pass designed to pin the crads deep (lol ****ing what?) that was the moment it occurred to me they were not winning this game. Cmc wouldn’t save this team. Kyle is shook as **** and has demonstrated he has literally no idea what the **** to do once he’s ahead double digits. He’s scared of keeping his foot on the gas cuz it’ll blow up in his face and doesn’t know how to turtle with competence
People will argue the Niners were a mason fumble or that ridiculous MHJ 4th down away from winning, and ya, that’s fine, but they were a blocked FG and/or a Bosa pick away from getting smoked too
Niners will win the west. They’ll probably finish no worse than 2 in the nfc. But holy ****ing Christ I have never seen a team with so much talent so scared of it’s own ****ing shadow
Honest to god I have no idea what to say to what I’m watching
The Niners didn’t score a single second half point and also didn’t have a single second half punt. I’m not sure how that’s even remotely possible
When Kyle decided to go for it on 4th and 23 at the crads 27 after moody was out and called a play that I can only assume was a pass designed to pin the crads deep (lol ****ing what?) that was the moment it occurred to me they were not winning this game. Cmc would
Shanny's work really is impressive.
But the people still believe.
And lol Panthers.
Kyle is responsible for the 3 biggest collapses in Super Bowl history and just for fun also blew a 10 point lead in the 2nd half of an nfc championship the Niners lost
I dunno what the coach’s version of seeing ghosts is but it’s clear Kyle is seeing ghosts
Probably this.
