2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
Since when do we allow politarding in sports forums. It's getting old.
"politarding" is a charged word w negative connotations...
there are many things happening off the playing fields, courts, pools, courses, etc. that ppl in sports threads will very much like to discuss as it relates to their sport or league
for example, at the recent Al Smith dinner, ROG, Robert Kraft and Woody Johnson were all front and center sitting at the front dias near the podium. these are men of power. the NFL wields power
a quick recap of recent stadium issues (new stadiums or renovations) and the dollars involved make it a discussion that NFL fans might naturally bring up in a sports-related forum (to give one example). this isn't "politarding"
BUF - new stadium construction has begun. $1.7B cost, $850MM of which will be footed by local taxpayers
JAC - stadium renovation approved. $1.4B cost, $775MM of which will be footed by local taxpayers
TN - new stadium approved. $2.3B cost, $1.2B in public funding
CLE - want to build a new stadium. Haslams would so kindly split the $2.4B proposed costs
chefs - want to build a new stadium costing ~$2B. taxpayers recently rejected a sales tax to raise money to renovate GEHA Field
CHI - currently asking taxpayers for $2.4B in subsidies to build a $4.75B new stadium
- - - - - - - - - -
tldr, "politics" and "politarding" are umbrella words. at times, SE posters would like to discuss topics outside the field of play. this is fine, healthy and natural
The contrast between Hill's production with and without Tagovailoa cannot be overstated (except to, maybe, Hill investors who are painfully aware of the disparity). Still, the numbers remain shocking. Hill has scored 21 receiving TDs on 860 routes with Tua under center since moving to Miami in 2022. Conversely, the Cheetah has remained scoreless (giant neon donut) on 261 routes without Tua at QB.
what an absolute indictment of this guy:
- - - - - - - - - -
unrelated: 4 of the top 8 WRs in ypg are LSU products
all the Tua haters have gone silent since seeing how awful Mia is without him
but yeah lol at the coach for having a team completely dependent on such a fragile player, and not even bothering to go after a backup like flacco
but yeah lol at the coach for having a team completely dependent on such a fragile player, and not even bothering to go after a backup like flacco
I'd think that be more on the Owner/GM for not leaving enough money to sign a solid backup.
McDaniel may take some blame for designing an offense so heavily based on timing that it takes a huge learning curve.
i somehow forgot to mention CAR in my stadium post earlier today
Tepper actually wants the city of Charlotte to foot $650MM, to his $150MM, in BofA Stadium renovation funds
sorry heels
A new stadium in CHI costs $4.75B while the others are in $1.75-2.4B range?
Ummm, no.
I'll be here all season.
Tua sucks. Vastly overrated. That contract they gave him might be one of the dumbest ones in the history of the NFL. Clearly dumber than Watson, because no one expected Watson to be this terrible. Anyone with eyes knew that Tua was one medium hit away from IR. And that's exactly what happened. Only the four week variety, which is lol bad. But I guess if Tua doesn't give a **** about his own brain turning to mush, it is not like the Phins are actually going to stop him.
Even when he is not concussed he is immobile and misses plenty of throws. Sure he's massively better than anyone else the Dolphins can suit up at QB, but that is because they are all garbage QBs. It's not because Tua is actually good.
"politarding" is a charged word w negative connotations...
there are many things happening off the playing fields, courts, pools, courses, etc. that ppl in sports threads will very much like to discuss as it relates to their sport or league
for example, at the recent Al Smith dinner, ROG, Robert Kraft and Woody Johnson were all front and center sitting at the front dias near the podium. these are men of power. the NFL wields power
a quick recap of recent stadium issues (new stadiums or renovations)
Good post ligastar.
I'll allow it (and similar based / topic discussions).
Rams and Niners feel similar right now. Once they're healthy they are top teams.
yeah honestly, I sincerely apologize if my politics posts are inappropriate. I completely understand having a space that is dedicated for certain topics, like sports or whatever.
I made the posts cuz imo they're deeply sports related. sports and politics often intersect....
the negro leagues. jackie Robinson.
Muhammed Ali going to prison instead of fighting in Vietnam(hell just him changing his slave name)
kapernick
racist mascots
public money building stadiums
former dodger all star Steve garvey is literally running for office right now
but just because *I* think the posts are appropriate, doesn't mean they are. I'm often wrong lol
"At times" is doing some heavy lifting there
yeah honestly, I sincerely apologize if my politics posts are inappropriate. I completely understand having a space that is dedicated for certain topics, like sports or whatever.
I made the posts cuz imo they're deeply sports related. sports and politics often intersect....
the negro leagues. jackie Robinson.
Muhammed Ali going to prison instead of fighting in Vietnam(hell just him changing his slave name)
kapernick
racist mascots
public money building stadiums
former dodger all star Steve garvey is li
I vote to temp ban filthyvermin for mentioning how sports and politics sometimes intersect and not mentioning Godgers almost becoming the running mate of a presidential candidate. We don't talk about Godgers enough ITT and to mention politics, but not mention Godgers is the stuff we need to rid the thread of.
I will flip my vote from #banfilthyvermin to #don'tbanhim if he says something nice about Godgers.
I think we are all sanguine about Rodgers's impending denouement.
thought McDaniel was supposed to be some sort of QB whisperer and an offensive genius.
Turns out, it was Tua all along.
If only the Jets had a top 100 kicker and passer they might be able to beat the worst team in the NFL and their backup QB
Yep, Miami looking like a 6 win team at best.
Lions had 225 net yards of offense (258 total minus 33 sack yards) and still scored 52 points. I wonder if a team scoring 50 has ever had fewer yards than that?
Also, more return yards 262, than yards from scrimmage
Almost more penalty yards 60 than net passing yards 61
60 yards passing and 52 points is definitely not something I thought I would ever see in the modern nfl
Getting easier to rank teams
1. Chiefs
2. Lions
3. Bills
4. Eagles
5. Ravens
The jest are so close to being a championship team
Just need to get a qb and a coach
