2024 NFL Regular Season: g-bebe’s Lamar attempts to slay Dom’s Josh for title of mafia boss
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
Rodgers dumped by the Jets, don't see any other team going for him so it's probably over
One thing we can all agree upon, Rodgers will never 'go away'.
He will be desperately seeking attention till the day he dies.
did the SB suck?
yeah but look on the bright side, atleast we dont have to have a thread aids thread like jordan/lebron
Rodgers dumped by the Jets, don't see any other team going for him so it's probably over
raiders?
you got brady and pete carroll running that thing, both probably gonna be able to trick themselves into "damn its aaron rodgers, hey brett favre had a bad year with the jets then a mvp year the next year at that age!" rather than having to pay like sam darnold
I've said it before I don't see him going to the Raiders if Brady is involved. Don't think the way Rodgers handles himself and his approach to the game is up to Brady's standards.
Can’t see the raiders doing it cuz bardy
Can’t see the stealers doing it cuz there’s no way Tomlin would put up with his ****
What’s the Saints’ cap situation? That could make sense (I mean it wouldn’t make sense cuz rodgers is washed and a useless buffoon but it could be something they trick into thinking will work)
You know your team is hated when even the mainstream networks are getting in on it
did the SB suck?
yeah but look on the bright side, atleast we dont have to have a thread aids thread like jordan/lebron
I've been saying it for years - mahomes is good, but doesn't belong in the mt rushmore of QBs.
There was a reason that KC brought in ~12 pass catchers after they lost one of their top 10 pass catchers in the league. I told you all when it happened it was because KC's lack of confidence in mahomes.
PS: Super frustrating to have the mahomes under 254.5 yards passing only for PHI to give up around 118 yds in the last 3 minutes for him to hit the over by 2.5 yards.
LJack did more w less ainec
Cook was super ELITE this season
BUF's oline stands up to everyone's except maybe DET and DEN
BAL might have the best pass catcher of the two teams in Flowers, but overall the pass catching units are pretty even
i mean the argument for LJack is quite clear and persuasive. but no biggie, Joshua got some warm and fuzzies for a night at least
Boy you really reached in those not-so-persuasive arguments above. I guess folks can spin anything these days. From a statistical perspective, it's not like there are 10 people voting on MVP, it's 50. That's 50 individual minds and opinions coming to a conclusion. 27/50 agreed on JA17. Certainly more statistically significant than, say, 6/10 voting for Allen.
Ugh. I'm growing tired of proving people wrong with factual arguments. It's exhausting being right all the time.
Nap time!
Sweet dreams, Josh.
My random worthless prediction: Chiefs will go through an expected decline, make the playoffs for a few more years but no deep runs, then fall off the map for a while. There'll be lots of talk about whether Mahomes will ever get another shot, then late in his career either they'll rebuild or he'll go to a contender as a hired gun. By the time he finally makes another SB run in his late 30s he'll be the sentimental favorite even among many of the people that think he's a douche now. With his 4 SB wins in 6 appearances, and top 5 ranking in most passing stats, he'll be considered a solid if distant #2 to Brady overall.
What’s the Saints’ cap situation? That could make sense (I mean it wouldn’t make sense cuz rodgers is washed and a useless buffoon but it could be something they trick into thinking will work)
Horrible, and they really need to blow it up. So no chance he is going to the Saints. FFS, last week they said that they actually like Rattler. I mean, what in the **** were they watching to think this?
My random worthless prediction: Chiefs will go through an expected decline, make the playoffs for a few more years but no deep runs, then fall off the map for a while. There'll be lots of talk about whether Mahomes will ever get another shot, then late in his career either they'll rebuild or he'll go to a contender as a hired gun. By the time he finally makes another SB run in his late 30s he'll be the sentimental favorite even among many of the people that think he's a douche now. With his
Mahomes' play was subpar this year. It's not crazy to think he could just fall off and become only an average QB. It's happened before.
My random worthless prediction: Chiefs will go through an expected decline, make the playoffs for a few more years but no deep runs, then fall off the map for a while. There'll be lots of talk about whether Mahomes will ever get another shot, then late in his career either they'll rebuild or he'll go to a contender as a hired gun. By the time he finally makes another SB run in his late 30s he'll be the sentimental favorite even among many of the people that think he's a douche now. With his
I’m not a believer of deciding Greatness purely by counting the number of majors/championships won anyway, but I seem to be an increasingly lonely voice shouting into the wind on that one.
But a performance that poor in such an important game is a heavy debit on his legacy
That was quite easily the worst performance of Mahomes’ career. God awful look that:
1. It happened in the Super Bowl and
2. He is the single reason the chefs lost the Super Bowl (I don’t wanna hear about the o-line, Kermit had 30 ****ing yards at halftime and a pick 6 under his belt)
Chefs defense honestly performed well enough to win. Between the eagles time of possession and their average starting field position they had no ****ing chance. I mean they shut saquon down completely
If Kermit never wins again, and possibly even if he does, yesterday definitely killed any of all of his GOAT equity, that’s for sure
Oh no, I do want to put blame on the o-line. They were god awful. To be fair, they had to play the Eagles defense, but this game was just an encore of the SB against TB. You have no shot yesterday with that protection.
It’s impossible to imagine Montana or Brady playing that badly
Chefs defense honestly performed well enough to win. Between the eagles time of possession and their average starting field position they had no ****ing chance. I mean they shut saquon down completely
It was 34-0 with a minute to go in the 3rd.. Take away the pick six and it's still not close.
The Chefs made it so Hurts had to beat them, and he did.
I guess the super bowl MVP means something, but it almost always goes to the QB.
If it means anything, then can we stop with the Jalen Hurts hate? That answer is most likely no.
He threw for like 200 yards and an interception against the Rams the 2nd time. We would absolutely be lambasting him if the Rams actually played competently that SB. I could win the SB if the opposition is scoring 3 points.
Also the SB MVP isn't an award to take seriously. He threw for 500 yards against the Eagles and was most definitely the MVP of that game.
T
Chefs defense honestly performed well enough to win. Between the eagles time of possession and their average starting field position they had no ****ing chance. I mean they shut saquon down completely
If Kermit never wins again, and possibly even if he does, yesterday definitely killed any of all of his GOAT equity, that’s for sure
It was 34-0 with a minute to go in the 3rd.. Take away the pick six and it's still not close.
The Chefs made it so Hurts had to beat them, and he did.
It wasnt just the pick-6, Eagles only had one TD last night that wasnt off a Mahomes Int or fumble where he gave philly the ball inside the 40 yard line, theres no defense in history that would be able to overcome that handicap
I guess the super bowl MVP means something, but it almost always goes to the QB.
If it means anything, then can we stop with the Jalen Hurts hate? That answer is most likely no.
hes outplayed Mahomes in both SBs so yeah hes pretty much untouchable for now at least
