2023 NFL Conference Championships
#3 Kansas City Chiefs @ #1 Baltimore Ravens (-3.5. Total: 44.5)
12 PM PST, CBS
Kansas City Chiefs: 11-6, AFC West Champion
WC: 26-7 v Miami
Divisional: 27-24 @ Buffalo
AFC Championship Record: 3-3
Last Appearance: 2023
This is the 6th straight year the Chefs have made the AFC Championship. ****.
Also did you know Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelce?
Also did you know Britney Mahomes was seen in the box with TayTay?
Why the Chiefs will be in the Super Bowl
You can sit here and lament the sheer boredom of this all you want but the reality is Patrick Mahomes is the only player in the NFL with GOAT equity. This offense ****ing sucks. Between all the drops, between Toney being alive, between Hardman doing whatever the **** that was and the Walrus allowing it to happen, it's truly wild Mahomes has gotten them here by sheer force of will. If you had to pick one QB in all the world to win a single game with your life on the line, it's Mahomes.
Baltimore Ravens: 13-4, AFC North Champion
WC: Bye
Divisional: 34-10 v Texans
AFC Championship Record: 2-2
Last Appearance: 2013
Not bad for a runningback
Why the Ravens will be in the Super Bowl
In the revolving door of MVP candidates this year, RB1 is the first one that is beyond repute and you can objectively say deserves the award. They have been the best team in the AFC by a WIDE margin, their defense has been fantastic and Zay Flowers has emerged as a competent WR which is a very new thing for Lamar. Andrews seems likely to return but even if he doesn't Likely has been phenomenal. If we are being honest, Buffalo beat themselves on Sunday. Baltimore has proven themselves to be too smart to fall for that bullshit
#3 Detroit Lions @ #1 San Francisco 49ers (-7. Total: 50.5)
3:30 PM PST, Fox
Detroit Lions: 12-5, NFC North Champion
WC: 24-23 v Rams
Divisional: 31-23 v Buccaneers
NFC Championship Record: 0-1
Last Appearance: 1992
Won't lie, it's a pretty ballsy bet to name your kid the god of sun and air and have him turn into one of the elite WRs in football
Also. YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF IN THE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Also. Detroit-style pizza pretty good
Also. FREEGEAR
Why the Lions will be in the Super Bowl
I'm not stupid enough to say "fate" so i won't. That said:
Dan Campbell is pretty **** it YOLO which is the kind of mentality you are going to need to beat a superior (on paper) team on the road.
The Random Number Borkerator can roll snakeyes, in which case fml this is going to be a long ****ing night.
The Lions are playing with house money literally regardless of what happens. While Goff hasn't exactly been a world beater the rest of the roster has been. Hutchinson is a ****ing monster, Campbell is no coward, this Gibbs guy seems decent and Sun and Air God is a decent receiver. Look, I just watched the niners almost lose to the Packers.
Which brings me to my next point: the 9ers are the only team left that objectively didn't deserve to win. The mistakes the Packers made do not seem to be mistakes the Lions will replicate; if the 9ers bring that same energy on Sunday the Lions are going to ****ing smoke them.
San Francisco 49ers: 12-5, NFC West Champion
WC: Bye
Divisional: 24-21 v Packers
NFC Championship Record: 7-11
Last Appearance: 2023
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
**** my life
My oven is screwed
Side note: if the 9ers win no matter who they play it'll be one of the 2 teams to beat them in a Super Bowl. So that's cool i guess.
Why the 49ers will be in the Super Bowl
Objectively speaking the 49ers are the best team in football. In the 12 regular season games they won they looked like generational greatness. In the 4 (**** you i don't count the Rams) losses they looked like ****ing buffoons with no concept for reality.
Until the Packers game there has never been a game where people could point to and say "Bork willed this team to victory" and look, Bork was the reason they almost lost, but with the chips in the middle he won that game.
The 9ers are fantastic at all aspects, but the reality of it is that the Random Number Borkerator needs to come up 11. That has already happened 12.5 times. Just needs to happen one more time.
Or who knows, maybe Kyle pulls a Womp and decides Bork won't throw more than 8 times. The only position where the 9ers are objectively inferior is idk maybe kicker? I shouldn't be worried. I am anyway.
Let's rumble
victory formation in M&T Bank Stadium
Time to bite some kneecaps!
Lol at consoling Flowers instead of giving him a stone cold stunner
Purple tears
Time for the main event
Mahomes showing everyone who the real mvp is while Lolmar cries on the bench
I liked how the Ravens acted like they were dominating the game any time they made a play in the 4th quarter.
Mr Flowers has to be feeling pretty good tonight
likely gets held twice, nothing
flowers fumble gonna go down as key play in the game though
atleast we wont have to hear chiefs fans complain about the officiating
God I am so much more nervous than I should be
I want to end kermit so ****ing bad. Please give me this
I’m not gonna convince you one way or the other, but baltimore deciding for no reason to not run the ball at all and let spags blitz with complete impunity is not likely to be something the chefs get away with against CMC
Assuming the 9ers win
Blitzing really did not help much.
Mahomes is the biggest factor, not anything else.
And FWIW if Ravens somehow won they would have been -1 against the 9ers.
Penalties, it seems.
Lewis and Suggs seemed to help to over-amp the Ravens.. who'd have thought...lol
Blitzing really did not help much.
Mahomes is the biggest factor, not anything else.
And FWIW if Ravens somehow won they would have been -1 against the 9ers.
The ravens absolutely would have and should have been favored against the Niners
In a hypothetical chefs 9ers matchup there’s no way the chefs are favored
Edit: and if the 9ers win and the chefs are favored I’m slamming my house on 9ers ML
Andy Reid trading a 1st and 5 for a 1st and 10 for 15 yards of field position should be in the bad coaching thread. Maybe you can’t decline the unnecessary roughness penalty?
Ravens are a very smart team (in terms of their coaching).
Gonna pin that on Lamar. One lost fumble, one terrible pick, and another terrible throw that should've been picked. Flowers fumble was big obviously, but Lamar played his worst game of the year.
JV game is over. Time for the varsity teams to take the floor.
Lions have the better coach and the better QB. This is a game they SHOULD win.
