2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
The Ravens are frauds until proven otherwise. They continue to struggle to close out games and they continue to play down to their opponents.
Their defense is also considerably worse.
Sorry Cowboys fans.
Obviously nobody watches every game, and every NFL game has high variance high impact single plays or sequences that decides the outcome and spins the narrative.
Ravens are, as currently constructed, an elite team with flaws on defense. For whatever reason they put up duds against weak competition, something that generally the Chiefs, Lions, Bills, etc. manage to avoid. Points to preparation, coaching, I dunno. They just seem to be a team that has severe ebbs and flows, when it goes good its league best but vice versa occurs more than it should.
Top two corners were out yesterday, and for some yet to be released issue our #2 safety was benched and didn't see a snap. Dropped 3 easy interceptions, 2 by those backups. Bateman had a wide open 50 yarder clang off his facemask. Just Ravens stuff I guess. Still outgained the Browns by ypp. Anyways that all relates to my first paragraph.
Definitely not frauds. They can hang with any other team, but the variance is real.
I don't think they're frauds in the sense that they aren't a good team; clearly they're one the of the best on their good days. But your whole post sums it up. They're frauds in the sense of putting it together consistently and having what it takes to string together a Super Bowl run, until proven otherwise. The regular season is just a means to an end, but they've done nothing to convince me they can put together 3-4 straight games against the best teams to win a SB.
Duds against weak competition, poor preparation, struggle to close out, dumb mental mistakes that good teams avoid, ebbs and flows, etc. They create a lot of the bad variance. "Just Ravens stuff." At a point it becomes expectation and not just variance.
Hearing all the talking heads [rightfully] rip into AR for taking a play off because he was "tired" has been amazing.
He is not the answer.
Here's another one. AR is no Cam.
Hahahhah yes.
I accidentally had McAfee on and turned it off once I realized my mistake but not before finding out of 225 qualified qbs with more than 200 pass attempts since 2000 richardson ranks 222nd in completion
Dude went 10/32 and took 3rd and goal off?
Cook this ****er
Would've been real bad if JaMarcus Russell wasn't on that list.
He's literally the modern day version of him because he has mobility.
Obviously nobody watches every game, and every NFL game has high variance high impact single plays or sequences that decides the outcome and spins the narrative.
Ravens are, as currently constructed, an elite team with flaws on defense. For whatever reason they put up duds against weak competition, something that generally the Chiefs, Lions, Bills, etc. manage to avoid. Points to preparation, coaching, I dunno. They just seem to be a team that has severe ebbs and flows, when it goes good its leag
You are looking at the Browns record and thinking they are a bad team. They aren't. Deshaun was just that bad they couldn't win games. Their defense is good, and they would easily have a winning record of Jameis was the starter the entire season.
The only "dud" they put up was against the Raiders and week 1 and 2 is just preason nowadays; you saw it with the large number of upsets early in the season.
That being said, the defense is a major concern.
Mike McMahon
Here's a video of Matt Stafford's arm nearly falling off and him trying anything to can to fight past his trainers in order to play. Just something I thought of today
I have no idea who Ben Solak is but that diagram he showed is one way to cover a hail mary not the only way. I've watched it a few times and, yes someone should be playing deepest man. But I have no idea how he "knows" it is Stevenson's guy.
I've seen Invert there where a corner who is forcing inside release trails to deepest. I've seen teams use their physically strongest cover guy take deepest to punch away any chance. I've seen teams take TE's and put them on the field. I've seen teams take WR and LB's and put them deep.
I swear these twitter people jump on, act like they know get 1.5 million views on the tweet and look like a genius.
It's annoying.
So is this Steichen making the call, or is it coming from the top down to keep playing AR?
Indianapolis Colts coach Shane Steichen said he's "evaluating" the quarterback situation amid Anthony Richardson's recent struggles, but the coach indicated that Richardson's surprising decision to ask out of Sunday's game for a late-third-quarter play will not be a factor in his decision making.
Richardson was 10 for 32 for 175 yards in Sunday's loss at the Houston Texans, and the team's offensive struggles have prompted Steichen to take a closer look ahead of their Sunday night matchup at Minnesota.
"We're evaluating everything," Steichen said when asked whether Richardson would start that game.
When pressed if Richardson was still the team's starter, said Steichen: "Right now, today, he is, yes."
Hearing all the talking heads [rightfully] rip into AR for taking a play off because he was "tired" has been amazing.
He is not the answer.
players should take themselves out if they feel hurt or tired.
maybe he should be criticized for his conditioning(and other things), but you should def take yourself out if you're tired.
as sports evolve, people will realize that athletes should be subbing themselves out more. its just smart play... as long as you're not being lame about it, like with a quitter's mentality. but AR did not look like a quitter on that scramble to me
Perhaps if he knew how to throw the ball he wouldn't have to run around so much.
That's fine and all. But if you can't go and you are the QB you need to go to the ground. I don't know if that is what he did or not. But OL/QB need to go down. It's discussed and understood.
So is this Steichen making the call, or is it coming from the top down to keep playing AR?
My gut feeling is: Ballard (GM) felt forced to make to finally draft a QB after years of refusing to and playing the "Chris Ballards Home for Aging QBs" game. He's perpetually scared of actually committing to anything that isn't a mortal lock, so he didn't trade up to get Stroud even though 1-1 was available. Instead he stands pat at 4 and takes AR.
Steichen is a decent coach and almost immediately realizes that the game can't hit water if he fell out of a boat and this thing isn't going to work out, but he has to play him since...
So Shane is looking for any reason to get off this ride, but the FO is tied to this guy.
That's fine and all. But if you can't go and you are the QB you need to go to the ground. I don't know if that is what he did or not. But OL/QB need to go down. It's discussed and understood.
****ing THANK YOU! This is the point I've been trying to make to others (not here LDO). If he's hurt, take a knee and take the officials TO. It's the middle of the 3rd quarter, you aren't going to be assessed a TO. Go down, stop play, and let Flacco get a few warm up tosses.
Instead, he goes to the sideline tapping his helmet, the universal symbol for "spell me", as the ****ING QB1.
The worst part of all is that the Colts just...went with it. I have zero way of knowing this, but their reaction tells me this has to have happened in practice before. Like they have to have been running 7-on-7s or something and AR just got tired and asked to take a break. No other way in hell he and the organization feel comfortable coming out and saying this.
****ing clownshow.
I have no idea who Ben Solak is but that diagram he showed is one way to cover a hail mary not the only way. I've watched it a few times and, yes someone should be playing deepest man. But I have no idea how he "knows" it is Stevenson's guy.
I've seen Invert there where a corner who is forcing inside release trails to deepest. I've seen teams use their physically strongest cover guy take deepest to punch away any chance. I've seen teams take TE's and put them on the field. I've seen teams take
https://espnpressroom.com/us/press-relea...
I'm guessing he's assuming that Brown is Stevenson's guy since Brown ran down that side of the field.
Who knows what the actual call was, but I posted it more for the hilarity factor of Stevenson talking **** and waiving bye to the Commander fans and not looking engaged when the ball is snapped. He was never really in the play until the very end when he flew in for the tip that led to the catch. Maybe that was part of the strategy, but it looks more like he was distracted and just ****ed up and wasn't where he was supposed to be.
