2024 NFL Regular Season: The NFL Playoffs Are Upon Us!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
Yeah $41m is an easy franchise and let's see for Darnold, open market he definitely gets more than $100m/3, that's what Baker got for a worse season. McCarthy is the only wrinkle in the plan, but as everyone has said if McCarthy is good it's a good problem to have.
London home teams next year are Jags, Jets and Browns. You will get your slop and you'll like it
Deshaun Watson officially reported as having re-torn his Achilles, will miss "significant time during the 2025 season" per ESPN.
My book doesn't have MVP odds up any longer, but Lamar got 30 to Allen's 18 votes for first team All-Pro. Burrow got 2.
Who knows what these psychos do but maybe they split it and given Allen MVP/Lamar 1st team
Lol if Lamar wins MVP but loses tomorrow he'll have more MVPs than playoff wins
yeah. it should be a wrap
lamar is for the nerds
you know what you call the bills without josh allen? the panthers
nice to see DYAR getting its day in the sun tho....i guess brady is the goat afterall and even more valuable than his coach, who 2+2 once gave the nod to 120-20
Yeah. There’s a reason a QB wins the award most of the time.
last 4 Coach of the Year award winners? 6 combined wins this year.
That's a meh argument that could be used about any top 10-15 QB.
You know what the Phins were without Tua? the worst offense in the league.
does that mean he should be MVP? Of course not.
if allen/lamar switch teams, 1 team gets better, the other team gets worse and im very confident in that over a large enough sample
but i cant prove it i guess
ravens have way better players, is that clearer?
lamar is for the nerds
you know what you call the bills without josh allen? the panthers
nice to see DYAR getting its day in the sun tho....i guess brady is the goat afterall and even more valuable than his coach, who 2+2 once gave the nod to 120-20
For the nerds... what does that even mean?
Also unnecessary shade thrown at Bryce Young and co.
The Ravens without Lamar are the Falcons, who just lost to the Panthers.
That's a meh argument that could be used about any top 10-15 QB.
You know what the Phins were without Tua? the worst offense in the league.
does that mean he should be MVP? Of course not.
I actually don't even agree with this fwiw. The Phins are probably an 8 win caliber team with Tua, offense wasn't nearly as good last year even when he played.
Huntley was awful at first but he was signed off the street and thrown into starting right away.
If Huntley was signed in camp, think Phins probably only a few wins worse with him than Tua in 2024 on avg. With Hill fading, Miami offense just wasn't the same either way.
The Bills won 14 games, they would suck without Allen is my point. It is a subjective one and if he isn't gonna win MVP then so be it but just in terms of like the LeBron/Jokic who is the actual most valuable and propping their team up the most, I think it is him pretty easily.
I also feel pretty confident it would be a landslide if GMs had their pick to take 1 of the 2.
For the nerds... what does that even mean?
Also unnecessary shade thrown at Bryce Young and co.
The Ravens without Lamar are the Falcons, who just lost to the Panthers.
Nerds stuff said in jest. For the nerds means like he has all the advanced stats in his favor, just purely #s with no context for team surroundings, he was clearly better.
Allen has the big wins vs Det/KC late in year while Lamar got owned vs the Ealges, the iconic plays of the year, better record, hasn't lost a game in 3 months that wasn't a 44-42 score, carried a cast of no-names, the most credible candidate that is the highest seed. Basically all the stuff that used to win MVP.
I do think twitter has really changed these markets a lot, the narratives just can flip so fast now. Once Ryan Clark called Allen winning a "Charles Barkley MVP", it seemed like people were basically OK with the idea they didn't have to vote for him anymore.
I’m not surprised you picked the one award that’s designed to reward those who overachieve and not those who are the best.
I had longshots on Reid and Tomlin because I did think voters were tired of voting for the DaBoll, Stefanski, Nagy types and there was going to be some narrative flipping about what wins the award, then a team won 14 games with Sam Darnold and I figured ehh, that's gonna have to wait another time I guess
think if it was close those guys could've gotten the nod but Minnesota just outperformed too much and then if anyone was gonna supplant KOC at the end, it was gonna be the other contender that beat him in a blowout to end the year and win the division.
If Josh had won 2 already and Lamar none, Lamar wins easily
Josh shouldn't win because he hasn't won it yet and the other guy already has
If Josh had won 2 already and Lamar none, Lamar wins easily
Josh shouldn't win because he hasn't won it yet and the other guy already has
perhaps but that does represent a change to say this is the #s, this is who we believe wins on merit because of it, thats all there is to it
if thats the case, you can make a pretty good case dak or purdy deserved to win last year
or brady over rodgers in 2021
Jk dobbins could win comeback player I think. Going to be interesting how many people follow the new rule and don't vote darnold.
Jk dobbins could win comeback player I think. Going to be interesting how many people follow the new rule and don't vote darnold.
he was 25-1 going into the final game, I thought if Cincy won to give the Chargers a reason to try and he went off against the Raiders that he could win to cap the season off. But he basically did nothing and kinda sucked all yr after a few big games early, don't think he'll win now but guess it is possible.
The Darnold/Burrow thing is definitely interesting, obviously the AP doesn't want people voting for guys like Darnold who aren't coming back from any real hardship but Burrow is kindof above the award, superstar QB making 55m a year doesn't really need his 2nd comeback player of the year. I suppose having the season he had and missing the playoffs does make him a bit of a sympathetic figure though
Once Flacco won it last year over Hamlin, the award couldn’t be taken seriously any more
Updating this because I did it the last two years and I guess this forum holds the annals for NFL regular season minority coaching records. Again, let me know if you see any mistakes:
Black:
*DeMeco Ryans 20-14-0
*Antonio Pierce 9-17-0
*Mike Tomlin 183-107-2
*Tony Dungy 139-69-0
*Anthony Lynn 33-32-0
*Fritz Pollard 8-4-1
*Marvin Lewis 131-122-3
*Hue Jackson 11-44-1
*Dennis Green 113-94-0
*Lovie Smith 92-100-1
*Mike Singletary 18-22-0
*Herm Edwards 54-74-0
*Ray Rhodes 37-42-1
*Jim Caldwell 62-50-0
*Art Shell 56-52-0
*Todd Bowles 53-65-0
*Vance Joseph 11-21-0
*Steve Wilks 9-19-0
*Romeo Crennell 32-63-0
*Raheem Morris 29-47-0
*Leslie Frazier 21-32-1
*Terry Robiskie 2-6-0
*Emmitt Thomas 1-2-0
*Perry Fewell 3-8-0
*Eric Studesville 1-3-0
*Mel Tucker 2-3-0
*David Culley 4-13-0
*Mike McDaniel 28-23-0
*Thomas Brown 1-4-0
*Jerod Mayo 4-13-0
*Total: 1167-1165-10
Middle Eastern:
*Ed Khayat 8-15-2
*Rich Kotite 40-56-0
*Abe Gibron 11-30-1
*Robert Saleh 20-36-0
*Total: 79-137-3
Hispanic:
*Tom Fears 13-34-2
*Tom Flores 97-87-0
*Ron Rivera 102-103-2 (i had this wrong before at 104-104-2, now fixed)
*Brian Flores 24-25-0
*Dave Canales 5-12-0
*Total: 241-261-4
*Total for all minority coaches: 1487-1563-17
