AMA About Dating (Las Vegas)

BetAgainst, sometimes when I see an attractive woman I just think "Oh wow, she's really attractive" and maybe turn my head for a second look.

Other times, my physiological and psychological reactions to the woman are so strong they literally hurt - the feeling in your stomach when you step on something that you think is a step but it's actually a hole and your bellybutton hits the back of your spine, tightness in the chest and shoulders, increased or decreased breathing, increased pulse - just turning completely stupid etc.

I'm sure you had the latter type of reaction before you became a playuh. Now that you've been with some of the hottest of the hottest women, do you still occasionally see women to whom you react so hard it hurts?

That is approach anxiety. It's the same fear that grips people in public speaking situations. It's part of our evolutionary psychology. In hunter gatherer times, when we lived in small tribes, it was there for our protection. It kept us from trying to bang the alpha males females and saved us from getting our head smashed in.

It never goes away.

Beautiful women are intimidating. I still get scared but I go in anyway. Sometimes it goes well. Most times I get rejected. Probably three times out of four I get rejected? But it's worth it to meet a new girl, even if you only trade SM contacts, it's fun to make a new friend. And so many times, after a rejection, the girl will say, "Thank you for being so brave." Not kidding, it happens a lot. It's a nice little boost of courage. Women like being approached. As long as your approach is genuine and respectful, they will take it as a compliment.

The key variable between my successful approaches vs my failures is: Am I genuinely attracted to the girl?

If I am hitting on a hot girl just to hit on a hot girl, she can smell it. Fake.

If I am genuinely attracted, to her, she can feel it. It's authentic.

A great line, if you are somewhere you frequent, is: "You are super cute. How come I have never seen you here before?"

Honest intent, I am attracted to you, right into a get to know you question.

BetAgainst, this is going to seem like a stupid question, but bear with me, because I assure you, it is coming from a place of geniune curiosity.

I assume you had a "prior history" of dating 6s, 7s and 8s before finding your groove and hitting success with the 9s and the 10s.

What would you say are the pros and cons of the 9s and 10s vs. the 6s, 7s and 8s, whether it be for a relationship, a one-night stand, an extended friends-with-benefits situation or, quite frankly, anything else?

8+ are a challenge in a relationship because they have so many options. They are constantly being hit on, constantly being hit up on social media, constantly being validated. If your confidence falters, if you get jealous, if you show any attachment, if see feels like you are holding her back in any way... She will lose attraction. That is stressful. You can't ever catch feelings and if you do then you can't show it. Personally, that is too much for me.

However, they make great wing women. If you have a hot female friend that is massive social proof. They will hook you up with their friends and have your back in social situations. That is how I met my current girlfriend.

6-8. If you want a committed relationship then that is the sweet spot. They are still highly attractive but much easier to maintain a relationship with.

I don't care for one night stands but they are pretty easy to get regardless of how attractive the girl is.

My best advice is to make as many female friends as one can and expand ones social circle. Then from that social circle one gets dating opportunities. Then one can decide which girls fit into a one night stand, friends with benefits, or a commitment.

BetAgainst, first things first, THANK YOU for answering these questions.

This one might be NSFW so I'm going to put it in spoiler tags:

(Repost from another thread)

Hey guys,

I’m planning a trip to Vegas soon and I’m curious what the dating scene is actually like there. I’ve read mixed things: some say it’s all tourists looking for a wild night, others say it’s tough unless you’ve got bottle service.��

To give a bit of context :I’m not coming at this as a total newbie. In the last year, I went from being frustrated, alone, and stuck in bad habits… to actually turning things around with women in a pretty short time. (Crazy story: my first time was during a trip abroad last year, and that whole experience kicked off a chain reaction that led me to go from virgin to complete abundance in under a year.)

Now I’m more interested in how to navigate specific cities, not just “general dating advice.” Vegas seems like its own unique animal. Do the same rules apply there as in Europe/Amsterdam/London, or is it all about money, clubs, and social circles?

For those of you who’ve dated or approached women in Vegas:

Where do the best interactions happen (bars, daygame, casinos, elsewhere)?

Are tourists open to connections beyond the “party night vibe”?

How much does logistics (hotel, access, transportation) matter compared to other cities?

Really curious to hear your takes. I like learning from guys who’ve done it in specific places because it saves me from wasting time with trial and error.

Also, if anyone here has a wild Vegas story or some more off-the-record tips, feel free to shoot me a DM. Always down to swap experiences privately as well as in the thread.

The hotter the girl is the less she has to do to generate attraction. And that translates to sex. Really hot girls are dead fish. It really sucks.

But you catch a 6 maybe a 7? She will rock your world.

Aussie, if you can't get laid in Vegas then you are a dead fish. What ever you want it's a free market. One night stand. Friends with benefits. Girlfriend? It's a free market. Sounds like you will do just fine.

Three quick pick up stories:

Walking out of Red Rock. A girl was walking in. I said, let's go. She said, Where? I said, Netflix and chill. I kept waking. One night stand.

Met a girl at the bar. I only got her IG. I messaged for two weeks with no response. Eventually I messaged, "Dear diary, I met a really cute girl and she is not responding. Should I call the authorities?" She responded, OMG B.A. I rarely check my messages. One year relationship.

My current girlfriend.

I invited one of my female friends to come and meet us at the bar. I had her sit between us. The whole time my female friend is saying BA is so cool.

To this day she is confident that she is chasing me.

I second that .

I have had dozens of hookups just from leaving the poker room . Catch a random cute girl give you a quick glimpse and thats the opening..

Hang out outside "thunder from down under" bar around 11pm on a weekend and you could so easily score..

I'm in a relationship now , and even at 49 , what I miss the most is leaving a poker room and catching that little signal they give and not be able to make a move ..

Girls from 21-55 .. miss the chase .

Sent from my A142P using Tapatalk

BetAgainst, about a year ago I was at a concert when a woman came up to me, tugged on my shirt and wanted to know who was on it (it was a tshirt from another concert). Turns out we had musical taste in common and chatted a little bit. She said, "I'm old enough to remember those bands from the 80s!" and I said, "Yes, you are!" The look on her face :shocked: was PRICELESS! 😃

At the time, I was "off the market" so I didn't pursue anything with her, but what I'm curious about is, first of all whether or not the playful tease would have been "necessary" - I mean you hear PUAs all the time say that the beautiful women are sick of guys who fawn all over them so being playful can help "set you apart". But in this case, *she* came up to *me*, so something (probably my shirt) had already "set me apart", so did I "need" to go to that additional length? (for what it's worth, I said what I said because I'm a smartass, I knew she was EXPECTING me to say something like, 'you don't LOOK that old' and thought it would be funny! It was!)

The second question was, had I actually been interested in her at the time, how should I have "followed up" my playful tease? I was thinking, "You know what? Anyone who can take a joke like that is A+ in my book" or something similar. I've heard SOME PUAs say that it just makes you look like a wimp, but I've heard others say that the unpredictability is what creates mystery and attraction.

I'll stop there. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Yeah, it's a ****ed up answer really.

Passive-aggressive comments denotes in general carelessness, which you prove later by saying you're not interested.

Saying its just a joke is a lie, and a cop out, because it isn't. Its just a joke line is abuse.

That was some really abusive **** you did back then.

You really put her in a lose lose scenario. There's nothing she can do. If she goes out with you she tacitly agrees to be abused, if she goes away she doesnt get what she wants.

No women would take that.

When I say no women would take that, what Im really saying is that no women worth something would. All theres gonna be left is the scraps.

As if she was into you, of course she was. 95% of what we do is for connection, so touching you and complimenting your shirt really is about you. Also imagine there was 20 guys with the same shirt, do you really think she'd take the time and energy to go to each of them touch them and tell them 1 by 1 that she likes their shirts? Of course not

So yeah feel less inclined to help you now that I see youre a covert subconscious abuser at best, really am doing no good to the world to help you get a girl

But imma gonna do it anyway

Girls subconsciously associates trust with love

You are not being trustworthy there

The proper answer here was either to be thankful for the compliment, or to just let her know that you were not interested. Saying no does not make you a bad person, even if there is some states of minds that makes you think otherwise

Even the trailer park boy with a white tank top has a gf, doesnt mean you wanna be that guy, nor the girl scraps he gets.

People who lives in denial generally has to be with someone who has a problem with denial as well.

If I came to you every morning, said that youre a worthless ******, and whatever else names I could think of, and when you'd say something I'd say nah dont worry its just a joke, wouldnt you flip out at some point?

Either ways, you couldnt keep your self esteem long term when someone chips at it consistently.

So all in all, you are a parasite.

You are lowering her for the sake of your self-concept, which makes you a parasite. Who does that? Energy vampires. Energy vampirism is always a facet of true narcissism. Narcissism is living in lack, in a world where there is no trust, no warmth, no acceptance and no love.

Energy vampirism comes from fear. Fears such as fear of abandonnment, fear of rejection, etc.

The less fearful you will be, the less of a match to this you will be.

Its actually a long harduous process, I dont think you will do it.

Neg is a PUA term. They work however, there needs to be some push pull going on. Flirting is supposed to be fun and funny. Try not to neg on something a girl can't change. Don't neg on her looks, age, nose or whatever.

Good example:

Me jokingly: "What's up with those shoes?"

Girl: "What?! I love these shoes!"

Me: "Okay. I guess you just walk loud."

Girl: "Oh... **** you. Look at your shoes."

Me: "Just kidding. I love you. Let's get married."

As long as I am obviously joking, as long as I am self amused and playing, it will generate attraction. If not, I just say, "Sorry. I can be obnoxious. Just don't tell my Mom."

If I get full on rejected, like GFY, I just say, "Sorry. Sorry. Have a great night."

If you genuinely think something is fun and funny, if you aren't "trying" to get a reaction, most people will go along with your frame.

Cheers!

100% agree. Poker room is no place to be picking up women. Chat her up the same way you would any other player. You might be able to find out where she works. Where she hangs out. Her favorite poker room. Also, if she's industry (cocktails, bartender, dealer, etc..) it's not creepy to find out her shift and say, "Oh cool. I'll come see you." Everyone is cool with picking up new customers.

That being said, many of the female poker players I know also enjoy other types of gambling. If she is a regular at that casino she may also play at the bars or bet sports. Look for an opportunity to meet her outside the poker room. Then easy opener, "Hey! Didn't I play poker with you the other day?"

BetAgainst, how often when you start flirting with a woman does she say "I have a boyfriend"? How often does it happen that you're flirting with a woman and her boyfriend is nearby and catches you? Has that ever caused fireworks for you?

So this happened. At about 8am I'd dropped off my car for service and they called me a Lyft. The Lyft driver was a beautiful African-American woman. I checked her left hand, no ring. I was in a sweatsuit and backwards baseball cap and hadn't brushed my hair (I have shoulder-length hair that was clearly unkempt).

I asked her how long she'd been doing Lyft and she said, part time for a few years. Knowing that making a woman laugh can help build attraction, I said, "I'm always disappointed when they call me a Lyft instead of an Uber because one of my favorite jokes is to tell an Uber driver, 'Thanks for the Lyft!'" She laughed what seemed like a geniune laugh to me. I remembered a random Instagram video suggesting, "Don't interview the woman - be playful and challenging" so instead of asking her day job I said, "Are you a scientist in your day job?" She laughed and said, "Well I'm in school studying to be a nurse, so if you consider the medical science as science, then yes!" I just made a comment that that's a GREAT field to get into, there's plenty of demand and we NEED competent people in those jobs. She agreed. "What do YOU do?" she asked. I told her I do IT software implementations. She seemed impressed. She said, "How long have you been doing that?" I told her, "27 years!" she seemed REALLY impressed by that. "I'll bet you're a great trainer!" she said. I explained that as a consultant it's not training per se it's more going into their system and making recommendations for how they can make everything more efficient and whatnot. She actually said, "wow".

A couple minutes later I said, "Can I ask you a stupid question?" She said, "Sure." I said, "If a passenger is in a Lyft with a pretty lady and feels like they may have made a connection, do you think it's unethical for the guy to ask the lady for her phone number?" She said, "No, I don't think that's unethical at all."

After a brief pause, she said, "Would you LIKE my phone number?" I said, "Um, sure, that'd be great - I just have to be honest, I'm not at a place in my life where I can be going out on dates, but I could always use another friend!" She said, "Okay" and gave me her number. She then asked, "Why do you say you're not in a place where you can go out on dates?" I explained, "My marriage ended about 12 weeks ago. We haven't separated or filed or anything." She said, "Oh, okay." After another pause she said, "After you and your wife separate will you still be in this area?" I said, "Yes, in fact, I'll probably still be in the house you're about to drop me off at!" At the end of the ride, as I was getting out, she turned around, looked me in the yes, smiled and said, "It was nice to meet you!" And that was that.

Background information - I truly had no intention of actually asking for her number. I just wanted to know how she felt about a guy asking for it. I've just been using the time between the end of my marriage and when I'm ready to move on to "practice" so to speak (hope that made sense).

I will appreciate any feedback you have, whether it's about how I handled the encounter, any advice on interacting with this woman going forward, and any dangers in moving on before I'm truly ready. Thanks in advance.

I think you did great. Meeting pretty women and making new friends is fun. Kudos!

Some suggestions: The way you asked for her number... It worked. That's a good thing. Personally I have had much more success trading social media with women than exchanging phone numbers. Trading SM is much less of a investment. The girl has a chance to check out my profile and see that I have a life and that I'm not a serial killer. Then she is much more likely to respond to a DM than she would be a text message. After a few positive response over DM's I will switch to numbers to set up a date. Saying something like, "Hey, I really don't use Instagram much. Cool if we exchange numbers?"

Anyway, If you are going to start dating in 2025 I highly recommend getting on social media.

And yeah, practice man. I talk to everyone. "Hey nice hat!" "Those are cool shoes." "I like those sunglasses." "It's a beautiful day today." Just socializing will become natural to you. Then you won't get "approach anxiety" when it's time to talk to a beautiful woman. Practice is good.

Moving forward I would just text her, "Hey it's me. I'm the funny handsome guy you lifted home the other day." Then give her a couple three days to respond. The vibe of the texting should be, "You seem kinda cool. Let's see if we have a connection." If she responds positively then try and set up a date. "Hey there's this (coffee shop, bar, restaurant, taco stand, whatever...) right by my place that I love to go to. What side of town do you live on?"

Anyway, you did great. Congrats! Have fun!!

Haha that’s awesome, man 25 years behind the bar definitely explains the social chops. Totally agree with that “be a regular” mindset too it’s the easiest, most natural way to build real connections without forcing anything. Love the breakfast-with-strippers story classic Vegas energy right there.

BetAgainst, I clearly have a hangup when it comes to women who are in customer service.

I was at a concert the other night. There was one of those monitors that displays all the upcoming shows one at a time for a few seconds each. I wanted to snap a photo of one of them so I was standing there waiting. An attractive 50something noticed and offered to help me cycle through the photos. While we were cycling through I told a few jokes about a couple of the bands. After she helped me she asked, "So are you here by yourself?" I said, "Yep." "Where's your seat?" "Up in the mezzanine". She leaned in, winked at me and said, "Let's get you a better seat!" and got me a 5th-row seat! Woohoo! I chatted her up a little bit more explaining the guy was one of my idols from the 90s and I was giddy about seeing him from the 5th row. She was leaned in, listening to me, giving me eye contact etc. I made a comment about how he tells jokes about marriage and that mine had just ended. "Mine too" she said. It turns out SHE WAS THE GENERAL MANAGER OF THE THEATER.

I talked myself out of asking for her number. "If I ask for her number she'll feel like she can't do something nice for somebody without getting hit on." "Her attentiveness is just good customer service not interest" and "This is clearly the type of woman who, if she wanted me to have her number, she'd give it to me."

I told a buddy of mine what happened and he about kicked my ass! "You IDIOT! She was giving you every IOI in the books - she was BEGGING you to ask for her number! What's wrong with you?!?!?!"

As always I will appreciate your thoughts.

Yeah I agree with your buddy. When a woman is giving a man obvious IOIs and the man isn't taking the opportunity to move things forward he isn't being polite, he's being a pussy. Women flirt in very subtle ways. Eye contact. Interest. Laughing. Smiling. Light quick touches. If one is getting any of these from a female then she is feeling attraction. It's the mans responsibility to move things forward. Women are turned off by men who don't lead the interaction. Women are rarely offended by a man hitting on them.

Getting that number would have been cake. All you have to say, "You know what. You are super cool. I know you are working tonight but we should hang out sometime. Before you go, let me get your number and I will text you." Boom. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Just know women want to meet men just as badly as men want to meet women. They just can't be as forward about it.

Give yourself a challenge to get five phone numbers in the next week.

Hi BetAgainst. I'm going to put today's question in spoiler tags because it might set off the easily offended and/or judgemental people who read this thread and I don't want to see the thread degenerate into an argument. I hope the aforementioned judgemental people will do me a solid and not expand the spoiler:

Dal, I don't think you are delusional at all.

I am 52 as well and have dated multiple women in their 20's. Yeah... but this was like 5-6 years ago so I was 46-47 at the time. Anyway, it's definitely possible and lot's of young women enjoy dating older guys.

My personal opinion/experience: The first girl I dated after my divorce was 23. And it was awesome. And it was fun. She was super cute and super cool. Loved to drink and gamble. Unfortunately, that's all we had in common. We broke up because I didn't fit in with her social circle. They were all half my age. She dumped me. Second girl was 26 and that was a little better. She was kind of a loner and her small social circle was closer to my age. It was a better fit. However, her younger friends kept trying to set her up with younger guys and eventually they found her a match. She dumped me. I think they got married. ANYWAY, then a 28 yo, a 35yo, and then a 40 year old. And that was my first "long term commitment" after my divorce and it was the best of them all.

Her and I had so much in common. We enjoyed each others company outside of the bedroom. The sex was WAY better. Chemistry man. Vibe. Intimacy. That's what we all really want. At the end of the day you are much more likely to find that with someone closer to your age.

Dating a 20 something is fun because they are young and hot. Toight. Having them as arm candy can be VERY validating. That's what I was looking for after my divorce. Validation. And it works. It filled a void in my self esteem.

My current girlfriend is 50. We have been together for ~2 years. The sex is the best I have ever had. We've only had one argument. We're both very happy. Just saying.

Go get five phone numbers this week.

You mentioned "I have a boyfriend" being a **** test. I was watching some pickup videos on instagram and a certain guy's target asked him, "So how many women have you approached like this?" How often do you get THAT **** test? What's your go-to response?

The guy in the video answered, "Hey - I only do this with women I feel a connection to. I have VERY HIGH standards."