A raging fish on a heater
Intro,
A memoir of a degen:
I've always loved to gamble, and I have done so since I was a kid. It did not start of very w
no they're not. they're ****ing pieces of **** that got enough money but can't even afford a bro 15 bucks.
remember guys, this is mostly tbh only a journal for myself. i CHOOSE to be transparent and to show my greatest degeneracies.
i don't have to post or share even 90% of what im doing.
ran decent in so called love this weekend at least. hit up with a really cute and hot girl and slept at her place, score.
but now i am kind of feeeling feelings for her and its too early to have that so idk what to do...
rn got the bounty builder 44 and 58bb very early in.
yeah lag shall we?
merry Christmas ****ers!!!!!!!!!
won 199 bucks xD now im at 130 bucks i think, will withdraw so i got enough to party with this week and 4 new year xD.
yeah man im hopelessly in love with the chick i met last saturday and she doesn't seem to be in to me that ****ing much...
yeah that's it for now lol KTHXBAIII
****ing busted a 11 dollar new year series 9th for 370 bucks fir size was ****ing 5k fffs....
sb jams of13bb efff i had k6s in big blind and i make a ****ing stupid calll which i guess is idk **** icm punt anyhow.
got 440 bucks, will blow half on it for new year party and half of it on poker LFG SHALL WE.
playing some states atm and im cooking in the 162 bounty builder one **** yeah 😃
That $ wont make new years eve
Kthx bye
it will ****ing make it ******
okay so we are busto. waiting right now for a loan from a friend. yeah that's it lol.
kthxbai puntmeistero.
Hey, man. I've read your thread a few times and it popped up once again today, and skimming through your first few posts I stumbled upon this. 8 and a half years ago. Fast forward to today you're waiting for a friend to lend you a few bucks to get back into the action. Maybe it's time to think of doing someting else... GL and have a great new year!
Hey, man. I've read your thread a few times and it popped up once again today, and skimming through your first few posts I stumbled upon this. 8 and a half years ago. Fast forward to today you're waiting for a friend to lend you a few bucks to get back into the action. Maybe it's time to think of doing someting else... GL and have a great new year!
lol never quitting
NEVER ****ING QUITTING
busto asf and nobody to borrow from... guys I AM HONEST AND TRANSPARENT, I could ****ing lie all I want but this journal is for me to look back on and to laugh and maybe shed a tear on when I actually ****ing make it and go above the surface again.
K
THX
BAI
the micro bounty builder 5.50 atm and the mini bounty builder 5.50 sat atm running, not really cooking in anyone of them tbh but we to HIGH SPIRITS and we got k*etamine lol so we ****ing niceeeeeeeeeee
KTHXBAI
Where heat?
well the heat has hissed out for now ice ****ing cold.
got nobody to borrow from.
parents absolutely hate poker and won't support me.
owe like 6 different guys and have debts from daypay loans or whatever they are called.
getting salary 25th like 25000 swedish crowns which is equal to like 2400 use or something.
its just such a long ****ing wait..... I WILL FUCING MAKE IT I NEVER GIVE UP
K
THX
BAI
well the heat has hissed out for now ice ****ing cold.
got nobody to borrow from.
parents absolutely hate poker and won't support me.
owe like 6 different guys and have debts from daypay loans or whatever they are called.
getting salary 25th like 25000 swedish crowns which is equal to like 2400 use or something.
its just such a long ****ing wait..... I WILL FUCING MAKE IT I NEVER GIVE UP
K
THX
BAI
Have you watched Star Wars? More specifically Episode 2, the cantina scene where Obi and Anakin chase the assassin into the club?
Have you watched Star Wars? More specifically Episode 2, the cantina scene where Obi and Anakin chase the assassin into the club?
honest to god no lol, I should watchstar wars now when i have extra time over.
sunday funday and we got NOT A PENNY TO OUR NAME.....
got 15 bucks from mother to buy snus and a vape which i promptly deposited.
rbusted it all in a pLO zoom pot for 43 bucks with aces vs some open ender.....
fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml
degen chronicles:
got some money from mother for food and snus.
i bought the snus but deposited the rest 16 dollars on stars.
right now im 2 out of 45 for the 55 bounty builder and that's all i got.
im playing like a tilted madman to be ****ing honest, roast me all you want AT LEAST I AM MOTHER ****ING H O N E S T
Sad to read this thread from start to finish, but I can completely understand the struggles you’ve shared. Your self-belief is undoubtedly one of your best traits. However, it feels like this belief isn’t supported by self-love, and that’s where the challenge lies.
Taking better care of yourself and sticking to a proper bankroll plan could make a world of difference. Variance is an inherent part of poker, but managing it becomes easier when your bankroll aligns with the stakes you play. I noticed how much bad beats seem to affect your life, and I think this comes from tying your self-esteem too closely to your results. When things don’t go your way, it hits hard. But bad beats are not a reflection of you—they’re just part of poker. In fact, they’re often a sign that you’re making the right decisions. The real issue seems to be that the stakes you play don’t align with your results, which will always be inconsistent given the nature of the games and buy-ins.
Outside of poker, who are you? Outside of partying, who are you? Outside of drugs and women, who are you? From what you’ve shared, it feels like your biggest leak is a lack of a true sense of self. Until you address this, happiness will always seem out of reach. Winning a big pot might give you a temporary high, a night out might offer some distraction, but these are fleeting fixes. Without building a deeper identity and purpose outside of the game, you’ll remain stuck in a cycle.
I know we’re all on different journeys, and your experiences are unique to you, but I sincerely hope you find inner peace and bring more balance to your life and your approach to the game. After reading this thread in full, it’s clear that your biggest challenges come from outside the poker table, not on it.
For example, I cleared mid-six figures this year from my business, and I’m currently playing freerolls to build a bankroll from $0—not for the money but for the love of the game and the challenge. The money means nothing to me in this context. If I had stayed solely focused on poker at a younger age, I fear I might have ended up in a similar situation to yours, constantly chasing the next high and feeling trapped.
I hope you take this message in the spirit it’s intended. You’re clearly talented, but poker should add to your life, not define it. Take care of yourself, and I hope you find the balance and peace you deserve.
Sad to read this thread from start to finish, but I can completely understand the struggles you’ve shared. Your self-belief is undoubtedly one of your best traits. However, it feels like this belief isn’t supported by self-love, and that’s where the challenge lies.
Taking better care of yourself and sticking to a proper bankroll plan could make a world of difference. Variance is an inherent part of poker, but managing it becomes easier when your bankroll aligns with the stakes you play. I noticed
god damn it thank you for your post bud.
to be frank im on the verge every quitting life everyday aka im suicidal.
ive had two stints in the psychiatry where i was locked up first in 2022 for 2 weeks and second time in 2023 for 2 months.
both hospitalisations were caused by immense amounts of drugs and anabolic steroids.
however my doctor claims that i suffer from some schizo something something disease.
because of this i am forced to take an injection of antipsychotics each month which R U I N S me mentally and physically.
and that's where I am right now.
they prolonged my injections for another 6 months so I am absolutely ****ing devastated.
yeah man that's the raw honest truth.
thank you for taking your time to read my posts and for your heartly reply.
in other degenerate news i got some more money for food which i deposited.
kthxbai
in other news i am in love with a chick which we will call M1.
however all she does is yapping about her ex...
we had a wonderful ****ing night the 14th december going to a raveish party and then we went to her home and continued dancing and singing.
we took half an ecstasy each and when we were going to do the business i went ****ing limp.
and besides that the meds I am on plus stimulants made my arms and chest twitch so she remarked on that and she couldn't sleep on my ****ing chest.
so we didn't ****ing connect like we ****ing should which tilts me to the moon and beyond.
okay.
then we got M2 which i met on the 25th.
we went to an after at my friend C's place and she didn't vibe with C or the other girl there so she went home.
we had exchanged snapchats so she wrote to me and was like wassup, and i was like do you want me to come over?
and she was like **** yeah.
i know this is a poker journal lol maybe i should write this in my Beats brags variances logs but this is a part of my ****ing life so i am sharing it.
well then comes new years eve and ****ing M1 is at the party with some kind of noob dude lol.
she was not giving me any IOI (PUA term for indicators of interests) and suddenly she disappears with the noob.
im like **** i really want to go to her home again.
and like that M2 writes to me 03:00 and is like I want you to come NOW, and im like listen im kind of with M1 and want to go to her place and she is like bring her too and im like **** no.
well i had taken shrooms so i went in the loops and ****ing searched 3 dance floors for M1 for like half an hour lol.
nope nowhere to be find, well i guess ill go to m2 :(
in the taxi i send her a snap of me partying in the taxi and she sends me a snap of her and some another noob dude im like LOL ffs why didn't you tell me someone else is there? no answer.
big chunky dude in a nice shirt comes in and meets mr M we call him.
after like 45 minutes i see he starts scrolling in his phone for the bus or train to go home and im like **** yeah gtfo dude, and he gtfos.
well M2 several times said we wouldn't do the deeds after like 8 weeks and im like yeah of course, we proceed to do the deeds and she is amazed.
next day M1 calls me and all she yaps about is her ****ing ex R, and im like in my head dude i ****ing told you i had feelings for you and she continues to talk about how much she loves her ex.
ok sorry not sorry i had to bleed out ein bisschen about my life situation with girls.
on the good news we have I who broke up with her boyfriend for me but i was kind of honest with her and told her I had feelings for one girl and had done stuff with another girl.
despite this she invited me tomorrow for her girl friends (not girlfriend lol) birthday party which i will attend.
so yeah bro skarnonmatey you are 100% correct i put my self worth on how i am doing in poker/girls/whatever.
right now I am kind of in the middle because I wrote to M2 today and wanted to see her and she was like i am busy with work, well she is getting the ICE COLD TREATMENT.
okay back to poker.
registered a 2.2 satellite for hot 22 BUSTED
5.5 sattelite to 55 bountybuilder BUSTED
5.5 sattelite to 109 winter series BUSTED
all i got left is 22.23 BB in the big 4.4
and yeah lets share more degeneracy i stole 500 sek from my parents which is like 50 bucks with intention to buy special K.
well my plug didn't answer so i promptly headed home and returned the bill back where it belongs.
im in ****ing excruating mental and psychic pain and to be honest special K barely works nowadays because of my medication but i ****ing do it anyway.
yeah guys.
running like **** with the women lol, M1 hasn't answered in 4 days and M2 is busy and sick and barely replying.
oh so then lets guess how we running in the pokers?
got a 0.55 sat to the hot 7.50 righ now that's my ****ing situation right now lol.
took a tab of acid and they barely ****ing kicking in at all.
plan was to take it and play poker, LOL.
now i got a semi rave in my ****ing room all by myself........
Get help man please
got 10.45 to my name lets start a ****ing grind
I was a bit like you couple years ago. If I wouldn’t have gotten away from my environment and seriously started working on myself I am confident I would be dead already.
Hope you find your way!
