2024 NFL Regular Season: g-bebe’s Lamar attempts to slay Dom’s Josh for title of mafia boss
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
There’s very few people (if anyone) who are on this forum and are more **** the chefs than I am, and I will not watch a single second of this Super Bowl, but at the very least you gotta respect that what we’re watching will never happen again. Bardy had to take massively below market for a decade, Kermit took the bag and they’re still unbeatable
Jawsh and Lamar will be first ballot hall of famers but o/u 0.5 rings between them before they retire is now a reasonable discussion
All that said, seriously, **** the chefs
It's great to have a strong villain that is easy to hate. The Pats seem to have played that role for years--at least for me. It seems that the Chefs may be stepping into that void, but I just can't seem to hate them. Mock them? Yes. Hate? Not quite or not yet.
It's great to have a strong villain that is easy to hate. The Pats seem to have played that role for years--at least for me. It seems that the Chefs may be stepping into that void, but I just can't seem to hate them. Mock them? Yes. Hate? Not quite or not yet.
Give it 2 weeks. I can already sense the hate growing within you.
Spoiler
Chiefs being what they are is good for the NFL. Painful for some consumers but good for the overall product. You need evil empires, you need villains, you need benchmarks for other good teams (i.e. Bills, Ravens) to try and overcome for legacy, story, etc.
For those who claim they won't watch Superb Owl: okay? The last NFL game for 8 months, I'm going to watch if it's Browns-Saints.
For those who claim they won't watch Superb Owl: okay? The last NFL game for 8 months, I'm going to watch if it's Browns-Saints.
Drinking all day, watching whatever golfer I have money on inevitably choke in Phoenix, and then lose even more money on the SB? Top 3 Sunday of the year easily. Can't imagine giving that up.
Extremely pleased that Ravens look to be extending Monken. Obviously at this point the remaining HC opportunities kind of suck. So just run it back, it would be rough for Lamar to get another OC change right at this moment. We should be just as good, only regret is we kind of had very good injury luck so hope that doesn't end.
the philly philly eagles were the necessary turbulence to disrupt all air craft flights from the clean shaven deflated balls of previous touch and go evil empire patriots
long live the images of Jason Kelce in a Mummers outfit
the reason to like the birds is not because the skill players
both sides of the line are extremely skilled and likeable
what's next is another come-uppance to those who confuse destiny with dynasty
I'm totally over the Kelces and hope to never hear either of them speak again but I wonder who Jason supports in the big game?
The failed fourth down ref call is whatever, it's never gonna be anything other than call stands after it was initially made. But the fact that this is a quarter trillion dollar business and we're relying on geriatrics squinting through ten guys who weigh 300+lbs each is hilarious.
Goal line technology is the one technology improvement every soccer fan agrees has been fantastic, can't NFL do something close to that for touchdowns at least? Obviously it's not like for like as we've already seen getting enough angles is impossible with that much action around the ball, but there's got to be something more they can do
Chip in ball seems too obvious
The problem with those technologies is there is a defined point. Like in tennis the ball hits the ground at an exact time in an exact location. In soccer you can just see if a player is offsides as soon as the ball is touched. The NFL adds a variable of if someone is down or if forward progress is stopped.
The technology might be there, but it's not as easy as using it from other sports. A chip in the ball doesn't solve the above variables.
This goes into some of the technical issues with a chip in the ball.
Add to that the issues of the chip not knowing stuff like if the player's elbow is down, if the player was pushed back (so forward progress counts) or the player pulled the ball back on their own volition (meaning no forward progress unless it's the goal line).
Although I guess the chip data can be synced up with visual data of that stuff. But it's not like the chip would just instantly know if the player got the first down for those reasons.
I eagerly await the first 'The chip says it's a first down, but all the camera angles look like it's not!' situation, which will probably go in the Chiefs' favor of course.
Add to that the issues of the chip not knowing stuff like if the player's elbow is down, if the player was pushed back (so forward progress counts) or the player pulled the ball back on their own volition (meaning no forward progress unless it's the goal line).
Although I guess the chip data can be synced up with visual data of that stuff. But it's not like the chip would just instantly know if the player got the first down for those reasons.
Bold is what I was thinking, but as you/Gus said even if it works perfectly and you can get the exact frame of when the ball touches the goal line, in the situations where you'd need it there'd likely be 10 guys all over it so you might not even get a good look at whether they're down or not.
A man can dream I suppose
Imagine the Super Bowl coming down to Eagles down 4 with the ball, first and goal at the 1. It's the 2-minute warning. Chiefs have no timeouts.
Eagles deliberately have Hurts not lose yardage, but also not score for 2 downs to run the clock down to :18 or whatever, then run the tush push on 3rd down. They have a TO so they can also run it on 4th.
That would be wild.
Might be too scared of a penalty. But they'd also be terrified of giving Mahomes the ball.
Imagine the same scenario but it's first and goal from the 5. Do they just run the tush push 4 times? Probably.
Btw, this a thing of beauty:
Danna, Reid and Tranquill basically turn themselves into the base of a cheerleader pyramid to stand up the Bills' O-line and keep them from getting low. Then Hicks delivers the blow that stops Allen in his tracks. Watson stays alert for the shenanigans.
NFL footballs do have RFID chips inside them
I'm def excited for the SB. I'll be rooting for the 3-peat, but I'll be happy as long as both teams score over 20.
we're witnessing greatness though. Maybe I'm alone on this, but I like having a really dominant team
I would have preferred the Commanders/someone else to get there other than the Iggles (for lol Philly reasons) but I'm happy the Chiefs are there. I liked it when the Pats were doing it too.
fortunately I rarely go on to twitter and never listen to sports talk radio but I view casual fans ranting about crooked refs and fixed the same way I view the grown men who unironically dress every other we
It's like you read my mind!
There’s very few people (if anyone) who are on this forum and are more **** the chefs than I am, and I will not watch a single second of this Super Bowl
Anyone who believes this is true, and if it is, anyone who believes this is by choice, I have some beachfront property to sell you. Clearly his wife has made other plans for him.
You could really improve the accuracy of short-yardage down calls by having a camera aiming right down the line to gain on both sides of the field, plus the eye in the sky right over the line. It's not perfect and it's not going to catch everything but it's better than only having one camera on one side sometimes or a camera two yards behind the line to gain etc.
The NFL of course will never do that because "reasons"
indeed. the chips serve other purposes
was responding to posts that said NFL footballs should have chips in them
as i mentioned in the game thread, this is the best of both worlds for the NFL. gives the shouting shows/radio call-in types something to chew over and talk about. ROG has to love the ref controversty that happens week-to-week in the league
