2023 NFL Conference Championships

#3 Kansas City Chiefs @ #1 Baltimore Ravens (-3.5. Total: 44.5)
12 PM PST, CBS

Kansas City Chiefs: 11-6, AFC West Champion
WC: 26-7 v Miami
Divisional: 27-24 @ Buffalo
AFC Championship Record: 3-3
Last Appearance: 2023

This is the 6th straight year the Chefs have made the AFC Championship. ****.

Also did you know Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelce?

Also did you know Britney Mahomes was seen in the box with TayTay?

Why the Chiefs will be in the Super Bowl

You can sit here and lament the sheer boredom of this all you want but the reality is Patrick Mahomes is the only player in the NFL with GOAT equity. This offense ****ing sucks. Between all the drops, between Toney being alive, between Hardman doing whatever the **** that was and the Walrus allowing it to happen, it's truly wild Mahomes has gotten them here by sheer force of will. If you had to pick one QB in all the world to win a single game with your life on the line, it's Mahomes.

Baltimore Ravens: 13-4, AFC North Champion
WC: Bye
Divisional: 34-10 v Texans
AFC Championship Record: 2-2
Last Appearance: 2013

Not bad for a runningback

Why the Ravens will be in the Super Bowl

In the revolving door of MVP candidates this year, RB1 is the first one that is beyond repute and you can objectively say deserves the award. They have been the best team in the AFC by a WIDE margin, their defense has been fantastic and Zay Flowers has emerged as a competent WR which is a very new thing for Lamar. Andrews seems likely to return but even if he doesn't Likely has been phenomenal. If we are being honest, Buffalo beat themselves on Sunday. Baltimore has proven themselves to be too smart to fall for that bullshit

#3 Detroit Lions @ #1 San Francisco 49ers (-7. Total: 50.5)
3:30 PM PST, Fox

Detroit Lions: 12-5, NFC North Champion
WC: 24-23 v Rams
Divisional: 31-23 v Buccaneers
NFC Championship Record: 0-1
Last Appearance: 1992

Won't lie, it's a pretty ballsy bet to name your kid the god of sun and air and have him turn into one of the elite WRs in football

Also. YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF IN THE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Also. Detroit-style pizza pretty good

Also. FREEGEAR

Why the Lions will be in the Super Bowl

I'm not stupid enough to say "fate" so i won't. That said:

Dan Campbell is pretty **** it YOLO which is the kind of mentality you are going to need to beat a superior (on paper) team on the road.

The Random Number Borkerator can roll snakeyes, in which case fml this is going to be a long ****ing night.

The Lions are playing with house money literally regardless of what happens. While Goff hasn't exactly been a world beater the rest of the roster has been. Hutchinson is a ****ing monster, Campbell is no coward, this Gibbs guy seems decent and Sun and Air God is a decent receiver. Look, I just watched the niners almost lose to the Packers.

Which brings me to my next point: the 9ers are the only team left that objectively didn't deserve to win. The mistakes the Packers made do not seem to be mistakes the Lions will replicate; if the 9ers bring that same energy on Sunday the Lions are going to ****ing smoke them.

San Francisco 49ers: 12-5, NFC West Champion
WC: Bye
Divisional: 24-21 v Packers
NFC Championship Record: 7-11
Last Appearance: 2023

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

**** my life

My oven is screwed

Side note: if the 9ers win no matter who they play it'll be one of the 2 teams to beat them in a Super Bowl. So that's cool i guess.

Why the 49ers will be in the Super Bowl

Objectively speaking the 49ers are the best team in football. In the 12 regular season games they won they looked like generational greatness. In the 4 (**** you i don't count the Rams) losses they looked like ****ing buffoons with no concept for reality.

Until the Packers game there has never been a game where people could point to and say "Bork willed this team to victory" and look, Bork was the reason they almost lost, but with the chips in the middle he won that game.

The 9ers are fantastic at all aspects, but the reality of it is that the Random Number Borkerator needs to come up 11. That has already happened 12.5 times. Just needs to happen one more time.

Or who knows, maybe Kyle pulls a Womp and decides Bork won't throw more than 8 times. The only position where the 9ers are objectively inferior is idk maybe kicker? I shouldn't be worried. I am anyway.

Let's rumble