Super Bowl 58: #3 Kansas City Chiefs vs #1 San Francisco 49ers (-1)
Kansas City Chiefs: 11-6, AFC West Champion
WC: 26-7 v Miami
Divisional: 27-24 @ Buffalo
Conference: 17-10 @ Baltimore
Super Bowl Record: 3-2
Last Appearance: Super Bowl 57 (38-35 W v Philadelphia)
How they got here:
If you followed along Kansas City's offense has done everything imaginable to ruin this for Kermit and the Swifties. So many drops, Toney lining up offsides to force them to play on the road, despite an incredible defense this really seemed like the year Kansas City was finally going to be not remotely close to the best team in the AFC. Then they get into the playoffs and put in some ****ing work. Mahomes scored 14 points in the first 2 drives, a field goal since and that was good enough to beat the ****ing Ravens at home. Pretty eye-opening no matter how you look at it.
Mahomes played on the road in the playoffs for the first time in his career (which in it of itself is an insane stat for a guy who is now playing in his 4th Super Bowl) and they put in work. They played on the road for the second time in his career. And they put in work. Patrick Mahomes remains the only active NFL player with equity to go down as the greatest to ever play.
San Francisco 49ers: 12-5, NFC West Champion
WC: Bye
Divisional: 24-21 v Green Bay
Conference: 34-31 v Detroit
Super Bowl Record: 5-2
Last Appearance: Super Bowl 54 (31-20 L v Kansas City)
Last Win: Super Bowl 29 (49-26 v San Diego)
How they got here:
Holy ****ing ****.
The Niners started the season 5-0 and in doing so looked like a generationally dominant team that was going to run away with the NFL.
Then they lost Trent and Deebo, lost 3 straight and looked like total ass doing so causing everyone to assume they were frauds.
Then they won 6 straight and in doing so looked like a generationally dominant team and Brock ****ing Purdy was the runaway betting favorite to win the MVP.
Then Christmas happened.
But all's well that ends well and they made the playoffs as the #1 seed.
Then the Green Bay game happened.
For 50 minutes Bork played like I would and the Niners looked finished. Then he pulled a hell of a comeback out of his ass and they won.
Then the Detroit game happened.
I literally just watched this game a couple hours ago and I still can't explain to you what happened and how except that somehow someway the Niners won. And that's cool!
What makes this Super Bowl so compelling
I can see why people hate both of these franchises for a thousand different reasons, but brace yourself for what will be the most watched televised sporting event (possibly most watched television event of any kind) in American history. And it probably lives up to that. Obviously the Swift element is...a thing. And we are going to have 2 weeks of lead-up for that which will be...a thing. But put that aside for a second and there are stories galore.
Whatever you think of Brock Purdy, last year he was the last pick of the draft. This year he is starting in the Super Bowl. Could he have pulled this off if any other team drafted him? Of course not. He fell ass backwards into an epic situation and the Niners fell ass backwards into a lucky draft pick. Trading 3 1s to move up in the most overrated draft in history only to have your franchise QB be some random guy from Iowa who only got the job because the two guys in front of him went down? If this weren't shoved down your throat for the better part of a year and a half it's the coolest story since Kurt Warner, bagman, who only got the job because the two guys in front of him went down. Btw, this time last year the guy broke his ****ing elbow and yet here we are.
Holy **** Patrick Mahomes. 6 years as a starter. Has made it to the AFC Championship 6 times. Has made it to the Super Bowl 4 times. Has a chance to get his 3rd ring and the ****er is only 28. He won't have Brady level longevity but we are witnessing absolute greatness like most of us have not seen in our lifetime. It sucks if you are a fan of any other team but the Chefs but still.
Rumors circulating this may be the last ride of the Walrus. Historically the man is both massive and massively underrated. His work with Philadelphia was both amazing and unlucky. His work with Kansas City has been nothing short of legendary. 4 Super Bowl appearances in 5 years with the potential for 3 wins. I would argue he is the actual greatest coach in NFL history.
Which is a good segue into the modern day iteration of Philadelphia Walrus. Ever since the Falcons implosion I would argue no coach in the NFL has more more criticism despite more success than Kyle Shanahan. The guy is an objectively brilliant offensive mind and in his 7 years as Niners coach they have gone to the NFC Championship 4 of the last 5 years and twice have made it to the Super Bowl. And they did this with QB luminaries like the Womp and the Bork. Kyle schemes like nobody in the NFL can but every time the Niners fell short it all fell on him despite the fact that they overperformed to get where they were in the first place.
This game is a rematch of Super Bowl 54 which still hurts my ****ing soul (Bosa was held on 4th and Tyreek, never believe different). These two teams don't have much history but the history they do have is massive. SB 54 kickstarted the Chiefs dynasty and the failure of Womp to close it kickstarted the Niners neverending hunt for a franchise QB that went from maybe Brady to maybe Rodgers to maybe Lance to....Purdy? Lots of trajectories changed 4 years ago and we come full circle.
Why the Chiefs will win the Super Bowl
This defense is good. Like, really good. Like, really really good. Pacheco has stepped up and the Niners run defense has been horrendous so far in the playoffs. Plus, you know, that Patrick Mahomes guy. Mahomes smoked the Ravens for the first 2 drives on the road which is as comparable as there is to a theoretical matchup with the Niners defense. The Niners have been pretty lax the entire playoffs to start the game and 1. both games are at home and 2. neither teams they faced are as good as Kansas City. There is no margin of error for lazy bullshit and if the Niners bring that energy to the Super Bowl this is going to be a ****ing rout.
Why the 49ers will win the Super Bowl
The Niners have an overwhelming amount of talent. The biggest knock against them is that they could not play from behind and the entire playoffs they had to come from behind. Were they lucky against the Lions? Absolutely. But they proved that even down 17 points they have a QB who is not going to be overwhelmed by the moment and a defense that can still step up when needed even if they failed catastrophically. As good as the Chiefs defense is they have yet to face an offense like the 49ers with as much efficiency and talent across the board as they have. Plus this defense is ludicrously talented. They may take 30 minutes to get jumpstarted but once they do they are locked in.
Gentlemen, let us Super Bowl.
The year in 1994. A 9 year old SRM has a dad determined to connect with him by way of mutual love of sports. He is introduced to football. It takes his dad 4 games to explain how a first down works. Later than sooner the nuances of football start to make sense. Father and son watch every week until the Super Bowl. Father remembers a time when the cowboys owned the 49ers. Son never knew such a time. The Niners go to the Super Bowl
Between the nfc championship and the Super Bowl father and son bond over watching old vhs tapes of the Niners last second heroics against the bengals. Son is confused why Montana is a chef and not a niner. Father offers no explanation
Father and son watch as the Niners absolutely obliterate the chargers. Father is psyched by the rarity, don watching football for the first year of his life assumes it’ll be like this forever. Jerry Rice jersey is purchased
Years pass. Son learns football actually kinda rips your heart out. Son becomes an adult watching Mike Nolan coached football. Son is dead inside.
Years pass still. Parents get divorced. It is messy. Really messy. Son sides with mother. He does not speak to father for 5 years despite his father’s best efforts.
2019. Mom’s mother dies. It’s a brutal time. At the memorial father shows up unexpected. Son asks mom what he should do. Mom tells son it’s time to forgive. Son approaches father and speaks to him for the first time in a long time
2 months later the Niners play in the Super Bowl against the chefs. Mother asks son if he wants father with the extended family to watch the game. Son debates this for some time before relenting that it’s time to let all this **** go. Says to invite father. For the first time in years the entire family is in the same house. And they watch the Super Bowl together
The chefs win
Lots of ink for KC going to 6 straight championship games, remarkable. With less ink about it the Niners have won 2 playoff games each of their last 6 appearances, all recent, and have gone to the conference championship game their last 7 times in the playoffs over the last 15 years. Who else has won 2 playoff games in 6 straight appearances, I wonder?
The year in 1994. A 9 year old SRM has a dad determined to connect with him by way of mutual love of sports. He is introduced to football. It takes his dad 4 games to explain how a first down works. Later than sooner the nuances of football start to make sense. Father and son watch every week until the Super Bowl. Father remembers a time when the cowboys owned the 49ers. Son never knew such a time. The Niners go to the Super Bowl
Between the nfc championship and the Super Bowl father and son bond
👍
thx for sharing. perhaps contact the Hallmark Channel too
Already have remi Malek on stand by to play me
Fingers crossed both coaches get tricky
Spoiler
Over the decades, make that half century +, every time I said "I don't have anything on this" regarding a championship game, I really, really didn't have it. On every occasion when I took a side for the hell of it, it blew. Every time that I can remember anyway. It was a thing. Kind of like with the Computer Group brass who would pound their hand on the table and swear every single time they took a bad number the play would blow.
So I've got nothing on this game. There is no play coming out of my consciousness regarding it. I like the Niners multi-year journey angle, ala Michigan this year. But to take Purdy against Mahomes is violating some kind of principle. But KC is way < than they have been in recent years. McCaffrey and Deebo seem to be the two biggest playmakers, non-QB. Reid is what Belichick was rumored to be: GOAT-ish. Taylor factor seemed jinxy but is in ascendancy.
One of the old CG guys says the Niners are better at virtually every position, and healthier. Purdy numbers better than Mahomes this year. Is that a thing?
I don't have it. Taking the Niners a dab. On the Michigan factor as much as anything else.
Harbaugh gonna turn that shyt around real, real fast. His next hard-on undoubtedly will be for Mahomes/Reid/Chiefs. His history with hard-ons is pretty good. I see he didn't hire Carroll as an OC or Secretary of State or anything (Trump/Romney). Go figure.
58 years of Super Bowls. I only missed one. I remember we were at church for the Steelers/Vikings. Nobody could score. Got the half-time score during church of 2-0. Was beyond dramatic, the weirdness of that score. Some of the highlights for me over the years: Broadway Joe, the O'Brien FG when the game was just becoming an event, the Steeler/Cowboy thing and Noll giving the ball back to Staubach in great field position with a minute or so to go, the undefeated season and my Browns almost taking the Dolphins down in the first round up 14-13 late I think it was the big play late made by my favorite player Paul Warfield traded from Browns to Dolphins, the Bengals sliding into the Big Game here and there amid futility, Montana/Walsh genius-osity, Tampa Bay covering some kind of number on a late pick-6 (I think it was the 2nd half line), Brady's last minute drive versus the Rams from deep in their own end ("Don't try it, Tom, don't try it"), the Giants down 10-9 at half with 100% equity.
It's been real.
I just want to be entertained. Some kickahs some lol refs and some womp, metaphorically speaking.
I want to hammer the books unprecedented, but am feeling gunshy fearing a Taylor Swift Psy-op.
crazy. it's been 40 yrs since this ad transformed the business of SB commercials. i remember watching it live and actually thinking to myself what i just watched was significant in some way
Let’s Super Bowl. Good luck SRM, Suzzer, Madlex, Swifties, and all other fans of today.
Purple Gatorade +137
Successful 2PC +275
o19.5 jersey of first TD scorer -120
QB to win MVP -225
Either team to score TD on opening drive +110
Both teams to make 33+yd FG -162
Can you tell I hate both these teams?
Who is singing the anthem and what's the line?
My Dad in Germany just called to ask if I'm going to watch the game tonight because Kansas City plays in it and to let me know he heard on the news that the girlfriend of the most important player made it back to the US on time and will be at the game.
Pretty sure he added the "most important player" to the actual news. Didn't bother asking if he ever heard the name Taylor Swift before.
Look for me in the crowd, I'll have a bigole sign that says
nima jooyandeh is a scammer and a thief
😃
Chiefs win
Mahomes hosts SNL and sings Rainbow Connection
1. BB's failings were mainly due to GM Bellichick and not HC Bellichick, imo. Even getting the number of wins that he did out of Jones and Zappe is a ****ing miracle.
Patriots 2022 preseason total was 8.5 wins, they finished 8-9
Patriots 2023 preseason total was 7.5 wins, they finished 4-13
