Online dating thread

but to answer the questions

i've never done premium, it seems to have some perks but from what i've read it's not a magical solution, just makes logisitics easier

gathering 90 likes is good, it means you're a hot commodity, but probably 85 of them are fatties you're not interested in - you'll be able to see them all if you do premium instead of parsing through via swipes - you'll start seeing these in the wild when you swipe left and it mentions the "missed connection" - without premium you'll slowly come across them and tinder will occasionally bring them to the spotlight, once every few days i'll get a "here's someone who already likes you" event popup and then i can choose to match or say no (it's nearly always a pass)

incognito is very much what you want right now i would assume but idk, depends on the population size of where you are, if it's a smallest/tight community it may not be in your best interests to have people you know see you on the apps so soon

location is fluid, it automatically expands based on lack of options and also means someone probably commuted within your range earlier that day, when i'm in manhattan i do 1 mile but still match with people in jersey/queens/brooklyn because they work in manhattan during the day

bumble left = never see again without premium
tinder left = never see until you've cycled through the options and then they'll start getting thrown in there again, in maine where there's often no new people the app will bring in the old discards after a few months

very interested to hear your tr on the 52 vs 49 thing post match

glgl

GL,FW. 5 million is a lot of people, enjoy your life as a road warrior.

This is the right move iyam. Just hang out and see how things go.

Whatever you do, don't appear too eager or start messaging her randomly before your next meeting.

I would guess if you just want to ****, you can hoover up a lot of separated 40yos in your late 40s early 50s, especially if you have a decent job and look after yourself.

Most men in their 40s have no interest in women in their 40s, especially if they have kids, so their dating pool is almost exclusively men 10 years older than they are.

However, most women in their 40s overestimate their mate value, so lying about your age is probably a good move to get your foot in the door.

have been in a relationship with an alcoholic who refused to admit it and get help/stop drinking - it was pretty brutal going through that, wasn't even the fun kind of alcoholic as she didn't like the social aspect of it or even alcohol, it was just a delivery mechanism to get drunk that she would do on her own and in secret

being a slut wasn't the negative part, it was the part where in order to be banging multiple women all at once i had to treat a number of them quite poorly in order to ensure they understood it was just a casual thing - that's the part i regret - girl wants to spend the night but i have another coming over later, she isn't taking the hints so i just tell her another girl is coming to bang so she must leave and then she leaves in tears and of course as she finally leaves the other girl is there about to knock on the door but thinks this means "she won" so she's ok with it until the cycle repeats with her as well

not just about not treating them poorly, there's 1 or 2 i think i could have been really happy with if i weren't so focused on collecting strange

Yeah, I won’t be doing that stuff. I’m gonna be the primary carer for my kids and it’s possible that initially I might be with them the whole time so I’ll have to be playing away from home I’d guess and won’t have a huge amount of time. They’re teenagers so it’s not like I can’t leave them for the evening but not sure I’ll be bringing birds back for a while

And yep, my wife drank in secret during the day as well and always denied it. But always his the empty bottles of vodka around the house which is apparently very common.

And actually it was the lying and deceit that screwed it up for me as much or more than the drinking

yeah, although she was a nasty drunk who would often pick fights or destroy things like throwing an ashtray at the tv or some stuff out the window

the part that really got me was the secret manner in which she engaged in it, would have taken me far longer to realize she even had a problem if she were just like "i'm going to have a scotch, would you like one?" where I would have thought "ok that's normal even though you kind of suck sometimes when you drink" instead of sneaking off into the other room and just pounding it directly from the bottle, often from a secret stash she had keistered away somewhere then there's the obvious wtf? why do it secretly?

especially since at the time i met her I was a pretty big drinker - i almost never drink solo/at home, i'm not the kind of person to have a drink while watching the game etc, but will drink heavily when socializing, something that is not nearly as acceptable behavior when not in an expat community and something i've had to teach myself to not do at social events here where you notice everyone just has 1-2 drinks so perhaps there's not only no need to double fist but in fact makes you stand out like a pariah

being an expat leads to a lot of bad habits, truth be told, are mostly high functioning alcoholics, hence why they go abroad in the first place as language/cultural barriers can do wonders to hide your problems from others so it's by and large a heavily degenerate group of people - the darjeeling limited captured it perfectly

my default setting in social situations is to be farva

quite a few times on her way home she'd stop at the corner shop and buy some booze and just pound it in the hallway/stairwell of the apartment building, once security had to call me up at 2am to say that she was passed out in the elevator

still in touch with her, still doesn't think she has a problem, claims to not drink anymore though but probably another lie

My bad, seems like you know what you're talking about.

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I think it seems fine. For all rick knows she is using the professional angle to see him again. I do agree that it's a fine line and probably needs to be addressed quickly if it's not obvious.

I'd say just given time passing without doing anything extra rick will pretty likely find out if she's interested in him.

Been a slow couple of months on the apps for me - wrote this piece for fun, wonder if it would be taken too seriously if I put it in my profile

Underrated Reasons To Swipe Left On Me

was the roth ira question on the first date natural or did it come off as badly as it sounds?

As badly as it sounds - zero lead-in to her asking that, 5 minutes into the date, just after we ordered drinks

oh man, did you go along with it, tell her that was a bit much, turn the tables and ask about her finances, leave/continue

did your dick get wet?

I had a friend reach out when she saw me on a singles group on facebook recently. She asked what happened, I told her about my breakup from my gf (we hadn't really announced it yet but it was already officially over). We talked a bit, and kind of left it there.

I hosted a game night for a group of friends last weekend, and invited her. As we discussed it, i realized she was flirting with me, so i asked her about it, and we started discussing our mutual interest in each other. We started dating and i didn't even need to deal with dating sites. I feel optimistic about this so far, and hope it continues to go well.

Point here is definitely that if someone reaches out after noticing you're recently single, there's a good chance they're interested and you should pursue it if you are interested as well.

That's great cokeboy99. Legit happy for you.

Thanks. It is going well so far and she matches my energy in every way. I am definitely optimistic and looking forward to what the future holds.

Someone recently told me I should be cautious so as not to get hurt. But i feel like if I'm not giving my all, am I really being my true self? I'm not scared of getting hurt anymore. I've survived a lot and refuse to give less than 100%, especially with someone that has a chance at becoming long-term and great. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I see it.

It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never ordered a Wendy's Dave's Double before.

Oof, that's a definite cold shoulder reply.

She's not being mean but she is telling you she's not very interested in you.

So just send a cursory message back telling her thanks for the reply, and let you know if she wants to hang out.

At best you might get a "u up?" one desperate night, but don't hold your breath.

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brutal response, i wanted to copy and paste the last 2 weeks worth of texts but its no use.

it is cold shoulder, i been told to just send a text about my feelings and asking if I was too strong or whatever but its obv shes done with me.

also hurts bad. I was gonna text her on sunday a send a lets get a drink or bite to eatr sometime this week but I just want to know what happeend, my inner circle says move on let it go never text back but if i do just send a good worded text about above

for those that missed the text

for context I sent a txt Tuesday no response which was super weird then on friday I sent a "hey x how are you hope all is well, want to let you know im thinking about you"

then she responded to me on MONDAY so legit 6 days til i heard : (

we were textign each other every day mainly for a 2-3 months but the last two weeks sometiems it woudl be next day from her.. we did hang out a total of 15x most of those were at her place and spent the night

If youre sexy, use tinder. If youre not, use bumble. If youre hip and sexy, use hinge. Use premium. Get great photos. Do not text too much. The less you text the best. Literally flirt for like 3-4 lines then ask them if they wanna get a drink in next 3-5 days.

do not text them too much, do not discuss your divorce, and do not start swiping until wife moves out. Most women will despise you for dating while wife lives with you

exactly

if a girl wants to **** you, they start by talking to you. Do not mention that you both like eachother, girls are inherently insecure so once you let them know you like them(aka they have you), they lose interest. Sorry, thats how it works. Women want men they think they cant have, it helps them feel like they "still got it"

She doesnt like you. Stop all contact at once and figure out how you ****ed up.

you know what happened; shes not interested in you romantically. block her and move on

this is all actually pretty much accurate IMO

I am only on tinder. I don't know if this is a lot, but I got a load of likes - I think like 150 in the first week or sth. Enough anyway that I paid for a month subscription so I could see them all A load of them weren't great - I'd say there was a 25% 'wood' factor in terms of women I would have been prepared to meet and talk to sober. And some of them I felt downright insulted that they thought they had a chance

I filtered a lot of the decent ones out for distance - I live near a big city but I'm about 25 miles north of it in quite a niche location and I just know there's no point connecting with women more than 10-15 miles away because I just can't be bothered. And it's not like I can have them to mine yet anyway, given I'm sole parent to 3 kids

There were quite a few who would have been happy to hook up, but they were skanky and the combination of that plus the distance/having to drive to them and therefore be sober made me 'meh' them out.

And then the ones who seemed both nice looking and sane either wanted to text a ton or it all seemed to get quite difficult when they found out I still had my ex in the same house (albeit she's in rehab for 4 weeks right now). Some of them were out immediately with that info, others weren't but they were generally nice women/lonely/wanting a partner and I just don't have the heart to start dating them, then **** them and then it fizzled out. Some lonely people out there...lots who just want to have someone to text with

So...net, net. It's really way too early for me to be on there and I definitely won't go on bumble and hinge til I'm living separately to the wife and have some free evenings. I'll probably stay on tinder just in case there's a 7+ who is local and good to go. There was one who was both hot and very keen but she's also just split and is living with her parents. So literally nowhere to go unless we book a hotel

it's quite addictive though, just jumping on each night and seeing what's there/who has liked me.

I am that girl quite often even with women I legitimately care about - get caught up/distracted in things and my add just shuts off that part of the world and it's like I forgot it ever existed

for example, I'll see I have a pressing issue I urgently need to deal with that requires my phone, I pick up the phone and as I go to open up gmail and respond to that urgent email, I see a notification for a soccer result so I click that real quick to just see who it was that scored and then from there I enter a rabbit hole of whatever it was that grabbed my attention momentarily and 3 hours later I finish reading an entire Wikipedia article about an Ottoman emperor and have no memory at all of that email i needed to urgently respond to which is why i picked up my phone in the first place

for example, the reason i picked up my laptop right now was to place a sports bet, but then i saw a 2p2 logo on the bookmark page that leads to my subbed threads and noticed there was a new online dating post which I'm now responding to and I still haven't placed my bet even though the game will start shortly and the line i liked may not be there anymore but i saw a friggin logo and just had to click - frankly, if that sports bet wasn't actively on my mind now, not to place the bet but to use as an example of things i meant to do but got to distracted to do, i probably wouldn't have even recalled it and 50 2p2 posts later see the game is over and remember i was supposed to have bet on it

out of sigh out of mind is a very real thing for a lot of people, her respond perfectly mirrors my own response when i want to convey to someone that i do genuinely care about them but was truly distracted

I wouldn't rule her out, she could just have add

I know guys who have never gotten 150 matches total on their tinder accounts. You’re crushing it.