Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis
I woke up in the middle of choking to death again; though to be accurate, it was towards the end of the process--woke up right away in a white hot panic with black spots of permanent unconsciousness swooping in across both sides of my vision.
Calm yourself, was the first important step. My lungs were soaked, steeped in the things that belonged only in my stomach, and locked up tight. My air passage was blocked and burning with bile and hydrochloric acid. No, I don't have asthma. I have a drinking problem.
Spoiler
Though, now that I think about it, is that inhaler thing any good? Maybe I'll try a hit sometime, just to see.
This was last Friday, just a few hours after I'd quit my office job of twelve years to take a shot at playing poker for a living out West in Nevada. This will not be my first shot at gambling for a living; although I have only tried something like this once before, many years ago.
Around the turn of the century I quit college most of the way through my senior year and I moved out to Las Vegas for 8 years. My experiences were somewhat of interest: rampant drunkenness, a stolen lab animal, solid card counting, North Korean meth, time spent with Mormons, advantage slot grinding, a cowardly pass on an FBI Most Wanted bounty, facing contempt of court charges, and dressing up as Albus Dumbledore. You can find that in my BBV thread.
[U][url]https://forumserver.twoplustwo.c...[/U][/URL] .
That thread held up pretty well in BBV, which is not nothing.
Starting meditative relaxation can be problematic when you're dying from choking on your own puke. I sat up straight, blind from the black splotches that had slapped away the weak light of the kitchen stove. I dropped my shoulders, relaxed my chest and upper arms, and then, projecting calm with all my might, I tried my throat. I pictured my lungs and throat opening up just a tiny passage, for just a little air to go by--something to get me started. And they did, untethering just the smallest little rivulet of air, and it made the most terrifying sound as it went through. It always does.
Whatever you've heard from actors pretending to gasp after being choked, the reality is worse. At least no one was with me this time. When that's been the case, the other person has invariably freaked the **** out when they've heard my gasping and choking routine, which only adds the burden of myself having to reassure them through nodding and non-frantic gestures, so that they won't call 911, as I hate the idea of calling the cops.
April 13th of this year was 14 months without me having a drink. During that long stretch I had honestly forgotten why I'd quit. That's right, I had completely purged from my recall the years of nighttime memories of myself almost choking to death, this happening once or twice every couple of weeks on average. Now, the terrifying night wakeups didn't happen even once during the 14 dry months. But 3 weeks back into drinking--oh yeah--there was that thing, wasn't there?.
Now, there was something else I'd forgotten about. And that's the Double Tap. The Double Tap happens when I don't force my drunk and tired and traumatized self to remain awake for a good two or three hours after a choking incident. If I fall back asleep before then, I wake up choking to death all over again. And sure enough, that happened last Friday, and I had to save myself again.
So on Saturday I jumped back on the waggy, and Cinco de Mayo is now my new anniversary date, and that's really enough about drinking. I'm not here to write about that business. I should have been done with it; and now I am.
My flight leaves for Reno in a few hours, and I'll be out there for the next 3 weeks scouting out the live poker games in the city. If I like it, that's where I'm moving to.
Nice comeback suitedjustice!
I found it very impressive that you somehow kept your cool and kept playing after these few more than annoying beats.
A big congrats sir.
Yeah, that's great!
I guess that's part of being a pro, having the ability to put bad events in your rearview and move forward w/o it affecting your play. Or maybe affecting ongoing play as little as possible.
Thanks, guys!
All these years, I've been rewarding myself for ragequitting, allowing myself to go home early and relax and goof off. Putting a stop to this is one of the smarter things I've done. Now I can go home and relax and goof off once my shift is done, like a normal person.
twas a sloppy post with a nuanced point only decoded by someone in a similar state of mind at the time of origin
apologies to you and Mack for the derail
No worries! It fits in nicely with the recent gummy theme in this part of the thread.
Spoiler
It's probably just me, then.
Today I worked a pretty standard day at the casino. Available slot plays continue to decline. I chose a couple of marginal, high variance plays and they worked out...this time.
On the poker front, I witnessed a very strange ruling from the floor. I posted it in Venues and Communities, but I'll cross-post it here.
This just happened: UTG straddles for $5. UTG+1 raises to $15, folds back to UTG, who finds that he's been dealt only one card.
Floor is called and his decision is that UTG can either play his one card or muck. He will not be dealt another card. Floor leaves and everyone is shocked. The two players agree to take back their bets, blinds take back their money and the dealer looks the other way.
I've never seen anything like it. I thought that players need to show two cards to win a hand.
I'll be back at the MGM tomorrow to continue my quest for a 40 hour week.
MGM Springfield $1/$2 poker: 6 hours
+$94.00
MGM Springfield Slots: 2 hours
+$255.85
2024 Running Poker Total: 107 hours, +$858.00
2024 Running Slot Total: 77 hours, +3694.19
2024 Grand Total: 184 hours, +4552.19
UTG should have been given another card or had his hand killed.
But players made a good decision. 😉 Continuing a previous theme, the only people who know less about poker than the dealers and the players are the floors.
and the floor satisfied to simply be above the basement
Nothing compelling from today to report. I worked a third full day in a row and booked a small win. Tomorrow I'll take the day off. I've been trying to write for an hour or more every day, so I might work on an album review in the morning.
Tomorrow night is Thursday Family Dinner Night—my brother and sister-in-law's idea. They enjoy visiting with my parents. I feel lucky to be my age and to have both parents still alive and mentally present, but I'm not one for long visits, and I have trouble staying long enough to cross the red time line out of rudeness.
The rest of my family can sit around and chatter together all day and all night, but I start squirming—mentally if not physically—after around 90 minutes, and I always feel that I have to stay another hour after that to avoid the rude exit. This is my issue and not my family's. They are normal people and I am not normal people.
MGM Springfield $1/$2 poker: 6 hours
+$22.00
MGM Springfield Slots: 2 hours
+$33.02
2024 Running Poker Total: 113 hours, +$880.00
2024 Running Slot Total: 79 hours, +$3727.21
2024 Grand Total: 192 hours, +$4607.21
I'm watching the film Poor Things starring Emma Stone, one of my favorite actresses from that younger generation. The movie takes place in a sort of steampunk magical realist Europe where Stone's character Bella is a suicide resurrected via a baby's transplanted brain, the operation having been performed by a physically and emotionally scarred Willem Dafoe's mad scientist.
Bella approaches the world with no social hangups and an inquiring mind. She initially falls under the spell of a cad womanizer played by Mark Ruffalo, but he in turn falls hopelessly and unrequitedly in love with her and gets a taste of his own medicine when Bella sleeps around, drops him, and eventually becomes a prostitute in Paris for fun, enlightenment and profit.
I've gotten to the part where Ruffalo's character stalks up to Bella and her friend on their way to a meeting of socialists and calls them whores. And Bella answers, "We are our own means of production."
I initially laughed and thought, so am I. I am my own means of production, just like a sex worker. Then I had to wonder what it is that I produce. I guess one can say that, like a whore, I'm also in the entertainment and leisure business. I serve as an opponent who players may test their luck and skill against. So that's something, I guess.
The slot part, on the other hand, is just scavenging. People leave crumbs of EV laying around and a swoop in and pick them up.
Then I had to wonder what it is that I produce. I guess one can say that, like a whore, I'm also in the entertainment and leisure business. I serve as an opponent who players may test their luck and skill against. So that's something, I guess.
The slot part, on the other hand, is just scavenging. People leave crumbs of EV laying around and a swoop in and pick them up.
Yep, in response to the question of what poker pros produce, the only compelling thing I've heard is "entertainment." To extend your analogy in a different direction, away from a battle-o'-wits: a pro, like a whore, is paid to keep company with her customers, many of whom are entitled, annoying, and unsavory cardplayers she'd never want to spend time with elsewhere.
Now you've made me want to watch Poor Things. Thanks for the rec!
Yep, in response to the question of what poker pros produce, the only compelling thing I've heard is "entertainment." To extend your analogy in a different direction, away from a battle-o'-wits: a pro, like a whore, is paid to keep company with her customers, many of whom are entitled, annoying, and unsavory cardplayers she'd never want to spend time with elsewhere.
Now you've made me want to watch Poor Things. Thanks for the rec!
It's an excellent movie, definitely worth a rental. Be warned, though: it's chock full of sex scenes, so it's not a family night movie by any means.
Yep, in response to the question of what poker pros produce, the only compelling thing I've heard is "entertainment." To extend your analogy in a different direction, away from a battle-o'-wits: a pro, like a whore, is paid to keep company with her customers, many of whom are entitled, annoying, and unsavory cardplayers she'd never want to spend time with elsewhere.
+1000. To add to the above : entertainment is such a MAJOR part of first world expenses, so I do not think it can be overstated, on the contrary! That said, so many (young) pros do not get it and act like the entitled/arrogant f**ks that they are suppose to cater to - imho, a pro should cater to the VIPs (in an authentic way) much like the casino does.
I also need to watch Poor Things, but did catch Dune 2 though 
So I watched it now too cos late last evening, I was like f*that, that's not how it's gonna be, spoilers ahead
Spoiler
I agree with suited for the most part and also the description of Villenveuve, it's a movie to watch. But quite honestly I liked the first part moar. I like scenic, epic, transcending, or whatnot. The second part was much moar of a regular action movie, k, nothing wrong with that but not exactly what I was looking for.
And tbqh after watching that, I looked up most of the backstory on wiki, now I understand it much better, before that a few things were quite a bit questionable or underdeveloped or whatever. It's still way above average so there's that.
One more criticism, that Austin Butler guy (didn't know him before) seems to have been one of the worst casts ever. That guy was like way too cute (for lack of a better word, FWIW, I'm not gay) for the role he was supposed to portray. He seemed like a love parade techno dancer, he didn't seem like anything remotely close to what he was supposed to play. Anyways looking forward to watchin the closing part of the trilogy
So I watched it now too cos late last evening, I was like f*that, that's not how it's gonna be, spoilers ahead
Sting played Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen in the David Lynch version, so I took Butler as an improvement on that. I think that Lynch's Dune was underrated to a certain extent, especially after seeing the full version—the original screen release was butchered in editing to the point of incoherence. His was an ambitious and fascinating failure...but Sting? Nah.
Spoiler
I WILL KILL HIM!!!!
We should also note that Kyle MacLachlan's and Timothée Chalamet's Pauls were both pretty boys, so we could see Feyd-Rautha as sort of a comparable foil. I think the Baron does make some remarks about Feyd's beauty in the book, but don't hold me to that.
I've started rereading Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. Both the book and the late author have become fraught with a lot of handwringing in recent years, and rightly so over several facets. I'll get to that business if I write a review when I finish the book. It is over 1000 pages long, with another 200+ pages of endnotes, so it's going to be weeks or months before I finish.
For now, I'd like you to take a look at how a master constructs sentences and paragraphs with dialog. This is from the first few pages of the book.
'The issues my office faces with the application materials on file from you, Hal, involve some test scores.' He glances down at a colorful sheet of standardized test scores in the trench his arms have made. 'The Admissions staff is looking at standardized test scores from you that are, as I'm sure you know and can explain, are, shall we say...subnormal.' I'm to explain.
It's clear that this really pretty sincere yellow Dean on the left is Admissions. And surely the little aviarian figure at right is Athletics, then, because the facial creases of the shaggy middle Dean are now pursed in a kind of distanced affront, an I'm-eating-something-that-makes-me-really-appreciate-the-presence-of-whatever-I'm-drinking-along-with-it look that spells professionally Academic reservations. An uncomplicated loyalty to standards, then, at center. My uncle looks to Athletics as if puzzled. He shifts slightly in his chair.
The incongruity between Admissions's hand- and face-color is almost wild. '—verbal scores that are just quite a bit closer to zero than we're comfortable with, as against a secondary-school transcript from the institution where both your mother and her brother are administrators—' reading directly out of the sheaf inside his arms' ellipse— 'that his past year, yes, had fallen off a bit, but by the word I mean "fallen off" to outstanding from three previous years of frankly incredible.'
'Off the charts.'
'Most institutions do not even have grades of A with multiple pluses after it,' says the Director of Composition, his expression impossible to interpret.
'This kind of...how shall I put it...incongruity,' Admissions says, his expression frank and concerned, 'I've got to tell you sends up a red flag of potential concern during the admissions process.'
'We thus invite you to explain the appearance of incongruity if not outright shenanigans.' Students has a tiny piping voice that's absurd coming out of a face this big.
I started tonight's poker session with a bluff that didn't go through.
Here Villain in MP is fishy but not terribad. Effective stack is around $300. MP limps, folds to me on the BTN, I make it $12 with 9♥9♦, SB folds, BB calls, folds to MP, who calls.
Pot ($37) - three players
Flop: J♠8♥4♦
BB checks, MP donks $20, I call on the BTN, BB folds.
Pot ($77) - heads up
Turn: 4♠
MP checks. Normally I should check back to get my 9s to showdown cheaply. I shouldn't bluff hands with showdown value, but the action so far gives MP a narrow and face-up range. He really should be leading with a boat or trips here on the turn, and he may never have limped 88 to begin with, so he may not have a boat. 44 might want to slowplay, but that's an exceedingly rare holding.
Likely he has an 8x or Jx, given the action. I bet $35 to get value from the 8x, or to set up a bluff on the river vs a J with a bad kicker. MP calls. He doesn't checkraise me, and this serves to further cap his range, as I think that J8 might have checkraised here, along with most of the other value holdings.
Pot ($147) - heads up
River: 2♣
MP bets $35
Blocker bet! He has a jack, bad kicker! A good player holding 44 might induce with this bet, but MP is not a good player. I raise to $125. I can have AJ or QQ-AA all day given the action.
Pot ($307) - heads up - MP tanks and tanks
Spoiler
MP calls with J♣T♦. The blocker bet triggered my pounce reflex and I ignored the fact that bad players cannot bet/fold top pair on the river. They just can't, even when they are almost sure that they're beat. You don't bluff in this spot; you make it to this spot with better than top pair, and you bet or raise for value, and you print money.
MGM Springfield $1/$2 poker: 6 hours
+$286.00
MGM Springfield Slots: 2 hours
(-$31.41)
2024 Running Poker Total: 119 hours, +$1166.00
2024 Running Slot Total: 81 hours, +$3695.80
2024 Grand Total: 200 hours, +$4861.80
I did it. I put in my first 40 hour week of this year. Next week—that is, starting later today—I'm going to move from five 8-hour days to four 10-hour days in order to save gas and wear and tear on my old Jeep. The same rules will apply: I can check out any time I like, but I cannot leave the casino until the 10-hour shift is over.
The slot floor yesterday was—swarming is not the best word; teeming is better, I'll go with that—teeming with slot grinders. Advantage slots are dead. Long live advantage slots. I'm still going to do my rounds on the floor, because that process yields higher EV than just the zero EV of goofing off on my phone while I wait to get on a poker table, and there are still a few occasional slot plays, and one of those may give up the Big Score one day.
The St. Patrick's Day poker promo runs later today. $100 for any club flush, and $2024 for any club straight flush. I will be open/raising and calling open/raises with hands like 6♣3♣ and 7♣4♣. Weeeeeeeee.
MGM Springfield $1/$2 poker: 6 hours
+$100.00
MGM Springfield Slots: 2 hours
+$5.75
2024 Running Poker Total: 125 hours, +$1266.00
2024 Running Slot Total: 83 hours, +$3701.55
2024 Grand Total: 208 hours, +$4967.55
C'mon clubs!
What's the relationship there? St. Patrick's walking stick like a club or something?
guessing three leaf clovers
I started tonight's poker session with a bluff that didn't go through.
Here Villain in MP is fishy but not terribad. Effective stack is around $300. MP limps, folds to me on the BTN, I make it $12 with 9♥9♦, SB folds, BB calls, folds to MP, who calls.
Pot ($37) - three players
Flop: J♠8♥4♦
BB checks, MP donks $20, I call on the BTN, BB folds.
Pot ($77) - heads up
Turn: 4♠
MP checks. Normally I should check back to get my 9s to showdown cheaply. I shouldn't bluff hands with showdown value, but the action so
Nice recovery, SJ, despite the failed bluff early. Re. that hand, you kinda already said it, but important to remember that usually you can only bluff a good player. Bad players are too call-happy, and should be value-bet to the ends of the earth.
I did it. I put in my first 40 hour week of this year. Next week—that is, starting later today—I'm going to move from five 8-hour days to four 10-hour days in order to save gas and wear and tear on my old Jeep. The same rules will apply: I can check out any time I like, but I cannot leave the casino until the 10-hour shift is over.
Noteworthy, but not worth celebrating. An aside...I was a very good student growing up. Friends would take home report cards with one or two A's and be rewarded with a treat, a few bucks, or some other congratulatory prize. I would mention this to my parents while presenting a straight-A report card, and the usual response, always from my father, was something along the lines of "You're supposed to get A's, aren't you?" While the young me wasn't at all happy with this response, I do believe it taught me to do the right thing. or what needs to be done, not because of an anticipated reward, but because it's the right thing/what needs to be done.
Also, nice nod to the Eagles/Hotel California. I wonder where that will show up on the Top 500.
Just made the $100 club flush with 7♣2♣ lol. Limped along on the BTN and hit the flush on the river like a true fish.
Say my name.
suitedhookdeuce
