How should I survive the cicadapocalypse?

How should I survive the cicadapocalypse?

The great Land Of Lincoln will imminently be overrun with cicadas. I hate bugs in general, and these ****ers are quite larger than most. What, if anything, should I do? Staying inside all summer is unfortunately not an option.

https://arstechnica.com/science/2024/03/...

Two broods of periodical cicadas—Brood XIX on a 13-year cycle and Brood XIII on a 17-year cycle—are slated to emerge together in central Illinois this summer for the first time in over two centuries.

After 13 or 17 years (depending on the brood), countless inch-long adults dig themselves out in sync, crawling out of the ground en masse for a monthlong summer orgy

Damn jerks having orgies all over my lawn. Rude.

“Illinois is going to be ground zero. From the very top to the very bottom of the state, it’s going to be covered in cicadas.”

Covered. In cicadas.

Entomologists around the world already have their flights booked for May. “We’re like cicada groupies,”

Possibly even worse, it will attract a hoard of sick freak humans who get off on this ****

Cicadas are shockingly chill, protein-packed, and taste like high-end shrimp—easy, delicious prey. “Periodical cicadas are sitting ducks,” says Lill. They don’t bite, sting, or poison anyone, and they’re totally unbothered by being handled. Dogs, raccoons, birds, and other generalist predators will gorge themselves on this flying feast until they’re stuffed, and it barely makes a dent in the cicada population. It’s their secret weapon, Lill says: In the absence of other defense mechanisms, “they just overwhelm predators by their sheer abundance.”

Cicadas: Nature's Free Lunch

Once mating season winds down, so does the cicada’s life. “In late summer, everybody forgets about cicadas,” Lill says. “They all die. They all rot in the ground. And then they’re gone.” By late June, there will be millions of pounds of cicadas piling up at the base of trees, decomposing. The smell, Kritsky says, “is a sentient memory you will never forget—like rancid Limburger cheese.”

I don't know what rancid Limburger cheese smells like and I don't want to find out.

02 April 2024 at 10:03 PM
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17 Replies





Do they not allow poles anymore? I tried to make one but it wouldn't let me.

Options were going to be:

1. move
2. run around maniacally stomping/swatting as many as possible
3. sit on the porch drinking oatmeal stout and watch the world end
4. do nothing/dont know
5. other


You already posted the answer.

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Cicadas: Nature's Free Lunch


Screen in the porch, then go with the drink yourself stupid option.




Hearing them takes me back to my childhood playing outside at dusk until it was time to come inside. Those days were great. Of course with two broods it's going to be unbearable. Sorry!


I'll be visiting family in Northern Wisconsin during peak season. **** them. Taste ok though.


little league field light output never quite stretched all the way to the corners
only thing that did was the summer hum of cicada and june bugs
they clung to the mesh of your ball cap all the way into september
especially if you were the dork that wore stirrups
might even find a couple of smashed carapace in the pocket of your glove after an active double-header with multiple overthrows to first


I just realized I was a dork for wearing sanitary socks in little league. :(

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It wasn't long after that I realizedi was a dork but...



these are gross af. if they're truly everwhere i'm going full bird box



I love the smell of cicada urine in the morning!


by Tom Ames k

I love the smell of cicada urine in the morning!

if anybody's bugged out about flight of the cicadae, it would be ol' fuddy-duddy Tom
what was an operating documentary is now a pack of clips rich with vague kill gore
what a drag


by REDeYeS00 k

if anybody's bugged out about flight of the cicadae, it would be ol' fuddy-duddy Tom
what was an operating documentary is now a pack of clips rich with vague kill gore
what a drag

I understand most of that. God help me!

Surf's up!


by Tom Ames k

I understand most of that. God help me!

Surf's up!

this may help with the other parts

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That wascally WED!

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