Quitting Alcohol
My name is LFS, and I may or may not be an alcoholic.
After a lifetime of drinking I quit on September 15, 2009. I'm starting this thread to talk about my experiences, chart my progress, invite participation, or whatever else. It might be useful to somebody else, it also might be useful to me.
I have a family history of alcohol abuse. My mother's father, whom I never met, was an Irish Catholic prison guard and local politician in upstate New York. He was also by all accounts a heavy alcoholic and violent drunk. He died of alcohol-related causes when my mother was 16 (he was 52 I think). He had three daughters - two became alcoholics (my mother and a sister). For various alcohol-related reasons my mother and her alcoholic sister stopped speaking around 30 years ago.
I first became aware of my mother's alcoholism when I was around 10. My sister is a couple of years older, she had shared her concerns with a mutual friend who asked me about it. It had never occurred to me until that point. At some point during my youth, maybe when I was 13, my mother went to rehab. I'm sure there was a specific cause, I don't remember it. We visited her in rehab and did family therapy. It didn't really make a huge impression on me.
My mother was a highly functioning alcoholic, a Type A business woman. She travelled a lot, which is when she'd do her real drinking. In January 1991, the final semester of my senior year in high school, she went on a business trip to Palo Alto, went on a binge, and fell very ill. She called my father and, for whatever reason, he flew there to help. She was rushed to the hospital and spent two months there. I lived alone back in Massachusetts during this time. Needless to say this period made a huge impression on me, and in some ways turned me into a man. I was forced to rely entirely on myself.
By this time I was already drinking regularly. Because of my size I was able to buy alcohol starting at around age 16. I quickly became the drunk guy. My entire social life revolved around alcohol. I always had it and could always get it for people. I was the idiot who was proud of drinking more and faster than anybody.
You can imagine what college was like. I joined a fraternity where my behavior was not only acceptable, but celebrated. Again, I was the guy funneling 6 beers at a time, drinking 30 in a night, etc. Now, these were also the best times of my life until that point, no doubt, but it would be difficult to overestimate the role of alcohol in my life during college.
After college I moved to LA and started a career in the entertainment business. Going out every night and drinking regularly, as in many businesses, was the norm. I binge drank as per usual, etc.
I met a good woman in 1997, moved in with her in 1998, and married her in 2003. She doesn't drink, ironically. She's put up with a lot. My first child was born in 2005, my second in 2008. During this period I quit drinking several times, but also had my lowest points. Those might come up later.
These last couple of years have been very stressful, and I probably drank five nights out of seven. I put on a lot of weight. In July of this year we moved to a new neighborhood. I started the habit of stopping at a bar on the way home from work. Every night. On more than one occasion I ended up staying at the bar for hours, making excuses when I got home. The local alcoholics in the bar were welcoming me as one of their own. As I am crazy but not stupid I was becoming aware of the road I was going down.
On September 14 I went to a school board meeting, then out for drinks with a couple departing board members. When we went our separate ways instead of going home I went to another bar. My wife didn't know where I was until I arrived home at 1AM, drunk, having driven myself. I probably drove drunk more since July than in the rest of my life combined. We agreed at that moment that something had to be done. I agreed that if I wasn't able to stop by myself I would seek help. I really don't want to seek help, so I just quit.
So there you have it. This can be a thread to share stories, worries, experiences, or you can ask me whatever. This is going to be a serious thread, so if you derail it or post nonsensical things I'm going to delete them and potentially punish you. I hope this was worthwhile for somebody, I think it was for me.
23 Replies
4 years sober this week and 4 years since a ER doctor told me had weeks/months to live if I didnt stop drinking and 6 months to 2 years if did stop. Doing and feeling good now! Liver has healed quite a bit but will never fully recover.
4 years sober this week and 4 years since a ER doctor told me had weeks/months to live if I didnt stop drinking and 6 months to 2 years if did stop. Doing and feeling good now! Liver has healed quite a bit but will never fully recover.
That is awesome, I'm so happy for you and the people who care about you. How'd you do it?
Thanks!
I didnt stop until it was nearly to late. I was admitted to the hospital for 4 or 5 days and prescibed valium to help with the withdrawals for a few weeks after that. I suppose the fear of death is what stopped me from relasping at first. I think I needed to hear it from the doctor. For at least the past 2 years I dont really even think about alcohol. I am sure even if the liver specialist told me it was now safe to drink casually I wouldnt.
If counting right I'm close to seven years without. And the older you get, the less you should even consider drinking. Have even had a short break from non-alcoholic beers, think I will look into that hobby some more now, again. Peculiar. Well, as long as the C2H5OH is out of the picture, all's well.
7 years is strong. congrats!
Good job on 6 months!
None of this is meant to make less of your accomplishment but...the way you are talking it seems like you aren't an alcoholic, which is awesome. Stopping drinking is great, but people who truly struggle with alcohol can't just simply ''man up and grow some balls". For alcoholics, it isn't a question of will power and pouring it down the sink.
Many alcoholics try 'white knuckling' it and staying sober via will power alone. They are what is called a 'dry drunk' and while not drinking, still exhibit many of the alcoholic characteristics because they didn't address the actual problem behind the drinking.
Lol, thank you for saying so pope. That post also rubbed me the wrong way, but I didnt know how to say so diplomatically.
“Man up and just [blank]” is not the vibe one should strive toward.
Good job on 6 months!
None of this is meant to make less of your accomplishment but...the way you are talking it seems like you aren't an alcoholic, which is awesome. Stopping drinking is great, but people who truly struggle with alcohol can't just simply ''man up and grow some balls". For alcoholics, it isn't a question of will power and pouring it down the sink.
Many alcoholics try 'white knuckling' it and staying sober via will power alone. They are what is called a 'dry drunk' and while n
I don't care about the AA stuff, but well written Mr. Pope.
I deleted that post per the poster's request.
Astute readers will notice that I started this thread nearly 15 years ago (yiiiiiiiikes) because I had decided I was going to apply my willpower to stop drinking. That worked for about six months (as it had before) before raw-dogging life became completely intolerable and impossible. The next two and a half years before I got actually sober nearly killed me.
So anyway yeah, I am very happy for anyone who can just put the plug in the jug and wish it had worked that way for me. My experience has definitely been that some of us need a power greater than ourselves. I'm so grateful I found it.
Hope y'all are well ♥
Any good advice in how to decline alcohol when offered from casual acquaintances? It has not come up much for me and I usually just say no I am good with water (or whatever else I might want). If pressured more I just state I don't drink and that has worked well enough. The first time it was awkward was just last week on new years eve where champagne was poured and handed to me....
Any good advice in how to decline alcohol when offered from casual acquaintances? It has not come up much for me and I usually just say no I am good with water (or whatever else I might want). If pressured more I just state I don't drink and that has worked well enough. The first time it was awkward was just last week on new years eve where champagne was poured and handed to me....
‘Not drinking at the moment’
- for medication reasons?
- on a detox?
- giving your body a complete break?
- made a bet with someone that you could stop for xxx time period?
- Meds is best I find. Anyone then pushing you or asking more questions is being a dick from then on.
- I've gone with I get very bad hangovers, leaving out the part it's because I often end up in hospital.
- Recent convert to Islam, Alhamdulillah.
You could say that you're on blood pressure medication and alcohol makes you incredibly drowsy so you just avoid it altogether.
Any good advice in how to decline alcohol when offered from casual acquaintances? It has not come up much for me and I usually just say no I am good with water (or whatever else I might want). If pressured more I just state I don't drink and that has worked well enough. The first time it was awkward was just last week on new years eve where champagne was poured and handed to me....
I'm very openly sober and understand my situation might be different from others, but I am very straightforward about the fact that I don't drink because I'm an alcoholic. I'll usually make a joke along the lines of "it's a very good thing for everyone that I don't drink". But honestly I want people to know I'm sober, so that if they or someone they know need help, they know I'm a person they can call.
Thanks guys! I might to try the medication line with people I see rarely or may not even ever see again.
My Friends/Family certainly know my background so it does not come up much. If it ever does I like your joking response LFS.
I also agree that if someone ever pushes hard after I respond they are being a dick. At some point it is time for a line like "Alcohol leads me to ask overly personal questions and I would hate to embarrass myself"
some outside perspective:
my friends/aquaintances who make it clear (even without saying why - just "I don't drink" or something to that extent) do not often need to repeat themselves
but when they come up with another reason for it, they will be asked repeatedly because perhaps now that status has changed - same way that if I turn down the cheese platter on first offer doesn't mean i won't be eating any cheese at all over the course of the evening
when it's already served (ie someone orders a round or there's a glass of wine/champagn waiting at your assigned seat) then those people just nonchalantly pass their drink to a trusted friend and says "this one is for you"
i am coming from the observer side, but i've forgotten or just sometimes ask out of habit and realize halfway through "oh right he doesn't drink anymore" and while i'm often a dick unintentionally, i would be shocked to view that behavior on my part as dickish
as a recent celiac diagnosis who can't have wheat, i'm repeatedly offered things like beer or sandwiches from friends and family who've known for years but it just slips their mind in the moment - i realize these are very different things, but i never attribute malice to when it slips their mind anymore than if they didn't notice i got a haircut
Any good advice in how to decline alcohol when offered from casual acquaintances? It has not come up much for me and I usually just say no I am good with water (or whatever else I might want). If pressured more I just state I don't drink and that has worked well enough. The first time it was awkward was just last week on new years eve where champagne was poured and handed to me....
I wouldn't drink if I had a work out session coming up in the next 12 hours. Just say that
rickroll,
I’m sure you looked great with your most recent new haircut.
Ex-drunks can extra sensitive, raw exposed nerves etc. Most people won't mean anything by asking but a few jerks might. Personally, I've never caught any friction for not drinking, far from it.
LFS hope the fires aren’t impacting you directly
Any good advice in how to decline alcohol when offered from casual acquaintances? It has not come up much for me and I usually just say no I am good with water (or whatever else I might want). If pressured more I just state I don't drink and that has worked well enough. The first time it was awkward was just last week on new years eve where champagne was poured and handed to me....
Buddhists aren't supposed to drink or lie. One monk suggested saying "my doctor says I shouldn't." It's not a lie, as The Buddha was often thought of as a doctor. You can use that reasoning, or just safely assume that most doctors would advise people with drinking problems not to drink. And a lot of doctors would say that all of us should drink at most, occasionally in small quantities so they would tell you to usually say no.
