Online dating thread
I started this as a thread where 2+2 members could share advice on online dating. I'm 25 years old, and have had trouble finding a GF in person, so I've decided to try the online route.
I admittedly have no game when it comes to girls, as I'm a natural shy person, so I'll mostly be on the receiving end of the knowledge. As I improve, I'll share the wealth. :-)
From poker I've learned how helpful it is to have an advisor to give you advice and encouragement, and sympathize with you when you fail.
For starters, what are the best sites out there for free, and what sites are worth laying the money down for a subscription ? I'm on POF and OKcupid.
good news, i've found pw, turns out he's a british IT worker
Turns out people adore reading about (correct) reasons women have rejected me after writing this
Reason 31 (eventually) - my posts in this thread 😊
Turns out people adore reading about (correct) reasons women have rejected me after writing this
Reason 31 (eventually) - my posts in this thread 😊
lol'd
as always very funny and well written
Not sure if they are trying to be mean or are just breathtakingly entitled and tone deaf but why do they feel the need to give such pointed ‘feedback’ or reasons?
Is that usual in the US?
I was a brief rebound for a girl and she gave me detailed reasons why she didn't want to continue a relationship with me. I thought it was out of line at the time because it was just a brief rebound but in her mind she just wanted a clean break with no room for me to ask "why" or to linger any longer.
Its the only time I've experienced this so I wouldn't consider it normal, though maybe its more normal in other parts of the country. The girl above was while I was in Boston and I was only in Boston for 6 months.
Not sure if they are trying to be mean or are just breathtakingly entitled and tone deaf but why do they feel the need to give such pointed ‘feedback’ or reasons?
Is that usual in the US?
Not sure wtf happened to American women. I’m in the U.K. and time was when the average attitude/attractiveness of American girls who happened to be in London was broadly similar to British girls, but nowadays you can tell by the profiles and the stories you hear that Americans have pulled away in shitty attitudes, like utter slobs who have a laundry list of requirements, profiles riddled with negativity, scorning their potential suitors before even matching, awful attitudes on and post-dates.
What’s causing this? Is there some new trend of US female dating influencers telling women men need to be put in their place, to ‘smash the patriarchy’, or ‘combat toxic masculinity’ or make some sort of a statement they can be just as nasty as guys, rather than solid advice to just show up trying to be the best version of yourself, how to become someone worth being with? Do these people really think being angry is gonna get them somewhere, or is it just their friends are all telling them they’re perfect and shouldn’t settle for anyone but the top studs, meaning they feel like they can act however they want
Don’t get me wrong UK girls can be annoying too but there just seems to be this weird outsized increase in shitty attitudes on the part of Americans. Like I’m 40 and I can’t really complain about how I do in the dating scene overall, but I can’t imagine getting close to the same results I do if I was in NY instead of London.
And I should probably caveat that by saying that the average guys’ behaviour on the apps is probably way worse on balance, but the difference is that women can to some extent screen the most obviously terrible guys by not matching with them, whereas a ton of well-meaning guys are just going to be swiping on whatever they can get and then having to deal with utter contempt back
Not sure wtf happened to American women. I’m in the U.K. and time was when the average attitude/attractiveness of American girls who happened to be in London was broadly similar to British girls, but nowadays you can tell by the profiles and the stories you hear that Americans have pulled away in shitty attitudes, like utter slobs who have a laundry list of requirements, profiles riddled with negativity, scorning their potential suitors before even matching, awful attitudes on and post-da
I've chatted with a number of girls from latm and there is clearly a massive cultural difference between how American girls act and Colombians as an example. The entitlement is out of control. I think we've covered this topic before over the years but it doesn't seem to get better. I've been out the game quite a while but sentiment online is that its just getting worse. Its probably a complex entanglement of reasons.
1. Feminism is fairly new and has probably over adjusted in the short term. Feminism is empowerment and power corrupts. I don't mean this to say Feminism is bad, I think its more like the guy who got no attention from girls in high school who suddenly gets some attention and they don't have the frame of reference to keep their ego in check.
2. Kids in general are more coddled than in the past. I think this contributes to princess syndrome. This isn't exclusive to girls/women.
3. Online dating is mature enough that everyone has an opinion or an experience. Many negative. We see wild stats like "90% of women seek out 6% of men on dating apps leaving 10% for 94%". While this is probably an exaggeration or misrepresentation there is definitely some truth which has the online dating dynamics firmly in womens favor (unless you are in that 6%).
4. Proliferation of online dating has lead to the myth that finding the perfect match is just a numbers game
I'm sure there are more obvious reasons but I've lost all steam for writing this post lmao
lollllll, c’mon guys.
I totally get that a ton of women will become emboldened by getting that many matches, then bang a few and mistakenly think that’s their level now for a committed relationship.
It’s just the pure rudeness lol. I’m guessing Brits being more reserved overall means that quite a few women here are probably thinking the same stuff as Americans (and maybe wish they were bold enough to say it too) but would rather ghost/be nice/lie to avoid awkwardness. Whereas there’s this subset of Americans that seem to be out to prove some sort of point about her deserving the world and the other guy never being good enough.
I don’t blame a lot of guys for being a ‘passport bro’ within reason. If it means you get to date women who actually see a relationship as a reciprocal show of affection, respect and responsibility, who wouldn’t want that? That said there is clearly a shitton of idiot guys who take advantage out in places like Thailand and Colombia, and those guys absolutely need calling out too.
If you have specific issues you could express them but this post is completely useless.
I only have the male perspective so I speak from that perspective but I would generally agree with Sandra that men are probably generally worse to deal with on average on the apps than women
It did prompt me to read back my post and wonder if anything was overly bad. I would reiterate that men’s behaviour on apps is far worse. Meaning that a whole other perspective is out there whereby women’s attitude on the apps is actually a response to just how shitty guys are on there. And American women are just being forthright about what most women are thinking being on there. But I still think a guy like Burdz doesn’t deserve being treated like that by the vast majority of those women in his post even though he says it was ‘probably justified’.
I think a standard response from women over here to this problem is simply to not use the apps any more,rather than being vocal about it. One of my female friends simply can’t deal with how overwhelming it is just on sheer volume of messages, and that’s before factoring having to deal with unsolicited dick pics when she thought she was all clear on them being nice
coordi beat me to it
If you have specific issues you could express them but this post is completely useless.
I only have the male perspective so I speak from that perspective but I would generally agree with Sandra that men are probably generally worse to deal with on average on the apps than women
i've spoken at length about this itt but it was a real shock just how indifferent or entitled so many american girls are and no, i'm not just comparing to asia as i've spent a lot of time elsewhere in the world
it's at the point where when there's a match and they actually engage i now view it as a red flag and begin to wonder if it's a scammer or what kind of issues she must have
so i definitely feel like it's had a terrible effect on me where now i instinctually dismiss and reject those who are reasonable - which only encourages them in the future to choose absolute indifference and one word responses
it's definitely a new thing - i've mentioned before, whenever i'm hanging out with my married friends (many of whom met on an app so know the drill) they always ask to see my profile and check out matches for me and they're always shocked by how none of them ever respond - it's mostly women as well who know all about the assymetric match rates etc but even they feel like it's a bit absurd
this is also a major reason why i'm moving to a populated area where i can just discard the apps and meet in person - will still have a lot of entitlement and a whole new slew of issues like finding women who are plausibly single in settings where it's appropriate to approach them - but that still seems better than working the apps
i think it's helpful to note that apps were super easy last time i was single, i'm older now, but i don't think i've fallen off that much 😀
funny cause after making that post i opened youtube and this was at the top of the rec pile - so chrome definitely reading these posts/keyloggin because i never watch "dating videos" otherwise - it's pretty much 99% esports and history/animal docs
this was the most interesting chart by far
men consistently find women in early 20s most attractive regardles of their age whereas women work on a sliding scale more relative to their own age
however, it tends to flatline in the late 30s, really stressing the over/under 40 line as a major influence we've anecdotally observed
also, it's better to be unemployed than to work in the service industy
I simply cannot take a graph seriously when it contains such a horrific, basic spelling/grammar error
I think just in regard to your last sentence, being honest with ourselves turning 40 is a big factor too, I remember my former landlord/housemate was about to turn 40 but put his age at 35 on the app. I’m not going to do this, but if I did I’d just fall back into a ton of women’s age range and open up a load more match possibilities
After all, it’s a numbers game and any drop in volume is going to mean diminishing returns that you can attribute partly to changing women (which I do think is true) but mostly fewer options
I simply cannot take a graph seriously when it contains such a horrific, basic spelling/grammar error
funny you mention that because i kind of tilted and wanted to bail the first time he cut to his face and i see the dude is like 18 at best - internet generation who are lost without spellcheck when making a chart, what can ya do
still an interesting video though
but there's way more blatantly wrong spelling errors awaiting you if you watch it 😀
he's pretty much just summarizing what the ceo of match.com published in his book that broke down all the data he had access to
there's plenty of things one can be doing in the middle of the night that makes them question all their life choices, but watching a video breaking down relationships, enjoying it and finding it very insightful, and then discovering it's from this guy is one of the bigger existential crises i've ever had
That soy boy is probably 34 (j/k)
I think just in regard to your last sentence, being honest with ourselves turning 40 is a big factor too, I remember my former landlord/housemate was about to turn 40 but put his age at 35 on the app. I’m not going to do this, but if I did I’d just fall back into a ton of women’s age range and open up a load more match possibilities
After all, it’s a numbers game and any drop in volume is going to mean diminishing returns that you can attribute partly to changing women (which I do think is true)
yeah i've seriously considered starting fresh with 35 years old (i can actually pull it off as well, my entire life everyone thought i was much younger than i actually am) but then there comes the "when do you disclose your actual age" moment which is probably a simple and easy thing but just one more thing for me to fret about
yeah i've seriously considered starting fresh with 35 years old (i can actually pull it off as well, my entire life everyone thought i was much younger than i actually am) but then there comes the "when do you disclose your actual age" moment which is probably a simple and easy thing but just one more thing for me to fret about
The simple and easy thing is you don't.
It would also be prudent to not seek out a serious relationship using a lie as the starting point. Seems "fine" for getting laid
yeah i've seriously considered starting fresh with 35 years old (i can actually pull it off as well, my entire life everyone thought i was much younger than i actually am) but then there comes the "when do you disclose your actual age" moment which is probably a simple and easy thing but just one more thing for me to fret about
I'm having trouble imagining a scenario in which a relationshiip gets to the point where you feel it's important to be honest about things like your age, and then coming up with a "simple and easy" way to admit that you've been lying the whole time.
