2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
lions remaining games:
packers
bills
@ da bears
@ niners
vikes
eagles remaining games:
sorry heels
stealer's
@ commies
cowgirls
giants
advantage birds
Careful Bidz.
TRAP GAME
seriously look he's trapped in his mouth
the 1988 'Hit of the Year' by Mike Singletary on Steve Pelluer
no flag. times certainly have changed
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Barkley, with 1,499 yards on 246 carries and a 6.1-yard average, trails only 1963 MVP Jim Brown (6.6) and 2008 Chris Johnson (6.2) in yards per carry through the first 13 weeks of a season (minimum 200 carries), per Pro Football Reference.
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The NFC North entered Week 13 as the most dominant since the NFL realigned into eight four-team divisions in 2002, as measured by point margin per game against teams from other divisions.
With Green Bay handling Miami 30-17 and Minnesota edging Arizona 23-22 in Week 13, a question came to mind: Is this the most dominant division since, say, the 1970 AFL-NFL merger?
The answer: Yes.
I’ve expanded my research from last week to evaluate all divisions since 1970 by PPG margin in non-division games through the first 13 weeks of a season. The 2024 NFC North ranks first by that measure (9.36 points per game) and just ahead of the 1984 AFC West — led by John Elway’s Denver Broncos and Howie Long’s Los Angeles Raiders — for second in win rate (.778).
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MIA has a 1-10 record in their last 11 games against teams with winning records (all under the Wonder Boy and only in one of the games did Tua not play)
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Seattle ranks No. 1 in defensive EPA per play since Week 9, a span of four games. The Seahawks ranked 20th through Week 8
Belichick to the Jets confirmed??
life at the end of a road is often met by a jersey barrier
omg, I used to kid around saying he was sitting with indians in the forest getting high, but its true. I didnt really think he took things that far, I just thought he meditated and used dmt or whatever. No, no, he is full tribal.
Related.... tufffish didnt need drugs or "shamans" in the woods. He knew backdoor spades f'd him, how?? I dunno, but he knew.
TuffFish, bringer of eternal joy.
you should catch the first clue when your opponent is named Tooth_n_Nail
I don't always do drugs with indigenous tribes, but when I do, I make sure to bring a film crew.
sometimes people confuse ayahuasca with iowas corn
Mack Hollins is 1 of 1.
Dom, do you approve of the new thread title?
It stays up til Sunday!
edit: maybe just til Thursday as that is Packers vs LIONS (ROAR!!!)
Min 250 attempts, Tua is
1st in Comp%
4th in TD-INT%
1st in Success%
3rd in Passer Rating
3rd in EPA/DB
That's with missing 4 games.
1-4 against good teams though. wtf
1-4 against good teams though. wtf
That's on Coach Ruxin.
Fangio in position to be the 'coordinator of the year'
Before Week 13, the Ravens were on track to be the only team ever to average 7 yards per play. The Eagles knocked them down to 6.8 YPP for the season.
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the 29ers SB winning window is closing right before our eyes
It's more than the season being over, though. It feels as if it's all over. It feels as if the league has figured out Kyle Shanahan's offense, which is only producing 0.04 EPA per play, the worst figure for the 49ers since 2018. It feels as if the defense, which was once a towering unit, has lost too much talent and run out of good ideas. It is giving up 0.03 EPA per play, which is -- you guessed it -- the worst number for a 49ers defense since 2018.
The 49ers had edges and didn't capitalize. They made four conference championship games and two Super Bowls in five years, but there isn't a Lombardi Trophy in the case to show for it. Jimmy Garoppolo missed Emmanuel Sanders down the field. Darrell Luter Jr. muffed a punt. Those are the margins, and the 49ers missed on them. And I mean, just barely missed.
So they ran it back with their star talent, extending McCaffrey, Aiyuk and Williams. They poured veteran contracts into the gaps on the roster. One more year, one more chance, one more swing while Purdy was still cheap, Samuel was still good, McCaffrey was still dominant and Williams could still play.
But time won, as it always does. There is exactly one way to reliably print Super Bowl appearances, year over year, and it is this: having the best quarterback in the NFL. The 49ers do not, so despite all of their other excellence, their run had an expiration date. We didn't know exactly when it would hit, but it was inevitable, and it has arrived.
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minus-61.6%: That's how much total win probability the Ravens have lost this season when Justin Tucker has attempted a field goal.
The struggles of Tucker this season dramatically affect the Ravens' fourth-down decision-making in plus territory, which in turn affects their third-down playcalling, timeout usage and clock management.
The shakiness of Tucker trickles up into the rest of the organization, and even if he hits every single kick between now and then, the seed of doubt has been planted.
1,422: That's how many days ago the last Steelers quarterback threw for 400 yards in a single game before Russell Wilson did it Sunday against the Bengals.
64%: That's the percentage of plays for which the Bills were under center against the 49ers, their highest in a game since 2019. They also ran for 205 yards and two scores when under center, and that 205 number is the most in the Sean McDermott era.
The Bills now have the sort of running game that can create an early lead or salt away a late one. This is, without question, the most balanced offense Allen has ever led into the postseason -- and the most dangerous
QUOTE: The last time Aaron Rodgers had a 300 yard passing game was Dec 12, 2021.
Min 250 attempts, Tua is
1st in Comp%
4th in TD-INT%
1st in Success%
3rd in Passer Rating
3rd in EPA/DB
That's with missing 4 games.
1-4 against good teams though. wtf
No snark:
Tua is fine. As someone who has watched every game he has played against the Bills and probably at least 3 or 4 full games of his per season, plus whatever I see on Red zone, I've got to say as a Bills fan, however, that I'm happy the Dolphins are riding with him for the foreseeable future.
You have probably seen him a lot more than me, but from my POV he is limited and not likely to be a top tier QB in the league. When everything goes perfectly, he's great, but if you get him off his first read he drops to an average-at-best QB. Maybe below average.
I think the Dolphins can do better, but it's hard finding a franchise guy.
No snark:
Tua is fine. As someone who has watched every game he has played against the Bills and probably at least 3 or 4 full games of his per season, plus whatever I see on Red zone, I've got to say as a Bills fan, however, that I'm happy the Dolphins are riding with him for the foreseeable future.
You have probably seen him a lot more than me, but from my POV he is limited and not likely to be a top tier QB in the league. When everything goes perfectly, he's great, but if you get him off his fi
The metrics seem to suggest otherwise, especially this season when the reasons (Tyreek and Waddle) people have touted for his success in the past haven't exactly been lighting it up this season.
That's not to say he doesn't have limitations or there aren't concerns about him long-term.
1. Health is easily #1.
2. Arm strength. He can throw the deep ball as we've seen in the past, but he isn't able to create the same velocity as others. Which does limit some of the throws he's able to make.
3. You mentioned him struggling when not getting to his first read. That's true, however, he has made some improvements this year with extending plays and making throws outside of the pocket. Nowhere near the level of guys like Allen and Mahomes of course, but he has shown some promise.
At the very least he's a top 10-12 QB in the league.
Rule change for QB. IF you run, fine you are runner. Forget the slide nonsense. You ran, deal with it like a running back. Defenders have to deal with too much nonsense to babysit these QBs. These babysitting flags change drives, change outcomes.
If Lawrence doesnt do the "omg dont touch me slide" he would have went down like a runningback ..going forward and been fine.
I really dont see a good reason have a "qb slide rule" It mucks everything up
sorry Tuma
