2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
We don't need players!
just chatting to a Steelers friend of mine and had a delicious/scary thought. If Russ continues to play like he is....what kind of contract is he going to want moving forward?
he doesn't seem like a guy that will take a huge discount but I wonder if the Steelers want to pay him at market rate. Like maybe they give him a Baker Mayfield deal 3-100/50? Or a little more?
he's also going into his late 30s so maybe they would franchise him which is likely to be $40-41m?
IDK. Steelers are a well run org so I think they'll work it out
the Darnold market will be interesting too. He's 28 as well so his value is higher. Will Vikings keep him or will they trust in JJ?
my guess is that maybe Stafford retires and the Rams find a way to sign him - McVay will back himself to get the most out of him
Mickey....what is your current POV on your boy, how he's playing and his future?
I think he's playing like a lower end of a tier 3 starting QB. Cousins (from previous years), Mayfield, Geno. 14th to 20th ish. I don't trust it though and I wouldn't pay him.
my buddy thinks it's the best QB play he's seen in 5+ years. Which is probably true but....says more about the past 5 years of QB play than Russ
CIN's defense is trash
plus a questionable brain trust on the sidelines
it ain't going to happen
hoping for a non-middling draft pick which leads to one of those two Michigan defenders
Brugler's Mock Draft 1.0 dropped today
here's the top 10
JAC: Travis Hunter, WR/QB, Colorado
LV: Cam Ward, QB, Miami
NYG: Shedeur Sanders, QB, Miami (FL)
NE: Will Campbell, OT, NE
CAR: Abdul Carter, Edge, PSU
NYJ: Jalon Walker, LB/Edge, UGA
TEN: Mykel Williams, Edge, UGA
CLE: Mason Graham, DT, Michigan
CIN: Will Johnson, CB, Michigan
NO: Tetairoa McMillan, WR, Arizona
this would be close to the dream scenario for CIN -- landing one of the two UM defenders. the holy grail is getting our choice of the two. in that scenario i'd lean towards Graham bc i'm a trenches guy, but our secondary is obv a mess so they couldn't go wrong as long as they picked one of the two
I think he's playing like a lower end of a tier 3 starting QB. Cousins (from previous years), Mayfield, Geno. 14th to 20th ish. I don't trust it though and I wouldn't pay him.
my buddy thinks it's the best QB play he's seen in 5+ years. Which is probably true but....says more about the past 5 years of QB play than Russ
yeah. excellent post. you nailed it
he's doing some very nice things:
#1 CPOE%
#4 ANY/A
excellent INT%
#8 WPA/DB
but there are other metrics which point him towards a 14th to 20th guy as you state:
#24 Succ%
#19 538ELO
#22 QBR
poor Sack% (8.78%)
at the end of the day he's a 36 yr old non-mobile QB who we can say is safely above replacement level but not much more than that
PIT isn't going to give him a bag, but some non-serious FO will
yeah. excellent post. you nailed it
he's doing some very nice things:
#1 CPOE%
#4 ANY/A
excellent INT%
#8 WPA/DB
but there are other metrics which point him towards a 14th to 20th guy as you state:
#24 Succ%
#19 538ELO
#22 QBR
poor Sack% (8.78%)
at the end of the day he's a 36 yr old non-mobile QB who we can say is safely above replacement level but not much more than that
PIT isn't going to give him a bag, but some non-serious FO will
It’s tough for them though as they don’t have any other options and they won’t be drafting high.
Maybe they back themselves to do the same thing again with another reclamation or they sign him to a manageable 1yr deal and draft someone? I do think Russ’s ego won’t accept anything small though. It’s an interesting situation and anyway, I suspect things will se clearer one way or another by mid Jan
Brugler's Mock Draft 1.0 dropped today
here's the top 10
JAC: Travis Hunter, WR/QB, Colorado
LV: Cam Ward, QB, Miami
NYG: Shedeur Sanders, QB, Miami (FL)
NE: Will Campbell, OT, NE
CAR: Abdul Carter, Edge, PSU
NYJ: Jalon Walker, LB/Edge, UGA
TEN: Mykel Williams, Edge, UGA
CLE: Mason Graham, DT, Michigan
CIN: Will Johnson, CB, Michigan
NO: Tetairoa McMillan, WR, Arizona
this would be close to the dream scenario for CIN -- landing one of the two UM defenders. the holy grail is getting our choice of t
Wait, did Shedeur transfer to Miami to pick up an extra bag before the draft? Is that because Travis Hunter took over at QB?
Re Russell the Stealers are in the drivers seat. Nobody is going to pay Russell top dollar (or anything close to that) simply because of the Denver fiasco and his age next year (37). And Stealers have leverage in a relatively young mobile QB who has gradually improved over time and can start for at least 6 teams in the league and be no worse for it.
I'm guessing Russell comes back for 30-35M range. What I'm more interested in is what Stealers do with Fields. He's capable of leading them to 10+ wins but with a huge age advantage over Russell, which is probably fine with their HC and top brass, assuming they get him on the cheap.
Wilson, Sam Darnold, Aron Rodgers will be up for grabs
Steelers could actually win a playoff game this year
the Darnold market will be interesting too. He's 28 as well so his value is higher. Will Vikings keep him or will they trust in JJ?
barring superbowl they're moving on. darnold will fetch >30M next year. front office now knows overpaying middling QBs is not the way. their plan appears to be JJ with daniel jones as insurance
They let Cousins go at the perfect time. Now its ATL's problem ruining their cap.
Hard to hold a long shot SB win over the head of a guy who can win games. There's only a few top tier QBs and even then the odds are against you winning the SB.
JJ def stays on. I'm guessing they structure a deal that keeps Darnold there next year with a reasonable bite the next season or two if he does not work out. DET made it work with Goff so we'll see.
In the meantime with rising cap Vikes should be in a good place even without a SB win.
I just can’t see Hunter going 1. Doesn’t seem good enough at either position to justify it and I reckon teams won’t feel great about someone playing both
Caveat is that I don’t watch college ball so this is all a huge guess
Diontae suspended for a game for refusing to go on the field in the Eagles game, which dumbass org gives him the bag next year?
Imagine being this delusional.
New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers sent a strong message Wednesday to team ownership -- and perhaps potential future employers.
Despite his struggles, Rodgers said he has nothing to prove over the final five games, inferring that his career accomplishments should supersede his performance down the stretch. The four-time MVP said it would be "ridiculous" to make a player with his résumé audition for next season.
"If they want me to stay, fantastic," the four-time MVP said. "If it takes these five games, maybe they don't know what I bring to the table. But that being said, I'd love to play really frigging well the last five games."
typical for a drug addict to completely lose grip on reality
If you look at how he has played since he's had two NFL caliber pass catchers with at least a week to practice with - that is a 5 game stretch and he has a 9/1 TD/INT ratio and has passed the eye test with flying colors.
I think this time next year we are talking about how the two best QBs in the NFL are on the two best teams in the AFC and they are both in the AFC East.
I like how Godgers answered to the question he was asked (see newguy's post). It is absurd to think the jets are going to think about letting him go - I don't care how bad he looks in the last 5 games.
Fraudgers and his #1 fan are both making excuses for him before he has even teed it up.
Priceless!
The Jets are more likely to trade their 1st round pick to the Broncos to get Zach Wilson back than they are to keep Rodgers for another year.
