AMA About Dating (Las Vegas)

Exactly what do you think "hanging out and having fun" entails?
I'm guessing it's something that would not be fun for me.

And what exactly did you mean by "lack of social proof"?

https://theonion.com/ugly-man-with-huge-...

Someone sure sounds jealous of OP)))

Women are all about emotion and vibe. For the most part anything that elevates their emotional state. My female friends and the girls I have dated like to hang out in social environments, preferably with a group, talk, joke, laugh, have some drinks, eat some food, listen to music, dance... Parties, bars, restaurants, etc... Girls love that **** and they want to do it WITH guys. They enjoy our company just as much as we enjoy theirs.

In this context "social proof" means demonstrating social acceptance particularly by females (being with a group of girls or even just being friends with the bartender). My wingman and I would always take out 3-4 of our female coworkers with us. I could get ANY girl in the bar to come drink with us simply by saying, "Hey, my friends and I are about to do some shots do you girls want to come over?" I would not have nearly as good of results if I was buy myself walking around the bar trying to buy girls drinks.

One night we were at the bar about to do shots and I noticed this really cute girl sitting across the bar by herself. I yelled, Hey! You want to do shots with us? What do you like Tequila? She shook her head no and went back to gambling. I yelled again, Hey don't be shy! You can sit next to my friend Haley! She came over and sat with us. I was joking and laughing with her. Things were going good. I got her IG and then we kinda got separated. I saw her again by herself and sat down next to her at the bar. I said, you ready for another round? Hey, bartender can we get two more tequilas please? The bartender comes over and says, Bro that's my girlfriend. :p

EXACTLY.

I was at RR at Rocks Lounge (and this is DURING covid). Masks were mandatory. Cute girl at the bar. She is drinking a martini and reading a book, not joking. I am about five seats away from her. No one is between us. She mentioned some obscure song to the bartender. I yelled out (to her and the bartender), I love that song! She laughed and said, "Really?! No you don't." I said, Sure I do and mentioned the band name. We chatted and I said, Hey, can I come sit next to you? I don't have any friends. She said, "Okay." We chat. She plays chess. She wants to play me. I say, No I'm too good. It won't be any fun for you. Now she REALLY wants to play. She wants to go to her room. I CAN TELL SOMETHING IS OFF HERE AND IT COMES UP LATER. We chat some more and we are getting intimate. We are rubbing each others legs and talking quiet. I say, I REALLY want to kiss you right now but we'd have to take these ****ing masks off. Is that okay? She says, "Sure". Now we are making out at the bar. After a few minutes I say, I think we should get out of here. My place is right across the street. Come with me. She says, "Okay". We get up and I am leading us to the door. The casino is crowded now so I take her hand leading her through the crowd. I can feel her slowing down, slowing down, stopping. I stop. I turn and say, What's up? She says, "Can we have one more drink before we go?" I say, Absolutely. We go to the bar and have another drink. Afterwards I say, Girl I'm done drinking and gambling. I gotta go. Let's go back to my place and relax. She says, "I really like you I just don't feel comfortable going to your place." I say, No worries. Let's go back to your room. She says, "We can't. I'm actually here with my boss and we are sharing a room." At this point I am like OKAY WTF?! REALLY?! However, I keep my cool. I say, Hey no worries. I understand. I still have to go though. Let me get your IG so we can hang out the next time you are in town. She asks, "Do you have a car?" I say, It's right outside. She asks, "Can we go to your car?"

I was confident.
I was laid back.
I was persistent.
And I was very patient.
Baby steps for the win.

I used to go to a rave night once a week here in Vegas. I used to date girls from that scene. So, I did some coke and some K. This is like two years ago... I was a ****ing idiot. So much of that is fentanyl or cut with it.

I don't do any drugs off the street now. Beer wine liquor and weed from the dispensaries.

Hell yeah brother…

What was your favorite rave spot in LV? Area 51, Discopussy or like clubs clubs? Fentanyl is dangerous and all, but sex on molly is so good, hard to give that **** up lol

Like I said I have been out of that scene for a minute but yeah, A51 Discopussy. Also, check out The Usual Place in Freemont East(?). Local spot, local DJs, locals, lol. Fun place to meet girls. They have a nice little bar. Outside smoking area (enclosed patio). There's usually a little hotdog cart out front. There is no "real" VIP or table service so everyone has to mingle. There's a lot of reasons to move around. If your at the bar, "Hey I'm goin to go smoke. Wanna go smoke?" If you're in the smoking area, "Hey I need a shot. You wanna go do shots? Let's go to the bar."

Also, follow the local DJs you like on SM. That way you can get updates on where the party is at. Get to know the Djs. 😉

FUNNY story about being an older guy dating younger girls. Before I was in the scene, I had met this girl and spent like TWO WEEKS chatting her up via text/IG trying to get a date. Finally she asks, "Do you like techno/EDM type events?" I'm like, Oh yeah, sure. (I don't) She says, "Well, I will be at the usual place tonight if you want to swing through." I say, Sweetie we're kinda just getting to know each other... I don't know where your usual places are..." She says, "It's a bar downtown." And I'm like, "OH! THAT Usual Place."😆

I had no idea WTF she was talking about.

It has for me, but I'm sure it's a whole lot different if you're "good-looking" or have a nice bankroll. If you just want some basic action, you can try the asian massage parlors. It'll run you at least 200 and could be more depending on the place and what the girl looks like, but for the most part, it's usually a decent-looking mid-thirties chick. Now, if you're in the mood for something special, you could try an escort site or just wait for one to approach you at the casino, but you're looking at a hit-or-miss type of experience. If you choose the online approach, sometimes the price they advertise is only to get to your room, and it costs a considerable amount more to get what you want, but you get to pick what you want beforehand. Or, like I said, just wait for one to sit by you and take the one that you like to your room. It might be a little cheaper, but not always. In any case, there are a ton of places online if you want to go that route. I use rubmaps for the massage parlors and eroticmonkey for the escorts. Both are free to join and browse, but if you want to read the reviews, you'll have to pay for a premium membership.

Don't you think it was phenomenally stupid and dangerous for that girl to get into a strange man's car at 2am? Not judging, genuinely interested in your thoughts.

How to you keep the belief that you are worthy and deserving of hot girls when you dont feel it/believe it?

When you say, be the cool fun guy. Listen, I hear you. I have personnaly had a friend back in the day, and he was just better at pulling than anyone I have ever seen. 100% pull rate, bringing the girls back in the car whereever he or they wanted too.

There was this sense of freedom about him, he was so chill about the girl sleeping with him or not. Most likely than not, the girl had to push a little bit towards sex for it to happen.

And we would go to the bar together, whatever bar, and 5 seconds in while I was just getting accustomed to being inside the bar at all, wouldnt you know, he was already sat next to a group of cute chicks, talking and having fun. He looked like he was naturally, instantly accepted and welcomed. That is not my personnal experience if I go to a bar without him.

And one day I was just so curious, I asked my friend. I said hey dude, how do you get all these chicks? He said just have fun.

I dont really -get it-. If you accept to explain fun and cool to me Id appreciate it. Isnt there a proved that trying to be cool is not cool, and fun is a very vague concept.

Saying cool and fun are elusive concepts to me. I can feel fun when something happens and I am having fun, but I dont really know how to create it, or what it is... Also most things I find fun, are like games and stuff, in a social setting where freedom is up the fuxking roof and you can basically say do and be whoever you want, I dont really know how to be most.... To me all there is to do there at the bar is talk and drink... So what is fun to talk about? Idk. Plus part of the fun is touching the girl, which is not exactly clear where the boundaries of consent and confidence clash, usually it looks to me that I seek for consent way too hard and it comes across at not fun, at the same time I am terrified of making a move on a girl that might not like me. And Im kinda there, not jnowing what to talk about... Time passes and I do nothing, and if theres one ****ing thing I learned the hard way, is that doing nothing the girls ****ing hate that.

what he meant is to just relax and go with it

which - based upon your description - is definitely not the case for you

you're over analyzing everything and trying evaluate and judge everything - people don't like that

they want to relax and have worry and care free moments

have you ever smoked weed? maybe try smoking a bit before heading out?

Maybe. I know I wouldn't want my daughter doing that. However, what I believe happened there was she was just feeling my vibe. Women are way more socially intelligent than men. They can feel when a male is a threat. Not 100% obviously but most women are experts at this.

My approach was smooth, laid back, and fun. I was in a good mood. I had a buzz going. The weather was beautiful. My opener was, "Let's go." I kinda kept slowly moving past her as if I was focused on leaving. My feet ad body were pointed towards the parking lot. Anyway, she could tell that if she ignored me then I would have just kept walking. I wasn't attached to the outcome in any way. I simply did not give a ****. So, SHE had a choice. She could have ignored me and that would have been the end of the interaction or she could engage. She asked, "Go where?!" She invested a little and wanted to know a little more. Then it was just logistics.

Anyway I wouldn't call her stupid for coming with me. She could tell that I wasn't any threat.

for whatever it may or may not mean to you, you're not alone in feeling all that.

Worthy of attraction: You are someone's type, TRUST ME. I am a bald white guy with a goatee. I usually wear reading glasses. I am not attractive in any way except for my height and my voice. My current girlfriend (she used to be a stripper here in Vegas) her ex-boyfriend was a tall bald white guy with a goatee. Her ex before him? Tall bald white guy with a goatee. Some women just like certain guys. I'm not worthy of all women's attraction but SOME women find me attractive. It's my job to figure out who they are.

Fun: Fun is subjective. You have to figure out what makes you laugh. Whatever movie line or joke that makes you laugh just keep repeating it in your head. You have to figure out what is fun for you. Don't try to be cool. You're not James Bond. Just try to have fun. Dance a little. Move around the room. Look at stuff. Comment on it. Words don't matter. It doesn't matter what you say. It's all vibe.

Walk up to a girl and say, "Cheese cake."

What?

"Cheese cake. What is the first thing you think about when I say, Cheese Cake?"

I hate cheese cake.

"Well then you and I, we can't be friends."

One of my favorite lines when approaching a group of girls is, "Why is she so LOUD?" Say it sarcastically. Point to her. Smile.

Don't Touch The Girl: Don't touch the girl. Don't even think about touching the girl. We don't go to bars to touch girls. We go to bars to have fun. Make her laugh. Get her laughing. She will touch your arm or your hand. Now you can touch the girl. If it's loud you can lean in to talk closer to her ear and put your hand on the small of her back. If your sitting you can touch her knee as an exclamation point, "Oh my God I just remembered something!" Squeeze her knee. If she has on noticeable earrings or rings you can gently push her hair back or take her hand to admire her jewelry. "Oh these are cool."

If at any time she tenses up or pulls back just stop and pull back slowly. Just say, "Oh sorry" and keep the conversation running. Don't even pause. Act like it was no big deal. How you handle her rejection is a HUGE signal for her. If she feels comfortable with your touch you can try kissing her. Move in really slow so she knows it's coming. If she pulls away just say something like, "Oh my God I am so bad. Don't tell my Mom."

If a girl is out she wants to have fun. She wants to meet a cool guy. Trust me all girls do. It's the mans job to show up and guide that process. Girls hate it when they have to take the lead. So always be leading. Let's go over here. Let's go to the bar. Let's do shots. Let's go sit down. Let's get some tacos.

Girls hate it when you do nothing: YES. A good buddy of mine. Handsome guy. Big. Tall. Super fit. He used to be a boxer. He went on a double date with a female coworker of mine. She left half way through dinner. The next day I asked her, "Why did you leave my boy hanging like that?" She said, "He wasn't doing anything."

great stuff ba - i literally wrote out a bunch of stuff - took a look at it and was like "dear lord i'm going to just wait and see if ba will answer it 10x better than i could" and closed the tab without posting

and i'm very glad i did, you explained it perfectly

but i just want to add that i think mana is very young (and prob autistic) and it's going to get a lot easier with age

i was a total ffing mess early on and it didn't really click until senior year of college (but that was probably more confidence than anything else) and i really didn't get good at it until my 30s

i think the goal is to also keep on plugging, not be afraid of rejection (love how ba pointed out ways in order to fail well - ie you didn't misread a situation and end up accidentally groping a woman etc etc you instead misread a situation and touched knees and then she pulled back etc etc)

also incredible advice about finding someone for whom you are their type

as far as plugging along, there's a very commonly used lure for the fish i go after most often, the bucktail jig

it's meant to be used bouncing along the rocks on the bottom - but in my very limited attempts at fishing with them, i lost a couple in the rocks or snagging into old lobster pots so i'd instead opt for lures that stayed higher up in the water column, away from the fish and probably caught fewer fish as a result

one day when i was talking to someone who swore by the bucktail jigs, i said that i hate using them because i'll always lose it in the rocks eventually and i simply don't know how to fish one

he answered back, if you're not occasionally getting the jig snagged on the bottom, you're not fishing it right

i think this also applies to dating in that if you're not getting rejected from time to time then you're not putting yourself out there enough and taking enough risks

A lot of work to attract women generally not worth the effort. Natural talent is a big part as well, telling borderline autistic players to do what you do might improve things for them ever so slightly but for most that's about it.

Whats so great about your 50+ gf that'd you settle for her when you have so many options? I couldn't see myself ever dating someone that age even when I'm 50+, their bodies just don't do it for me.

I think you are giving very good tips btw just not quite as easy to implement for most as it seems like you might think.

Women are worth the effort. After my divorce I was crushed and lonely. And I sucked at picking up girls and dating. I was married for a long time and dating had changed so much. But... I kept at it. I read everything I could. Watched every video I could. I practiced cold approach. It's a learnable skill. Eventually, I started to have some success. And I was SO MUCH HAPPIER! Granted that isn't necessarily a mentally healthy way to live for a man but... For me life is just better with women.

Women 50+. I get it it. Everybody is different. I dated girls in their early twenties. Then that number crept up to late twenties. Then mid thirties. Then my first "girlfriend" after my divorce was 42. And that was the happiest I had been in a long time. Through that process I learned that I am just happier in a relationship. One night stands are fun. **** friends are fun. I just enjoy having a girlfriend. As I got more interested in a committed relationship the younger girls just weren't interested. So, older girls FTW.

My current girlfriend is 50. However, not your average 50yo. She was a stripper and a dancer for many years. The body is still there. She works out. She takes care of herself. She is routinely hit on by guys her sons age. So, she is hot. And her and I just vibe. We really enjoy each others company. Drinking, gambling, cooking, dancing, sports, concerts, etc... It's enjoyable. I call her my partner in crime. I have other options they just aren't what I am looking for right now.

And you are right. None of this stuff is easy to implement. However, it is learnable.

Honestly some parts are learnable but I think some guys have it and most don't .

I have been blessed in that aspect .. I have batted WAY above avg and I think a good positive view on life and radiating that is key.

Sent from my A142P using Tapatalk

hard disagree with this

i think everyone can tell from my posting that i'm very deep on the spectrum so i'm speaking from first hand experience that you can learn and adapt etc etc

like when i was young i would just stare blankly at the ceiling while people were talking to me because i found whatever geometric patterns i could see up there more interesting than whatever they were telling me about duck tales or whatever

and then i learned to stop doing that because life would be easier if i wasn't known as a space cadet because i didn't grow up in an era of faux inclusivity and awareness - was not given a pass as autistic - i was poked fun at and called a space cadet - but i think that's a good thing as i didn't have a crutch of autism to lean upon and use as an excuse to not make any effort to improve on anything

and the real thing is - faking it until you make it is a real thing

if you're upset and you force yourself to smile it genuinely does increase your mood - this is very well studied and documented
https://dl.acm.org/doi/abs/10.1145/20301...

so because i stopped doing things like staring at ceilings during conversations and staring out the bus window forming geometric patterns between the telephone poles in my mind - i started looking at people and engaging with them - and after about a year or two it went from forced to natural

you can practice and evolve or you can just say "nah i'm autistic it won't work out" which is why i can't stand that diagnosing it with the intention not to cure but to excuse is something i abhor

Being an extrovert is quite crucial, I'd give extroverts a 10X better chance to be able to implement these strategies successfully with some practice.

Introverts get drained emotionally and physically from dealing with people so it's an uphill climb to get in enough practice between going against their nature and keeping up with everything else in life.

Or you can move to southeast Asia like me if you have the flexibility, be yourself and still have tons of choices. (If you're anywhere near an average guy in America you'll have absolutely no problem here)

BetAgainst, At the end of the book "The Game" Neil Strauss said that maintaining a long-term relationship with his gf was harder than anything he ever learned in pickup. Have you by chance read that book? Regardless, how do you feel about pickup vs. keeping one you actually want a relationship with?

It's way more difficult to maintain a relationship with an attractive woman than it is to pick her up for a one night stand. Perceived social status. Sexual Market Value. That is what women are attracted to. It's easy to demonstrate high status behavior for a few hours. It's much more difficult to maintain that frame over a period of months or years. Women also need to chase. They want to feel as if they are lucky to be with a guy. The second the guy reciprocates those feelings she loses attraction.

I dated a bottle service waitress that was a solid 9. She could have been a VS model but she was too short and had too many tattoos. She was 20 years younger than me. It was stressful. She was relentlessly being hit on by much better looking guys and guys with more money. We would go out and the bartender would be hitting on her. I would go to the head and when I came back customers were hitting on her. Guys were tipping her $1k at her job. Club owners and business owners were offering her jobs. Hundreds of guys hitting her up on social media.

That whole time I had to act like: I DON'T GIVE A ****. If she would have sensed any crack in my self confidence, if she would have detected any jealousy, if she would have sensed any attachment to outcome then she would have dumped me in an instant.

A relationship is just a REALLY long extended pickup.

A RELATIONSHIP IS SIMPLY A SERIES OF POSITIVE INTERACTIONS.