2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
darnold's essentially this year's purdy and deserves the $35M+ he'll fetch on the market. unless he takes them to promised land, vikes are rolling with mccarthy at $5M which i do think maximizes their ceiling as they need to solidify interior lines on both sides to be consistently elite. that's possible with $75M cap room next year after dead caps from kirko and hunter drop.
IRT QB NFL tradition holds you never take out a winner.
After tonight Darnold will be 12-2, and have a decent chance at HFA in the playoffs.
His career path is eerily similar to Mayfield at this point.
Vikes will give him a 3 yr deal in the 110/120 range, more if they win a playoff game, more if they get HFA. I'm sure it will be structured in a way that fast tracks JJ if he flops next year.
Vikes will give him a 3 yr deal in the 110/120 range, more if they win a playoff game, more if they get HFA. I'm sure it will be structured in a way that fast tracks JJ if he flops next year.
i'd wager they don't sign him for next year conditional on them not making a superbowl at 50/50 odds
49ers need to NOT pay Purdy ANYTHING
And give the bag to Darnold.
Purdy is the last pick of the ****ing draft who is actually a moron.
Darnold was the 3rd pick of the ****ing draft who has actually figured “it” out.
Heck, if Giants take Travis Hunter —— pay Darnold if they can and I’d be happier than a Rook on the 7th Rank.
feels like the playoff teams might now be set? Certainly in AFC.
Rams v Seahawks is the one really live division race, but Seahawks look really meh and Geno injury might seal their fate
Rams are kind of fun to root for, and they don't really have L.A. fans so I feel somewhat obligated.
Plus Matt Stafford is a cool dude. Puka Nacua !?!? awesome name.
2024 NFL POWER RANKINGS - WEEK FIFTEEN
Superbowl Contenders
1. Bills (11-3)
2. Eagles (12-2)
3. Lions (12-2)
4. Chiefs (13-1)
Playoff Teams
5. Ravens (9-5)
6. Vikings (12-2)
7. Packers (10-4)
8. Steelers (10-4)
9. Broncos (9-5)
10. Commanders (9-5)
11. Texans (9-5)
12. Bucs (8-6)
13. Chargers (8-6)
14. Rams (8-6)
Living On a Prayer
15. Seahawks (8-6)
16. Bengals (6-8)
17. Cardinals (7-7)
18. Dolphins (6-8)
19. Niners (6-8)
20. Falcons (7-7)
Not good
21. Colts (6-8)
22. Bears (4-10)
23. Saints (5-9)
24. Jets (4-10)
25. Cowboys (6-8)
26. Panthers (3-11)
Bad
27. Browns (3-12)
28. Pats (3-11)
29. Raiders (2-12)
30. Giants (2-12)
31. Jaguars (3-11)
32. Titans (3-11)
Chiefs
Eagles
Bills
Lions
Vikings
damn. just awful variance for DET and their D. i'm afraid their SB chances are cooked along w their D
The table below highlights the Lions’ depth chart as it appeared on Ourlads.com on Sept. 1. Light red shading shows players already on reserve lists before Sunday. Darker red shading singles out the players who were lost against the Bills.
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the 1. Chargers didn't have a 3rd down converstion vs TB. the fourth time in their last 545 games they had none
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let's keep an eye on Watt's ankle injury
The Steelers are 1-11 since 2017 when Watt does not play, including playoffs. They have allowed 26.2 points per game on defense in those games, about a touchdown more than otherwise. Their defense has averaged +0.08 EPA per play with him on the field and -0.02 without him, per TruMedia. That’s the difference between ranking No. 1 since 2017, as the Steelers do, and ranking 28th.
2024 NFL POWER RANKINGS - WEEK FIFTEEN
Not good
Bears (4-10)
Bad
27. Browns (3-12)
28. Pats (3-11)
29. Raiders (2-12)
30. Giants (2-12)
31. Jaguars (3-11)
32. Titans (3-11)
Question: If losing eight games in a row doesn't make you a bad football team, what exactly do the Bears have to do to be considered a bad football team?
Fire everyone and disband the franchise.
Darnold is Smiff for the modern era. Top prospect who was ruined from day 1 by terrible coaching, development and a dumpster fire organization catching fire at the right time. Great story, happy for the guy
Trading JJ seems unlikely, maybe at this point you get a 2nd? I guess 90/2 for Darnold to prove it next year and secure the bag is probably the move and Darnold simply won’t find a better opportunity to shine than Minnesota
If he does cash in and go bag chasing this off-season I think the only option that makes sense with no caveats is the stealers. Feel like that’s just the perfect fit for the guy and obviously lol Russ
One that with some caveats could be great is the raiders. I don’t care how hyped people are on son of prime, this qb class straight up sucks. None of the top prospects actually know how to play qb and are basically just AR15 with less physical godliness and a slightly better completion percentage (to anyone who thinks this comp is a compliment it is also meant as a swipe on AR15 [sorry RT])
Raiders could trade dowm or stay at 3 or 4 and take Hunter. Pair him with the other young weapons and Darnold and Ben Johnson has a team that could on a last place schedule win the west year 1
The hilarious move would be jest giving him the bag and I’m here for that too
I'm rooting for the Jets for the lols. But I'm not sure Darnold would do that no matter how much money they offered. Plus, the Jets are in a bad spot on the Rodgers contract.
Minn is certainly Darnold's highest upside spot from a production and appeal standpoint. But I think that there's zero chance they are going to offer him the biggest bag. Though, he could stay for less money given the situation.
It's a shame Mia paid Tua. I think that'd be a great spot for Sammy D.
I haven't seen this spot mentioned much in the Darnold discourse, but I think Seattle would be great. Geno's time there should be coming to an end, even with the dead cap (granted it's 1/3rd of the real cap).
In addition to the Raiders/Steelers, the Giants, Colts, and Titans could all be viable. If Stafford decided to retire, then the Rams too.
In theory, the Browns and Saints would be options, but I don't think either can afford it.
I agree that this QB class is awful. Shadeur and Cam Ward are likely the top two QB prospects, and I think they'd go behind all 6 QBs from the 2024 draft.
Put me in the camp that rolling out the Brinks truck for Darnold is going to be bad news for whoever does it. Minnesota found lightning in a bottle this year with him, the team around him is great and it is a solid situation but don't dance with the devil here. If Denver has managed 9-5 with Bo, this team is probably 9-10 wins with JJ too.
I'm not sure it's lightning in a bottle as much as it's great coaching. KOC is one of the best in the league. And yes, the offensive roster is quite good.
If Darnold ends up going to a bad org, it's probably going to look bad. If he goes to a good org, it's probably going to look good. And I think it's as simple as that.
The only way it makes sense for another team to give big bucks to Darnold is if it includes getting Jefferson
I'm not sure it's lightning in a bottle as much as it's great coaching. KOC is one of the best in the league. And yes, the offensive roster is quite good.
If Darnold ends up going to a bad org, it's probably going to look bad. If he goes to a good org, it's probably going to look good. And I think it's as simple as that.
Lightning in a bottle was maybe the wrong message because I don't necessarily think it's a one-off year for Darnold. I view Darnold kind of the way I view Goff and that is to agree with you: in the right situations with the right teams these guys are quite capable. But what good org is on the hunt for a QB right now? Feels like nobody, unless maybe Pittsburgh wants to take a run at him.
Goff has a slightly different arc since he started with a couple great years with the Rams before falling off and rebounding in Detroit.
I mentioned it above, but I think the Seahawks could qualify as good enough. Pitt would also qualify.
But yeah, most of the teams looking for a QB probably don't qualify as good orgs, at least not in present form.
With that said, the Lions were certainly not considered a good org or situation when they traded away Stafford for Goff and the haul. Goff has been a piece to a complete org revamp across the board.
There will be desperate teams throwing bags at Sammy D, though. But as with Goff, he'd just be a piece.
if Cousins is this compromised, then it's time to give the keys to Penix
Is there any team out there that would take on Reek's contract in a trade? What could he go for?
sit the bum already!!
The Falcons secured a win and stayed in the NFC South race accordingly, but this was the worst Kirk Cousins game in a while. The zero-touchdown, four-interception game against the Chargers sure looks worse, but Cousins actually averaged 0.02 EPA per dropback and a 50% success rate in that game. On Monday, he had 0.00 EPA per dropback and a 28.6% success rate. In fact, by success rate, that was Cousins' worst game since Week 2 of the 2020 season.
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great first season at LAC for Harblow, but the party is likely to end quickly in the playoffs
28th: That's where the Chargers' defense ranks in success rate since Week 9. From Weeks 1 to 8, the unit was third.
Sounds like the Penix era is about to be upon us
hard times ahead
