2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
16 games is not a big enough sample size to be definitively sure of anything in football.
What about 17 games?
and you are the expert in retarted things said in this thread so your post carries more weight
classic feely post.
wp. great way to ring in the new year.
X record in one-score games becomes less meaningful as we approach 80% one-score games. it's evident the league has instructed -- at least implicitly -- refs to shade calls to keep games close WWF style. don't think chiefs have gotten enough credit for navigating those one-score games and always coming out on the winning end. fully expect mahomes to turn on another gear come playoffs
interesting MNF o/u got to 58. it was 52 on another major site during the niners game. 17 weeks in don't think anyone's paying attention to how effective vikings defense is. they don't really have any big names but are greater than sum of their parts. they were missing cashman in 1st game against lions and goff picked them apart middle of the field. i like lions u13.5 1H
Don't get me wrong, I like the Vikings, but there's a possibility they're benefiting from their schedule. It'll be interesting come playoffs as most of the best scoring teams are in the NFC. Especially if they don't get the #1 seed.
64% of their wins have been against teams in the bottom half in points scored (5th highest among playoff teams)
14% of their wins have been against teams in the top 10 in points scored (4th lowest among playoff teams)
I've definitely slept on BAL. Only 27% of their wins have been against bad offenses, whereas a whopping 55% have been against top 10 offenses.
no truer words
Don't get me wrong, I like the Vikings, but there's a possibility they're benefiting from their schedule. It'll be interesting come playoffs as most of the best scoring teams are in the NFC. Especially if they don't get the #1 seed.
64% of their wins have been against teams in the bottom half in points scored (5th highest among playoff teams)
14% of their wins have been against teams in the top 10 in points scored (4th lowest among playoff teams)
I've definitely slept on BAL. Only 27% of their w
Shouldn't this be wins v bottom 10 in points scored if the comparison is wins v top 10 in points scored?
Or, wins v bottom half in points scored again wins v top half in points scored.
Shouldn't this be wins v bottom 10 in points scored if the comparison is wins v top 10 in points scored?
Or, wins v bottom half in points scored again wins v top half in points scored.
Thanks for the call out. Here is wins vs bottom 10 in points v top 10 in points scored.
% obviously changed, but the overall rankings didn't move too much with two exceptions.
GB went from 2nd worst to 4th best, and TB went from middle of the pack to 4th worst. GB still being the only team without a win vs a top 10 offense is still concerning to me.
BAL, KC, and DET are still elite in having the fewest % of their wins come against bottom 10 offenses.
I laughed out loud when I saw the narrative that he was released so he could be picked up by a playoff team. Only reason I checked it all was because I figured he got arrested or accused of something.
Payton has no idea wtf he's doing at RB so he'll probably be a Bronco, or the Lions sign him since no Monty.
I really like looking at macro statistics like that, good posts newguyhere.
For Baltimore it reinforces that they often play up to their competition, and also can at times play down to it as well. However they also stomp bad teams too. Usually which one it is becomes clear early on in the game.
Anyways put me in the camp that the Vikings are not as good as the last 2 week wave of hive mind thinks they are. Darnold is going to have a 5-INT-esque game like Goff and the internet will explode.
They're 78 point differential behind Buffalo with equivalent records, and behind four other teams with marginally worse records. Tampa at 9-7 is only 13 PD behind them. This also applies to the Chiefs of course, however Vikings/Eagles/Chiefs are the only top teams to have allowed under 300 points. Vikings haven't blown out a competitive opponent since week 3. I guess you could say they thumped the Falcons a couple weeks back but that game was tied going into the 4th Q where Atlanta turned the ball over 3 straight drives.
KOC being an arguable top 5 coach certainly helps the Vikings’s case.
Going back to the one score game discussion, he’s 26-9 in his career.
Payton has no idea wtf he's doing at RB so he'll probably be a Bronco, or the Lions sign him since no Monty.
I would be genuinely surprised if they did that. There isn't anything special about their existing backups, but it would seem to be a waste of a roster slot. Zeke doesn't strike me as a guy that Campbell and Holmes would target as a fit, even on a short term basis, but of course I have no inside knowledge.
Also aren't they supposedly hopeful Montgomery can actually come back for the playoffs? Doubt they'd bother signing Zeke just for the week 18 game and then never have him see the field after that.
Zeke doesn't have the character profile to play for Detroit.
Saquon sitting out with the title right there? That's lame. Run it up.
Seriously. Injuries are just as likely to happen in the playoffs.
Eh, I feel like with the 16/17 game thing, people won't see it as a huge deal anyway.
Eventually someone will break the record in the first 16 games and then run it up a bit in the 17th game and that'll be treated as a real achievement and set the new standard.
That’s the lil bit of Giants still left in Saquon.
smart decision by Saquon
the team comes first
he's always come across as a team first guy
