2024 NFL Regular Season: g-bebe’s Lamar attempts to slay Dom’s Josh for title of mafia boss
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
Sigh.
For that Super Bowl, which will forever be THAT Super Bowl to me, I passed on going to an awesome Super Bowl party with lots of my friends to have a girl I liked over at my place to watch it.
The game did NOT go well.
Did NOT hook up.
Then a couple weeks later, she reconnects with a guy she went to high school with, started dating, and now they’re married.
Brutal. But why didn't you go to the party with her?
should be pretty clear to anyone w a pulse that follows the league closely, but let me spell it out for you ... Coen was way more intregal to the 2024 Bucs' success than Bowles was
furthermore, Bowles is a worse game manager than Zac (which should send shivers down the spine of any TB fan)
]
the in game management is definitely a thing and he could and should be better at it. TBH, that was this forum's biggest problem with Andy Reid til he got Mahomes too. So it is possible to improve later in your career. And then having a team that's better at executing helps us forget bad decisions too.
But I think the rest of your argument is missing the fact that a HC's main role is leadership. Culture and direction setting, recruiting, retaining and leading the coaching, playing and back room staff, doing all the huge amount of other non X and O stuff that it takes to run a team and generate success. And then working with his 3 Co-ordinators to ensure they're developing & executing game planning etc. Including protecting his staff and players by managing up effectively to the GM and owner and everything else etc etc etc.
Expecting a 1st year OC to be able to step up and do all this stuff and also continue to be able to add the same value as an OC is hugely optimistic. It's why so many hot shot co-ordinators don't succeed as HC because it's a very different job and it's one they haven't done.
Ben Johnson has been really smart to wait a few years to take a HC job so that he can build around his skillset with more management and leadership experience and he's clearly a very effective and high performing offensive coach, but he's still probably only 50:50 to last 4 years in his HC job.
I would much rather encourage Bowles to hire someone to take charge of/advise him for his in game management than fire him and promote an untested 1st yr OC
relatedly, assuming Bowles doesn't have any input into the Bucs Offense is also naive, because he recruited Coen and is his direct manager.
Bowles should've been let go after this
As should any HC who is way too conservative (*cough, cough* - Tomlin - *cough*).
the nfl media ive consumed today is far more impressed with that wash win than i was, defense looked awful and tampa was shredding them besides 2 bum ass unforced errors late in the game
the market not buying it either as they are +8.5 next week
i think because it was the only nfl game of the weekend you would consider watchable, people just gravitated towards praising daniels performance in it....wasnt many other fun angles to make monday
i hate to boomer it up but the way evans and the team celebrated that 1k yards in wk 18 and then comeback and blew a game they should've won doesn't feel entirely independent of one another
Jerry's gonna hire Dion Sanders, watch
will there ever be another team like 2015 broncos, 2017 jaguars, 2012-2013 seahawks? maybe even 2019 9ers when they were healthy
basically a defense that matters and the team is a contender first and foremost because of their defense
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Fat Mike was my guarantee that the Cowboys would never be relevant again :(
(And yes, I know there is little chance of that with Jerruh in charge but Fat Mike guaranteed it)
As hard as it is to imagine, my guess is that Fat Mike was fired because he was not obsequious enough to suit Jerruh. It is quite possible that the next guy will be even worse than Fat Mike.
I do hope FM catches on with some other team quickly. He has demonstrated a delicate balance of keeping a HC job despite his ineptness. Such entertainment is difficult to come by. Tomlin is likely the reigning king--for the time being.
Rehire Jason Garrett for maximum lolz
will there ever be another team like 2015 broncos, 2017 jaguars, 2012-2013 seahawks? maybe even 2019 9ers when they were healthy
basically a defense that matters and the team is a contender first and foremost because of their defense
Wouldn't that be this year's Chiefs (+59)?
All of the teams you mentioned had great defenses, but they also had top 10 offenses, with the exception of the Broncos.
Ironically enough, the 2015 Broncos also finished +59
That would bring a little fun to the circus, but I think Deion's not coming here without his son and Dak's contract probably ruins that.
As hard as it is to imagine, my guess is that Fat Mike was fired because he was not obsequious enough to suit Jerruh. It is quite possible that the next guy will be even worse than Fat Mike.
I do hope FM catches on with some other team quickly. He has demonstrated a delicate balance of keeping a HC job despite his ineptness. Such entertainment is difficult to come by. Tomlin is likely the reigning king--for the time being.
Word on the sports talk streets around here is that he chose to leave because Jerry wouldn't give him a long term contract. Jerry wanted him back a year at a time. Who knows what the truth us, but they've supposedly been having "talks".
The Return of Red Jesus!
should be pretty clear to anyone w a pulse that follows the league closely, but let me spell it out for you ... Coen was way more intregal to the 2024 Bucs' success than Bowles was
furthermore, Bowles is a worse game manager than Zac (which should send shivers down the spine of any TB fan)
I'll be the first to admit Bowles is not a good x-o guy. That's why he hired guys around him to do the things they should do.
Bowles gets the players to play for him. 3 years, 3 playoff appearances, 1 playoff win is not bad at all considering they were big dogs the past 2 years and played a brutal schedule this year and beat the top NFC teams. That, plus playing competitive when they lose their top 2 WRs for 4 weeks+.
Could they find a better HC to win more games? Possibly, but considering the risks of blowing it all up they should stand pat and keep the engine running. All systems are go for next season, they still have Mayfield on a discount and can improve in the secondary which Bowles should know something about.
IRT last night, absent the turnover of course they should have won. Daniels played like the top NFC QB that he is, how often does a team lose with no punts? Tough game to lose for either side
i hate to boomer it up but the way evans and the team celebrated that 1k yards in wk 18 and then comeback and blew a game they should've won doesn't feel entirely independent of one another
I don't buy it. What is the alternative, Baker kneeling? Or the team walking off and shaking hands? It was a great moment not only for Evans' record, but for coming back from 10 down in the 3rd qtr with the playoffs on the line.
difficult decisions ahead in PIT
This was the sixth consecutive playoff defeat in which the Steelers trailed by at least 21 points. Their opponents in those postseason matchups outscored Pittsburgh by a combined 73-0 in the first quarter. These were total surrenders, not hard-fought battles.
- - - - - - - - - -
PHI's D got younger and better
a testament to Roseman, the FO and their process
Wouldn't that be this year's Chiefs (+59)?
All of the teams you mentioned had great defenses, but they also had top 10 offenses, with the exception of the Broncos.
Ironically enough, the 2015 Broncos also finished +59
No team with Mahomes is being led by their D. He is obviously making their lives easier the way he manages the game and gravity alone.
The Ravens being favored in Buffalo is surprising to me, and an insult to their rabid fans.
Bills and their fans prefer being the underdog.
