Poker in prison....AMA

Last two posts have recommended working for Martin Shkreli or Blackwater. 2+2 is certainly correctly identifying prospective employers who'd consider your prison stint an asset rather than a liability

I am not posting in jest. If the OP has legit biotech skills, it is better to do something in that area rather than look for fringe opportunities like poker or mercenary work.

True but I really haven't done anything in my field in years since I started playing full time after college.

So far she has lasted 3 years we have been together 19 this past July. Although anything is possible I have seen many wives leave guys here.

How does the sports betting work? I assume only the people with connections can make book.

Could you make bets on something like the presidential race with other inmates or must everything go through the official guys?

Are sports bets super juiced or otherwise made unbeatable?

Is it more like a real bookie where you can bet on a wide range of stuff, or a weird prison version?

Great thread and good luck getting out ASAP. BTW, you mentioned home games... I would avoid those generally, but especially if on parole.

You write well and, while I doubt it can be a career, I bet you could sell a few articles about all this.

I've done some freelance writing and gambling articles always pay and are easy to sell because the sites actually make money due to affiliates, as opposed to say, a political or humor site.

The sports books are run by several different races. They get lines from cellphones and people either pay with cash app or commissary. Guys who have phones here usually just bet online. I'm interested in writing. I have always loved in in college and for whatever weird reason people have a lot of questions about prison. I didn't until I found out I was going. I realized how many content creators on YouTube have entire channels on the subject.

Join the Sicilian mafia and finally do something useful with your life!

Duh.... Who you think I was laundering money for?? BTW those types are not at all what you would expect. If you are not one of them they are so quick to tell on you.

Thats some funny tales. What did you do in the first place ? Money loundering but what specificially...?

Any MTTs in the prison? Multiple day events with slow blinds and big prizepools? Do they have whole card cameras on the feature table as well?

that's pretty cheap in relative terms. UK contraband markets are totally different afaik

You donÂ’t want to be in front of a judge, ever.

I used too watch those court cases tv shows and the other real court cases, and without fault the judge is always dumb.

The scariest thing about judges is that theyÂ’re there to **** you up, and the have the power to do so.

All that rehabilitation bs is just that, bs for those willing to eat it. Prison do not rehabilitate people, if anything it makes them worse.

Everyone in a prison has at least two out of three of these following types : the scapegoat, the dumbass, and the criminal.

If youÂ’re a criminal, and not a dumbass; well you just donÂ’t get caught, so youÂ’re not in prison.

To know everything you want to know about the court system, you learn the hot beverage experiment.

You take ten judges, give 5 a cold drink, give 5 a hot drink; donÂ’t tell them nothing, on average the hot drink judges will give lighter sentences.

So yeah, everybody that thinks the court system is there to make a better safer world, and that the judges are there to help; and that the judge analyze your case and give a punishment relative to what you did, is a goddamn idiot~

You donÂ’t wanna be near a judge ever. Also, just being a judge in itself makes you a bad person. Anybody that judges everyday is bound to becoming an unloving cold bitter bitch.

The judges are there to either make money, or feel better about themselves; most likely a bit of the two.

When you love someone, you innately seek their best interests, and since judging is a concept almost diametrically opposite from love, stepping into a court is always a mistake.

The irony of it all is that judges sometimes brings a narrative of guiltlessness and remorselessness as a reason to give a heavier sentence; but the truth is that if you were truly feeling no guilt at all you wouldnÂ’t happen to face a court case because of the holographic mirror universe we live in. ItÂ’s best labelled as the narcissistic loophole.

Anyway, youÂ’re in jail now so you will have your butt taken care of, lose your poker hand or go back to your cell, either ways youÂ’re getting your ass ****ed.

Wtf?? I'm at a camp there's no booty bandits or shower sharks. Just white collar criminals. That was a really weird post. Psych meds are something I think you would benefit from.

When autism and mental illness collide.

The saddest part of this is you think you sound cool, but anyone who has sense or has actually done time knows exactly who you are.

Give me some chon chon!

Thanks for posting this... I can't think of any right now but I hope more questions come in.

Great thread.

I'm rooting for you brother. GL.

What an interesting post, good luck man!

So it was because you profited off those transactions that they nailed you? Money laundering always confuses me

Interesting read, thanks for sharing! You seem like a good guy, glad you’re not gonna spend any more time in there than you have to

typical narcissist answer

stay in jail, mother****er, that where you and others your kind belongs

so true - it pays significantly less than private practice and is still a desirable and hard to get job so it's not so much the down on their luck lawyers who couldn't get a job at a big firm but rather one of two kinds of people much like the kind of person who is going to try to make a career out of being a cop is someone of middle or lower class background who really enjoys having power over their peers and sees that as the best way to gain such agency in life - but i digress

1) the vigilante who thinks it is their mission to clean up the streets - this is the preferable version because at least they are well intentioned but they are still zealots who may justify cutting corners if it means doing a better job of cosplaying as batman

2) the ambitious lawyer who believes that "crushing it" as a prosecutor will give them all kinds of direct courtroom experience that'll fast track them to being partner at one of the big firms or even worse, going up the ranks of district attorney and possibly moving on to being senator/governor/president etc - these people only care about one thing, having good stats and even better, having high profile cases resulting in convictions

in college i went to a party where someone had earlier gone to the hospital for alcohol poisoning - prompting a response from the police, i had just walked into the door when the police showed up right behind me - told everyone to stay put and grabbed everyone's ids

having just literally arrived, i had not been drinking yet but the cop on the fly decided that i had been and despite not having been given a sobriety test or breathalyzer and i was told i could argue it in court

months later i get a notice about my court date, saying it'll be in the summer, which would be an undue hardship requiring me to fly back just for that

so i go to the court house and try to reschedule it to when i'll actually be in the area and am refused, so i go to the ada's office who's case it is - i explain to him that this is a miscarriage of justice, that there's zero evidence i was drinking underage and that we need to reschedule the trial to when i'll actually be around - he refuses, i was prepared for this and pulled out a book from my backpack and said i'll just hang out here then reading until you're willing to discuss this

after about 10 minutes he cracked (not cracked just decided i wasn't worth the hassle) and said "fine i believe you but i can't reschedule this because it's such a minor case so how about we structure a plea deal right now where you sign a confession and in exchange get no punishment" - i responded that i wouldn't sign a false confession and he was adamant that he didn't care whether or not i did it nor whether or not i received any sentencing, he just wanted the conviction to chalk up on his numbers and that this would be wiped from record if i didn't commit a felony in the next 6 months

so i signed it and walked and learned a very valuable lesson about how disgusting our legal system was that it rewarded such stat stuffing