I just hit my biggest MTT online score. Now back to chasing the next one.
I was coming off a big downswing week where I lost half my bankroll. Then on Saturday, I hit my biggest online MTT cash on Pokerstars. It was 50% bigger than my previous best. It was an 8 hour PKO MTT and it was quite a ride. About 550 hands in total and there were some epic moments. Two huge spots where I was behind preflop and got lucky all in. An epic back and forth heads up battle at the end to take it all!
It was a huge rush to get that win and it took me a couple of hours to wind down and go to bed. Now today, I just had another losing session which included some donk off plays, but also some coolers.
After that big win, its just back to the grind today chasing the next big win for me. After such a magical moment, it sucks to feel like I might not even be good at poker, even though I have a winning record every year. But these losing days where nothing goes right just leave you questioning yourself.
And then its just back to firing up the online MTT games to chase that next big final table or MTT win. It just feels like MTT poker is just constantly chasing without ever having a satisfactory ending. That victory was very nice and memorable, but it's short lived because it's all about trying to recreate that with the next big score.
Is there anyone else out there that has felt this way or can relate to this?
I wonder if I should try other forms of poker and stick with them like 1 table SNG games. Where wins and cashes can come more often, but that big magical score in one game just won't be there. But maybe that can alleviate that mental drain of long stretches without a big score.
5 Replies
You feel confident when winning and doubt when losing.
You last half of your bankroll in a week.
Chasing the high 'magical moment'.
Poker feels like chasing without a satisfactory ending.
You're winning at poker every year which is a difficult thing to sustain, you're also clearly driven and excitable. You also sounds quite aimless and chasing emotional highs which is not sustainable. You might be able to make a profit in this game but it will not stop being a rollercoaster until you change the way you are framing the role that poker plays in your life.
Thanks for your feedback Lucky Scrote.
I played again today and had a small winning session. Winning a big tournament is the highlight and pinnacle of the poker experience. And I realize the big MTT scores are going to be occassional and not some regular thing to enjoy. But what I can enjoy on a day to day basis is battling with my opponents and trying to play the best I possibly can. It takes a bit of sacrifice and control to do that, but that will lead to the best results. I have to enjoy the battle and the grind. Not just the result.
Some of these sacrifices are not having any YouTube or distractions. Only lofi music in the background or nothing. Also, I need to limit the amount of online games at one time to allow myself to concentrate and also pick up on how opponents are playing at the table.
I guess I was just a bit down yesterday of how fleeting that joyous victory is of a first place finish. 1,300 runners in it too. It was a huge thrill, but then it's onto the next set of games and that win is just a memory in the past. I guess that is just something to accept is that it is the grind and the battle that will be constant. And that the thrill and excitement is only temporary.
Yes, you are more on the right track there. We need to lock in on things that are more constant - growth. Emotions are fleeting and the pursuit of them will mean you are just flapping around like a leaf in the wind, always chasing the high.
Excitement is still key though. I like to anchor myself in my own journey to excitement. I look 5 years into the future and imagine what I can achieve, how it makes me feel to be that person, what impact I have on the world, the people around me and what I stand to benefit from it all. That is really exciting! I have to set the bar high as I am an ambitious person and accept that means I have a lot of challenges that I have to overcome. It is the excitement of the promise land that gets me through those hard times.
Do you have a vision, or an idea of an ideal state in 5 years from now that really gets you going?
In 5 years, I don't necessarily have a gameplan. I am just playing for now but if there are more important things in life I need to attend to, I'll prioritize that. I'm not sure what place poker will have in my life in 5 years.
I do understand how the excitement of things you are working on can carry you through more difficult times. Every has to have a way to push through tough times in life.
I can relate Mizrachi. Poker can be a fickle game.
The first thing I noticed reading your post was that you mentioned that you lost 1/2 of your roll in the week prior to your big score. Wanted to make sure you're using proper bankroll management? I think that is one of the first things to do. Using proper BRM makes the swings more bearable as you have a logical plan with a likely positive outcome in the long run. You can remind yourself of this when you have a tough day or week.
Provided that you are managing your bankroll properly, I think scrote's question is a good one. What is your vision for where you want to be in five years? When you envision that reality your subconscious will get to work creating a plan. Then when you have a plan you can focus on the process. When you have a tough downswing it's easier when you have consciously planned for it and understand that it's all part of your plan. The feelings related to that vision of the future will also sustain and motivate you when you hit bumps in the road.
That doesn't mean your plan has to prioritize poker as the end goal. Maybe your goal is to achieve financial freedom and buy a house. This will likely require discipline and planning. Even if poker is not your ultimate goal, by incorporating it into your vision you will likely acheive better results both in poker and in life. The discipline and planning you incorporate into your poker game will also help you with financial planning, physical fitness goals, or whatever else you want to achieve.
Anyway good luck and let$ crush!
