No Excuses, No Mercy, Just War. SkeeN99's poker journey
What's up everyone!
Let me break this down real simple: it’s been a goddamn year of pain, growth, delusion, and reality checks.
Poker? That **** humbled me. I started june 2024 flying high—running hot at 50z, thinking I was some kind of genius because I stacked a few regs and saw green numbers. Thought I was special. Thought I deserved it.
But poker doesn’t give a **** who you think you are.
I got slapped by variance. Slammed by ego. Dragged through months of break-even hell. Tried to move up too early—took shots at 100NL, spewed away hard-earned gains, went to war with shady-ass RnC accounts. Reality hit me in the face like a brick.
But at the end of 2024, I snapped out of the fog. I rewired how I think about this game with the guidance of some very smart people, if you are reading this you know who you are.
No more coasting. No more hoping. I’m here now — back in the arena— and I'm ready to kick some ass.
Yeah, the last six months have felt like one long, slow downswing. But feelings are lies.
Zoom out, look at the big picture. My Stars sample from the past year? Not where I want to be — but way better than I thought. That tells me something: my mind was bullshitting me. The self-pity. The doubt. All noise.
And it wasn’t just poker. My personal health mirrored that same rollercoaster.
Early 2024, I was a machine. Took my diet seriously. But then I got soft. Let stress and laziness creep in. I stopped being the hammer— and started being the ****ing nail.
Then I found running. At first, I couldn’t even clear 5k without my lungs giving out and my legs begging to quit. But I kept showing up. Day after day. Mile after mile. Fast forward — I ran my first marathon this month. Didn’t ask for permission. Didn’t need motivation. Just laced up and got it done.
But here’s the truth: high effort doesn't equal high results when your discipline is selective.
I was burning 3k+ calories on some days— and still gaining weight because I was eating like ****. Why? Because I let hunger and habits run the show. Weak. Undisciplined.
That stops now.
Starting last week I’m tracking every single ****ing thing I eat. Every calorie. Every gram. No more lying to myself. No more negotiating with my excuses. Hunger hormones don't run me. I run me. And I’m done playing small in any area of life.
Poker. Diet. Discipline. Life. It’s all the same war. And I’m here to win.
9 Replies
Thanks! ♥
Today I feel a bit philosophical so here are some thoughts on change.
Change is the only constant in life. It may be unsettling and even painful. Change can be scary, especially when you have something to lose. But let me tell you what is even scarier: Nothing changing at all. Standing still in the same endless loop. The 8-to-5 grind that drains your soul, the same stale coffee, the same shallow conversations, the same dead-end routines where your dreams collect dust while you clock in and clock out, day after day.
The same ABC poker bumhunting at microstakes—safe, predictable, where you know you have a decent winrate but no real push beyond your comfort zone. You grind through session after session, playing not to grow but just to not lose. It’s the comfort of small edges, the illusion of progress without real breakthrough. Meanwhile, the bigger challenges, the real skill growth, the mental toughness needed to rise above—that stays out of reach, because change demands more than just showing up. It demands effort. It demands pushing past the familiar, even when it means losing money, pride or control.
The slow death by familiarity. The silent thief of potential. You watch the years slip through your fingers, wondering how you got here—trapped, numb, waiting for something to shake you awake. That’s the real horror – not change.
I’ve studied quite a bit of chemistry, and as Walter White correctly puts it in Breaking bad (a show about transformation), “chemistry is the study of change”.
In chemistry, change requires energy. Even spontaneous reactions that seem inevitable need a spark—activation energy. This is the push needed to break old bonds and create new molecules.
For us, it might be the discomfort of deliberate but efficient study. That initial climb is hard, and requires actual deliberate effort, but once we over the hump it often yields favorable results (unless you’re looking at an endothermic reaction, in which case, well… maybe change isn’t always a warm hug 😃 ).
Sometimes a catalyst helps—a mentor’s insight, a breakthrough study session, a moment of clarity, that lowers the energy barrier, but the leap still must be ours.
Even then, change is rarely final. Just like in chemistry, most transformations exist in equilibrium - a balance between the reactant and products, the old and the new where both can coexist and influence each other. We don’t just become and stay. We wobble, revisit old patterns, and try again. This back-and-forth isn’t failure; it’s part of the process.
Change isn’t a one-way door or a clean break. It’s a dance—a continual shifting toward something more stable, truer to who we are becoming. Not permanent perfection, but a state we choose again and again, with courage and care.
Change is hard—but stagnation kills. Break the bonds. Fuel the fire. Keep moving. Choose to rise. Choose to change.
Have played a bit with you. Gl with your goals!
I'm playing 50nl on Party. Gl to you! You can follow my bankroll challenge here: $100 to $10K Poker Bankroll Challenge - The Grind Begins. Gl mate! Would be happy to discuss hands with you 😀
I'm playing 50nl on Party. Gl to you! You can follow my bankroll challenge here: $100 to $10K Poker Bankroll Challenge - The Grind Begins. Gl mate! Would be happy to discuss hands with you 😀
nice just bumped your post with my analysis of your A7 hand 😃
My discord is jaabp feel free to add me 😀
Feeling a bit hungover today, so gonna stream a bit of 100z
If anyone feels like watching me punt off stacks come join the stream!! @
guys wtf is this GG bullshit??? Month starts off with lady fuckin fortuna deepthroating me, I basically snap win 7k usd in like 20K hands playing 200. I’m like YOOOO I’m the chosen one frfr, mby just mby i can scumrun my ass straight to hs like all the sickos
then BOOM outta nowhere the crooked gg dev cunts flip the doomswitch. Im now down 22 BI in 6k hands. Fucking cunts
so after getting assblasted for -22bi, I figured lets go fuck some nits on 100z, this has been a steady income stream for me the last couple of months before GG lunched in my country, and I know I can trust the good sirs and esteemed noblemen behind the stars RNG. Session starts off ok, I’m up a cpl BI like usual. Then the GG devs apparently picked up the phone and called the fucking Stars devs like "yo bro we gotta synergise this doomswitch across sites, can’t let this degenerate moron recover anywhere"
next 1k hand I get fucking nuked.
anyway gl at the tables boys, im off to drinking a beer and question my life choices
