A raging fish on a heater

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A raging fish on a heater

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
10yr ago

Intro,
A memoir of a degen:
I've always loved to gamble, and I have done so since I was a kid. It did not start of very w

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18 March 2016 at 11:57 AM
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ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago
by Dan GK

I hope you have some people in your life that you can talk to. I’m a big fan of reading this thread, has been a super entertaining ride.

Thanks bro, honestly I do this partially to entertain people.

My ex girlfriend Josy wrote to me some days ago, got vague contact with her.
She doesnt really wanna mess with how bad it this though and said she is not there to support me she just wanted to share some information about my situation with the psychiatry.

998 posts · member since Mar 2022
1yr ago

Just keep on playing bro. you can do it! Tell the docs that you hope to win the WSOP main.

1 post · member since Jul 2025
1yr ago

Put it all on black

Black people > everyone else

356 posts · member since May 2024
1yr ago
by ChanY

Lost it all and then some more.
Haunting suicidal thoughts.
Bye

Why do you continuously threaten violence against other people or yourself?

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago
by Rolled High, Bro

Why do you continuously threaten violence against other people or yourself?

No seriously I have intrusive thoughts and OCD.
Keep having thoughts of hurting myself.

Never threatened anyone else afaik, i hope i didnt.

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago

Got $20, torched it all on PLO.
Now im hungry and got nothing 2 eat.
Parents will be back in 2 days.

Waiting for my cousin to have lunch break so I can ask for $30.

Kthxbai.

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago

Got $15 for food, torched it all on sattelites.
Are instant noodles, found them in the kitchen lol.

Kthxbai.

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago

Ate another round of instant noodles.
Got $10 from a friend and had $5 left, deposited it all and torched it away on PLO and a tournamnent.

Kthxbai

edit:
asked a old school friend for $20 and my cousin for $25, lets hope someone bites.
got a bit of coke left, lets plz ****ing do this.

1777 posts · member since Apr 2025
1yr ago
by Rolled High, Bro

Why do you continuously threaten violence against other people or yourself?

Cause he's ****ing insane. How Sweden hasn't permanently locked him up yet is beyond me.

64 posts · member since Dec 2024
1yr ago
by Pablito

Cause he's ****ing insane. How Sweden hasn't permanently locked him up yet is beyond me.

He doesn’t need to be locked up lol. Prob should quit poker and pay off debts with his job and move on in life. Prob best for everyone involved in his life.

629 posts · member since Dec 2016
1yr ago
by ChanY

Ate another round of instant noodles.
Got $10 from a friend and had $5 left, deposited it all and torched it away on PLO and a tournamnent.

Kthxbai

edit:
asked a old school friend for $20 and my cousin for $25, lets hope someone bites.
got a bit of coke left, lets plz ****ing do this.

Any loans come through?

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago

Loans come through, torched it all.
Owe my plug $80 until tomorrow, I am majesticly cooked.

Parents came home today, father thought I looked thin and asked If I had been eating like I should.
I have lost a couple of KGs in weight which is a disaster. Went to the gym and did some biceps curls, looked decent in the mirror.

Rn waiting for someone to loan me money.

Kthxbai.

Zamadhi avatar
324 posts · member since Jun 2017
1yr ago

What's your lifetime poker results?

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago
by Zamadhi

What's your lifetime poker results?

idk hard to decide.
my PokerStars yearly thingy says im up 72.000 SEK which is roughly $7200 usd.
my live cash games im down like $10k I think, roughly - lifetime.

there was some graphs maybe 10 pages back, they didn't look neither too grim nor too good.

rn im a loser for sure, and idk for how long.

i am truly ****ed.

owe my dealer $80 which i torched all on poker, which was an atrocious mistake.
gonna try loan $40 from a friend today and pay him back somehow in increments.

besides that i owe everyone i know money, and I have no income to pay back with i am so ****ed it isn't even ****ing funny.

kthxbai

271 posts · member since Mar 2005
1yr ago

Based on your routine suicidal comments, you should probably do at least a once a day welfare check-in to the thread.

998 posts · member since Mar 2022
1yr ago
by JustASpectator

Based on your routine suicidal comments, you should probably do at least a once a day welfare check-in to the thread.

he logged in today. he just needs to go on a heater. move up to triton super high rollers.

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago

Long live Pileupthecoins for checking in on me.
Im unfortunately alive.

Borrowed some $30s from two friends, torched it all. Played like **** and when I was playing ok ran like ****.

Parents are absolutely against giving me another single penny for poker, and I am capped with all friends with no income to pay back to them.

Welcome to a day of my life.
On top of that suffering incredibly still from fatigue and extreme depression, crippling.

Kthxbai :😀

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago

Im alive guys.
My ex Josy started following me on instagram and gave me enough life hope to survive for atleast 6months.
Its not like I have hope of something happening between us again, but I swear to God her presence even from far away is Angelic.

Kthxbai guys.

theshocker7 avatar
32 posts · member since Jan 2009
1yr ago

Best thing to do is maybe self exclude on stars for 6 months

Work and pay off debts

Anxiety on that will be gone
Get back lifting

Save money for a small roll

In 6 months redeposit and lay using bankrol management

Sent from my SM-X210 using Tapatalk

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago
by theshocker7

Best thing to do is maybe self exclude on stars for 6 months

Work and pay off debts

Anxiety on that will be gone
Get back lifting

Save money for a small roll

In 6 months redeposit and lay using bankrol management

Sent from my SM-X210 using Tapatalk

i liked your post.
self-exclusion will not happen any time soon.

got a $25 loan, got $11 left in tournament sattiest.

kthxbai

pokerstudent#5004 avatar
340 posts · member since Sep 2013
1yr ago
by ChanY

i liked your post.
self-exclusion will not happen any time soon.

got a $25 loan, got $11 left in tournament sattiest.

kthxbai

Seems like you’re repeating the same cycle. Also seems like you’re putting all your hope for your future in poker. The best thing to do is work on your personal growth outside of poker…most everything comes together…mental health, mood, perspective, self-confidence…if you can find a job that allows you to meet your basic needs and take care of yourself. Poker isn’t doing you any favors right now. I think the sooner you’re able to accept that the quicker your life will come together. Gl

150 posts · member since Oct 2020
1yr ago

His brain is wired different m8, good advice just slides right by, only degen donkin in here kee thx bye

998 posts · member since Mar 2022
1yr ago

He could play lower buyins. Like $2 satties. He would have 7 shots instead of 2 with $25. ($11 satties he plays).

ChanY avatar
OP
1194 posts · member since Aug 2014
1yr ago

satte into a $162 PSKO yesterday which i promptly punted off with a9o 4 ways 😀 for one bounty but still, incredible punt.
rn waiting for loans, so i am taking my time writing her.e
got two loans yesterday, and 2 loans on sunday.
waiting for two more loans right now, yeah i am F U C K E D majorly so i just put the foot on the gas epdal with the loans lolllll

K
THX
BAI

64 posts · member since Dec 2024
1yr ago
by ChanY

satte into a $162 PSKO yesterday which i promptly punted off with a9o 4 ways 😀 for one bounty but still, incredible punt.
rn waiting for loans, so i am taking my time writing her.e
got two loans yesterday, and 2 loans on sunday.
waiting for two more loans right now, yeah i am F U C K E D majorly so i just put the foot on the gas epdal with the loans lolllll

K
THX
BAI

lol, yolo.

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About OP

ChanY avatar
ChanY
old hand

Top Posts

ChanY avatarChanY
5mo ago

chany is alive...

ChanY avatarChanY
10mo ago

Won $1550 in a WCOOP side event.
Kthxbai more details 2morrow.

Im cooking....

ChanY avatarChanY
10yr ago

Intro,
A memoir of a degen:
I've always loved to gamble, and I have done so since I was a kid. It did not start of very well either, I was buried deep in ''debts'' as a 8 year old when I ran incredibly bad playing rock paper scissors against a friend for Runescape in-game currency (had to grind for two weeks straight killing monsters and collecting loot ffs). This passed on and every game I played had the touch of gambling. I played Habbohotel (a online-community where you could interact and have rooms which you could decorate with furniture) where you could actually have your own casino, lol. You basicly had in-game dices that you rolled and the closest one to 21 won double theyr wager. At the age of ten I was playing blackjack basicly for real money since the in-game furniture actually costed and I was playing pretty high stakes. It doesn't strike me until now how sick that actually is and that it was not targeted in any way.

Fastforward until I'm 18 where I started actually gambling a tad, the occasional slot or some blackjack. I really loved it, a bit too much. However that was short lived, I still remember my first experience on Pokerstars. I deposited 20 bucks and played 25NL, doubling it up quickly and as quickly dumping it. I deposited again and started playing some 6 max hypers and I was hooked. This was the ****, and I was actually good at it! (roflmao I sucked and ran like Hermes). I made like 300 bucks in two days and thought I had found out a way to print money. Cashed out, and was incredibly pleased with myself. Well spoiler alert, this was not a way of printing money. I kept playing and I sucked so bad that I just kept losing for months, the fact that I was playing $15s. I gambled away every single penny I earned through my job as a; wait for it..: croupier (lol how unexpected). It sucked, I was such a degen and I hated myself for it. I was counting down every single day until my next salary which is the 25th here in Sweden, and then procceeded to go broke within days. Rinse and repeat. Relatively it was not very big sums at all, but it was what I had and it started to escalate.

I had tried to play tournaments at times, but I just did not have the patience. Patience has never been my thing, and patience is key in MTT poker. 6 max hypers were perfect, fast paced and mass variance. My cup of tea. I would try the occasional turbo but even that was too slow for me. I gave the Hotter 16.5 a shot one sunday and I managed to go deep. I played like utter bull****, but with 30 left I was 2nd in chips. I was about to burst in pure excitement, this was my DREAM. To break even and even be in big profit. Every degen knows that they only have one goal on theyr mind, to break even. You look forward to that ****ing day when all your losses are buried by the big score. For months this was on my mind, I had to make back what I lost. But I was quickly pulled out of my dream. I busted in 16th when my A9s could not hold up against KQ. The queen on the floop was like a sledgehammer to my nuts. I could not sleep that night, I felt so incredibly bad that I did not know what to do with myself. I was so close, but I was screwed. ****ing ****.

Somehow the next Sunday I manage to run deep in the Hotter 75. I remember the prize being 20k+ and I felt that this was my ****ing chance, I was given a second ****ing chance. This time was my ****ing time, and when I see a shove and reshove and wait impatiently to click call with my KK the excitement was beyond the roof. I even flopped a set, but I got backdoored by A7o which rivered a straight. I proceeded to bust in 50th place and once again I was a wreck. ****ing hell, fml. So ****ing close again why was I so unlucky? Little did I know that worse was to come.
I decided to solely grind turbo MTTs, I had been so close to my goal and felt that I kept grinding that I could do it. Over the coming 6 months I ran so ****ing bad that it was not sane. Admittedly I was not very good at playing, but I just took some insane and outrageous beats where I should have just held. It never stopped and I kept being manhandled deep in tournaments over and over again. Obviously this is not good for your economical status and I was torching money at a very fast rate. As the months kept passing I had an occasional small 1-2k score which I lost back within weeks, enough to keep the small fire within myself burning.

My first real big score was the Hot 27, I won $4k. This was in december just a couple of months ago. And somehow I was not satisfied at all, this was rougly more than 1/3 of what I had managed to lost in the previous year. I had to keep grinding, and grinding I did almost managing to bust my roll again. For a couple of weeks I was swinging like a ****ing yo-yo. Losing 2-3k, binking a mtt, losing 2-3k and then binking again. At this time I decided to invest in a coach, I GRIND THIS (best coach NA) which pointed out my obvious leaks (punting and random spazzes lol) but also overall helped me play a much more solid game. Well, shortly after I procceeded to have the sickest sunday ever where I chopped the Hotter $33 for $10.5k, won a $109 turbo for $5.8k and chopped the Hotter 8.8 for $2k.

Finally I had managed to break even, and was well in the profits region. But it was not as I had imagined to all. All I felt was apathy, it really was not as big of a deal as I had thought. The coming days I barely played at all, and when I did i played sloppy since I had no motivation at all. I had gone from zero to actually having much money (by my own standards) and I really could not give less of a ****.

This was just a month ago, I actually was about to start a journal here before that but I just could not be arsed at that time.

With all my rabblings put away this will be my log where I log everything. All the MTTs I play, all my feelings and what not. I will try to take a much more serious and stricter approach towards poker where every single hand and BI matters, as of right now I'm not always playing my A-game and sometimes I basicly punt away stacks especially early on in tournaments. This journal will be a way to enforce myself of playing a solid game since I will log every single tournament played with any occuring spot or if I do something plain stupid.

As of now I only have one goal and that is to make $25k until the end of the year, not including earlier cashes so I'm counting from journal start.

So sit back, fasten your seat belts and enjoy the ride!

Thread savers:

My graph, lol. Outdated one tho, I might be a tad + since then.

A newly taken picture of me....