2023 NFL Conference Championships
#3 Kansas City Chiefs @ #1 Baltimore Ravens (-3.5. Total: 44.5)
12 PM PST, CBS
Kansas City Chiefs: 11-6, AFC West Champion
WC: 26-7 v Miami
Divisional: 27-24 @ Buffalo
AFC Championship Record: 3-3
Last Appearance: 2023
This is the 6th straight year the Chefs have made the AFC Championship. ****.
Also did you know Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelce?
Also did you know Britney Mahomes was seen in the box with TayTay?
Why the Chiefs will be in the Super Bowl
You can sit here and lament the sheer boredom of this all you want but the reality is Patrick Mahomes is the only player in the NFL with GOAT equity. This offense ****ing sucks. Between all the drops, between Toney being alive, between Hardman doing whatever the **** that was and the Walrus allowing it to happen, it's truly wild Mahomes has gotten them here by sheer force of will. If you had to pick one QB in all the world to win a single game with your life on the line, it's Mahomes.
Baltimore Ravens: 13-4, AFC North Champion
WC: Bye
Divisional: 34-10 v Texans
AFC Championship Record: 2-2
Last Appearance: 2013
Not bad for a runningback
Why the Ravens will be in the Super Bowl
In the revolving door of MVP candidates this year, RB1 is the first one that is beyond repute and you can objectively say deserves the award. They have been the best team in the AFC by a WIDE margin, their defense has been fantastic and Zay Flowers has emerged as a competent WR which is a very new thing for Lamar. Andrews seems likely to return but even if he doesn't Likely has been phenomenal. If we are being honest, Buffalo beat themselves on Sunday. Baltimore has proven themselves to be too smart to fall for that bullshit
#3 Detroit Lions @ #1 San Francisco 49ers (-7. Total: 50.5)
3:30 PM PST, Fox
Detroit Lions: 12-5, NFC North Champion
WC: 24-23 v Rams
Divisional: 31-23 v Buccaneers
NFC Championship Record: 0-1
Last Appearance: 1992
Won't lie, it's a pretty ballsy bet to name your kid the god of sun and air and have him turn into one of the elite WRs in football
Also. YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF IN THE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Also. Detroit-style pizza pretty good
Also. FREEGEAR
Why the Lions will be in the Super Bowl
I'm not stupid enough to say "fate" so i won't. That said:
Dan Campbell is pretty **** it YOLO which is the kind of mentality you are going to need to beat a superior (on paper) team on the road.
The Random Number Borkerator can roll snakeyes, in which case fml this is going to be a long ****ing night.
The Lions are playing with house money literally regardless of what happens. While Goff hasn't exactly been a world beater the rest of the roster has been. Hutchinson is a ****ing monster, Campbell is no coward, this Gibbs guy seems decent and Sun and Air God is a decent receiver. Look, I just watched the niners almost lose to the Packers.
Which brings me to my next point: the 9ers are the only team left that objectively didn't deserve to win. The mistakes the Packers made do not seem to be mistakes the Lions will replicate; if the 9ers bring that same energy on Sunday the Lions are going to ****ing smoke them.
San Francisco 49ers: 12-5, NFC West Champion
WC: Bye
Divisional: 24-21 v Packers
NFC Championship Record: 7-11
Last Appearance: 2023
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
**** my life
My oven is screwed
Side note: if the 9ers win no matter who they play it'll be one of the 2 teams to beat them in a Super Bowl. So that's cool i guess.
Why the 49ers will be in the Super Bowl
Objectively speaking the 49ers are the best team in football. In the 12 regular season games they won they looked like generational greatness. In the 4 (**** you i don't count the Rams) losses they looked like ****ing buffoons with no concept for reality.
Until the Packers game there has never been a game where people could point to and say "Bork willed this team to victory" and look, Bork was the reason they almost lost, but with the chips in the middle he won that game.
The 9ers are fantastic at all aspects, but the reality of it is that the Random Number Borkerator needs to come up 11. That has already happened 12.5 times. Just needs to happen one more time.
Or who knows, maybe Kyle pulls a Womp and decides Bork won't throw more than 8 times. The only position where the 9ers are objectively inferior is idk maybe kicker? I shouldn't be worried. I am anyway.
Let's rumble
Fair enough. I despise ESPN (and whatever channel Skip is on, Fox Sports?). I stop for coffee often in the morning and the place I go to will have ESPN on with GET UP!!!!! (not sure why they have to yell at me) and I see the "panel" and want to barf.
Only thing good about those shows is the token hot chicks.
I'm all in on Purdy for DFS tomorrow. Either he craps the bed and I get to shove it down ethbtc's throat, or he goes nuclear and I'm rich.
The ultimate win/win.
John Madden complained about this setup for years saying these games are so big they each deserve their own day. I wish they'd do that but it's probably never happening.
Divisional round average viewers:
Ravens - Texans: 31.8mil
49ers - Packers: 37.5mil (most watched Saturday TV program since 1994 winter olympics Nancy Kerrigan vs. Tonya Harding)
Lions - Bucs: 40.4mil
Bills - Chiefs: 50.4mil (most watched divisional round playoff game ever)
Personally I'd prefer Saturday/Sunday too. It just doesn't make sense for the NFL.
I preface this by saying I wish the lions fans no ill will and if the Niners don’t win it all I hope detroit does, so don’t @ me or hate me for this
I was nervous about this game but then I heard the last 12 hours of pundit hype on the lions train by espn et Al and realized nobody has a good reason why the lions will trainwreck the 9ers (seriously that’s the movement) other than Purdy sucked against Green Bay
Purdy was by no means great except for a couple throws and the final drive, but goff was
I can't say that I have encountered anyone who thinks that the Loins will wreck the Niners, but then again I really don't watch or listen to talking heads.
The markets sure don't think that.
I don't think anybody serious thinks it. Detroit has been terrific against bad defenses, and good on defense against bad offenses. Problem for them is that the Niners aren't either. They aren't going to stop Bork/CMC/etc, so there's going to be a ton of stress on the Lions offense to keep pace.
If the line were Niners -6.5 I'd take that all day long, hypothetically. I'd pass if it's on the other side of the 7 unless I was emotionally hedging.
I’m too used to pain
Fair enough. I despise ESPN (and whatever channel Skip is on, Fox Sports?). I stop for coffee often in the morning and the place I go to will have ESPN on with GET UP!!!!! (not sure why they have to yell at me) and I see the "panel" and want to barf.
Only thing good about those shows is the token hot chicks.
hey nate
with this post my goal is to credit you a round someday that suits you
bills on me
seems only right since i haven't a base to tailor it around
nor would i
Fair enough. I despise ESPN (and whatever channel Skip is on, Fox Sports?). I stop for coffee often in the morning and the place I go to will have ESPN on with GET UP!!!!! (not sure why they have to yell at me) and I see the "panel" and want to barf.
Only thing good about those shows is the token hot chicks.
I work from home on Mondays and I fire up the tv and GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is always on and I sit there with a morbid curiosity lasting 3-5 minutes
Truly terrible television
hey nate
with this post my goal is to credit you a round someday that suits you
bills on me
seems only right since i haven't a base to tailor it around
nor would i
I'll take it
I work from home on Mondays and I fire up the tv and GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is always on and I sit there with a morbid curiosity lasting 3-5 minutes
Truly terrible television
It's the worst. Other observations.....I think last year the 2 high shell became a thing. So teams like the Chefs, Bills, couldn't just throw bombs all the time. I was watching NFL live and the panel said the D is daring you to "run them out of it." The host (token bimbo and former Miss Florida) asked what that meant. Le sigh.
I also don't miss BIG MEN BALLIN!!!!!!! with the uber hilarious Marcus Spears.
Nor do I miss the ultra WOKE around the horn.
Can't believe people pay for that garbage.
RANT OVER
predicting goff has opportunity to take a knee, and after initially being pensive, subsequently lowers mouth towards patella in a display of solidarity
Spoiler
Spoiler
I'm guessing that fly left with kneecaps intact.
Perhaps covered in Brylcream but intact.
Packers struggled early in the season with a first time starting QB but were 6-2 in their last 8 games and ran a train on Dallas, up by 4 TDs before they took their starters out on D and allowed 2 pity TDs at the end. People underestimating how tough of a matchup Love/GB was and how bad Goff is at QB against good defenses, Niners by a million.
Finally Sunday is here.
Good morning, all!
not confident enough to sport Purdy's jersey
#sad
Nah. I barely believe in wearing jerseys. I certainly won’t wear one of someone younger than I am
Consequently:
I preface this by saying I wish the lions fans no ill will and if the Niners don’t win it all I hope detroit does, so don’t @ me or hate me for this
I was nervous about this game but then I heard the last 12 hours of pundit hype on the lions train by espn et Al and realized nobody has a good reason why the lions will trainwreck the 9ers (seriously that’s the movement) other than Purdy sucked against Green Bay
Purdy was by no means great except for a couple throws and the final drive, but goff was
Only 52% of bets are going to the Lions, despite being the team everyone is rooting for. Lots of smart money going on the 49'ers even with the -7.5 line looking good for Lions.
Only 52% of bets are going to the Lions, despite being the team everyone is rooting for. Lots of smart money going on the 49'ers even with the -7.5 line looking good for Lions.
Do you mean 52% of money bet? The line wouldn't make much sense if only 52% of bets are on the Lions with all the big money bets on the 49ers (if the latter is the case). Doesn't really make a difference if there's one million $1 bets or one $1mil bet.
Leggo Lamar. Do the damned thing.
