Online dating thread

I agree, I find that how a woman treats and respects you (I mean real respect, not if she makes you dinner once in a while) is more important than if she's fantastic looking vs just good looking.

Edit: Bottom line for me: If a woman who you just ****ed and is in bed with you is openly texting another guy (!) right afterwards (when you've asked her to be your freaking GF), she doesn't respect you one bit.

she likes being chased

idea of putting two guys in the same room with her who are both pursuing is entertainment for her

idk man, it kind of sounds like this girl is attractive but just really sucks otherwise

we should start a gameshow, "are they building furniture or having sex"

Yeah it sounds like he's putting that attractiveness on a pedestal.

I make 6 figures- upstate ny so costs aren’t insanely high compared to big city USA. Not cheap but like middle of the road costs- in doing better than most people in my age group. I don’t think it’s an assets thing per se- she may think I have a gambling or spending problem per se but I think that could easily be fixed and I have a great income. I do think it’s a husband/ father thing as I do come off as immature.

Idk she texted me this morning she misses me lol. Still think she’s going to be my gf in 2 weeks. I might be way off but I’ve never had a girl treat me as well as she has. If she had no interest- she wouldn’t openly text me etc and quickly respond to my texts.

Btw to appearance thing- this chick is really smart, has solid career, and looks great. She’s not a sloth who sits at home, doesn’t go to gym, etc. I feel most chicks on dating apps where I live look terrible- they don’t work out and go to gym + are country/ red neckish. This chick dresses extremely well and her personality is wonderful. I don’t think it’s a looks thing per se- they are great but she’s more well rounded than her looks.

The problem is, even if you succeed, it's going to suck for you because she's so addicted to male attention. Do you think that's going away if she becomes your girlfriend or, god forbid, wife?

That's not how it works. She should ask you to go exclusive, not you her.

Thanks I feel 1 is best option. I feel this is best post to my response. We will see what happens- I’m skeptical and think it could turn out well and she becomes my gf soon or it might just a good friend i **** until she finds a guy she wants to date seriously (if she doesn’t want to choose me). This girl I’m friends with told me when they had girl talk when I went to bathroom- she said she got out of relationship recently and isn’t looking for a quick relationship as she hasn’t been single long + has never been out of a relationship.

Jkpoker prolly ****ed and she’s looking for best option and will keep me around till she finds what she wants. Def think there is a glimmer of hope but I’ll stop with asking her to be my gf honestly but will treat her well.

She’s been kinda annoying and wishy washy. Last weekend she’s like let’s go out Friday night but you don’t sleep over bc I’m having you over Saturday. When I went out- she then changed her mind and had me sleep over which was kinda derpy bc I had to go back in morning to get my stuff (45 min drive to sleep over Saturday). I do need to be firmer and less of a pushover no question bc it comes off super poorly. I might try to find another girl or two to date soon also bc I feel it would be good for my mojo + would make me less available.
It’s difficult to not be super available if I only have one chick in the Rolodex at the moment. I’ve found dating apps difficult where I live as I’ve been on them for a month and a half- have went out with like 7-8 girls over a span of 3-4 weeks and then matches dried up.

You need to do and say less. But you’ve already probably done and said too much, and she has rejected you. This is very unlikely to end the way you want it to. She has all the cards, the exact opposite place of where you want and need to be.

When are you going to cut her lawn or change a diaper in front of her to prove your husband-ness?

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she doesnt like you. everything else is irrelevant.

If you make her your gf (which prob wont happen and def wont last), she will prob cheat on you or use her new status to make the man she likes jealous and get his attention

my advice is cease contact for two weeks, dont text her back at all then see what happens. Tell her you were busy if she asks.

find a new girl. hire some coaches for looks/attitude stuff

Get a professional dick pic done

This girl is openly telling you she’s going out with and going on trips with other people. Your response has been “be my girlfriend” (which honestly you should never say unless she brings it up) and to not date anyone else even though she’s told you she’s doing the opposite.

I’m all for just going no contact like PW said. That’s the only (possible) face saving solution here. You had your time, you had sex, it wasn’t fruitless, but you’re not going to get what you’ve been way too desperate about wanting from this person. Who others have astutely pointed out, isn’t that great.

I agree with PW and Malucci.

The classic saying is to Give her "the gift of missing you". Maybe it'll trigger something in her and she'll realize that she actually wants you.

Prioritize anything else in your life; hobbies, other women, etc. Do not be "available" for her.

this is a great saying/idea/quote

we should all live by it if we are competitively dating

I always suspected Bumble travel mode for some reason makes you more prominent as my beeline always filled up pretty well when I was away.

I just put it on again despite not being away and it really does boost your results. Now I have to figure out a way of explaining why I have it on lol.

If I’m asked about it I can’t really get away with ‘uh, how’d that happen’ since I wouldn’t want to actually turn it off again

I guess telling the truth can’t be too bad but the implication would be that I’m struggling to get matches without it

On a boat

I think it’s been around for a while now, but it’s fairly easy to miss the Opening Move feature on Bumble where women can give guys the chance to start the convo if they choose to.

Annoying that I’ve been letting a ton of matches expire because I didn’t know this was a thing. I’m guessing a lot of guys don’t know about it either, so there could be a good edge (for now) in messaging the women who enable the feature as they basically are the ones who mostly won’t initiate

i too only noticed that recently - have been too lazy to try it

interesting im assuming they did that because traffic has either been going down oir their numbers are sayin ggirls reaching out first wasnt at the % they liked for users to keep on app

either way they did that its against their whole model but they want to app to keep gong i guess

Welp, I've officially batted through the order and am back at the top of the lineup

My last two dates this month:

- One was someone I went out with summer of 2021, date went well/drunkenly made out, but she went off to Maine for 6 weeks immediately after and we lost touch over text during that time. She didn't remember us going out whatsoever and apologized for her "**** memory". We got apps and went to trivia and got along well enough, but she said she was looking to move up to Maine in the next few weeks or work remotely the majority of each month (~3ish hours away) at her parent's house, so I didn't bother with trying to see her again.

- The other was someone I *also* went out with in the summer of 2021, but forgot until she told me halfway through the date that she remembered us going out (though she thought it was 2018) I then remembered it went well but she unmatched me after the date when asking for her # on the app (she replied "wow I can be such a bitch sometimes"). She was excited to talk standup (I manage a comic and she's grinding open mics/taking a class). Somehow that pivoted to her having lost all hope for the Presidential election and having a strong sexual preference for "hulking black men" (like her comedy class teacher, but definitely not me).

lol to that last part

I guess it’ll just turn into another Tinder as more and more girls start to understand they don’t actually like messaging first. Which is better for everyone as Bumble is seen as more respectable anyway than Tinder, guys won’t be totally at the whim of ditzy women who forget to message, and girls go back to the evolutionarily normal process of being courted

I can't imagine a bigger red flag than a middle aged woman whos mid life crisis is to seriously pursue comedy