2024 NFL Regular Season: Vikings vs. Lions SNF Showdown!
You know, since the Super Bowl periodically i will watch the CBS Sinatra intro cuz it was ****ing magnificent. Halfway through i will remember how that game went and I will be dead inside. I hate myself enough that I will keep ripping off the scab. A niners fan in their 30s probably knows more heartbreak than any fan living, and I say that knowing that stupid ass team in upstate New York lost 4 straight Super Bowls. I come into this season knowing an inevitability that the 9ers will be good. Very good. And like that they've done for a ****ing decade they will find a brand new way to rip my ****ing heart out inches away from a Super Bowl. I am about to waste 5 ****ing months of my life bracing myself for the inevitable. With that in mind i come into this season with a new outlook:
**** you all. Every last one of you. Indiscrimenantly and unconditionally. All of you ****ers deserve pain and I wish nothing less than that for you. I jerked off when Rodgers tore his achilles 4 snaps into the season cuz I hate him. I am prepared to replicate that for the rest of you. I will bring you down to my level and laugh at your misery until nothing is left but ash.
With that in mind, welcome to the 2024 NFL season.
(Sorting by Super Bowl Odds)
Kansas City Chiefs, +600
Travis Kelce is a braindead mongoloid in a relationship of circumstance with a singer who looks like an abstract painting drawn by a drunk. Your quarterback has a voice that makes me think he sits in the corner and jerks off while his attention whore whore of a wife gets gangbanged to post on IG. His family is full of a sexual predator and a drunk ass father. You are coached by a man who is as objectively terrible at fatherhood as he is at portion control. YOU WANT THEM NUGGIES?! probably not as much as your kids wanted a present dad. Too bad one killed himself and the other killed someone else. But hey, he's got a mustache and he looks like the kool-aid man. WHAT A GUY! Your fans suck. Your forum should be under constant terror surveillance. You still do some racist ass chant because now that Snyder left someone has to wear the mantle of "**** you native americans this is our tradition now." **** you then. **** you now. **** you forever.
San Francisco 49ers, +600
GOD. ****ING. DAMNIT. **** this team that has taken so much of my soul I am certain if an afterlife exists neither side will claim me. Kyle Shanahan? If you choked on dick as much as you choke when it matters you'd either be dead of asphyxiation or your body would be 97% the cum of other men. I am a liberal of Middle Eastern descent rooting for a team whose marquee defensive player gets rock hard at the sight of Trump and whose 7th round QB is a member of Focus on the Family. The levels of moral compromise it takes for me to root for them is only offset by the fact that CTE exists and it all levels out in the end. Watch these ****ers go 14-3 and lose in the Super Bowl because, I dunno, they decide to do some nonsense like take a knee in the end zone to start OT
Baltimore Ravens, +1000
You ****ing worthless bastards. You had one one ****ing job and that was to get your fraud ass MVP RB1 WR1 to the Super Bowl to get your anus protruded. Congrats on giving the keys to your future to a guy so stupid his mom is his agent. The best player in your history was a murderer. The best RB in your history I'm pretty sure is also a murderer. The best QB in your history is basically a runningback who can occassionally throw a football which means he's basically black Julian Edelman with the ability to do an inside handoff. It warms my heart you will never win anything, not because the Chefs are in your conference but because Lamar ain't ****ing ****. You might be feeling a certain kind of way reading me say this but I also watched this guy implode at home in the AFCCG so the burden of proof is on you to tell me this guy ****ing matters. **** you
Detroit Lions, +1200
Bahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaa what can i actually say to you that God already hasn't. When you are a fan of Detroit sports you have already made a decision your life has no meaning or value. As a Niners fan it warms my heart that we own your ****ing asses. You idiots are so terrible at all things sports you let a guy catch a 50 yard pass off your ****ing helmet. Remember when the Giants swept the best Tigers team you'll ever have? I sure as **** remember. It's cute you think you matter cuz you have some retread QB with no talent other than the worst Super Bowl performance of the modern era and because you decided to give AMSR all the money. Have fun with the consequences of winning the first playoff games in the last half century. I see zero downside here.
Philadelphia Eagles, +1300
The most meaningless 10-1 start in history. No existence has ever shown itself to be more fraudulent than the hype behind "I SQUAT ALL THE POUNDS" and Nick Siriosis. Your QB is **** elevated by a gimmick. Your coach is **** elevated by coordinators who once upon a time were able to hide it. Your city deserves to be nuked from orbit. Nothing on earth means less to societal benefit than a Philly sports fan. You clowns combine the entitlement of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the stupidity of St. Louis Cardinals Fans with the "my life has no meaning other than the team I root for" of Buffalo Bills fans. You suck so much I once bought a 2+2er a secret santa gift of 7 6ers tickets 1 in each section costing me a total of 20 bucks. That 2+2er lived in Atlanta.
Houston Texans, +1500
I don't give a **** about you
Cincinnati Bengals, +1500
The only good thing to come out of Ohio is the cry from help that comes from anyone who lives there. Skyline Chili? Have some ****ing self-respect you indulgent fat bastards. Stop trying to make Joe Burrow a thing. The only thing that separates that bleached hair ****boi from Boomer Esiason is a cigar. Also the best QB you ever had before this literally chose to name himself BOOMER. No part of me can take you seriously no matter how much you all dEmAnD tO bE tAkEn SeRiOuSlY. You go to a stadium that looks so decrepit I can't rule out it was built in 2700 BC by the Pharoah's slaves to give the cheapest man alive your hard earned money to maybe watch 1 playoff game before you go to the bar and pass up your chance at pussy by telling whatever slag you found on a Craigslist personals ad your hour long retrospective on how Akili Smith just had bad luck
Buffalo Bills +1500
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
You people are something else. Leave it to the team Bon Jovi and Trump couldn't trick people into letting them buy to gloss themselves a mafia because they jump through tables and show up to 0 degree weather games topless and blackout drunk on PBR. 4 Super Bowl Losses Were Not Enough. I fully expect Dom and that other half_nit to scream about how they're going to kill me for this post before they fall asleep in a puddle of their own piss and vomit surrounded by bottles of miller high life and wake up confused about why Josh Allen threw 7 picks in a game they missed. Spare me. I don't care. You guys will suck forever
Dallas Cowboys, +1800
Remember the time Zeke was your lone lineman in the last play of a playoff game? Remember that the coach who drew that up is still your coach? I can't prove it but your owner is a pedo. Jerry will outlive all of you which means that you will never ever ever see a Super Bowl appearance much less a win. ****, you're a dog to even make an NFCCG. But you know what? you deserve it. Every last element of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, the city of Dallas, the state of Texas is a constant reminder to any decent human being that life can be much, much worse. Imagine being the sole thing on this ****ing earth Stephen A Smith can dunk on.
New York Jets, +1800
On my ****ing life I hope the season opener includes the paralysis of RFK Jr's VP and Podcast Punter's meal ticket. I will happily accept the niners never winning another ****ing game if they end his career opening night. The NFL has included rapists and murderers and somehow I hate the most overrated QB in the history of the game more than any of them. Aaron Hernandez literally got sentenced to life in prison and hung himself and I think Rodgers deserves the chair more. Rae Carruth had someone kill his baby mama and I think Rodgers has a greater claim to being buried under Guantanamo.
J
E
T
S
YOU
SUCK
DICK
Your levels of desperation of disrepair has brought you to this point. Your team is such a ****ing joke Bardy made a 9/11 joke about you that brought the house down.
Green Bay Packers, +1800
Imagine having Favre and Rodgers for 2 decades and ending up with as little as you did. Imagine having the 2 best QBs in your existence be the guy in that movie where that woman put cum in her hair as gel and ended up scamming the state of Mississippi who sends random dick pics to reporters and a guy who is someone more hatable than THAT. It's fitting that the public owns the Packers because you all deserve to wear this. You stupid cheesehead wearing halfwits. I've been to Wisconsin once. The only thing redeemable about that shithole is that I could leave it. And even that seemed dicey.
To the rest of the teams i have not named in this post it is because i do not care enough about you to write paragraphs about you. The panthers have a midget as a QB, the browns have a sexual predator. The boncos have a pill popping piece of **** as their coach, the stealers are lol, pray at the feet of a rapist and have concussion water as their QB1. The Chargers have a coach who sleeps over at the homes of kickers who are not of legal age to make sure they don't go to anyone else but daddy. The Jaguars have the HPoolV stadium and are owned by a guy in a cartoonish mustache with a son who is not Triple H
I wish you all pain. I will not suffer alone.
Let us football
Mod Edit:
List of Other Team Votes with Selection:
newguyhere: Dolphins
marknfw: Cowboys
Bills without 3 of their starting DBs today against the best offense in the league.
Josh gonna have to Super-Josh if the Bills are gonna have a chance.
I know I said the Ravens record would hurt Lamar's MVP chances, but I might have to go back on that if they can finish 12-5.
lol Lamar stat padding against the Giants does not give him the MVP...but since it won it last year as like the 10th best QB in the league, who knows?
Lamar was the value pick at MVP before this week -- if he balls out and they catch the Steelers for the division, he's right there.
The short answer is JAWSH. The long answer is mahomes won't get any votes because voters don't want to out themselves as someone who hasn't watched football this year and risk losing their MVP vote. JAWSH will get votes because he has played well throughout the year - not because he beat KC.
The MVP is still lamar's to lose. He is just playing so much better than every other player in the league. Josh is somehow -400 to lamar +1k.
lamar vs JAWSH
comp % 67% to 64%
yds/game 253 to
Lamar was the value pick at MVP before this week -- if he balls out and they catch the Steelers for the division, he's right there.
I tried telling you all. Lamar is down to +400 now.
I mean, if Josh emphatically stomps on the Lions here and doesn't do anything mindnumbingly dumb before week 18, he's going to win unless Lamar has 3x more games like he did today.
Don't quite know how the Steelers have done it this year. This offense is masquerading as something capable when it is not. 80 yards in first half, somehow down only 17-13.
The Steelers are also missing their only good receiver .
I'm sure Pickens will be back for Baltimore.
Spoiler
Josh Allen last 3 games:
Sacked = 0
Fumbles = 0 time
INTs = 0
Negative plays = 1*
*Week 15 kneel down
New thread title .. probably to Dom's pleasing.
Tua looked terrible yesterday, but Houston's pass D is no joke. Both Allen and Goff, who looked unstoppable against each other yesterday, each had their worst games of the season against Houston. Of all 3 QBs that played the Texans, Tua actually finished with the higher passer rtg in his game.
That said my hopes for the season have all but dwindled mostly in part to the horrible play-calling of McDoofus. I fully expect them to somehow be live to make the playoffs in the last week only to get boat-raced by the Jets.
Tua looked terrible yesterday, but Houston's pass D is no joke. Both Allen and Goff, who looked unstoppable against each other yesterday, each had their worst games of the season against Houston. Of all 3 QBs that played the Texans, Tua actually finished with the higher passer rtg in his game.
That said my hopes for the season have all but dwindled mostly in part to the horrible play-calling of McDoofus. I fully expect them to somehow be live to make the playoffs in the last week only to get b
Biggest problem for that scenario is that the Colts final 3 games are super easy, and they hold the tiebreaker.
You really need to figure out whether you want the Broncos to lose out or the Chargers to lose 2 out of 3. They play each other Thursday, so that will be known pretty quickly.
Alright the lions are definitely ****ed
We are still live for my dream Super Bowl aka The Loser Bowl
Vikings v. Bills
One goes home 0-5 and has the record all to themselves. The other finally wins a Super Bowl.
Tua Tua Tua
QB Sam Darnold does not have a contract next year with the Vikings.
Is his future tied to how well the Vikings do in the playoffs?
Josh Allen ranks 1st among QBs in EPA/play.
Every 60 dropbacks, he generates:
- 3.42 more expected points than Lamar Jackson
- 7.56 more than Joe Burrow
- 12.42 more than Patrick Mahomes
Bow before your MVP.
QB Sam Darnold does not have a contract next year with the Vikings.
Is his future tied to how well the Vikings do in the playoffs?
some talking heads think it will be bad process if the MIN FO doesn't turn to JJ next season (and they're prob right in that regards ... in regards to good process + roster/salary cap mgmt)
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this was one of Sando's "Pick Six" topics today. ill cut and paste (the paywalled content):
2. Sam Darnold and the Minnesota Vikings take center stage Monday night in what should be another showcase game for the NFL’s most surprising quarterback. Here’s what Darnold has proved down the stretch.
When the Vikings shocked the NFL by starting 3-0 with Darnold tossing a league-leading eight touchdowns, we noted that the quarterback had attempted only two passes while trailing. How would he fare when the Vikings inevitably fell behind over the course of the season?
The answer, so far: much better than in the past, and even better than he has performed when the Vikings have been tied or leading this season. The table below shows the surprising results.
This marks a big change for Darnold.
Before this season, every meaningful Darnold stat seemed to fall off a cliff when he was forced to play from behind.
His completion rate fell (64.4 percent to 55.9 percent). His yards per attempt fell (7.5 to 5.9). His touchdown-to-interception ratio cratered (40-20 to 23-36). His passer rating (93.2 to 66.0) and EPA per pass play (+0.05 to -0.17) also tanked.
Darnold did not attempt his third pass of the season while trailing until Week 7, when he completed 15 of 18 for 211 yards while trailing Detroit in a 31-29 defeat. He has attempted passes while trailing in every game since and ranks seventh in EPA per pass play and second in passer rating when trailing this season. His development as a passer in less favorable situations could have broad implications in the playoffs and beyond, as Darnold is set to be a free agent in March.
“I think Darnold is going to figure into the options in a lot of places,” an exec said.
One of those places could be Minnesota, especially if Darnold leads a deep playoff push. But injured rookie first-round pick J.J. McCarthy could still be the leader in the clubhouse for 2025.
“McCarthy is their guy,” the exec said. “The talking heads think they are crazy to let Darnold go, but they don’t have the same conviction on McCarthy as the Vikings do.”
The Vikings extending Darnold at even the Daniel jones baseline is franchise suicide
He’s a great story and probably a league average qb capable of winning you games with talent around him but that’s all he is. The lunacy of extending him when you have a rookie qb you picked in the top 10 isn’t something that can be entertained short of the Vikings winning a Super Bowl and even then there’s a valid argument to let him walk
Darnold's ceiling may be a lot higher than how he is playing now, he was top prospect now figuring it out, only 27, has a gun. He isnt a backup doing this, like case keenum. They are going to have to look at McCarthy's abilites and ceiling vs Darnold's. I would keep what is working, I think he can get better.
