2025 NFL Season Thread: Can Uncle Rico save the Broncos or will they be Nixed?
Greetings friends.
Those of you who know me know me as a Niners fan full of fantastical levels of vitriol and rage. I have spent the better part of quite literally a quarter ****ing century suffering death by a thousand cuts rooting for this ****ing team.
In the last year, i have gotten married, we are trying to have a kid, and i am starting to realize that perhaps this anger is misplaced and maybe, just maybe, we are better served with a kinder, gentler SRM engaging the NFL season. Now granted, this is also probably me being selfish about this and thinking maybe reversing the mojo means once, just ****ing once, i won't suffer from insane misery watching the NFL this season.
It is with this in mind that i, the player lover of the year, welcome you to the NFL season.
Your contenders (sorted by super bowl odds):
The Buffalo Bills (+600)
I am so happy for Josh Allen. The guy won MVP and proved that even with half the chromosomes required to even qualify as mentally disabled that he could land that 6 year old from True Grit. In today's America, this truly is your rags to riches story. God bless them. And Bills Mafia? **** ya, man. Find joy where you can find it. Orchard Park and everything in a 100 mile radius is basically where you reside when your crippling alcoholism is way too much to ever try to get out from under. These people who show up to games shirtless in 10 degree weather to jump through a table for some reason and get blown for 6 bucks by a Craigslist hooker in section 400 while snowballs are thrown at them so the lady of the night can't tell if it's frozen water or frozen ejaculate the guy in an OJ Simpson jersey is insisting they don't spit out deserve to be celebrated. Because really, if we don't celebrate them what is the point of their lives. That dildo is either going on the field or it's going in their ass and I know damn well it's not sanitary either way. Better they celebrate whatever they're celebrating than die of sepsis. Come on guys, they have suffered enough just being, you know, alive, let's let them have this
The Baltimore Ravens (+625)
Lamar Jackson made it you guys. It's like if Stringer Bell actually got out the game and didn't get popped by Omar and that bowtie wearing overrated sadass. I mean, you can (easily) argue Lamar has spent every year ending it getting popped by Omar and that bowtie wearing overrated sadass, but i won't, because i recognize that the game is the game. Bay still locked up forever and a day.
Anyway, look, so what their best player in their history was Bird if he got off. So what their two best running backs in their history was Pablo Escoblack and a generic woman beater. So what the only two quarterbacks in their history to win a super bowl are Trent Dilfer and some guy who plays for the browns. So what the guy who returned a super bowl kickoff 109 yards for a TD against the niners died of irrelevance. This is still a team that deserves your respect. Because they try! And without the hustle, what is there in this life?
The Philadelphia Eagles (+750)
First off, **** your bitch and the clique you claim
Westside, when we ride, come equipped with game
You claim to be a player, but I ****ed your wife
We bust on Bad Boys, ****** ****ed for life
Plus, Puffy tryna see me, weak hearts I rip
Biggie Smalls and Junior M.A.F.I.A., some mark-ass bitches
We keep on comin' while we runnin' for your jewels
Steady gunnin', keep on bustin' at them fools, you know the rules
Lil' Caesar, go ask your homie how I'll leave ya
Cut your young ass up, leave you in pieces, now be deceased
Lil' Kim, don't **** around with real G's
Quick to snatch yo' ugly ass off the streets, so **** peace
I'll let them ****** know it's on for life
Don't let the Westside ride tonight (Haha)
Bad Boy murdered on wax and killed
**** with me and get yo' caps peeled, you know, see
Grab your Glocks when you see 2Pac
Call the cops when you see 2Pac, uh
Who shot me? But you punks didn't finish
Now you're 'bout to feel the wrath of a menace (Uh-huh, yeah)
*****, I hit 'em up
Ok yes, I'm still bitter about Bork's elbow. But thank you for beating the Chefs
The Kansas City Chefs (+850)
GUYS TRAVIS AND TAYLOR ARE ENGAGED! Honestly, I cannot imagine a situation where this isn't the biggest most important thing that is associated with this team. Yes, Patrick Mahomes may be cuck'd by Brits on a daily basis, yes Patrick Mahomes has the voice of the kind of guy who asks politely he if he can watch while Brits is getting gangbanged while the door is closed on him, yes Patrick Mahomes is the kind of guy who will never be the father of Brits' children, yes Patrick Mahomes probably is probably forced to eat out Brits' holes after they are filled with the semen of other men, but Patrick Mahomes is a Super Bowl winning quarterback, and no amount of being reminded he isn't a man by the woman he has chosen to be the mother of other men's children will ever take that away from him. Good for him!
Andy Reid is probably the best coach currently active in football history. After seeing the shame of BB and his life with his new power of attorney hooker, it's quite possible Reid is actually the greatest coach of all time. And I'm glad he has that. Cuz he also has a dead child who probably would still be alive if he knew how to be a father. And he also has a murdering child who probably would not have committed murder if he knew how to be a father.
But you cannot put a price on rings.
Wait, what about that Belcher guy?
Nah nevermind, can't put a price on rings!
You might say the average Kansas City Chef fan is a repugnant piece of **** bigot and mouthbreather whose entire reason for breathing air is to do a tomahawk chop 16 Sundays a year that is a complete waste of life and net negative to humanity at large. I think personally that is an unfair assessment of the average Kansas City Chef fan. After all, i have every confidence in the world they can breathe through their nose.
The Green Bay Packers (+1000)
I love this team. I love them so much. They serve literally two purposes in this world: 1. Being the fleshlight of the Niners 2. Being the harbinger of agony to the Cowboys. You guys are the best.
The Detroit Lions (+1200)
This is the heartland of America right here. Lose the assistants that made you relevant? Be stuck with the QB who makes you a liability? A head coach who gaslights you into think you don't actually suck so your hopes get inflated and cost you more than they did 4 years ago? This is the god damned American dream right here.
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
The San Francisco 49ers (+1600)
*redacted*
/thread
On the bright side the 49ers have by far the easiest schedule in the entire NFL. Heck, their toughest game is vs. Houston lol.
A+ starting post
I think my favorite part is referring to Belichick's girlfriend as his new power of attorney hooker.
another offseason in the books....ready for some Football!
Ravens win SB
Lions > Niners in NFC CG
Ravens > Bills in AFC CG
Lamar MVP
Hutchison DPOY
Gibbs OPOY
Hutchison Comeback POY
Jeanty OROY
Carter DROY
another offseason in the books....ready for some Football!
Ravens win SB
Lions > Niners in NFC CG
Ravens > Bills in AFC CG
Lamar MVP
Hutchison DPOY
Gibbs OPOY
Hutchison Comeback POY
Jeanty OROY
Carter DROY
It's hard to argue against Hutch and Abdul Carter. Maybe Jalen Carter won't flash enough to win DPOY, but Jihaad Campbell has a chance at DROY if he can stay healthy.
SRM, the Eagles embarrassed the Chefs. You're welcome.
Before Puffy ruined it. “Only reason I ain’t naming no names…dirty, dressed half-ass…😂” 🙏
Vikings fans mad over Barnwell’s picks lol, speaking of diss tracks.
A+ OP obv
looking to book a couple of bets. will only consider replies from reputable posters
- - - - - - - - - -
I want to back TN to make the playoffs:
Your $209 vs my $46
- - - - - - - - - -
I want to back GB to make the playoffs:
My $92 vs your $55
- - - - - - - - - -
I want to back HOU to make the playoffs:
My $67 vs your $53
Three owners of Giants now, someone bought in for 10 billion and for all that money, they are not even majority owner. I think its getting to be clownish. With the soft rule changes nfl isnt gonna remain the end all be all for very long. Feels like we have reached clown level valuations or.... the dollar really isnt worth much anymore. Unsure.
Three owners of Giants now, someone bought in for 10 billion and for all that money, they are not even majority owner. I think its getting to be clownish. With the soft rule changes nfl isnt gonna remain the end all be all for very long. Feels like we have reached clown level valuations or.... the dollar really isnt worth much anymore. Unsure.
* Bought a non controlling 10% at a valuation of $10bn. It’s insane money for sure.
Trying to look at the other side of it. Maybe new tv contracts will be huge, gambling industry making it even more attractive. But its hard to justify, all I can say is, where is my 10 billion? Well? Come on Roy, do better.
Truly in the end it feels like the death of the US Dollar, they got no where to park it if they think markets are a bad bet.
Speaking of rule changes, a refresher:
The NFL is pretty far ahead of the other major sports in America, and the gap continues to widen. If I was going to invest in any of the franchises, it’d certainly be in the NFL, even at the highest valuations.
They basically control the annual calendar in one capacity or another at this point. Tack on fantasy football plus betting available everywhere now, it should remain king. College football remaining of high interest helps too.
The only killer would be some type of health scare that finally convinces players they shouldn’t be doing it, no matter how much money they’re paid. But that seems highly unlikely. Hamlin almost died and everyone was like glad he survived, time for some more football.
There's also a stature element of being able to say you're part owner of an NFL team.
In regards to the the touchback rule:
"According to ESPN Research, teams that started drives at the 30-yard line during the past 10 seasons averaged 1.97 points on those possessions. When their drives began at the 35-yard line, that point average jumped to 2.21 points. That's a 12% increase in scoring that coaches would have to factor in if they want to keep kicking touchbacks."
"Last season, when teams kicked returnable balls, the average starting drive began at the 28.8-yard line."
I'm still pretty sure a beautifully-placed kick will land at the 1 and be returned 99 yards in a nationally-televised game week one, and then every coach will grumble that they learned their lesson and immediately go back to blasting every KO into the stands instead.
NFL then finally gives up in 2026-27 and just plops the ball at the 25 for every new possession unless a team wants to try the 4th-and-15 "onside play" from scrimmage or whatever.
Just read streameast has been taken down right before start to seAson. sad news. I do have redzone sub, but this hurts if more are going to fall.
In regards to the the touchback rule: "According to ESPN Research, teams that started drives at the 30-yard line during the past 10 seasons averaged 1.97 points on those possessions. When their drives began at the 35-yard line, that point average jumped to 2.21 points. That's a 12% increase in scoring that coaches would have to factor in if they want to keep kicking touchbacks.
Mickey, what are your predictions for your bff and the Stealers in 2025 ?
Still holding out hopes of stardom and glory?
My bad. It was a bit early to read it as humor. That being said, I couldn't to an all Eagles list.
The only rookie on offense is Darius Cooper? And no one for comeback player.
But, Saquon should be an OPOY candidate. Hurts could be a candidate for MVP, but that's likely never happening.
I also really don't like the Eagles schedule this year.
