Joke of the day
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where heknows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?'To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful tohis wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I madelove to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partnerwhipped my butt with wet celery???' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
Why did a prostitute get a vagina attached to her hip?
Spoiler
She wanted to make some money on the side.
Had a very unfortunate first date last night with a woman from Bumble. I asked her out to a popular new Vietnamese restaurant. She got there a little early and called me, here's how the convo went:
her: hey I'm at the restaurant, I know I'm a little early, but wow this place is packed, there's a line out the door!
me: hey no problem, I'll be there in a few minutes, just look for the sign that says Pho Queue
her: what!? Is this a prank!?
me: no just look around, it'll say Pho Queue
her: **** YOU TOO JERK
Then she hung up and unmatched me :(
How did the Italian chef get locked out of his apartment?
Spoiler
he had gnocchi
thats a really good one krunic
the italian chef one
What’s the only meat a priest can eat on Friday?
Spoiler
Nun
I've always wanted to go to Norway
Spoiler
but I can't afjord it
I don't spend my days off just watching tv.
Spoiler
I do remote work
How did the skirt end up in prison?
Spoiler
It pleated guilty
Where did the ancient Egyptians bury their arsonists?
Spoiler
In the pyromids
I watched the new netflix documentary about maple syrup
Spoiler
It was really sappy
The other day I met a cryptographer who was a terrible dancer
Spoiler
He lost his algorhythm
What did the big violin say to the little violin?
Spoiler
stop fiddling around
Why did the flight attendant start seeing a therapist?
Spoiler
she had a lot of baggage and didn't think she could carry-on
huzzah
Something very strange happened here recently. A musician joined the chicago symphony orchestra, played one show, then they never saw or heard from him again.
Spoiler
he played the bermuda triangle
2 old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man suddenly appeared in front of them in a trench coat and flashed them. One of the old ladies immediately had a stroke.
Spoiler
The other one couldn't quite reach far enough.
Why was the Mexican taking anti-anxiety meds?
Spoiler
For Hispanic attacks
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Spoiler
Uncles
The beach said hi to the ocean who said nothing back in return, but waved.
Have you heard the joke about yoga?
Spoiler
Never mind, it's a bit of a stretch.
Crazy old lady running down the sidewalk, stops and flashes an old man on his porch and yells 'SUPER PUSSY!'
Old man says '...I'll have the soup...'
thats a good one
"Mummy, why is my sister called Teresa?"
"Because your dad's a big fan of Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter."
"OK, thanks mummy."
"You're welcome, Alan."
