A raging fish on a heater
Intro,
A memoir of a degen:
I've always loved to gamble, and I have done so since I was a kid. It did not start of very w
Busted everything.
Got $10 from my degenerate friend which I torched on PLO In two hands literally 6579ddd had a gutshot and blocked FD on the turn, rekt myself hard.
Is there a point you have set in your mind where you will say "ok, we've tried this, this and this but to no avail. I'm going to move on to another endeavour", or do you intend to try until you can't go on any longer?
Im quitting when I hit the grave, or probably when my pulse quits to be more exact.
if u grinded 5nl over the past 10 years you could of had a 25k net worth by now. all from $150 deposit. playing 50 hours a week.
10 years goes past quick.
if u grinded 5nl over the past 10 years you could of had a 25k net worth by now. all from $150 deposit. playing 50 hours a week.
10 years goes past quick.
5nl sucks, I live for the tournament glory.
Busted everything, did a $11 stacKOaurus satty busted that as well.
My rich friend M denied me a loan, so Yeah Kthxbai for today.
I dont work 4 times a month I work on average 2.5 days a week if that is possible for you to understand.
It seems like you just make things up to try to make yourself sound good or more interesting, even if the things you say directly contradict other things you've said.
For example, on 3/30 you said "The worst part of it all, I only worked for 4 days this month so my salary will be like $300". So you worked 4 days in March. In April, you only mentioned working 3 days.
You don't have to lie, man, your life is interesting enough. How'd the doctor go? Did they give you any sort of cognitive exam or just shoot you up with anti-psychotics? Do you get counselling along with it?
It seems like you just make things up to try to make yourself sound good or more interesting, even if the things you say directly contradict other things you've said.For example, on 3/30 you said "The worst part of it all, I only worked for 4 days this month so my salary will be like $300". So you worked 4 days in March. In April, you only mentioned working 3 days. You don't
Måndag 3 februari 10.50-13.00
Tisdag 4 februari 8.50-14
Onsdag 5 februari 10.40-15.20
Torsdag 6 februari 8.00-14.50
Fredag 7 februari 8.00-14.00
Måndag 9 februari 9.20-14
Onsdag 11 februari 8.20-11
Torsdag 13 februari 8.10-11
Fredag 14 februari 9.25-14.00
Måndag 17 februari 9.40.15.50
Tisdag 18 februari 8.20-15.00
Onsdag 19 februari 8.20-16.30.
Torsdag 19 februari 11.30-14.30
These are 13 days in februari, then there were two colder months but I average maybe 10? Days per month.
There have been vacations and **** aswell past months, easter - and another one **** like that.
I dont make **** up.
Doctor went ok, they had been calling me for a week on my old phone number.
Worst case the police gets connected in and they have the right to forcibly take me to a hospital and give me the lethal injection.
I get no councelling, yet. Could need it.
The reason I call it lethal injection is because the first time it happened i thought it was a lethal injection.
8 assistans rushed in with a stretcher that you tie up people to and they had to wrestle me for atleast a minute until the 8 men managed to pin me down. If that wasnt bad, they jabbed me with three different needles and I was in a bad psychosis and thought I was being euthanised. Man I get goosebumps bad ones talking about it.
After that I just waited for my death.
Didnt cry a tear, didnt scream or shout.
Silently waited until I passed out.
Woke up 3 days later.
Yeah that was it and here is a picture of my back in order to enforce the Mayhem it took to take me down.
so do i bro. cash games suck. tournament glory
ChanY its ok to admit that you give handies for $25 satty loans....we don't judge around here.
We stand with you
It seems like you put a decent amount of effort into your body (or are you just taking a ton of roids?) Channel that effort into poker.
You often say something to the effect of "well at least I'm being open and honest about my struggles," which is definitely true, but like what good does that really do you if you don't learn anything from it?
As good as you might be from a technical perspective, you're never going to succeed in poker (or life) on your current path - your mental game is terrible, and that's because your mental/emotional health is terrible, and that's because you don't really take it seriously. So now like at least 50% of the time you play poker you seem to make serious punts because you're in some kind of heightened emotional state, and you're pretty clearly making life punts decently often too for the same reason
As far as I can tell, your ability to regulate your emotions is underdeveloped. And I don't say that at all to cast judgment, because I was also that person (and maybe even still am to some extent) - always trying to regulate the negative emotions I couldn't deal with through drugs/alcohol, sex, and garbage food in ridiculous excess. I say that because the part of you that wants this **** to stop is clearly gasping for air in this thread
I could go on more about all of that, but to keep it short OP - imo, the only way to really start to do something about your struggles is to learn those emotional regulation skills that your parents never taught you, for whatever reason (my parents never really had them, so of course they couldn't do much to teach me). The next time you get truly fed up enough with punting all of your (and other people's) money, or pushing people away with your behavior, go to your doctor and request to start a course of treatment in dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)
Even if you don't strive to live a happy, peaceful and productive life, and just want to become successful to "prove everyone wrong," I can pretty much guarantee you that DBT is still your best (and possibly only) path forward
You often say something to the effect of "well at least I'm being open and honest about my struggles," which is definitely true, but like what good does that really do you if you don't learn anything from it?As good as you might be from a technical perspective, you're never going to succeed in poker (or life) on your current path - your mental game is terrible, and that's becau
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my ability to regulate my emotions are at times on par with a child, IK this.
to my defence this is the 2nd time that the money has caused me to buy steroids which furthermore ****s up my calm and temper which causes me to tilt even harder.
i need counselling, i am lowkey ****ed up beyond repair but there should be some hope for me.
thank you for your articulate thoughts in this thread, and not just hopping on the bandwagon of throwing tomatoes or gay **** at me.
It seems like you put a decent amount of effort into your body (or are you just taking a ton of roids) Channel that effort into poker.
i have been working out non stop basicly for 13 years since 2012, except two breaks i took in 2023 being locked up and 2024 being in a drug bonanza.
got $20, burned $15 in two $7.50 sats to the $75 bounty builderr playing foolishly.
atm last bullet $4.40 to the $75 bounty builder still, will try to play my best.
yeah that's it for now. k thx and bai.
sayonara all bullets.
utg limps i 4x 99.
flop is 942, we are five ways - perfect.
check, check, check i check, and check.
turn is a 5s brings possible fd.
i check to last person who bets 1000, fold and fold - dude clicks it to 2000 - i jam.
they can't have ****ing a2 and 67 can they?
yes they ****ing do one of them has a2 and the other dude has 76.
i wouldn't be here telling you these mad things if the board paired, BECAUSE IT ****ING DIDNT.
i don't feel like doing anything, got no work today got nothing to do.
don't feel like going to the gym, don't feel like ****ign doing ANYTHING.
i lowkey wish i just died in the psych ward and never came back to this rotten piece of **** life.
no kthxbai, i am too pissed for that and that means something is very off.
We play for the glory and the honor!!! Your boomswing is surely just around the corner let's fucking get it!!!!!
We play for the glory and the honor!!! Your boomswing is surely just around the corner let's ****ing get it!!!!!
thanks WPNguy i won't call you a donk because you seem like a cool guy.
boomswing just around the corner.
got a hold of $10 which i spun up if you even can say that to such a large spin to $11 which is enough for the $11stackosaurus satty.
yeah 12 min left, went to the gym and hit chest.
kthxbai.
bubbled the satellite so ****ing ****ING MOTHER****ING RAGING THAT I CAN ****ING no i WONT EVEN ****ING WRITE IT OUT CAUSE I WILL GET BANNED.
****ING BUBBLED AQO V T2DD HE FLOPS THREE TENS.
AND BEFORE I WAS ****ING 1/8 I JAM AQO VS A BUNCH OF SHORTIES AND ONLY ALMOST COVERING STACK TANK CALLS WITH TT VS JAM AND REJAM ****ING SON OF A WH ORE.
im not joking guys, i am so violently pissed off that i am whole heartedly worried about my capacity for destruction.
This too shall pass, you’re going to be OK ser.
Having said that, next time you go gay for pay, do it in order to afford some counselling sessions!
Trolling aside, you’re the epitome of the “men will literally do X instead of going to therapy”. Please do yourself - and everyone around you - a favour and make use of Sweden’s great resources.
When in doubt, reach out to family&friends for help. FWIW this stranger on the internet wishes you well and is sending good vibes your way.
This too shall pass, you’re going to be OK ser. Having said that, next time you go gay for pay, do it in order to afford some counselling sessions!Trolling aside, you’re the epitome of the “men will literally do X instead of going to therapy”. Please do yourself - and everyone around you - a favour and make use of Sweden’s great resources. When in doubt, reach out to family&fr
Wow thanks CreedBratton, thats very kind of you.
That beat today crushed my soul, like I literally feel asleep.
And Yeah gay4pay haha, I laughed hard at that lol so my dad asked whats up.
I have no one to reach out to about this really, dont want to expose myself to my girl-friends (not girl friends but girl-friends, like friends that I might smash again in the future which I have already smashed - lol).
So Yeah its me myself and I in this ****.
Like if I just hold or ****ing hit I play the $215 stacKOaurus and who knows what happens there.
I am cooked guys, like purely cooked.
+eV cooked in so many ways.
Debt collectors may knock on my door at any ****ing time, I got more loans now than I will make this month so I am F U C K E D.
Gay4pay might sound like not that of an idea, or what?
If putting your one bullet in a satellite where you need a 20x to get in upsets/affects you that much is it worth it ?
Why not use it for some micros and build up , the sattys will still be there in a few days.
Seems like variance affects your happiness and mood so much and yet you choose the highest variance route daily ?
If putting your one bullet in a satellite where you need a 20x to get in upsets/affects you that much is it worth it ?
Why not use it for some micros and build up , the sattys will still be there in a few days.
Seems like variance affects your happiness and mood so much and yet you choose the highest variance route daily ?
thats me haha.
just sattied into the $82 hyper which starts in 26 friccking minutes.
this onE CAPS NOW THIS ONE I WILL TAKE DOWN I FEEL IT IN MY ****ING BONES YEAH.
kthxbai
You love to gamble, and we love you for it
Thats me eh.
Unfortunately bust in the $82 hyper.
Managed to get two $20 bounties.
Got $5 left and a $3.30 sat.
Busted with q8dd vs a2cc, he hit a flush on the river in a 4 way pot where one was Allin for a ****ing bounty. Could have quadrupled up almost of like 8bb....
Yeah Kthxbai back to my final table.
